“I’m sorry I disturbed your sleep. Heath told me I groan in pain when I sleep. I’m just surprised by the whole thing. Such things as nightmares or noise at night were reasons to be switched. I don’t want to disturb others, so I suppose waking me would be the best. But don’t touch me. I don’t want to stab you by mistake.”
“You sleep with a knife?” Zander didn’t sound very happy.
“Yes. If you’d lived my life you would too. I am free, and I will fight to stay that way. I’m sorry you’re upset, Zander. You can leave me be if it’s easier.” Her expression was blank and Heath wondered what she really felt.
“I’ll be here most of the night,” Heath said. “I’m sure we’ll get it all worked out. Unless someone complains I wouldn’t worry about the noise. You’re just loud enough to alert us something is wrong but we’ve slept like that for a long time, ready to defend ourselves in an instant. We don’t sleep through much.” He watched as his brother and Zander nodded solemnly.
Harrison, Cora, and their baby Essie stopped by to visit. Dawn couldn’t seem to keep her gaze off of Essie. Cora must have noticed too because she put Essie in Dawn’s arms.
Dawn seemed to be in her own world, talking to the baby and smiling. Her eyes had a haunted look in them.
“You’re good with her,” Cora remarked.
“I had a daughter. She was about the same age as Essie.” Dawn stood and handed the baby back to Cora. Then Dawn stood at the edge if the firelight and looked out at the dark emptiness.
“I didn’t know she had a child. Where is she?” Cora whispered.
“Maybe she had to leave the baby behind when Swift Eagle brought her here. But I can’t imagine she wouldn’t have been planning to go get her back,” Declan said.
“She’s spoken to me some…about her life. I’ll go talk to her,” Heath said. “Clean the dishes and then make yourselves scarce.”
They all nodded, and then Heath walked slowly to Dawn. He stood at her side and it took her a while before she acknowledged him.
“Her name was Patricia, and she was born exactly nine months after I was married. Her hair was blond and her eyes were blue. She’d grasp my finger and, oh my, she was strong. I thought I had it all, a fine husband, a beautiful baby, and a beautiful house on rich land. I don’t remember a time when I’d been as happy.” She swallowed hard and was quiet for a few moments.
“Lincoln, my husband was just coming in from cutting wheat when the Indians rode in on their horses yelling. I went into the house and grabbed the rifle. I put Patricia on the bed and by the time I got to the door they were slitting my husband’s throat. I tried to close the door but it was too late. They were in the house. I pushed one aside, Kills Many, to get to my daughter but he just backhanded me.”
“They tied my hands behind me and pulled me out of the house. They shoved me to the ground. I tried to get back up but Kills Many slapped me again and down I went. He carried Patricia out and I thought for sure he’d give the baby to me. She cried and cried. He held her by her feet and slammed— She was dead. I was broken, but I refused to cry in front of them. They ransacked the house and took so much.”
“I couldn’t watch my things being taken out of the fine house Lincoln had built, so I stared at a clover patch in front of me. I actually found a four-leafed one. There was a chill in the air and I shivered. Kills Many brought out my shawl and put it around me. I secretly hoped they’d kill me too. But that wasn’t the plan.”
“Kills Many retied my hands in front of me and threw me up on his horse and then he vaulted up behind me. They started the house burning and it was then that I saw smoke behind the house. They’d already been to at least to three of my neighbors’ homes.”
“We rode into the woods where there were more Indians watching the prisoners. I was pushed off the horse and hit the ground hard, but I didn’t make a sound. I think by then I was numb.”
Heath put his arm around her. “Let’s go sit by the fire. It looks like everyone wanted to give us some privacy.” Gently, he turned her and walked her to a crate where he helped her to sit. Then he settled onto a seat next to her and took her small hand in hers. He could feel her pain but she didn’t cry and her voice never cracked like some did when telling a sad story.
“I’m so sorry about your husband and baby,” he said, keeping his voice soft.
She blinked at him and then nodded. “They were what kept me going. I know revenge isn’t very Christian but I thought about it all the time. I even made many plans of how I would do it.”
“If seeing Essie is too much—”
“No. I enjoyed having a baby in my arms again. I’m sure after this journey is over I won’t get a chance. I was never one for big dreams. I was content to live in the settlement. I’d known Lincoln since I was a toddler and when Patricia came I felt complete. I’ll need to find something I’m good at. Something I can get paid for. It’s been a long day, Heath.”
“I’m tired too.” He stood and pulled her along by the hand. He led her to the tailgate and put his hands around her waist then lifted her into the wagon. “You hardly weigh a thing.” She smelled so clean and fresh. “Please keep your snoring as quiet as you can. It sounds like nothing I’ve ever heard before.” He smiled.
“I think scratching the wagon floor would make an interesting noise. Don’t you agree?” Her eyes twinkled as she returned his smile.
He laughed and shook his head. “Good night.”
Dawn pulled the cinches nice and tight. Then she put everything she’d need for bed next to the straw tick. She’d have to dress in the dark. Her lantern would cast too many shadows and she didn’t need anyone looking at her. She blew out the candle and made quick work of getting ready and into bed.
Her mind began to whirl with memories of Lincoln and Patricia. She’d had many content days with hope for the future when they were alive. It was still hard to think of them as forever gone. Heath was becoming a trusted friend but that was all he could be. No one would marry her after she’d lived in an Indian village.
She closed her eyes and fell asleep.
Chapter Four
Heath repeatedly turned his head trying to see Dawn. She insisted on walking. Thankfully, she wasn’t alone for long. Cora and Luella both walked with her. Dawn even took a turn and carried Essie for a while. The wagons ahead of him slowed and came to a stop. It was time for the nooning.
He jumped down to the ground and watched Dawn come to the wagon with Luella. Was Dawn limping? Had she twisted her ankle?
She gave him a lopsided smile as the two women stopped at the wagon.
“Did you fall?”
She looked down at her skirt. “No, why?”
“You’re limping. It looks as though you’re in pain.”
“There wasn’t a choice in clothing or shoes. I’m fine, really.”
Understanding rippled through him. She hadn’t arrived with shoes on. Her feet must be a mess. That was a problem he would have to think a bit on. He headed off with Declan to find Zander and check on the livestock.
“She’s very nice when you get to know her. She wears a blank expression a lot but not with you,” Declan said.
“I was able to get her to trust me. We talk a bit. I feel bad for her.”
“When’s the wedding?”
Heath’s jaw dropped open. “Never. I’m not looking for a marriage formed because of necessity. I want a woman who loves me.”
“I got lucky with Luella. I can see the love she has for me in her eyes. I never thought I’d be happy again.” Declan smiled.
“I had my doubts about you too. I thought she’d ruined our dreams with new dreams that the two of you had. And it shames me that there was a twinge of jealousy. It’s always been you and me. We do have a future to build, and I’m looking forward to the challenge. Just think we’ll be land owners.” Heath couldn’t even believe he was saying the word landholder.
“I never thought we’d see a day when that happened. Do you ever remember
Ma and Pa being happy? Before the Famine?” Declan asked.
“They certainly didn’t make eyes at each other, and I never saw them hold hands. Maybe when they were young they acted in love. Life was hard in Ireland. Every time Da thought he was getting ahead he got kicked back down.”
“There’s Zander.” Declan increased his speed.
Zander nodded at them both.
“I’m sorry Dawn has taken over the wagon at the moment. I know it’s for all five of us.” Heath was surprised they hadn’t complained to him yet.
Zander shrugged. “After all she’s been through, I can’t begrudge her. Besides, we never were inside the wagon. Our things are in it and it’s our home while we’re out here.”
“Don’t worry about Luella and me. We like the privacy of the tent. They’ll work out the chores or whatever it is women do.” Declan smiled.
“Remind Luella she can ride when she wants to. Looks like I’ll be driving for a bit. I noticed Dawn shakes when other men are around her. She knows she’s safe with you, but she still shakes.” Heath said.
“We’d best get back and have something to eat,” Zander suggested.
* * *
Dawn gritted her teeth as they hit another bump. She was foot sore but it might have been easier to walk on her blistered feet than sitting on the bench. “What is that we’ve been seeing for the last day or so?”
“That’s Split Rock,” Heath replied.
She studied it for a bit. “You know, it doesn’t look like a split at all. I’d say it looks like a giant rock with a piece taken out of the top. Pie-shaped piece.”
He laughed. “It does. I hadn’t thought of that. Some call it Twin Peaks. It’s part of the Rattlesnake Range. From what I hear, we’ve only got seventy-five miles to go until we hit the South Pass.”
“Depending on how the ground is, that could take well over a week,” she pointed out, her own experiences traveling west not so far from her mind.
“We’re stopping early today to get all the water barrels filled and give the livestock a rest. We’re heading into sand again. So you’ll want to do your bathing and what not tonight.”
“I have clothes to wash. I could wash yours and Zander’s for you. I don’t have many things.”
“It’s a tempting offer, but I’d rather you get off your feet and let them heal.”
“They’ve been like this for over nine months. I doubt they’ll ever heal.”
“I’m going to find other shoes for you, somewhere.”
“With so many belongings and furniture on the side of the trail maybe we’ll get lucky.”
“I’ll see if any Indians want to trade tonight.”
She widened her eyes. “Indians?”
“Sometimes when we stop, bands come and trade. I figure they’d be around before the Sweetwater runs through a canyon. Heard there wasn’t much room. And we’ll need to drive our wagons single file through there. If a wagon breaks we won’t be able to get around it.”
“You certainly know a lot.”
“I listen and ask questions and I’ve read the Pioneer Guide book many times over.”
She looked to her left and saw tee pees. It looked like a whole village full of Indians were camped not too far away. Dawn put her hand around his arm and held on tight. “Indians.”
“They are supposed to be friendly.” He put his hand on top of hers for a brief moment.
The wagons ahead of them began to slow. Her heart beat painfully fast. Blood rushed through her ears, blocking out all other sound. She quickly climbed over the seat into the back of the wagon.
They can’t see me. But what if they know to look for me?
Kills Many wasn’t the type to let anyone get away from him. Did he still think her dead? There were many different bands of Indians but she wasn’t sure who was friendly with the Lakota.
Her body shook and dread filled her as the wagon came to a stop. Now what was she supposed to do?
She waited while Heath unhitched the oxen. She had her knife in her hand while she listened. It was hard to hear if anything was unusual with all the noise the settlers made.
“Dawn, are you in there?” Cora yelled at the wagon.
Dawn crawled to the back. “I don’t like the look of those Indians. I’m not coming out of the wagon until we are far from here.”
“Would you mind watching Essie? Luella and I are going to see what they have to trade.”
“It’s not a good idea.”
Cora handed Essie to her. “I understand why you feel this way. But the Captain says he knows them. You will be here when I come back for my baby, won’t you?”
“Of course.” As she smiled down at the baby girl, Dawn hardly noticed Cora leaving. Essie was so beautiful. She ran her hand over her soft hair and then a finger over her eyebrows. She touched the tiny lips and admired the little hand. It made her happy and sad at the same time. Her heart felt like it was in a vise, but she couldn’t stop gazing at Essie. Patricia would have been older, but she’d died when she was about the same age as Essie was now.
She held her in her arms and sang while rocking back and forth. She heard a noise right next to the wagon and moved away from the back. She scooted until she was in the very middle of the wagon. Her knife lay next to her. She listened again but whoever it was must have walked away.
Dawn had often wondered if Patricia had lived how would she have fared living with the Lakota? The only conclusion she had ever reached was that Patricia would have suffered a great deal. There was a chance they would have adopted her or a greater chance they would have killed her for crying on the trek to their camp. At least this way, Dawn knew where her body was.
She would welcome another baby. She just didn’t trust any man to allow him close enough. Warmth filled her body. Well…except for one, but he wasn’t looking for a wife. He was a good friend, and she didn’t want it going any further. What if she couldn’t stand for him to touch her? It wasn’t worth taking the chance.
She stopped her musing. The noise came again. Then she saw buckskin clad legs climb into the wagon. She grabbed her knife. There was no way she was going back. She put Essie on the blanket behind her.
“It’s me, Swift Eagle.” He grabbed her arm as she tried to stab him in the heart. Then he took the knife away.
Dawn slumped. “I thought— Does Kills Many still think I’m dead?”
“He believes you have strong magic and is glad you left. He thinks you came back to life to get revenge on him.” He smiled at her. “That must be Cora’s child.”
“Yes. Her name is Essie.”
“I know what Kills Many did to your girl. I am sorry.” He reached out and touched her shoulder. “Are you doing fine here with your people?”
“Yes, Luella and Cora have been very kind.”
He hesitated for a moment. “How is Luella?”
Dawn smiled. “You probably know better than me if you followed us this far.”
“Your hair is very pretty without the buffalo grease and charcoal.”
“Thank you.”
“Tell your man—”
“I don’t have a man.”
“Yes, you just don’t know it yet. Tell the one who sleeps under your wagon that trading with the Cheyenne is fine but to watch the cattle and horses. That is why they are really here.”
“What about people?” Her lips quivered.
“You stay hidden. Word of the woman with powerful magic is a story being told. I also wanted to give these to you.” He reached inside his shirt and drew out the pair of baby booties Patricia had been wearing. Dawn had knitted them and laughed at how small they were. Lincoln thought a baby couldn’t be that small.”
Her eyes shimmered when he handed them to her. “Thank you.”
He nodded. “I’m going to visit with Luella and I need to get back to the tribe for good this time. You have a future in front of you. A good future.”
Dawn nodded.
“Don’t forget to stay hidden.” He turn
ed and jumped out of the wagon.
She didn’t hear any commotion so he probably hadn’t been seen. He was a handsome man with a kind heart. She hoped that he had a good future too.
Luella and Cora came back with beads and a few silver bracelets. Cora took Essie and shared her joyous news of another child growing inside of her. Dawn smiled and hugged Cora like any normal woman would do.
“Swift Eagle is looking for you, Luella. He said for me to stay hidden and the Cheyenne are going to steal the horses and cattle.” She watched as Cora and Luella exchanged worried looks.
“Are you fine here by yourself?” Luella asked. “I need to find Swift Eagle.”
“Of course, and you won’t have to look hard. He’ll find you.”
The women left and tears trailed down Dawn’s face. Cora was so very blessed, and it was right to be happy for her, but in Dawn’s heart she felt like dying. She looked at the yellow baby booties, held them to her chest and rocked back and forth, quietly weeping.
She felt the wagon sway as someone sat on the bench behind her. She didn’t turn. She didn’t care.
“I’m to make sure you stay hidden.” She knew the voice and just nodded, relaxing some.
“Are you all right?” Heath asked.
She didn’t answer, and he climbed into the wagon. There wasn’t much room but he managed to sit down and turn her. “What is it?” He put his arms around her and pulled her onto his lap. “Sweetness, what is it?”
“Cora is going to have another child. And I am happy for her, but…sad for me. Swift Eagle brought these to me.” She showed him the knitted baby socks. “I made these for my baby.” She couldn’t talk anymore. She wept loudly. It seemed so strange to be able to cry so. No Cheyenne would think she was in the wagon with all the noise she was making.
He stroked her back, and she cried for a long time. She would never be free of the Indians or what they had done. She wasn’t fit to live among others. She should seek out a white trapper. She’d seen plenty of them, and some weren’t so bad.
Dawn’s Destiny: Romance on the Oregon Trail Book 3 Page 4