After that I walked through the streets of London wondering and contemplating about what to do next. Nathaniel popped up into my mind again, thoughts about him boiled my blood. It had been two weeks since he left me alone in the hospital. Jasper had changed, so maybe Nathaniel could, too. Maybe we were getting another chance. He’d had weeks to let Meredith know that it was over between them. He’d assured me about his love for me and I wanted to believe him. An hour later, I finally pulled my phone out of my pocked and selected the caller ID. My body stirred with excitement and I kept wondering if I was really doing the right thing.
He picked up straight away and my heart fluttered in my chest.
‘Hey, it’s me,’ I began quietly. ‘Are you alone? Can I come over?’
I was a coward, terrible and selfish, because despite everything I was still in love with him. The wound inside me wasn’t healing. I had to talk to him, find out what was I supposed to do next. All along Nathaniel had been my partner. I needed his advice. I couldn’t let my parents ruin their marriage. They had twenty-five years together and now suddenly they were over?
When the taxi dropped me outside his apartment, I stood there for several minutes watching the stars in the cloudless sky. I didn’t think about Meredith anymore. She was probably hurt and heartbroken, but Nathaniel had always belonged to me. He didn’t love her. I entered the front door and a few minutes later knocked at his apartment.
He opened the door. For a few long moments he stared at me with the same tense expression on his face. I stood in front of him thinking about expectation and emotions that we’d both experienced since the first moment I stepped into his office two years ago. Right from beginning we had a strong connection, and even then my magic went crazy. Two long years fate kept crossing our paths.
‘Am I safe being here?’ I asked, sensing his signature scent.
‘Don’t ask silly questions like that, Julia. Meredith knows that it’s over between us.’
I didn’t smile, but my heart fluttered in my chest. He finally had done it. He told her that she wasn’t the only woman in his life.
Nathaniel’s presence lifted my damaged soul. I walked into his spacious living room and instantly felt like an intruder. Her stuff were still everywhere, lying there, waiting her return. I recognised her designer shoes and clothes. I could even smell her perfume in the corridor. She had redecorated Nathaniel’s apartment, bringing her own colours and style. It hurt that he let her do this.
I sat down on the sofa, feeling like I was going to cry. All of a sudden I felt cramped, suffocated by guilt, wondering if he was lying about her. He was standing by the door watching me, and I didn’t want to look at him, because I knew that my heart would betray me. I came because he always made me feel better about myself and this time I wanted him to make me numb, make me forget about the fire, Craig and Quentin.
‘Firecracker, let me—’
His voice broke me, filling the air around me, making the apartment seem lighter than just a moment ago. I knew I had to ask him about his engagement, but for some reason I couldn’t make a sound. Suddenly I became overwhelmed with desire and lust. Nathaniel came to me, lifting me into his arms, before my mind registered what I was doing. There was no time for longing stares and hesitant kisses; he leaned over, planting a deep, raw kiss on my lips. His overbearing scent made me weak, breathless. Nathaniel’s soft lips and tongue sent shockwaves from my neck down, curling my toes, filling me up with soaring heat. I moaned, my fingers pressed his firm chest, my nails searching for his bare skin.
His hands were moving over my body, going under my skirt, then lingering inside my knickers. I tried to undo his belt buckle, panting with love.
‘Firecracker, oh, I want you so bad,’ he growled, moving his lips over to my ear, kissing that sensitive spot around it. He didn’t let me undo his trousers. He grabbed my hands and started pushing me towards the bedroom. Soon we were both tangled in each other’s clothes, moving through his apartment, still kissing like we couldn’t get enough of that surging energy around us.
We barged through to the bedroom. I slipped my hand down his boxers, feeling his hardness for a brief moment. He came back greedy, tearing my blouse off, sliding his hands over my breast with a loud growl of need. The temperature in my body shifted, the energy was back pulsing in between my legs. Then he was kissing me again, all over, sucking on my neck running his tongue over my collarbone. I loved the way he crushed me with his dominance, moving his shaft over my wetness. Pleasure struck me; I panted for air, trembling with desire. My power built and built, buzzing and clouding my thoughts, coursing through me like a drug. Then I got rid of his trousers and boxers, taking his erection into my hands, but he pushed my hands back to his arms.
‘I need to be inside you.’
He stepped back, kicking his trousers and boxers off. I sighed, seeing him naked. His eyes lingered over my breasts for a moment, before he pushed me down to the bed.
‘Julia,’ he said huskily, sliding his hands over my thighs. I closed my eyes as he parted my legs and pushed himself inside me, fast. My body shook with a surging wave of heat and I leaned my head back to the pillow. I smelled his fiancée on those sheets, but this was our moment, so I locked her away, remembering that he chose me.
Then his mouth was on mine again. Magic cracked through my skin, heating up my insides.
‘You feel as good as I remembered,’ I heard him say. I grabbed the sheet and moaned; the waves of heat kept lashing through me, raving over my body aggressively. I cried out as he kept thrusting, slowly at first, then faster with so much greed and want.
I gripped his arse so tight, luring him deeper, urging him to go faster. He groaned as I began experiencing these shattering sensations. Prickling and tingling that started in my chest, then moving down over my spine and legs. The pure rage of desire began smashing into me, it surged into my blood until I came. My heart pounded and the orgasm shuddered through me fast. Things around his bedroom started moving; glass exploded as I climaxed. My magic throbbed and pulsed right through me with a red light. Nathaniel brought it into me, moulded it, crated it until I couldn’t take the pressure, exploding like a firestorm.
I screamed. And then the familiar numbness came. We both collapsed on the bed, breathing hard, our hearts pounding.
‘I love you,’ he whispered to my ear, kissing me softly. Then he ran his fingers all over my face, tracing my cheeks until sparks started crackling underneath us. I wrapped my hands around him and we stayed like that for minutes.
Later on, I disappeared into the bathroom and switched on the shower, staring at my reflection in the mirror. I was so lucky that the healers used magic to get rid of my burns and scars. I almost looked like myself again—and I was empty again: the annoying buzzing energy was gone. Nathaniel was the only male that could do this to me. Peel away the excess of the power that I couldn’t deal with. He understood what I needed. My skin shined with Nathaniel’s sweat and I inhaled his scent. He was all over my body, calming me down. I wrapped the towel around my torso and then I heard a bang somewhere in the back of the house. A quick, loud noise of closing doors.
I swallowed, finding my breath, wondering if he was still in the bedroom. The image of our sex burned through me as I began to suspect that he wasn’t exactly honest with me. As I expected, we weren’t alone anymore. Meredith stood in the bedroom doorway, looking straight at me.
‘I thought I’d come home early, to surprise you,’ she said, her voice lower, electrocuting me like sudden thunder and lightning. Nathaniel was standing by the bed, naked. He looked startled. I gripped my towel, not moving, staring at the woman that was still officially his fiancée, the woman that just caught me in her bedroom with the man who convinced me earlier that it was over between them. My mouth went dry and I just stood there, blindsided by my own guilt.
How could I ever think that this was okay?
‘Meredith,’ he began, his voice smooth and controlled. ‘I’m sorry that you had to find
out like this. It’s been over between us for quite sometime, before you might have realised. ’
I felt like a coward. A flush of embarrassment started creeping over my cheeks. In my head I kept saying to myself that this wasn’t supposed to happen. He had so much time to resolve his own affairs with Meredith. In fact he told that he had.
Meredith’s face turned bright red, her upper lip trembled. There were real tears in her eyes. Flooded with guilt and humiliation, I couldn’t turn my gaze away.
‘You’re such a liar. And you,’ she said with her French accent, narrowing her eyes on me, ‘you are an idiot, stupid weak girl. He hurts people, pretends that he cares, but deep down he is so insecure about his emotions!’
‘Meredith—’
Nathaniel approached her, but she only shook her head, beating her fists into his chest. My heart was breaking and I desperately wanted to jump into a time machine and reverse everything that happened between us. He just stood there and took it. She stopped, breathing heavily, taking a step back.
‘I should have known better,’ she screamed, and then she approached him again. Nathaniel didn’t seem to notice, but her hands started glowing with silver light. Then she touched him. ‘This is for my pain, so you can remember what you’ve done to me, you bastard!’
I screamed, as Nathaniel’s body went rigid, and the vein on his forehead throbbed. Magic started circulating around the room, as he bellowed in agony, falling to the floor. The skin on his torso started changing colour. It became red; large blisters started popping everywhere. I looked at Meredith, as she continued to sob. Then she was out of the room, shutting the door behind her loudly. Nathaniel’s entire chest turned black, he kept howling, screaming with agony. The smell of burning flesh brought up my food that I ate earlier.
I didn’t remember the entire evening after that. I was too numb and too shocked to bring back what I’d done after Meredith left. I must have called an ambulance, then I remember being in the hospital asking the healers about his condition. Meredith had poisoned him, using her own magic to hurt him. I began wondering why she didn’t do anything to me. I was the one that took him away from her. She should have hurt me.
Nathaniel was going to be in a great amount of pain for some time. The healers told me that the toxins would eventually go away from his system, but they couldn’t do much for him. Meredith was probably aware that the cure for her poison hadn’t been developed yet, and that he’d suffer for some time for what he’d done to her.
The healers didn’t let me see him, and in the end I decided to go home. Meredith chose to hurt Nathaniel, to make him feel as much pain as she felt. Everything would have been so much different if he had talked to her about me. He just needed to tell her that it was over. But apparently he never did. The next day I felt like I had nothing left. Nathaniel was mine again, but after what happened I didn’t think that mattered anymore. Yet again, he had lied to me.
A week after the fire, Dad was still adamant about keeping away from Mum, so I was surprised when I received a phone call from him two days after my blow up with Meredith and Nathaniel.
‘Hey, Dad, how are you?’ I asked, wondering if he changed his mind about Mum.
‘Hey, hun, listen, I need to be frank with you,’ he began with a strained, tense voice. ‘Your mother filed for divorce this morning. My solicitor called.’
I looked at the phone opening my mouth, wondering if Dad was serious. This news came unexpectedly. Suddenly my whole usually lucid world that I once lived in came tumbling down around me. Silence stretched for minutes, and Dad wasn’t even trying to explain why he wouldn’t fight for Mum.
‘Dad, no, no, I’ll talk to her. She isn’t—’
‘Hun, it’s better to let go. I chose love and took the risk, but it didn’t work. I always knew that your mother wouldn’t handle me, as me. Your mother is the love of my life, but it’s better to hurt now than later. It’s better to let go.’
He disconnected the call straight after that and I stared at my hands thinking that there was still a chance. Dad didn’t just give up; he couldn’t just let go. Deep down he was a fighter, and Mum needed to understand that he had only wanted to protect her.
As I sat like that for minutes, hours, I slowly began putting Dad’s reasoning into perspective. Mum was a human; she didn’t understand magic; she felt betrayed and cheated. Dad wanted to spare her more pain, so he accepted the consequences of his actions. I wanted them to make it work, but the damage was already done.
Then I started thinking about my own situation. An hour later, freshened up and determined to put my life back to normal, I called a taxi. I went straight to the hospital to see Nathaniel. We both had gone through a lot: we pushed each other, we loved each other, and we kept hurting one another. We had to decide if this was what we both wanted.
I was allowed into his room, but only for a few minutes. Nathaniel lay on the bed, his chest covered with bandages, his breathing uneven. I stared at his pale face thinking about happy times we spent together. Minutes passed, and I sat there questioning if we were ever going to get married and be happy, like we were supposed to.
‘How long have you been sitting here?’ he asked suddenly, startling me back to the room. I didn’t know how long I sat there for. His hazel eyes were watching me intensely.
‘A few minutes or so. I don’t know,’ I replied. ‘How are you feeling anyway?’
He didn’t answer, tightening his jaw as the pain contracted through his face. He exhaled.
‘I’m in pain, Julia, and I guess that I deserve what Meredith did to me. I should have talked to her about you.’
‘My parents are getting a divorce. They are not going to make it through,’ I said, ignoring his stupid reflection about what happened.
He didn’t say anything at first; he just stared at me, looking wary and frustrated.
‘Julia, it’s going—’
‘Oh please, don’t give me that crap. It’s not going to be all right. My parents still love each other, but they aren’t going to be together anymore.’ I said, cutting him off.
‘This is not over yet.’
I shook my head, smiling to myself. My thoughts trailed off to all the times that Nathaniel and I tried to make it through. All these failed attempts were making me feel more depressed and anxious about the future.
‘Nathaniel, I think it’s best for us to keep it apart. I can’t believe that I’m saying this, but we are not working. This is not working.’
He moved again, pain shattered through his body, as he tried to reach for me.
‘Julia, don’t do this. We can have a fresh start now that we aren’t involved with anyone else. Are you going to throw our love away? After what we both have been through?’
‘I love you, but I can’t keep waking up next to you every morning knowing that magic broke my parents apart. Passion isn’t enough to keep us together.’
‘Fuck, I want to be with you. I can prove that I’m serious this time.’
‘You don’t have to and I don’t want you to,’ I whispered. ‘Let’s see what happens in the future, but for now I can’t do this. We’re only going to damage each other more, so I’m walking away.’
‘Just like that, you’re walking away from the relationship that you always wanted? From love?’
‘There is always a friendship, Nathaniel. We can still see each other. Let’s start from that and see where friendship would take us, because love is poisonous.’
Nathaniel’s face was red, the vein in his neck pulsing fast. Shock and desperation painted all over him. I couldn’t touch him or even kiss him, because I didn’t want to be back to the same place again. Instead, I turned around and walked away, remembering my father’s words.
It’s better to hurt now than later. It’s better to let go.
End of volume 3
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Other books by Joanna Mazurkiewicz
Cutter (Contemporary romance)
When the Clock Strikes (Paranormal Personnel Saga #0.5)
£6.19 per Witching hour (Paranormal Personnel Saga #1)
Past the Witching hour (Paranormal Personnel Saga #2)
Half Past the Witching Hour (Paranormal Personnel Saga #3)
Quarter to the Witching Hour (Paranormal Personnel Saga #4)
The Whispers of the Sprite (The Whispers Series #1) (Currently free)
The Dark Night Whispers (The Whispers Series #2)
Her Secret Whispers (The Whispers Series #3)
My Last Whispers (The Whispers Series #4)
The Whispers Series, book 1,2,3
All about you ( Love & Hate Series #1)
All about me (Love & Hate Series #2)
Illicit Canvas
Paranormal Personnel Saga Box Set - Books 1-3 Page 76