by Ruby Vincent
Tears ran freely down her cheeks. “He was awful to me when I told him I was pregnant. He called me a gold-digging slut and that I wasn’t going to use my brat to trap him. He threatened me if I ever contacted him again.” She shook me. “Do you see why I wanted you to have nothing to do with that man?!”
Mom blurred as wetness filled my eyes. “Yes,” I rasped. “He was awful, but—”
“I know.” She suddenly released me. “Jonathan and I had a long talk after you ran from me. He explained the difficult time he was going through with his wife and why. It wasn’t possible for him to be your father and he came to the natural conclusion that I was with another man. He believed I was trying to trade in to get you a wealthier father.”
She let out a long, soft breath. “I understand his anger now. I never knew he was sterile. I put his name on your birth certificate truly believing he was your father. We had been together many times and I slept with that other man only once.” She stroked my cheek. “But once is all it took to give me you.”
I swiped my eyes with the back of my palm and Mom came into better focus. “So you know who he was?”
“Of course I do.”
“What’s his name?” I asked. “Who is he? Where is he?”
“Oh, Zela.” Mom pressed a kiss to my temple. “I’m not going to tell you.”
I froze. “What?”
“I’m not telling you his name.” She pulled back and looked me in the eyes. “We won’t speak another word of this after today.”
“B-but, Mom—”
“No.” Before my eyes, she hardened into the mom I knew. “He does not matter. He never has. You’ve let this need to know your biological father define you. It’s turned you into someone I don’t believe you want to be. I don’t blame you. It was my job to raise you to be an independent woman who didn’t rely on a man for her identity.”
My throat tightened as every horrible word fell from her lips.
“I’ve failed you in a lot of ways, Zela. I know that and I’m truly sorry, but I will not tell you who your father is.”
“You h-have to.”
She can’t be serious. After everything I’ve done. Everything I’ve been through. How can she tell me no?
“He’s my father,” I rasped. “I have a right to know.”
And then it broke through. The rage simmering beneath the surface roared up and spilled out.
“You have to tell me!” I screamed.
I punched the dash. Pain erupted in my hand but I barely noticed. “You’ve lied to me my whole life! You’ve let me be the kid who had to tell people I didn’t know my own dad’s name! How could I tell you the truth about why I wanted to go to Breakbattle? All you would have done is refused to let me enroll and fed me more lies! The person I’ve become is because of you!”
My chest heaved with hard pants. I never yelled at my mother like this before.
Her expression remained stony. “Let it go, Zela.” She threw open her door and walked out, leaving me behind.
I gaped after her in complete disbelief. I couldn’t breathe.
How could she say that to me? How can she just walk away from me?
I sprinted out of the car. “Mom!? Mom!”
She didn’t look back. Mom stepped inside and shut the door behind her. I burst in, feet thudding on the hardwood floors as I chased after her. She slammed into her office. I rattled the knob.
Locked.
“Mom!? Mom, talk to me!”
Bang! Bang! Bang!
“Tell me his name! I have to know his name!” I screamed. Tears flowed hot and fast, soaking my cheeks and throat. “Tell me!”
Sinking to the floor, I twisted the knob until my palms cried out.
“Let me in!”
I pounded and screamed for hours. Mom never opened the door.
Chapter Two
“I see it’s still World War III in here.”
I looked up from my book as Jordan came into the room.
“Hey. Aunt Bev finally freed you.”
My cousin climbed onto my bed and curled up on my side. “Temporary leave for good behavior,” she replied. “Mom says I’m grounded for as long as it takes for you and Aunt Dronika to patch things up. It’s my punishment for lying to both of them.”
“I’m sorry.” I rested my cheek on top of her head. “Especially because it’s been weeks.”
Yes, weeks.
After Mom refused to tell me the name of my true father, I returned to school in a cloud of pain, shame, and suspicion. Cameron’s death hung heavy over the student body and everyone knew I was brought in for questioning. Their whispers and stares were unbearable... and still I preferred it to going home.
I refused to leave with Mom on the weekends and, eventually, she stopped coming to pick me up. I didn’t speak to her for the rest of the semester until yesterday when the end of school brought us together. It had been a tense atmosphere in the Manning household since we came home.
“Don’t worry about me,” she said. “Mom eased up on the television privileges a couple of weeks ago. It’s not so bad now but I miss Adam.”
“He misses you too. The guy would not stop asking me how you were and when he’d get to see you again.”
“What about you? How are you? To say things got crazy is an understatement.”
I squeezed my eyes shut. The last several weeks had been the worst of my entire life. I cried almost every day. But I didn’t want to do it any longer.
“Not so great,” I admitted. “It’s been hard but the boys have been amazing. I promised Cole I’d tell him the truth about what was going on with me and Derek. In the end, I told all of them. They understood, forgave me for lying about why I came, and they backed me up to Whittaker and Argyle.”
“Did it help?”
I scoffed. “Not even a little.”
Memories of sitting in Whittaker’s office and going through my second interrogation in two days flashed through my mind.
“Having my boyfriends tell him they knew I was a girl all along didn’t sway him that my presence on the boys’ campus hasn’t been a problem. He went on about flouting the rules on girls not being allowed in a boys’ dorm and inappropriate relations until Miss Val stopped him.”
“Ugh. So he made your search for your father about a nonstop sex parade?”
“Pretty much.” I sighed. “There’s so much I need to catch you up on, JoJo. From Mr. Sondheim being assigned to making sure I don’t go into any other room but my own to the police tromping all over campus trying to find Cameron’s killer.”
“I still can’t believe he was killed,” she whispered. “Do the police have any idea who did it?”
“All I got from Langman is that their evidence is a few traces of blood, a blackmail video with me in it, eyewitnesses seeing me chasing after Cameron at the fundraiser, a bunch of people telling him that Cameron had it out for me, and my threats on the video to make him pay. They have an idea who did it and in Langman’s head, it’s solidly Zela Manning.”
She shot up, gaping at me. “Are you kidding me? But you have an alibi.”
“He said it’s only Derek’s and my word that we were there. He could be lying to protect me or I could have snuck away while he was sleeping. He knows it’s not enough though or he’d force the blood test.”
“Fuck,” she cried. “And all this time he’s wasting on you, he could be searching for the real killer.”
“Seriously.” I leaned against the board, gazing up at the ceiling. “I just wish I had a name to give him. Cameron was fighting with someone but I don’t know who. None of his friends would talk to me, of course, because the world knows they’ve assaulted me. Now they’ve all graduated. It’s a mess.”
“I’m sorry, Zee.” She squeezed my arm. “But you’re not going down for this. This detective has nothing and that’s not going to change. Soon, he’ll move on to real suspects. In the meantime, you have your own shit to deal with.”
I sighed. “Tell me abou
t it. Mom and I are barely speaking to each other. I’ve gone from not knowing Derek existed, to believing he was my brother, to whatever we are now, and yesterday, Whittaker and Argyle gave me their decision about my final year at Breakbattle.”
“Oh no, Zee. What did they say?”
I shook my head. “There was no way they were letting me stay even if they hadn’t found out about the boys. Zeke is gone, Jordan. I think they went easier on me after finding out what the Network boys did to me in the woods, but all the same, if I want to go back to Breakbattle, I go as Zela. Whittaker says arrangements have already been made for the Elite girls’ class to have their eleventh student.”
“You’re right,” she breathed. “I’ve missed a lot.”
“When is Aunt Warden coming to claim you? Because we still have a lot to talk about.”
“Spill. I’m not going anywhere anytime soon.”
Hours later, I walked Jordan to Aunt Bev’s idling car and hugged her goodbye. Aunt Bev leaned out of the window.
“How are you, Zee? You and your mom still fighting?”
I let my silence be the answer.
She pinned me with a look. “Patch things up soon. I understand why you’re upset, and you know I don’t agree with Brenda on much, but I agree with her on this. Her first priority has always been to protect you. If she won’t tell you his name, there is a good reason.”
I heard her concern. It didn’t penetrate. “I’ll be eighteen in two weeks. At some point, you both have to stop treating me like that six-year-old girl who got lost in the mall.”
“Zela, that’s not what— Zela!”
I turned my back on her and went into the house.
“I do.”
I paused with one foot on the steps.
Mom stepped out of the living room. “I have a good reason, Zela. You have to trust me.”
“Okay, Mom.”
“I don’t want to fight anymore.” She reached for me and I smoothly stepped out of reach. She slowly returned her hand to her side. “Dinner will be ready in a few minutes.”
“Yes, Mom.”
I continued upstairs without a backward glance.
“ARE YOU GROUNDED?”
“Not officially.” I flipped over, cradling the phone in the crook of my neck. “Mom and I aren’t talking much these days but I know her well enough not to ask to go anywhere.”
“That’s a shame,” said Landon. “I was thinking I’d pick you up tomorrow and we’d watch another movie on the hill.”
The beginnings of a smile tugged at my lips. It was the first in a while. “I wish I could.”
“We have to get in all the quality time we can this summer. Senior year we’ll be separated.”
“It’s better than being expelled. Still, I’ll hate not seeing you guys except for breakfast and dinner.”
“We’re going to see each other a lot more than that. Moon and Melody make it work. We will too.”
“Our matrons won’t let us anywhere near each other’s rooms.”
“We both know you like getting it on outside.”
I giggled. “Those were special circumstances.”
“We’re going to have a few more special circumstances.”
Heat pooled in my lower belly just thinking about being with Landon. Mr. Sondheim put a serious kink in our sex life since I was outed on campus.
“About tomorrow, Zee,” he continued. “We have to think of something. I can’t not see you on your birthday.”
“I don’t know what we can do. My mom works from home, so I couldn’t sneak out without her knowing. Plus, Jordan says they’re coming over for the day. I can’t get away right now, Landon, but as soon as I can, we’ll celebrate together.”
“I miss you, baby. I hope things get better with you guys soon.”
I dropped my head onto my pillow. “I don’t see that happening. This would all be over if she’d tell me who he is.”
“It sounded like Jonathan Grayson was a total shit to her. What if this other guy was even worse? I mean, if he was a good guy that would have stepped up, why didn’t she run to tell him the truth as soon as she knew it couldn’t be Grayson?”
“Landon, not you too,” I whispered. “Everyone is trying to convince me my biological father must be Satan to justify my mother refusing to tell me the truth. Why does no one get that isn’t the point? I’m tired of her protecting me with silence and lies. He’s my father. Knowing him should be my choice.”
“I’m on your side, Zela. I promise you, I am, but...”
“But what?”
“It destroyed you when Jonathan rejected you and he wasn’t even your father. What if your real dad does the same? What if your mom is sure that he will?”
Tears prickled at the back of my eyes. I pressed my palm into them, willing myself not to cry.
“I can handle it if he does. I just want to know who he is.”
“Zee—”
“Can we stop talking about this? I was feeling better for a brief second there.” I picked myself up and moved to my desk. “Tell me about your summer. Are you going to Europe again?”
“Um... yeah. Prague for a few weeks. I’ll bring you back something.”
It was slow but my smile was coming back. “Chocolates?”
“Definitely. Want anything else? The birthday girl gets whatever she wants.”
“What she wants is to curl up with you in the back of a truck.”
“I’ll make that happen.”
We talked for a little longer before saying goodbye. I went downstairs and found Mom in the kitchen.
“Mom?”
She jumped like someone who lived alone hearing a voice. I guess it felt like we both lived alone after the last few weeks.
“Yes?” She put the knife down on the cutting board. “What is it, Zela?”
“Argyle said she’d send forms to fill out for my new uniform and the rulebook for the girls’ campus. Did you get it? I haven’t seen it.”
“Yes, I got them.” She stepped away from the counter and pointed to the kitchen stool. “Sit down, Zela.”
Unease crept into my bones as I took a seat. I did not like the serious look on her face. “What’s wrong?”
“What’s wrong?” she repeated. She claimed the seat next to me, and to my surprise, took my hand. “I don’t like the way things have been between us the last few weeks, but in one thing I realize I was wrong. I did not ask you what you want to do going forward.
“A lot has happened at that school that I did not know about. You were held against your will, assaulted, and blackmailed. That is more than anyone should have to deal with.” She sighed. “Despite what is going on with us, it’s important that you know you don’t have to return to that school if you don’t want to. To be honest, I’m seriously considering pulling you out. You did not enter with a true desire to attend in the first place.”
I quietly took in what she was saying. She had a point. I went to Breakbattle for Derek and we were closer than ever now. I didn’t have to return to a place where I had been targeted, beaten, bullied, harassed, and forced to participate in the battle system. I didn’t have to endure being looked at like I was a murderer.
My college applications were in. My grades and extra-curriculars were perfect. I could ride out my last year at Chesterfield High with my cousin and for once not have a year filled with pain and drama.
There was only one problem.
“I don’t want to leave, Mom. It’s been tough, but I’ve made friends.” Adam’s grin popped into my head and I smiled. “The kind of friends that have your back through everything. I love my teachers. I love Archimedean Club. I love eating breakfast with Landon, running with Michael, and studying with Cole. I love being in one place for the first time in my life. If I let them drive me out, I’ll lose everything good about Breakbattle along with the bad.”
Mom listened to my speech with an expression I couldn’t read. “All of that is wonderful, Zela, but your friends and boyfriends w
ill always be there. I have to think of your safety.”
“The boys who assaulted me have graduated and Zach, Rhys, Sullivan and his buddies can’t do anything to me on the girls’ side.”
She released me and stood. “I will think about it. Get cleaned up and help me with dinner.”
I hesitated. “You want me to help?”
“Yes. You can be angry with me but this silent treatment ends now. Tomorrow is your birthday. I won’t spend it the way we have been the last few days.”
I didn’t know what to say. I was going to be angry with her. I’d be angry for as long as she refused to tell me my father’s name, but I’d end the fight if it meant I’d no longer have to tiptoe around my house, be kept from my boys, and Jordan would be released from house arrest.
“Okay.”
Mom kissed me on the forehead. If she lingered longer than normal, I didn’t draw attention to it. She sent me off to get cleaned up and I came back to help her with dinner. While we cooked, we talked a little about what I wanted to do for my birthday. Neither one of us mentioned fathers or battle academies.
I WOKE THE NEXT MORNING to presents on my pillow. Three gifts and three texts to go along with them.
Landon: We drove down to leave these on your doorstep. I hope you like it. I love you. Happy Birthday.
Michael: Saw it and knew it would be perfect for you. Happy Birthday!
Cole: You’ve waited long enough. Happy birthday, Zela.
The last text was puzzling.
“Waited long enough,” I read. “What does that mean?”
I tossed the phone aside and picked up a tiny box wrapped in gold paper. My face split in half as I laid eyes on the necklace. A butterfly hung on the silver chain by one blue wing. I put it on right away and then picked up a flat, rectangular gift. I tore it open and pulled out a blue dress covered in sequins.
Landon’s gift.
I ran my fingers over the fine material. This is the dress I wore the night of our first date. His original design.
Getting out of bed, I held the dress up to me as I twirled in front of my mirror. Declan shouldn’t have changed it. This dress was perfect.