The Dissolution of Unrequited (The Science of Unrequited Book 4)

by Len Webster

  The woman at the desk lifted her chin the moment Alex leaned against it. “My mother. She’s in labor and—”

  “AJ.” His voice had cut her off, awakening her heart’s beats and tearing away the wounds she had wrongly stitched up.

  Stitches tore away, love bleeding her heart.

  She still loved him.

  So in love with his voice that always sounded like home.

  Letting out a small breath of tortured air from her toxic lungs, she turned and faced him. Faced the supposed love of her life who had ended them with a final night. Who had left her in their Zürich apartment so she could pursue her dreams. But at that moment, she didn’t care.

  For now, she’d mentally forgive and forget so she could be with her family. Her mother was giving birth. There was no way her problems with Evan mattered right now.

  “Evan,” she said in a small voice, “is she okay?”

  Suddenly—and to her surprise—he wrapped his arms tightly around her, causing her to still. It had been so long, too long, and it felt so right to be in his arms. To hear and feel his heartbeats against his chest. He even smelled right.

  God, she missed him.

  Four months later and she still missed him like crazy. But this was a stolen moment that wasn’t theirs for the taking.

  Evan’s arms fell away from her. “Come on. Let’s sit. Your dad is with her.”

  She didn’t say anything.

  Afraid words would turn into declarations.

  She should be mad at him and hate him for leaving her, but Alex was just too damn tired.

  Too goddamn in love with Evan Gilmore to resent him.

  So instead, she followed him and found safety from her heart in her mind’s solitude. When she set her suitcase on the ground, she sat down, sighed, and faced him. He was staring at her, eyeing her for a reaction.

  She gave him none.

  Not for him, but for herself.

  “How was your flight?” he asked.

  Alex hated the small talk.

  Hated that she knew it was easy to talk to him.

  But the gentleness and plea for forgiveness in his eyes had her warming from her desire to be cold to him.

  Brushing her hair behind her ear, she sighed. “Flights. I had to fly to Dublin, which was fine, but then the weather turned bad, and they canceled all the flights because of the snow. I was stuck in Dublin for over eight hours, but it doesn’t matter anymore. I’m glad I’m finally here.”

  As she took in his perfect, beautiful smile, she found herself smiling. He was so beautiful in her eyes. She didn’t doubt that others found him just as beautiful, too.

  Evan Gilmore was and will always be her everything.

  He was quiet, and she didn’t say a word, letting him have his silence. Then he grasped her hand, sending shivers up her arm to consume her heart. “I’m just happy you’re here.”

  Me, too.

  But why did you have to leave me?

  The thought had her smile fading as her heart filled with grief. It was supposed to be a joyous day, but seeing her ex-boyfriend made her sad. And according to her mother, he was happy and had been around when Alex wasn’t. For that, she’d show him her gratitude.

  “Thank you for being here while I was in Zürich.”

  He squeezed her hand. It was the perfect amount of pressure to comfort her and make her aware that he was there with her. “Of course. Your mother is, and always will be, family to me.”

  Alex’s heart clenched tightly in her chest, making it hard for her to breathe.

  He’s not here for me.

  The thought had her glancing down at their hands and then back at him. Her heart ached. A pressure built in her chest, and she knew it was because she still loved him, and that love was only hers to hold at night.

  As she looked into those light browns that used to have forever in them, she said, “I don’t think we should be holding hands, Evan.”

  Because it’s too hard.

  Because you’re here to support my mother.

  Because you’re not here for me.

  “I know we shouldn’t.” His voice was tight, filled with emotions he was trying to hide. “But I can’t think of a reason that makes sense except for the fact that I miss you. A lot. I’ve missed you a lot, AJ.”

  Her eyelids fluttered. Breathlessly, she whispered, “Evan.”

  Her heart immediately fell in love with make-believe lies and promises she told herself.

  Promises of a life they were supposed to have lived together.

  But her hopeful heart just added to her pain.

  “Hey, AJ?”

  Alex tilted her head at him in confusion. “Yeah?”

  “You did it.”

  “Did what?” Her brows met with confusion.

  Evan laughed as he squeezed her hand. “You’re in a hospital without looking like you’re going to throw up right now.”

  Blinking, she scanned the waiting room. Her jaw dropped in disbelief. He’s right. “I guess I was just so worried about my mum that I forgot. But now I’m totally aware of the smell and …”

  Oh, God.

  The smell suddenly hit her hard, but Alex swallowed hard as Evan’s eyes frantically searched her face. “I shouldn’t have said anything. I’m just proud of you since this is the first time you’ve been in a hospital and haven’t run out in a panic. Are you okay? Are you going to be sick?”

  Her heart picked up at his concern.

  Even after all this time, he still cared for her.

  She saw it on his face.

  “I’m fine.” She inhaled a deep breath and then slowly exhaled, hoping it would calm her. “You’re right. This is the first time I haven’t run out of a hospital. I want to be here. I have to be here to support my parents. I’ll be okay. So have you just been waiting here?”

  Evan nodded. “Yeah. But while we wait, catch me up. How’s Dr. Rodahawe and everyone? How’s your research and your formula going?”

  Unable to stop the fire in her chest and needing to touch him, to feel him, Alex reached up and pressed her palm softly against his cheek. That spark she felt made its way to her chest and reminded her of all the moments they had shared together. Moments she still replayed when she was alone with her thoughts. “Zürich isn’t the same since you left.” Alex had to pause and bite her lip to stop the intimate truths from being revealed. “Evan, I miss you a lot, but we shouldn’t hold hands.”

  She knew it was wrong. He had broken up with her. Alex had cried long after he left her, so she had to end it. But as she tried to release her hand from his, he tightened his grip on her and shook his head.

  “I was your boyfriend for three years, Alexandra. Not holding your hand while you’re right here next to me doesn’t feel right. I shouldn’t have left Zürich. I shouldn’t have left you.” He inhaled a deep, shaky breath. “I—”

  Her father burst into the waiting room, and said, “Evan, I have a son.” He turned his head slightly and noticed that she had made it back home in time. The tears that ran down his face had her eyes stinging. “Alexandra, you’re here. You have a brother, my love.”

  Alex pulled her hand free from Evan’s and stood from the chair. “Can I see him?”

  “Of course.”

  She smiled, excited that she was about to meet her baby brother for the very first time. Just as she was about to take a step, she glanced over her shoulder to find Evan staring at her vacant chair. She couldn’t do it without him. He belonged with her in that moment. Like he had always belonged with her.

  “You coming?” she asked with a smile.

  Evan’s gaze met hers. “Can I?”

  Nodding, she held her hand out for him to take. “Like you said, you were my boyfriend for three years, but you have been a part of our family for much longer. You can’t miss
this.”

  He stood, grabbed her suitcase and purse, and placed his hand in hers. Alex bit the inside of her cheek, hoping the inch of pain would distract her from the fact that his touch was home.

  That he was home.

  That he was her heart, and she had been without it for so long.

  A newborn’s cry after midnight was excruciating.

  Alex’s little brother had been crying on and off since ten p.m.

  Her mother had cracked Alex’s bedroom door open just a bit and apologized for her brother’s cries, but it wasn’t her mother’s fault that Alex couldn’t sleep through them. It also didn’t help that Alex had an early morning flight back to Zürich. She didn’t want to go back to Switzerland so soon, but Dr. Rodahawe had put her on an assignment that required her back if she intended to return to the US in time for the Christmas holidays in several weeks’ time. Four days wasn’t long enough. Not when it came to being with her family.

  But it was too long with Evan.

  To be in the same room.

  To see his smiles.

  To long for him.

  Four days was just too long when it came to Evan Gilmore.

  So Alex got out of bed, stepped into her slippers, and contemplated how she would get some sleep. Her brother’s cries seemed to echo through the large house. When she glanced over at her window, she knew that if she were to go to him, he’d help her. It was stupid, but she did want to see him before she left.

  Maybe they could talk until she was so tired that sleep found her.

  Her heart longed to talk to him.

  To touch him.

  To hold him.

  To never let him go.

  But their lives were different now.

  Had been since he left.

  Alex made her way to the door and grasped the handle. She paused for a moment, her mind and heart at war with her decision to see him.

  This might be my last time.

  The thought had her turning around. She went over to her nightstand and grasped her phone. She let out a sigh, unlocked her phone and texted her mother just in case she checked up on her through the night.

  Alex: Hey, Mum. Please don’t worry, but I have to see Evan one more time before I leave.

  Satisfied that she wouldn’t worry her mother, Alex returned to her bedroom door, grasped the handle and pulled the door open. There was nothing her heart wanted more and nothing that could sway its desires. She exited her room and closed the door gently behind her, scared she might wake her brother after her mother had put him to sleep. Tiptoeing down the hall and then the stairs, Alex walked over to the hallway hooks and removed her coat. She threaded her arms through and buttoned it up in hopes of shielding her from the cold winter winds and snow. Reaching over, she picked up her keys from the table and shoved them and her phone in her pocket. Alex glanced over her shoulder to ensure her parents hadn’t awoken before she left the house and headed toward Evan’s.

  She knew it was a bad idea. But she was heavily jet-lagged and lacked sleep. Her rationality only led her to Evan. Because when she returned to Zürich, she wouldn’t be returning. Alex had accepted Dr. Rodahawe’s offer after months of stalling. After months of hoping Evan would return to her. It was time she moved on with her life.

  Telling her heart to be kind to her soul, she climbed the short steps to his door. Alex curled her fingers to form a fist and knocked gently on his door. She waited but heard nothing. Frowning, she attempted once more and was greeted with the very same response. Just as she was about to take a step back and return home, the porch light illuminated above her. The door opened, and she came face to face with her ex-boyfriend’s surprised expression. He hadn’t expected to see her at his doorstep so late. And truthfully, she hadn’t either.

  “Alexandra.” His voice was full of concern as his brows met. No doubt he was cautious of her appearance. “It’s late. Are you okay? Is Seb okay?”

  Flames consumed her heart at the way his voice had softened when he asked about her brother’s welfare. She was happy he cared so much for her family.

  Alex smiled before she nodded. “It’s stupid me being here. But …” She exhaled, realizing how stupid it was for her to be at his doorstep. “I have a flight back to Zürich in the morning, and I love Seb, but he keeps crying every two hours. And that would be okay but Dr. Rodahawe has me on assignment as soon as I land. I’m so sorry, but can I sleep on your couch tonight?”

  “Wait.” He appeared confused. “You just got here.”

  “Yeah, four days ago.”

  He shook his head. Disbelief washed all over his face. “And you’re already leaving?”

  She chewed her bottom lip. “Yeah. They need me back at the institute. Plus, I’m almost done with my formula.”

  And to her surprise, he asked, “Can’t you stay?”

  Her eyes widened. He had never asked her to stay with him before. Evan had left her. It was the only question she had ever truly wanted to hear from him.

  “I can’t, Evan. I can’t stay,” she said in a tiny voice.

  “So this is your last night?”

  Alex nodded.

  She saw it.

  The heartbreak bright in his eyes.

  It gave her a small ounce of hope that he still loved her.

  Cared for her the way he had when they were together.

  Evan stepped forward and cupped her face in his palms. “I love you,” he whispered. “I still love you. Please say you love me, too.”

  Yes.

  It had been all she had ever wanted.

  A million times yes.

  Her eyes filled with unshed tears. “I do love you, Evan.”

  It was as if her declaration of love had been all he needed to break the tension as his lips collided with hers. It was perfection in his sweet touch. It was life he breathed into her as she threaded her fingers through his hair.

  She was hot.

  Needy.

  She wanted forever with him.

  Only ever him.

  He walked them back into his house, kissing her relentlessly.

  As if time was never a concept that had worked against them.

  And time had always been their enemy that she would fight against.

  Just for tonight, she kissed him with everything she had in her. To prove to him that he shouldn’t have left. That they were forever.

  Don’t you see, Evan?

  I’m your soul mate.

  “Evan,” she moaned, kicking the door closed and keeping the cold air away.

  “Stay,” he begged, pressing her body against the hard door, causing her to gasp. “Please, God, please stay.”

  His hands disappeared from her face and grasped her coat, ripping it open. Alex helped him take it off and dropped it on the floor. Then she grasped the end of his T-shirt and lifted it off him, showcasing the very chest she missed sleeping on. The T-shirt then joined her coat on the floor by the door as he pulled his lips away, panting and staring into her eyes.

  She loved this man so much.

  She was sure she’d love him forever.

  Alex felt it in the very depths of her chest.

  “Please, Alexandra. Please stay with me,” he begged with so much emotion in his voice that she had to touch him.

  To somehow reassure him with her touch.

  Reaching up, she cupped his face, gently brushing her thumb across his cheek. “Just tonight, Evan. I can only stay for tonight.”

  Evan slipped his hand under her tank top and grasped her hip, pressing her body against him. “Just tonight,” he agreed in a tight voice and pressed his forehead against hers. “But just know that I’ll still love you after tonight.”

  Alex nodded as she stepped out of her slippers, and Evan pulled away. Grasping her hand, he led her upstairs, leaving the months they h
ad spent apart behind them just like their clothing. It took them seconds to make it to his room. And once they were inside, he closed the door and slowly undressed her.

  He kissed her naked breasts.

  His hands roamed her hips and held her in place as he licked from hip to the very edge of her panties. Then his fingers grasped each side of her underwear and peeled them down her legs. The lace caressing her skin as they fell to the floor. Alex threaded her fingers into his hair as he kissed her mound, causing her to moan.

  “Evan,” she whispered.

  The light coming from the window allowed her to see him in all his beauty as he dragged his tongue across where she ached the most.

  “Oh,” she moaned as she threw her head back.

  It had been so long since he touched her.

  Pleased her.

  “Evan,” she managed to breathe out. She tugged at his hair, and he stood. “Make love to me.”

  He nodded. Alex grasped the tops of his jeans and unbuttoned them. She couldn’t look away from his pleading brown eyes. She saw that same question in his eyes. He wanted her to stay, but she couldn’t. She had committed to three more years in Switzerland.

  “Get on the bed, Alexandra,” he instructed.

  Licking her lips, she made her way to the very bed she had spent so many nights in. The same bed he had made love to her so freely and honestly in. The very bed that would house their final touches and goodbyes.

  Alex climbed onto his bed and waited, watching as he pushed his jeans and underwear down his hips and stepped out of them. Evan joined her in bed, covering her body with his. Alex widened her thighs to let him press his hips to hers. Their contact had them both sighing in pleasure.

  He brushed her hair back. “You’re so beautiful.”

  Alex pressed her fingers to his jaw. “I’ve missed you so much, Evan.”

  “I’ve missed you, too. So much. It’s pained me to be here without you.”

  Blinking her tears away, she dropped her hand and reached between them, grasping his hardness in her palm. She felt him throb as she stroked him.

  Up and down.

  Her thumb rubbed the tip, and he shuddered. “Alexandra,” he groaned, voice full of desire and desperation.