Unchained Memories

by Karen D. Badger

  “Billie,” Cat said. “You scared me. How are you feeling?”

  “Headache’s gone.” She hobbled over to sit at the table.

  “You’ve been giving your lady here reason to worry. Are you all right?” Jen asked.

  Billie looked at Jen, a blank expression her face.

  “Look. The Swensons’ house is on fire. I already called 911,” Cat said.

  Billie saw flames dance along the roofline of the house down the street. “Holy, shit. We’ve got to do something. Where are my boots?” She located them quickly and shoved her feet into them.

  “Where are you going?”

  “I’m going to help them. I have to. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I didn’t.”

  “I don’t know how to thank you,” Jen said. “We’ve treated you and your family so bad, how can you ever forgive us?”

  Billie wiped the tears from Jen’s cheeks as she realized this woman was no older than Cat. “Shhh, let’s not talk about that right now. How are Stevie and Fred?” She prepared herself for the worst.

  “They’re both alive, thanks to you. Fred is resting comfortably and should go home tomorrow. Stevie’s in intensive care. He inhaled a lot of smoke, but the doctors think he’ll be well enough to go home in about a week.” Jen paused. “That is, if we had a home to go to.”

  “You have a home to go to. Ours.”

  Billie saw only confusion on Jen’s face.

  “I’m under strict orders from the boss lady to bring you home with me. Our home is open to you and your family for as long as you need it.”

  “I don’t know what to say… except thank you.”

  Billie gave her shoulders a squeeze. “That’ll do.”

  “Earth to Billie.” Jen waved her hand in front of Billie’s face.

  Billie shook her head to clear the fuzziness, her brows knit in confusion.

  Jen placed a hand on her arm. “You’re remembering, aren’t you?”

  Billie looked from Jen to Cat and back to Jen. “Yes,” she said.

  “You’re remembering?” Cat asked. “Are they memories from our life together, not your marriage to Brian?”

  “Yes,” Billie answered, not meeting Cat’s eyes.

  “Billie, why didn’t you tell me?”

  “I wasn’t sure until now. They’re isolated. Nothing connected. Glimpses in time.”

  “What have you remembered?’

  “I remember the day I first met you, our aerobic lessons. I remember bits of conversations. Do you remember calling me Scrooge because I didn’t want to go Christmas shopping?” She watched Cat nod. “I remembered that.”

  “I remember saving Fred, Stevie, and Karissa from the fire, bringing Jen home with me from the hospital after their house burned, and thinking she wasn’t much older than you,” Billie said as Jen grinned. “I remember events, glimpses, but it’s not enough. They’re disjointed. There is no continuity. I still don’t know who we are. I need that.”

  Cat got up and circled behind Billie. She wrapped her arms around her neck and rested her head on Billie’s shoulder. “It will happen. I can feel it.” Billie closed her eyes.

  “Well, lovebirds,” Jen said, “I’ve got to go get dinner started.” She walked around to where Cat stood behind Billie and wrapped her arms around both of them for a group hug. “Hold it together. This will happen. I just know it will.” She wiped a tear from the corner of her eye. “Cat, you can send the kids home when you get sick of them, okay?” She beat a hasty retreat.

  Billie looked up at Cat. “You know, that friend of ours is quite a mushball.”

  That afternoon, Billie ventured with Cat into the family room in the basement for the first time since being home. As with the second story of the house, strong feelings of familiarity invaded her mind as she walked around the room. She stopped in front of the fireplace and ran her hand across the mantel. “Seth’s Lego castle was here, wasn’t it? I remember Tara and Seth rebuilding it after it was destroyed by a collision in the hallway. I was studying for the bar exam at the time.”

  Looking over the audience, Billie finally located Cat. Such an intense wave of love passed between them that it was almost palpable. Billie transferred the tassel from one side of her hat to the other as she descended from the stage and headed back to her seat.

  “Billie?” Cat placed a hand on her arm as she stood there, staring at the mantel. “Another memory?”

  “Graduation.”

  Cat took Billie’s hand and led her to the couch. “Come sit with me. I want to show you something.”

  Cat removed a couple of photo albums from the bookcase and sat next to Billie. She opened the first book across both of their laps and started to page through it. The previous five years of their lives were about to be laid out before them.

  Tara at age four, sat side by side with Seth, age six, in his wheelchair the day Seth came home from the hospital.

  After teaching her aerobics class, Billie went to collect the children and found Tara sitting in a chair, holding a cloth with ice in it to her lip. Seth was sitting on the floor playing with some race cars. “It was his fault, Mom,” Tara said, pointing to another boy who sat in the opposite corner, his hands crossed in front of his chest, a sour expression on his face and a bruise darkening around his left eye. “He was mean to Seth. He called him a cripple, so I punched him, and he punched me back.”

  Billie ran her fingertips over the pictures of the children. A smile crossed her face at the memory.

  She saw a photograph of a very pregnant Cat, sitting in the park, writing in her journal, unaware her picture was being taken. “I remember the day this was taken.”

  “Cat, When we first found out you were pregnant, I have to admit I was upset, angry, and jealous, but—”

  “Jealous?”

  “Yeah, jealous that I couldn’t be the one to give you this child.” She paused. “Anyway, I had mixed feelings at first, but now I’m so looking forward to this baby. Our baby. This child binds us together. It’s the one true link between Seth and Tara. Don’t you see? We’ve always been a family in spirit, but with this child, we’re a family in blood. I don’t care if the child isn’t technically mine. It’s mine in my heart, and I’ll do everything in my power to be a good parent. Thank you for giving me this chance.”

  A picture of Skylar, no more than a few days old.

  “Okay, now, push,” Billie said in her best coaching voice.

  “Aaahhhhh!”

  “Come on now, Cat.” She pulled Cat against her chest a little tighter. “That’s it… push.”

  “Damn it, Billie. If you want this so bad, you push!”

  ... Billie took Cat’s hand in her own and lifted it to her mouth, kissing the back of each knuckle. “We have a beautiful daughter, Cat. She looks like you, red hair and all.”

  Billie’s eyes were heavy with unshed tears. “I remember them, Cat. I remember the children. You were so angry at me when Sky was born. You said, ‘Damn it, Billie, if you want this so bad, you push.’”

  “That was the most wonderful day of my life, Billie. Our baby girl was the most precious gift I could ever give to you. She made us a family. She became the bond that drew us all together. Thank you for being there for her and for being there for all of us.”

  “Cat, I loved you so much at that moment,” Billie said as tears coursed down her face.

  Cat pulled Billie’s face down for a kiss and wiped the tears away. “Are you all right? Do you want to go on?”

  Billie nodded. “I need to be whole again. Help me to remember. Please.”

  Cat opened the second album to their wedding photo.

  Billie stared at the picture for a long time before closing her eyes.

  Billie dropped to one knee in front of Cat, holding a diamond engagement ring in front of her. She looked into Cat’s tear-stained face. “Cat, I love you with all my heart. You’re the mother of my children and the other half of my soul. You complete me and I can’t live without you. Wi
ll you marry me?”

  Several moments later, Billie reached out to Cat. She kissed the back of Cat’s hand and then the palm. Cat closed her eyes and felt the arousal building inside her.

  Cat opened her eyes, making no attempt to hide the desire burning in them. “I love you, Billie.”

  Billie held Cat’s hand as she continued to thumb through the photo album.

  Adoption day. A photograph of all five of them, with the words “The Charlands” written across the bottom of the photo. Jen had taken the picture. Billie smiled as the memories returned.

  Tara rubbed her eyes. “Are you my dad?”

  “Cat, she asked me to be her dad,” Billie said.

  “And how do you feel about that?”

  “How do I feel? How can you even ask that?” Billie said. Then seeing she had hurt Cat’s feelings, she added. “The real question is, when do we start adoption proceedings?”

  Finally, pictures of this past Christmas: the children opening their presents and playing with their new toys. Billie remembered Tara being so worried about Santa finding her because her name had changed from O’Grady to Charland after the adoption.

  “Santa knows you, regardless of what your last name is, just like Mama and I know you. Changing your name doesn’t change who you are here, inside. You’re still Tara, and nothing will change that. Santa knows that. He’ll find you, sweetie. I promise.”

  … “Cat, this is the best Christmas I’ve ever had. All I ever wanted I have right here in my arms and in my heart. My love, my wife, my children. We’re a family in name as well as in blood.”

  Billie closed the photo album and moved it to the coffee table. She laid her head in Cat’s lap and allowed her mind to process all that she had remembered. Cat stroked her head as they sat there in silence.

  Finally, Billie spoke. “I’m so close, Cat, so close. But I still don’t have you. I see you in my life, but I don’t feel you. Come back to me, please.”

  Cat and Billie’s silent contemplation was interrupted by the children charging down the cellar stairs. “Mom, Stevie and Karissa are tenting in their backyard tonight, and they want us to sleep over. Can we? Can we? Please?” Seth said, his pleas echoed by his sisters.

  Billie sat up and looked at Cat then at the children. “What does Jen have to say about this?”

  “Jen is fine with it,” a voice said from the stairs. “They’re more than welcome,” Jen said.

  “Can we, Mom? Can we?” Tara said.

  “Sure, but we don’t have any sleeping bags, do we, Cat?”

  “The only thing they need to bring are their pillows,” Jen said.

  “All right then,” Billie said.

  “Yeah,” the kids cheered. They hugged and kissed both of their mothers and ran off to collect their pillows.

  Cat looked at Jen. “Are you sure about this?”

  “Hey, it’s Fred’s idea. He’s the sucker, not me.” She walked over to her friends. “Photo albums, huh? A trip down memory lane?”

  Cat smiled. “Indeed. It’s helped a great deal.”

  Jen looked at Billie. “How are you doing?”

  “Better than expected. A lot has come back. Thanks for taking the kids. It’ll give me a chance to process what I’ve remembered without interruption. That means a lot.”

  “No problem,” Jen said. “Anytime. You two have a good evening, okay?” She dropped a kiss on their heads before going up the stairs.

  After a quiet dinner, Billie spent some time on the stationary bike while Cat updated her journal. There was a slight tension in the air, an anticipatory feeling, like something was about to happen.

  Cat filled the Jacuzzi in the master bathroom for Billie to relax in after her workout and avoided the bathroom while Billie was soaking. The rubdown she knew was coming was enough to arouse her almost beyond control. She didn’t need to further torture herself beforehand by watching a naked Billie lying relaxed in a swirling hot tub.

  Soon, Billie was finished with her soak and was lying facedown on the bed with a towel thrown over her bottom, waiting for Cat to start the massage.

  Billie closed her eyes as Cat’s hands started kneading her muscles. Suddenly heat began to rise in Billie’s chest, spreading to her neck and face. She grabbed her head with both hands. “Oh God.”

  Cat stopped the massage and moved to Billie’s head. She knelt on the floor beside her and rubbed her temples. “Honey, what’s wrong?”

  Billie opened her eyes and sat up in the middle of the bed, mindless of her nakedness. She stared at Cat, her eyes wide as the memories rushed in.

  Cat moaned and tilted her head to one side to give Billie greater access. Billie responded with a more intense sense of urgency.

  “Oh God, I want you so much.”

  “Patience, my love, patience.” Cat pulled out of Billie’s embrace. “Stay right here.” She put her wineglass on the nightstand next to the bed and returned to Billie in the center of the room. Slowly, she circled Billie and lightly ran her hands over Billie’s breasts and stomach. Billie struggled to maintain control.

  “You’ve no idea what you’re doing to me right now,” Billie whispered.

  “Oh, I think I do.” Cat walked behind Billie and pressed herself against her back. She reached around to the front and unbuckled Billie’s belt. Cat slapped Billie’s hands away when Billie became impatient and attempted to help.

  Cat unzipped Billie’s jeans and slid her hands into the front of Billie’s panties.

  Billie gasped when Cat’s fingers delved into the warm, moist crevice.

  “Oh God, you’re so wet.” Cat pushed the jeans off Billie’s hips.

  An arousal began at the very center of Billie’s being, so intense she couldn’t hold it back. She looked at Cat, tears freely falling down her face.

  “Billie?”

  “I need you, Cat.”

  “Have I come back to you?”

  Billie sobbed. “I remember. I remember everything. My God, I love you.”

  Cat flew into Billie’s arms. “Please. I’ve missed you so much.”

  “I need to feel you,” Billie whispered between kisses. “I want you so much. I want to fill you with my soul. I want to take you to heaven and back. Let me love you.” Billie lowered her mouth to smother the whimpers of passion coming from Cat’s throat as her tongue was welcomed into Cat’s mouth. The kiss was deep and probing, threatening to consume them in flames of passion. Groans of pleasure escaped as desire coursed through their veins.

  Billie pulled Cat onto the bed and lay down beside her. Her hands caressed Cat’s body, squeezing, grabbing, and kneading. The frustration and anger of the past few weeks melted away. She grabbed the front of Cat’s shirt and tore it open.

  “Oh God, Billie!” Cat leaned her head back. “Please take me, please. I need to feel you inside me.” Cat ran her hands over an already naked Billie.

  Billie began to explore the exposed territory, kissing and biting, leaving marks on Cat’s throat and neck that would show evidence of their passion for days to come.

  Cat grasped Billie’s head and closed her eyes in the heat of passion, as Billie left a trail of kisses along her neck and shoulders.

  Billie pushed the remains of Cat’s shirt from her shoulders, slid it down her arms, and threw it across the room. She reached around Cat and released the catch on her bra, allowing her full breasts to escape their prison. Lifting Cat’s breasts in her hands, she met them halfway, suckled one swollen bud, and circled it with her tongue.

  Cat’s moans only served to entice Billie as she bit down on the sensitive nub, causing Cat to wriggle against her. “Billie, oh God. I need you. Please.”

  Billie kissed her way up Cat’s neck and chin and once again ravished Cat’s mouth with abandon, while her hands found and unzipped Cat’s jeans. She slid her hands under silk panties. Deeper, she pushed until she grasped firm buttocks, kneading them until they were warm, all the while pulling Cat’s lower body closer to her own.

  Cat tri
ed to push the denim material off her hips. Billie too was anxious to remove the barrier between them. She sat back, pulled the jeans off Cat, and threw them across the room. The panties soon followed.

  “God, Cat, I need you so much. I want to ravish you, to touch your body and your soul to help me feel whole again. To help us feel whole again. I feel like I’m bursting inside. I want you. I want to make love to you over and over. I want to hear you call out my name at the height of desire. I want to plunge into your depths. I want to taste you on my breath. I want to drive you to the edge of madness and catch you when you fall back to earth. Let me love you, Cat.”

  Cat looked into her eyes and said in a raspy voice, “Billie, I want all of you. Do you understand? All of you. All that you are and all that you have to give. No holding back. I’ve been aching with need for a very long time. I need you to love me with everything you are.”

  Billie responded by capturing Cat’s mouth in a brutal kiss. She trapped her smaller body beneath hers and ravaged every inch of Cat’s skin.

  “Oh God, Billie, yes. More, please.”

  Billie left trails of bite marks along Cat’s neck, shoulders, and breasts. Cat dug her nails into Billie’s back, each one driving spikes of desire through her. A low guttural growl formed in the base of Billie’s throat as she pressed her core into Cat’s abdomen.

  Billie pinned Cat’s hands against the bed above her head. “Tell me what you want,” she said, her mouth hovering over Cat’s, her tongue flicking out to taste Cat’s lips. “Tell me.”

  “I want you, Billie. I want you inside me. Please. I need to feel you.”

  Billie kissed Cat before moving lower. Kissing every inch of skin along the way, she stopped to worship at Cat’s breasts and teased the darkened nubs to attention. She trailed her tongue down Cat’s abdomen, dipped her tongue into her navel, and grinned when she prompted a squeal of surprise.