by Len Webster
“It has always been you, Evan,” she whispered.
“Always you,” he breathed, tracing the curve of her breast.
And a soft kiss sealed his commitment on her skin moments later.
84 Po
polonium
ALEX
Now
“Oh, God,” she groaned after she threw up for what felt like the millionth time this morning. The second she woke, nausea had hit her, and Alex bolted to her bathroom and puked her guts out. Unlike her other mornings, today’s morning sickness made her lightheaded, feeling as if she had lost all her strength. It was undoubtedly the worst moment of her pregnancy so far.
“AJ?” She heard Evan calling out her name from the other side of her bathroom door.
Christ.
She attempted to lift her head from the toilet seat, but she couldn’t. Instead, she closed her eyes and hoped to God he’d leave.
“Hey, you missed our appointment with—Shit. AJ, are you all right?” She felt his hand on her arm. “Hey, AJ, open your eyes.”
She slowly opened her eyes and saw the concern bright in his brown eyes. “We had an appointment?” she asked, groggy.
Evan reached up and brushed her messy hair from her face. “Yeah. But it’s okay. Maureen said we could reschedule. She’ll do some more digging for apartments near MIT.”
“I’m so sorry.”
He shook his head. “Don’t be. You should have called. I haven’t spoken to you in two days, and I should have known you weren’t feeling well.”
Alex blinked at him. It had been two days since they last looked at apartments together. His offer to help was pointless since she couldn’t afford any of the apartments they had seen. Yesterday, she saw her doctor for a checkup, and their baby—not that Evan knew just yet—was healthy and on track to be born the second week of September, meaning MIT was a question mark in the grand scheme of things.
“It was the burrito I got last night. Lori wanted Mexican at midnight, but it didn’t …” Alex gave up on her excuse, too tired to commit to it.
“Is Lori okay?”
She nodded as she pressed her palm on the seat and attempted to stand, only slumping back down against the toilet. “Yeah, she’s okay. She got the tacos.”
Lori doesn’t have morning sickness.
“Here,” he said as he pulled on her arm and somehow managed to lift her. In a swift move, she was in his arms. The thought of how he managed to do so with such ease had her stomach roiling. So she closed her eyes and snuggled into his chest, lost in the familiar scent of him.
The cure for her morning sickness seemed to be the smell of him.
Do you like the way Daddy smells, Little Atom?
“Who is Little Atom?”
She prayed her mind conjured that question. That she hadn’t mentioned any hint of her pregnancy to him. She wasn’t ready to tell him about their child just yet. Then she felt him set her down on her soft bed and cover her with the blanket.
“Get some rest, AJ. I’ll come by to check on you later. Don’t worry about helping me pack today. You need to rest. If you feel better, then we’ll go to the Red Sox Gala.” Evan pressed his lips against her forehead before he slipped out of her room, and her door clicked closed.
Alex opened her eyes and groaned, seeing the ceiling spin.
Evan hadn’t pressed her to know who Little Atom was. He might have thought she was speaking gibberish, and Alex felt like she was. She had to tell him soon.
Maybe tonight after the gala Kyle invited them to.
Alex pressed her palms to her stomach as her thumbs softly brushed against her shirt. “I promise, it’ll be special. So when you ask us, we’ll have a good moment, a good story to tell you, Little Atom.”
“Wow, Alex, look at you,” Red Sox Operations Director Carl Nelson said as Alex handed Safia, his assistant, the invitation she received yesterday.
“Thank you, Mr. Nelson,” Alex replied as she reached down and grasped her emerald silk dress. She lifted it up from the floor so she could walk into the large function room inside Fenway Park that held a lot of the official social engagements for the Red Sox.
For first-timers, many would think this was extravagant—the guests, the live band, the players, and celebrities—but it wasn’t. Not for Alex. She had grown numb to it all. She had been invited to many Red Sox parties since she was sixteen.
“Good evening, Miss Parker,” a waitress said once she had approached Alex. She wasn’t surprised that the waitress knew her name. All the staff who worked at Fenway Park were expected to know all those associated with the players or the board.
“Good evening,” Alex said as she pressed her fingers into her emerald rhinestone covered clutch. The expensive dress she wore was a loan from a designer Angie, Kyle’s fiancée, had recommended. When Alex received her invitation yesterday, she had messaged Angie for help, and Angie had set up an appointment for her to see a designer in Boston. Trying on dresses was intimate for Alex, and she was happy that the pieces Balthazar Waynecraft had her try weren’t too form fitting. She couldn’t disagree with Balthazar when he said that the silk gown was made for her. It matched her eyes and made her brunette locks appear deeper in color.
“Champagne?”
Alex shook her head. “No, thank you. Do you have any sparkling water?”
The waitress glanced down at her silver tray and then shook her head. “I’m sorry, I don’t. But I can grab you a glass.”
“That would be great, but only after you’re done making your rounds. I’m in no hurry.” Alex stepped around the waitress and made her way farther into the party. Being at a gala was the last place she wanted to be, but Kyle had invited her. She couldn’t let him down, and she wanted to see the players and staff who treated her like family. It had been so long since she was last at Fenway.
“Alexandra Parker?”
She came to a stop at the call of her name. Alex spun around and came face to face with a very familiar and handsome man. Not surprising, his tailored suit was impeccable. And as always, he wore the flag of Boston on one lapel on his jacket and a Red Sox pin on the other.
The mayor of Boston was still a very handsome man who exuded power and sex appeal. She had never been one of the women who fawned over him, but Alex wasn’t blind. He was definitely one of the most attractive politicians she had ever met.
“Mayor Easton, how are you?”
He grinned, pleased that she remembered him. It was hard not to. “Ah, it’s just Devon, remember?”
“Of course. I apologize. And it’s just Alex. How is the office, Devon?” She didn’t mean the flirty tone in her voice, but Alex was returning to her old social life and the role of Little Miss Red Sox. It was to appease Kyle and those who had welcomed her into their Red Sox family. It would also make life in Boston easier if the Red Sox fans continued to love her.
“Good. It’s election year. Will you be in town to vote?”
Alex smiled. “Actually, I will be. I’ll be at MIT for my Ph.D. this fall.”
The mayor nodded, appearing impressed by her. “I love your love for the city of Boston, Alex.”
“Thank you. I really do love this city,” Alex said honestly.
“That’s why I actually had to approach you the minute I saw you walk in. I was wondering if you would care to join me for dinner one evening?”
Alex blinked at him, shocked that he was asking her out. America’s favorite politician who was rumored to become the future president had asked her to dinner. Unable to answer him right away, she glanced around, trying to find someone who might interrupt them and save her from rejecting a very powerful man.
Then her eyes landed on the worst possible sight imaginable.
Evan was smiling at a woman Alex had never met. He was caressing her elbow as they talked and laughed.
Her heart
sank.
Suddenly, she felt sick at the sight.
He was happy.
And maybe he had found love that made him so happy.
Alex felt hot all over as she fought against her tears. Her poor heart whimpered, wishing it had never seen him cup that woman’s elbow. Alex turned away, not wanting to see if he would kiss her.
It would kill her.
She deserved it, of course, but it would still hurt her.
Her dream that maybe they could be a family would never be.
It was now clear that it wouldn’t.
“Alex?” Devon said, getting her attention. “Are you okay? You look pale.”
She nodded, swallowing hard to fight her tears. “I’m sorry. I’m still a little jet-lagged from my flight from Zürich,” she lied. “What were you saying?”
His laugh was deep and intimidating. “I was asking you to—”
“Alexi, you’re here,” Kyle interrupted and cementing his place as her hero of the night.
She shot the mayor an apologetic smile as he stood next to them. “Hey, Kyle,” she greeted with relief.
“Good to have you home, kid.” He turned to acknowledge the mayor. “Devon.”
Annoyance flared in Devon’s dark eyes as he glanced back at Alex and reached into his suit jacket, pulling out a card. He stepped closer and held out the card to her. “It’s my personal number,” he clarified as she took the card from him to be polite. “I’ve always found you to be incredibly smart, intriguing, and downright beautiful, Alex. It’s just dinner. No strings or expectations. I hope to hear from you soon.” Then he left, not even saying goodbye to Kyle who stood right next to her.
“What was that?” Kyle asked; the layer of protectiveness in his voice was strong.
Alex laughed as she opened her clutch and slipped the card inside. Though she wouldn’t be going on a date with the mayor of Boston, she knew he wouldn’t appreciate it if his personal number was released to the public.
“He was just asking me to dinner.”
Kyle’s nostrils flared with disgust. “I don’t approve.”
“I know. But you don’t have to worry. I’m not going on a date with him.”
He sighed in relief as he turned to stand next to her, gazing out at the guests. She watched him wince, and she glanced over to see that he was staring at Evan and the unidentified woman. It made her heart weep to see Evan smile that way. A long time ago, he used to look at her as if she were it. His entire life and heart. Now, he could barely look at her.
“You still love him,” Kyle said.
Alex didn’t have to look his way to know that Kyle was staring at her. A small smile contorted her lips as she finally tore her eyes away from Evan and stared at the man who had once thought he was in love with her. “Yeah, I do. But Evan hasn’t loved me for a long time. Zürich made him miserable, Kyle. There was no way he would have stayed for three more years. He had to leave Switzerland before it truly destroyed us. He’s happy here. Do you know her?”
“No, but I’m pretty sure I heard her say she works in LA.”
LA.
Where Evan was moving to.
Was he moving there to be with her?
Alex understood it now.
And it broke her heart knowing that she had lost him.
That she had come home too late.
That being a family was out of reach for her and their baby.
She couldn’t find the words to speak.
To her relief, “Kyle!” was shouted, and they both turned to find Angie waving him over.
“You better go,” she said.
Kyle sighed. “All right, but don’t go too far. We need to catch up, kid.”
Alex nodded. “I won’t be too far away,” she promised.
She watched as Kyle walked away and headed over to his fiancée. When people began to block him from her sight, she gazed over to find Evan still with his mystery woman. It hurt to see him moving on. To see him smiling and happy. To see that he had always had a life without her.
At that moment, she made a choice.
She spun around and confirmed that choice.
She didn’t feel like Little Miss Red Sox anymore.
They had all moved on.
Now, she felt like an annoyance in all their lives.
An annoyance in his heart and life.
Because she was no longer AJ.
She was just a girl in a green dress, trying to keep her broken heart from evaporating into the air.
So Alex left the gala and made her way to the elevator. Once inside, she pressed for the floor above. She tried not to listen to her burdening thoughts as the elevator moved. When the doors parted, she walked the length of Fenway Park until she made it to the entrance and found the night guard at his position by the turnstiles. Alex walked up to him, and he smiled at her.
“Alex, good to see you, child.”
“Hey, Reggie. It’s good to see you.”
He smiled. He had lost a lot of weight since she last saw him. Reggie appeared healthier and happy. “Welcome home, by the way. Fenway hasn’t had its true heart for a while now. But she’s returned. Sweet Alexandra.”
She blushed at the song title change he referenced. “I know I don’t have my pass with me since I just got home, but do you think I could go up to my seat? I haven’t sat in it for a long time. I can give you my ID and phone. You can use it as collateral if you need to.”
He chuckled at her. “Nah. You’re all right. You go on up and take all the time you want. I’ll make sure no one disturbs you who shouldn’t.”
“Thanks, Reggie,” she said thankfully before she turned and made her way up through the tunnel and into the stands.
Each step she took was like coming home.
The Red Sox, Fenway Park, and the city of Boston had always been her home.
And as she took in the perfect green ballpark, she almost broke down in tears. Because although she had lost Evan Gilmore a long time ago, she would raise his child with the same undying love he had for her when he was in love with her.
Alex stood by the barrier next to the row of her season seat and pressed her palm against her stomach.
“Welcome to Fenway Park, Little Atom. Your dad and I spent many years here watching your uncle become a legend,” she whispered as her tears made the field blurry. She quickly blinked, holding them at bay. Then she walked down the row and to her seat.
When she reached it, Alex sat down and took a deep breath, her eyes roaming the lit stadium. Then she glanced over at the bleachers, and her heart clenched at the memory of the times she and Evan had been in that part of Fenway.
Alex gazed down at her palm still on her stomach. “I didn’t know it, but I fell in love with your father here in Fenway during a game against the Rockies, wearing away baseball caps and surrounded by thousands of fans. I, along with everyone at that game, was unaware that I was in love with Evan Gilmore.” She let out a low exhale. “That I’m still in love with your father.”
“AJ?” Evan’s voice was like a whisper. She turned her head in his direction to find him at the end of the row.
“Hey,” she said in a small voice as he made his way to her and sat in his old seat. He stared at her with his eyes full of concern. He had let her go six months ago, so there was no need for any concern. “It’s crazy how this is the quietest I’ve ever heard Fenway.”
“Are you okay?”
Her heart clenched at his question. Heat consumed it, but she breathed through the pain. She should have let Evan go. However, she had promised to love him forever. But it was time she grew up. She had to. She was going to be a mother. And she might have to do it alone, but she would be okay. Because it had to be about his dreams now.
Los Angeles.
A new life.
A new love.
>
A whole future without her.
“AJ, you haven’t seemed like yourself lately. Are you sure you’re okay?”
“I’m okay,” she said, her heart full of guilt. “I just needed air.”
“In our old seats?”
She nodded. “Yeah.”
Evan shook his head at her. Disbelief written all over his face. “Then why are you crying?”
Alex reached up and pressed her fingertips to her wet cheeks. He was right. She was crying. “Because I’m scared,” she confessed.
“Of?” His voice was full of his own fear. She heard it as loud as it rung in her ears.
“The years we’ll spend apart the moment you leave for LA.”
Pain contorted his face. “AJ,” he said.
She shook her head to stop him. It would be a night of confession and goodbyes for the last time. “And I hate that I came home for you too late. That I should have never left. You asked me to stay, and I didn’t.”
“You came home for me?” His voice was tight, and she heard the sadness that pleaded to be freed.
“I started to plan my return the moment I landed back in Zürich. But I couldn’t let Dr. Rodahawe or the team down. I gave myself two months to finish the equation, and if I didn’t, I’d know I tried my best. I had to come home for you, but I was too late.” A tear slipped down her cheek, and Evan reached up and brushed it away. “I have a question I need to ask you.”
“Okay,” he encouraged.
Alex pulled away from his touch and squared her shoulders. “Can I buy your season ticket from you?”
Evan flinched in shock. “You want to buy my season ticket?”
“Yes,” she confirmed. “Whatever you want for it. I’ll even use some of my trust fund money. I was once offered over two hundred thousand dollars to rent it while I was in Zürich. I’ll offer you anything.”
It was irresponsible of her to promise him that kind of money, but if she was going to give her child something of Evan’s, it would be his seat at Fenway Park.
But Alex wasn’t stupid; she knew the real reason.
She couldn’t sit in memories with someone else.
“What? Why would you want to buy it from me?”