by Len Webster
She shook her head in disbelief. “Do you have any idea what you’re saying, Evan?”
He nodded. “I do.”
Her heart dropped.
Spiraling down into the depths of pain she hadn’t known in so long.
He wanted her to stay in Massachusetts. He would go to California.
They wouldn’t raise their child together.
And Alex swallowed down the lump in her throat, hoping the pain would go away. It didn’t. It illuminated and strengthened, almost causing her to throw up. But she braved the fake strength she hoped her face portrayed.
“Let’s go to dinner and talk some more,” Evan suggested.
She wanted to shake her head and tell him no.
That her heart couldn’t take talking about a life apart.
But she had to.
She had to for their child.
“Okay.” She pulled her hands from his and spun around, making her way through the snow and toward his car.
She finally got MIT.
But she lost Evan Gilmore.
The silence and tension between them during the car ride were almost suffocating. There was so much she wanted to say, but she couldn’t. It didn’t feel right for them to be on different sides of the country once again. It didn’t seem right that they didn’t raise their son or daughter together. But Alex was too hurt to speak.
He had given her MIT but took her future with him away from her. She hated that she was too shocked to fight for them. Alex knew he wanted to focus on his own career, but she thought he’d stay.
Part of her was happy for him.
That he didn’t choose her for the sake of their child.
“We’re here,” Evan announced.
Alex blinked to find that they were on a suburban street. She hadn’t been paying attention to where they were going because she just assumed they were going to eat in the city. But they were parked on a Cambridge street. Alex turned her head and took in the house. From what she could see of the dimly lit two-story house, it was stunning. It was from the Queen Anne period and had all its charm. The lights were on, and she wondered whose house it was.
“Come on,” he said, opening his driver’s side door.
She turned to face him. “What are we doing here, Evan?”
A smile twitched his lips. “This is where our date is.”
“What?”
“Just trust me, AJ,” he said as he slipped out of the car.
Confused, Alex unbuckled her belt and pulled on the car door handle. She grasped her purse from her lap and got out of the car. Closing the door behind her, she breathed in the cold air. Alex crossed her arms over her chest, hoping to keep her warm. She watched Evan climb the three steps and reach into his jacket pocket. Alex scanned the street to find it was empty and then rushed to Evan’s side. He let out a shaky breath as he inserted a key into the lock.
“Evan, whose house is this?”
He twisted the key and pushed the door opened. He didn’t answer as he stepped into the house. She glanced over her shoulder to make sure no one was watching them. They were possibly breaking and entering. She had no idea what Evan was thinking, but she had to make him leave the house. However stupid Evan was, she loved him enough to protect him from prison.
So Alex cautiously entered the house.
There were no immediate alarms, so either the owners hadn’t set them or Evan knew the code.
But he has a key …
The realization had her relaxing a fraction, knowing that maybe he was house-sitting for one of his friends or one of the Red Sox players. She knew a lot of them lived around Cambridge. Figuring that was the plausible explanation, Alex turned around and closed the door behind them. Once she twirled back around, she noticed that Evan wasn’t in the hallway. Alex advanced down the hall to find the walls were bare. Evan stood in the middle of the living room, and it appeared as if it were in the midst of being decorated.
There was a couch and a coffee table. There was a unit for a TV. Plastic covered the floor, and she spotted a few paint cans. Alex was confused. She glanced over at the kitchen and saw a dining table. Draped with a white tablecloth, it was set with plates and silverware, and the candles decorating it were lit.
“Evan,” she said as she faced him. “Whose house are we standing in?”
Evan inhaled a deep breath, straightened his spine, and she watched as a smile slowly spread across his lips. “It’s ours.”
“Ours?” she breathed.
“This is where I want us to raise our child together. In this house. Under this roof. On these floorboards. I want it all … with you … here … in Massachusetts.”
Tears consumed her eyes as she glanced around her.
It wasn’t an apartment.
It was a home.
Their home.
“Say something,” Evan said in a small voice.
She knew that voice. It was one laced with fear and self-doubt. One she knew for so many years. When he thought he was never good enough. It was the voice she had fallen in love with. Her eyes found him as she blinked her tears to fall freely down her cheeks.
“You bought us a house?”
Evan stepped closer to her and then nodded. “It’s a ten-minute drive to MIT. It’s not too far from Brookline, so you can see your parents and Seb as much as you want. The daycares around Cambridge are some of the best in the state. It’s close to stores and the train line. And if you even wanted to walk to MIT, it’s twenty-five minutes max.”
“Why?” she found herself whispering.
He stepped forward and grasped her hand. “I’ll show you why.”
Her steps mirrored his as they made their way out of the living room and up the stairs. He walked her down the hall and stopped outside of a closed room. Evan grasped the door handle and twisted it, opening the door. He led her inside, and Alex took in the white painted room as Evan released her hand.
Above the window seat, she noticed the stained-glass panels. She had always wanted a house with them, but only Evan Gilmore knew that. She had always loved the idea of the colors mixing with the sun to reflect on the floor. It reminded her of her great granny’s house in Australia. Great Granny Parker’s home in wine country Victoria was filled with stained-glass window panels, and they were always so beautiful. Alex couldn’t help but miss her great-grandmother at that moment. She had passed away when Alex was ten.
“I haven’t finished his or her nursery yet. I just finished the window seat before I left for LA,” Evan revealed.
“You made that?” she asked in awe. It resembled the one in her room, complete with a white cushion top.
He smiled. “Kyle helped.”
“He did?”
“Yeah. It’s been hard keeping this house a secret from you.”
Alex walked around him and sat down on the window seat, taking in the room. It was perfect. She could imagine them in it with their baby. She could even visualize just where the crib would be.
“Who else knew you bought this house?” She watched as he made his way toward her and sat down.
“Your parents,” he answered.
It hit her.
She understood why her parents were so curious when it came to her apartment hunting when she told them that she wanted to find a place closer to MIT. Evan had bought them a house.
Us.
He bought us a house.
He wants to raise our child together in this house.
“Evan,” she breathed.
“Yeah, AJ?”
She inhaled a sharp breath. “What about LA?”
“I have a confession to make.”
Alex stilled, seeing the nervous flash in his brown eyes. “Okay …”
“I bought this house a month after you left.” What? “I bought this house for you because
I knew someday, you’d come home. I was driving, and I thought of you. Like I did every day since I left Zürich. I missed you. I went to MIT, and I wanted it for you. As I was driving back to Brookline, I came across this house for sale and knew. I knew I wanted to grow old with you here. For the past month, I’ve been fixing it, and it’s almost done. I have to get someone to install the new stained-glass panels I had made. That’s why I went to LA. I had this talented glass artist make them. I had to go and check them out before he sent them. I’d have taken them with me, but they weren’t finished.”
“Stained-glass panels?”
He nodded with a grin. “I got some specially made for this room.”
“You did?”
“I did. They’re for that wall over there,” he said, pointing at the bare wall on her right. “It’s a series of different panels with atomic numbers on it. For example, there’s a glass panel with the eighteenth element to represent the moment you told me you were pregnant. A panel with the nineteenth element to represent hearing his or hers heartbeat for the first time. I have a few dates and elements to give him, and they look amazing. I can’t wait to show you the finished pieces.”
Alex was in awe.
“Evan, I don’t know what to say …”
He reached over and grasped her hand in his. “Tell me you want all of this with me. This house. MIT. Raising our baby together. A life together. If you don’t, I understand.”
“I want it,” she assured with the full strength of her sure heartbeat. “But I want all of that with you in LA. It’s your turn. Your career—”
He shook his head. “I had a job offer in LA, but I’ve always had a better offer here in Boston.”
She flinched. “You did?”
“I did,” Evan confirmed. “I couldn’t tell you until it was all finalized. I wanted you to understand that I wanted to stay here with you before you even told me you were pregnant. That I’ve wanted a life with you here in Boston even before you left for Zürich. That morning you left, I knew what I wanted, but I knew it wasn’t the right time. So while I waited, I got started on this life I wanted with you.”
Her heart warmed inside her chest. “You have a job here in Boston?”
“With the Red Sox.”
Her eyes widened. Her stomach dropped. Her palms clammed. “No, Evan.” She tried to pull her hand from his, but he held on tight.
“AJ, I want—”
“You’ve never wanted a career in baseball. Don’t join them. Please.”
One hand left hers as he reached up and pressed it gently on her cheek. She saw the flash of softness in his eyes. It was love. And her chest engulfed in flames. Because it was what she had wanted for months. “I’m not joining the Major League. I’m not playing for the Red Sox. I wouldn’t do that to you or our child.” He smiled as his thumb brushed her cheek. “I’m working in the operations department. I’m working at a desk. My job involves the running of Fenway Park rather than the team.”
“So you’re not …?”
Evan let out a soft laugh as he shook his head. He dropped her hand and captured her face in his palms. His eyes searching hers. “No,” he breathed. “I’d rather be here in Massachusetts with my child and the love of my life. It’s time I realize that Boston was always my home because it was where you always called home. And where you go, I go. My home has always been you, AJ. You’ve always been my home even when we were apart.”
A tear escaped down her cheek and landed on his thumb. “You bought us a house.”
He nodded.
“You waited for me.”
Evan’s lips pressed into a larger smile.
“You did all of this for us.”
“I did because it was right.”
Alex reached up and wrapped her fingers around his wrists, unable to hide it anymore. “I love you, Evan Gilmore. I’d have followed you to LA. I’d give up Zürich a thousand times and more to have you. I will never stop because you and this baby are my entire life.”
Evan wiped her tears away as he whispered, “Eight protons. Eight neutrons.”
“You love me, too,” she stated.
He nodded. “I love you, too, Alexandra.”
And a perfect kiss was all the confirmation she needed.
That he loved her.
That he loved their child.
That he loved the future they could have together.
A future that she fell in love with over and over again with every whisper of his love between each kiss.
It was true.
It was right.
They were right where they needed to be.
A forever in a house with a nursery that had stained-glass windows in Cambridge, Massachusetts.
93 Np
neptunium
ALEX
Senior year of college
The remaining weeks of her senior year of college at Duke University were a blur of excitement and utter heartbreak. Since her fight with Evan over the Rodahawe Institute acceptance letter, they barely talk. Actually, Alex did all the talking because Evan had shut himself off from her. He’d ask her how her day was and then when he got his answer, he’d tell her he loved her and had to go. She didn’t feel his love. Not in his words or his touch. He never came back to Duke as promised. Instead, Alex had flown to Omaha, Nebraska, for his championship game. She was horrified to find how fake he was around her parents. He played the perfect boyfriend. For a moment, he was the old Evan, but after her parents had watched him win the NCAA tournament with the Cardinals and flown back to Boston, he returned to cold Evan Gilmore.
The Evan Gilmore who couldn’t look her in the eye as he made love to her. But when he had whispered he loved her, she felt it. That was the only I love you she believed. When they finished, he rolled off her, and Alex let the dark room conceal her tears. Their fight had no resolution. As hard as Alex tried, he didn’t want to talk.
He didn’t even want to hear her tell him that she had spoken to Dr. Rodahawe. Just the mention of him had Evan wanting to end their calls and video calls. He didn’t know that she had given up the position as Dr. Rodahawe’s research assistant. He didn’t know that she gave it all up to be with him. To love him. Alex had thought the moment she declined the offer, their relationship would return to normal.
It hadn’t.
In fact, it got worse.
She hadn’t heard from Evan in almost a week. She knew he had finals soon, but it felt as if he had finally given up on her, given up on them. And each night he didn’t return her calls, Alex would lock herself in her room and cry, heartbroken that Evan didn’t want to talk to her.
“He could still show,” her best friend and roommate, Savannah, said as she fastened her earring on her lobe.
Alex sat on Savannah’s bed and shook her head. “We both know that if he was going to be here today, he would already be here.”
Savannah shook her head. “It’s your graduation, Alex. He has to be here. He loves you. He’s proud of you.”
“Thanks, Sav. But since that fight about the Rodahawe Institute, we haven’t been the same,” Alex confessed as she fought back her tears so she wouldn’t ruin the makeup Savannah had applied on her. “He won’t look at me or talk to me. I hurt him really badly.”
Her best friend quickly sat down next to Alex on the bed and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, bringing Alex close. “Hey, don’t. You and Evan are fine. He’s just not dealing. But he will. Y’all will make it work. You’ve done long distance. What’s another year?”
“Sav …”
“No, you and Evan are somethin’ special, Alex. It ain’t going away—”
“I turned down the Rodahawe Institute. I’m going back to Massachusetts.”
Savannah tensed, her arm falling from around Alex’s shoulder. “You did?”
“Yeah,” Alex confirmed a
s she got off Savannah’s bed. “It’s okay, though. I’d probably just be getting coffee. It’s no big deal.”
“Alex—”
“I’ll let you finish getting ready. I’ll be out in the living room.”
Savannah nodded, the worry never leaving her face. “Okay.”
Alex smiled as big as she could and made her way out of Savannah’s room. She should be happy. She was graduating with high distinction from Duke after her thesis received unanimous support from the committee members. This should be one of the greatest days of her life, but Evan’s distance had taken away the shine of today. Once Alex stepped out of Savannah’s room and into the living room, she smiled at her parents, grandparents, and Savannah’s father. Because her roommate only wanted her father at her graduation ceremony, she let Alex have her spare tickets so that her grandparents from Australia could attend. Her grandpa James was too unwell to make it to Duke from Australia. Alex had been upset, but she much rather her grandpa get better than risk him feeling worse with travel.
“Savannah almost ready?” Mr. Peters asked.
Alex nodded. “She is.”
“Alexandra, come have some champagne,” Grandma Louise said.
“Thanks, Grandma, but I need to make a phone call.” She noticed her mother’s concerned expression but ignored it. “I won’t be long.”
“All right,” her grandma said as Alex turned and made her way to her room. Once inside, she closed the door behind her and clenched her eyes tight, forcing her tears away. When she was sure none would fall free, she opened her eyes and made her way to her bed. She sat down on the mattress, then reached over and picked up the picture frame of her and Evan. It was of them kissing at Watch Hill in Rhode Island. It was the first time they were there as a couple.
Her heart clenched at the memory of how sweet and true his love for her had been back then. Her chest ached at how different he loved her now. Alex set the frame back down on the nightstand and picked up her phone. She pressed the home button but found no missed calls or text messages from her boyfriend.
She wasn’t going to lie—it hurt.