“I can’t. It hurts.”
“Push,” Joseph said loudly.
“No.” Tears streaked Billie’s cheeks.
Cat couldn’t take it anymore. She took a step forward. “That’s enough,” she said.
Joseph leveled a harsh look at Cat and pointed his finger in her face. “You—back off.”
“You’re hurting her.”
“I’m doing my job. Now either you back away, or I’ll call her doctors and let them take care of you.”
Cat raised her hands in resignation and walked back to her place against the wall. She clenched her teeth as she listened to Billie’s cries for the remaining fifteen minutes of the session.
No sooner had Joseph left, than the Occupational Therapist arrived. The OT was a young woman named Julie. Cat liked her immediately. Her warm, bubbly personality was a welcome relief after Joseph’s gruffness. Cat walked over to the window and peered out as Julie put Billie through fine motor skill training. Mild cursing came from the bed behind her as Cat listened to Billie trying to fit various shaped pegs into their proper slots on the pegboard. Julie’s soft voice provided gentle coaching when Billie struggled and hearty congratulations when she completed the entire board. After an hour, the session was over and lunch arrived. Julie remained with Billie through lunch, using this time for additional therapy.
Cat stayed by the window and watched Julie work with Billie. By the end of the meal, Billie was able to guide her spoon from her soup bowl to her mouth. She had a great deal of soup on the front of her hospital gown, but she learned to maneuver the utensil in the general direction of her mouth. Cat felt a sense of joy at Billie’s accomplishments, but she also felt jealousy and resentment that she wasn’t the one instrumental in Billie’s success.
When Julie left, Cat grabbed a fresh gown from the closet and approached Billie.
“What are you doing?” Billie asked.
“You need to get out of that soiled garment.”
Cat watched as Billie pulled the soiled gown tighter around her.
“I’ll do it.” Billie awkwardly reached out for the gown.
Cat once more quelled feelings of impatience and anger and handed the garment to Billie. “At least let me untie the back for you.”
Billie allowed Cat access to her back. Seconds later, the gown was ready to remove. Cat saw the expectant expression on Billie’s face. When she realized what Billie wanted, she released a frustrated sigh and turned her back. Cat heard mild cursing for several minutes.
“Okay. It’s on. You can turn around now.”
Cat approached Billie and pulled her forward, leaning her against one of her own shoulders as she reached behind to tie the gown into place. She felt Billie shudder at the physical contact between them, but she forced herself not to react. She eased Billie back onto the pillows and pulled the covers up to her waist.
“Thank you,” Billie said without making eye contact.
“You’re welcome, love.”
Billie looked up abruptly. “Why do you call me that?”
Cat sat down in the chair next to the bed. “Call you what?”
“Love.”
“Because I do. I love you with all my heart. You’re the other half of my soul.”
Billie held her gaze for several moments before replying. “I… I don’t remember you. I’m sorry.”
Cat’s eyes became heavy with unshed tears. She touched Billie’s hand and tried not to let the tears escape when Billie jerked her hand out of her reach. She forced a smile onto her face. “Well, give it time. I’ll wait.” She stood and walked out of the room.
Cat made her way to the solarium at the end of the hall and lay on the couch where she cried herself to sleep.
* * *
“I don’t remember her,” Billie said. “She scares me. She says she’s my wife. That can’t be.”
“Why can’t that be, Billie?” Dr. Connor asked.
“What’s wrong with everyone? Look at us. We’re both women. Why isn’t that as obvious to everyone else as it is to me?”
“Yes, you’re both women. But that didn’t stop you from fighting City Hall for the privilege of getting married. You and Cat have been seeing me for a while now, and within the first ten minutes it became apparent to me how devoted you were to each other. Are you telling me you have no memories at all of your life with Cat?”
Billie nodded. “That’s right. I have none.”
“I see,” Dr. Connor said. “What is it about her that scares you?”
Billie’s gaze roamed around the room and settled back on the doctor. “She wants to be with me, but I’m not gay.”
“You’re not gay?”
“No.”
* * *
Cat awoke and pulled herself into a seated position on the solarium couch. She smiled when she spotted Jen. “Hi.”
“Right back atcha. You look like hell, my friend.”
“I love you too, Jen. How long have you been watching me sleep?”
“Not long. I arrived less than an hour ago. There was a Do Not Disturb sign on Billie’s door, so I thought I’d wait here. I was surprised to see you sleeping here. How’re you feeling?”
“Like the most important person in my life has gone and left me.”
Jen got up from her chair, sat next to Cat, and pulled her into an embrace. Cat started to cry.
“Let it out. I’ve got you. I’m here for as long as you need me.” Jen placed a kiss on Cat’s temple. “It’ll be okay.”
After several minutes, Cat brought her crying under control. She pulled out of Jen’s embrace, embarrassed. “I’m sorry. I’ve been doing that a lot lately.”
“Don’t ever be sorry for feeling. I’m glad to be here for you.”
“Thanks.” Cat glanced at her watch. “Damn. I’ve missed Billie’s counseling session. Damn it.” She rose from the couch and cast a helpless glance at Jen.
“It’s okay. I’ll wait here,” Jen said.
Cat headed toward Billie’s room just as Dr. Connor exited it. She ran down the hall to catch her and called out her name. Dr. Connor stopped.
“I’m so sorry,” Cat said. “I fell asleep in the solarium. I wanted to be there for Billie.”
“Calm down,” Dr. Connor said. “It’s okay. I would have asked you to leave the room anyway.”
“Why?”
“Because Billie needs to vent a few feelings without you there. She’s not the same Billie who’s been visiting me for the past month.”
Cat shook her head. “Please don’t say that.”
“It’s true. She’s different. We have no way of knowing if it’s permanent or not, but right now she’s not the same person.”
Cat leaned against the wall. “God, I don’t know what to do. I can’t lose her. I can’t.”
“All I can say is you need to be as supportive, as positive, and as strong as possible for her over the next few weeks. She has a very steep hill to climb, physically and emotionally, and she’ll be able to climb it more effectively if she has a strong support network behind her. You’re the center of that network. Your love for her is her safety net, whether she realizes it or not.”
Cat nodded. “I can’t lose her. I’ll do whatever it takes.”
“You won’t be able to help her at all if you don’t help yourself first,” Dr. Connor said. “You need to get some rest—away from this hospital. You’ll do her no good if you fall sick from exhaustion.” Dr. Connor paused and then continued. “Her physical therapist is in there with her right now. Take this time to get some rest.”
“What! God, no. I’ve got to go. That bastard is brutal to her,” Cat said as she headed toward the door.
Cat came to an abrupt halt as Dr. Connor caught her arm. “Cat, stop. Stop it right now. You can’t go barging in there all angry with her therapist. He’s only doing his job. I understand it’s painful for her, but it’s necessary. Surely you understand that?”
Cat nodded.
“Okay, then. If she nee
ds you, by all means, go. But control yourself. You don’t want to make her any more afraid of you than she already is.”
“Billie’s afraid of me?” she asked, shocked at this revelation.
“Yes, she is. Don’t make it worse.”
Cat stood by the door to the hospital room, clenching and unclenching her fists as Billie cried out in pain. Finally, when she was on the verge of giving in to her protective instincts, the session was over. Her heart broke as she watched Billie, tears streaking down her face and muscles quivering. Cat wanted to slap the smugness from Joseph’s face as he sneered at her and left the room without even complimenting Billie on her efforts.
Cat approached the bed and squeezed Billie’s shoulder. “I wish there was something I could do to ease your discomfort.”
“That would be my job,” a voice said from the doorway.
Cat saw an attractive woman dressed in scrubs standing there.
The woman entered the room and extended her hand to Cat. “I’m Laura, Joseph’s assistant. Part of my job is to mop up after him. Massage is my game.”
“Nice to meet you,” Cat said. “I hear a southern accent. South Carolina?”
“Exactly. Most people put me in the general vicinity of the south, but few pinpoint it dead on.”
“My grandmothers live in Charleston. I spent many summers there as a child. It’s a beautiful state.”
“That it is.” Laura directed her attention to Billie. “So, you’re Billie, right?”
Billie nodded.
Laura rubbed her arm. “Rough session, huh? Well, I’m hoping you’ll feel a lot better by the time I leave.”
For the next hour, Laura magically dissolved Billie’s pain and helped her relax. When the massage was finished, she left them alone again.
Cat walked to Billie’s bedside and sat down. Billie glanced at her then looked away.
“I’m sorry,” Cat said.
“For what?”
“For scaring you and for treating your therapist like shit, even though he deserves it.” Cat thought she saw the corner of Billie’s mouth twitch at the mention of her confrontation with the therapist. “And for pushing myself on you before you’re ready to accept it.”
Billie looked at her. “Cat—”
Someone knocked on the door. “Ms. Charland?”
Cat saw the confusion on Billie’s face and realized she hadn’t yet been told her last name.
Cat rose to her feet and said, “Yes. This is Billie Charland.”
“I’m Joselin. Speech therapist.”
Cat turned back to Billie. “I’ll leave you to your therapy, okay? I should be back by dinnertime.” She left the room and went toward the solarium.
Cat was surprised to find Jen still there. “I thought you might have gone home by now,” she said. “I’m sorry I deserted you.”
Jen put down the magazine she was reading and rose to her feet. “No apology necessary. How’s tough guy doing?”
“The speech therapist is with her for the next hour. They’ll serve her dinner after that,” Cat said. “God, it’s been a long day.”
Jen draped an arm around Cat’s shoulder. “Come on. Let’s see what kind of swill the hospital cafeteria has to offer while Billie is tied up, okay?”
“Okay,” Cat said. “I guess I could eat.”
“Have you eaten at all today?”
“Well—”
“Jesus, woman. I don’t need both of my best friends sick in the hospital.”
“You just don’t want to be stuck with my kids,” Cat said. “Speaking of which, I need to call them after dinner.”
“Sounds like a plan. Let’s go.”
“Sky, honey, this is Mama.”
“Mama, where are you? When can we come home?”
“I don’t know, sweetheart. Mommy is very sick right now, and I need to stay with her for a while. You need to stay with Grandma so I can go the hospital whenever I’m needed—even in the middle of the night. Do you understand?”
“Yeah, but I miss you.”
“I know, honey. I miss you too. I’ll see you soon, I promise,” she said. “Let me talk to your brother and sister, okay?”
“Hi, Mama,” Tara said cheerfully.
Cat was always amazed how this child let problems roll right off her back.
“Hey, sweetie,” Cat said. “Are you behaving for Grandma?”
“Yep. Is Mom all better yet?” she asked. “I can’t wait until she comes home. Seth and Sky are no fun to play with—not like Mom is.”
The thought of Billie and Tara engaging in hand-to-hand combat on the living room rug lifted her spirits.
“She’ll be here for a while yet. But I hope she’ll be able to come home soon.”
“Okay, Mama. Here, Seth is bug’n me for the phone,” Tara said.
“Hi, Ma,” Seth said.
Cat’s voice almost choked at the sound of her son’s voice—Billie’s son. “Hi, scout.”
“Is Mom gonna be all right?”
“Yes, she is. She’s awake and alert. In fact, she had a very busy day with therapy.”
“When can we come see her?”
“I’m not sure. I need to talk to Grandpa about that. Is he home?”
“Yeah. Grandpa, it’s Mama,” Seth yelled, causing Cat to wince as he blasted her eardrum. “Here he comes. Tell Mom I love her, okay?”
“I will, honey. Be good for Grandma.”
“Caitlain?” Doc said. “Is everything all right?”
“As right as it can be. Billie had a pretty rough day. Her therapist is brutal. Daddy, I need to know when I can bring the kids to visit. I’m a little apprehensive about it.”
“Before you bring them, you’ll have to explain the situation to them, and to Billie. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
“Yes, I do.”
“I’ll be there shortly. We can talk to Billie about this together, okay?”
“Okay. I’ll see you soon.”
Cat and Doc arrived at Billie’s room just as her occupational therapist left, carrying Billie’s dinner tray. Billie sat in bed, propped up between pillows as she watched Cat pace across the room.
“Caitlain, sit down, you’re making me nervous,” Doc said.
“Sorry.” Cat sat in the chair next to Billie’s bed. Doc walked over to the opposite side of the bed and sat down on the edge.
Doc took Billie’s hand. Cat was envious of the fact that Billie didn’t pull away from the contact. “Billie,” Doc said, “Caitlain and I have something to tell you. I want you to have an open mind and hear us out, okay?”
Billie raised her eyebrows in question.
Cat looked at Doc and Billie before starting to speak. “Billie,” she said, “you’ve already been told we’re married.”
Billie became agitated. Cat raised a hand to stop her. “I know. I know you’re confused about that, but please hear me out.” Cat paused then continued. “We have children.”
“What?”
Cat reached for Billie’s hand. Billie whipped it away fiercely. “No. Don’t touch me,” she yelled, setting Cat back in her seat.
“All right now,” Doc said. “You just calm yourself down. Cat is telling the truth. You have three children between you, a son and two daughters.”
Billie’s gaze darted around before settling back on Cat’s face. “Where are they?”
“They’re staying with Cat’s mother and me,” Doc said, “until one or both of you are able to be home with them.”
Billie pressed her head back onto the pillows and stared at the ceiling.
Cat regained her composure and willed herself not to cry. “They’ve been asking to see you. I want to bring them here after dinner tomorrow. Is that all right with you?”
Billie nodded yes.
“Thank you.”
Cat sat in the chair beside Billie’s bed and listened to the sound of her even breathing as she slept. She leaned her head back, yawned, and fought exhaustion brought on by the busy day. S
he could only imagine how Billie felt. The next day promised to be even more traumatic for all of them. As she sat there, she prayed things would work out for them. Life would not be worth living with only half a soul.
She glanced at her watch and noted it was 10:47 p.m. She knew she should go home to get some sleep, but she felt wired—keyed up over the children’s visit the next day. She worried it wouldn’t go well. She worried Billie wouldn’t remember them and the visit would leave them traumatized. For long moments, she allowed the anxiety to paralyze her. Finally, she forced herself to rise from her chair and donned her jacket. She placed a tender kiss on Billie’s cheek and bade her goodnight before leaving her room and walking down the hall toward the elevator. When she rounded the corner, she ran headlong into Jen.
“Jen! What are you doing here? Do you know how late it is?”
Jen was disheveled, like she had been roused out of bed. She grabbed Cat by the shoulders. “Cat, is Billie all right? Are you all right? Where are you going?”
“Whoa, slow down. One question at a time. I’m fine. Billie’s fine, and I’m going home. I’m exhausted.” She noted the odd expression on Jen’s face. “What’s wrong?”
Jen raked a hand through her hair. “I don’t know,” she said. “I was sleeping, when I woke up with this panicky, unsettled feeling. My first thought was that something was wrong with you or Billie, so I pulled on some shoes and a jacket and headed here.”
Cat’s eyes narrowed. “Did you happen to notice the time when you woke up?”
“Yes, it was 10:47. Why?”
“Jesus!” Cat locked arms with Jen and pushed the Down button on the elevator. “Walk me to my car, and while you’re at it, explain to me just how you got into my head.”
Jen and Cat stepped into the elevator.
“And by the way,” Cat said, “you look real funky in fuzzy slippers and Fred’s hunting jacket.”
Chapter 24
The next morning, Cat reclined against the windowsill, sipping a cup of coffee, when Joseph arrived to begin Billie’s second day of therapy. She’d tried since she arrived that morning to pull Billie out of the funk she was in, to no avail. Cat noted the scowl that crossed Billie’s face when Joseph entered the room. She refused to acknowledge his presence.
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