by Regina Darcy
“Lady Packham?”
Jerking violently in her chair, she saw Lord Sherbrooke had risen to his feet and was looking at her with concern. The tears that pricked at her eyes began to threaten to fall and she blinked furiously, pasting a smile on her face.
“Yes, Lord Sherbrooke?”
“Are you…. quite all right?” he asked, slowly, his brows knotted. “You looked quite unwell for a moment.”
She shook her head, embarrassed beyond all reason that she should have displayed such a lack of propriety in front of Lord Sherbrooke and his guests.
“I do apologise, Lord Sherbrooke. I was lost in thought for a moment, that is all.”
Lord Sherbrooke cleared his throat.
“Mayhap you ought to rest, Lady Packham. Allow me to accompany you.” Turning, he said something to Lord Falconer and Miss Lufton, stating he would be back within a few moments, before offering her his arm.
A little surprised and yet relieved, Cassandra rose to her feet and accepted at once, giving her apologies to the guests who said very little in response. In fact, Miss Lufton narrowed her eyes at her a little, as though she was behaving in such a way entirely on purpose. Not knowing what to make of this, Cassandra ignored the fluttering in her stomach and walked on with Lord Sherbrooke, who paused for a moment to close the drawing-room door behind them both.
“You are unwell, I think.”
She shook her head.
“No, indeed, Lord Sherbrooke,” she said, touched by the concern in his voice. “I was only assailed by memories for a moment. I beg your forgiveness for allowing myself to become so lost when I should have been focusing on your guests.” Her cheeks burned with a sudden heat as embarrassment flooded her.
Lord Sherbrooke cleared his throat, his jaw set.
“I find Lord Falconer’s company to be a little less than welcome, I confess, but it is a requirement to extend courtesy and hospitality to one’s neighbours – even if they insist on parading their daughter in front of my eyes.”
Unable to prevent herself, Cassandra laughed, her hand tightening on his arm for a moment.
“I did think him rather obvious, I’m afraid,” she chuckled, as Lord Sherbrooke’s expression changed from frustration to mirth, one corner of his lips quirked.
“You do not care for Miss Lufton?”
“Phaw!” he exclaimed, waving a hand. “Miss Lufton is pretty enough but she has no substance. I will have to marry, of course, but I will require a lady of strong character and a good understanding of her role here. On top of all that, of course, she must be willing to love Josephine as though she were her own daughter.” His voice softened and, as Cassandra glanced up at him, suddenly she saw something flicker in his eyes. “I have not yet told Miss Lufton or her father about my ward. I do not think their reaction would be one of happiness, do you?”
Recalling the guests, Cassandra had to shake her head.
“No, Lord Sherbrooke, I do not think they would be happy for you in the least.” She could see that he was a good judge of character and felt happy for Josephine that her uncle was one so considerate of her. “You are very protective of your niece, my lord.”
He smiled then, his expression brightening. “I should think so. She is very dear to me.” His eyes caught hers for a moment and Cassandra felt her stomach tighten just a fraction. “She has endured so much already, even though she does not know it. That pain will come later, I think.”
Cassandra nodded, well aware what it was like to lose someone precious, having been very close to her mother for a good many years.
“But she will have you, Lord Sherbrooke, which is more than many can say.” Her heart twisted with pain, the smile fading from her lips. She did not see Lord Sherbrooke look down at her with concern, his eyes filled with questions.
And then, they were at her bedchamber door and he let go of her hand, looking down at her for another moment before stepping away.
“Good night, Lady Packham,” he said, inclining his head.
“I hope you have a pleasant sleep.”
She nodded, her throat aching as she tried to push the memories of her brother and late husband from her mind all over again.
“Thank you, Lord Sherbrooke.” Making to turn away, she was stopped by the sound of him clearing his throat, evidently wanting her attention again. Turning her head, she saw him look at her uncertainly, as though he wanted to say something but was quite unsure as to how to say it. Waiting quietly, her fingers tight on the door handle, Cassandra felt herself grow nervous, wondering what it was Lord Sherbrooke wanted to say to her.
“I should not like you to battle these…. memories alone,” Lord Sherbrooke managed to say, shifting uncomfortably from foot to foot. “Should you ever wish to discuss anything with me, Lady Packham, I should be glad to listen to you, just as you have listened to me.”
Warmth flooded her heart and she could not speak. Her eyes brightened with shimmering tears, one hand pressed to her heart in gratitude. His expression of support and help filled her with thankfulness and she could not lift her eyes from him for a long moment. It was not as though she was about to express to him all that had occurred between herself and her late husband, for there was shame in that given that she could not make a babe, and certainly she would not tell him that she was penniless and alone, for then he might think she had come to his home on false pretences, even though she had never wanted anything other than some more time with Josephine. A situation that would aid both her and him. Yet, the offer was kindly meant and the sincerity of his words made her feel as though, for the first time in a very long time, she mattered.
“I thank you, Lord Sherbrooke,” she whispered, not trusting her voice. “I cannot express my gratitude to you for such an offer. Your kindness sets you above others.”
His lips lifted in the smallest of smiles and, inclining his head, he turned on his heel and was gone, leaving her standing by her bedchamber door, happiness running all through her.
SIX
Some two weeks later and Daniel was busy preparing for his guests, who would arrive come the morrow. His mind, however, was filled with none other than Lady Cassandra Packham, who had not left his thoughts since the very moment she had arrived and stepped into his life.
Sighing, Daniel set down the papers and leaned back into his study chair. He had been doing all he could to forget the lady, to never consider her other than to enquire after her health and the health of Josephine, but whenever he was in her company, he found himself wanting to do nothing other than remain there.
It was easy enough to find himself in her company, given that she was so often with Josephine and he wanted to spend as much time as he could with the child. Only yesterday, when he had joined Lady Packham and Josephine in the gardens for their daily walk. His heart had lurched in his chest when Josephine had reached for him. Her smile of recognition was enough to break his heart open entirely and he had been forced to blink back tears, not wanting to let a single one fall in front of Lady Packham. And yet, Lady Packham had known precisely what it was he had been feeling, for she had pressed his arm, smiled up at him and excused herself for a few minutes, allowing him time to be with baby Josephine and, at the same time, regain control of his emotions.
She was always so considerate, he thought to himself, a smile alighting on his lips. It was as if she could see into his very soul and see what he required at that very moment, doing all she could to give it to him. He had found himself talking about his sister a good deal more often than he had ever intended, and in doing so, the burden had slowly begun to lift from his heart.
However, one thing caught at his mind. She had never once spoken to him about her own sorrows. In fact, she had not said a single word about what troubled her, even though she had expressed her deep thankfulness for his offer to listen to her. She had not so much as mentioned the pendant that was always about her neck, the one he saw her so often touch with gentle fingertips. Why was that? Was it because she did not feel able
to speak to him in such an intimate fashion? Or was it for a darker reason?
Sitting up in his chair, Daniel felt his mind rebel against what he now considered. Lady Packham did not give much of herself away, although she was kind and pleasant in every way. Did she not speak to him of her past and of her terrible memories because there was a darkness to them she did not want to share?
He did not want to think that Lady Packham had some kind of secret that she wanted to keep hidden but he had to admit that he did not know enough about the lady to assume that. He could still remember the night he had seen her, white-faced, in her chair, one hand pressed against her abdomen as though she was forcing herself to remain calm. Lord Falconer, of course, had not noticed, but he had found himself growing more and more concerned for Lady Packham with every moment that passed. He did not want to think that Lady Packham had asked to come to his estate in order to hide or escape from something, but given what he had seen on her face, he knew there was something weighing heavily on her mind. Did the Duchess of Essington know the truth of it? She would be arriving tomorrow alongside her husband and mayhap Daniel might be able to ask about Lady Packham a little more.
You are setting your mind against her purposefully.
The small, quiet, accusing voice ripped through his soul but he did not turn away from the truth. Yes, he was doing all he could to set himself away from Lady Packham but that was surely a good thing since he did not know the lady very well at all!
“And yet, I want to know her better,” he muttered to himself, putting both elbows on the table and running his hands through his hair in exasperation. “Why?”
The truth was there but he refused to acknowledge it. Had he not berated his sister for allowing her heart to rule her? And had not her expressions of love for Mr Pratchett brought her nothing but ruin and pain?
He had been determined that he would never allow himself down the same path, telling himself that one could never really know another and that feelings of love and affection could very easily be used against oneself. To allow himself to feel would be a disaster, especially when he was beginning to feel as though Lady Packham was holding a good many things to her chest, unwilling to allow him even the slightest glance.
“I cannot allow myself to have any affection for her,” he stated loudly, as though saying it would stop his heart from doing precisely that. “It is ridiculous. She will be leaving soon, regardless.”
His breath caught as pain clawed at him. Lady Packham would soon be gone from his house and, worse, gone from Josephine’s side. He did not think he could bear the thought of it, knowing that the child was deeply attached to the lady after what had only been one short month. He could see it in Josephine’s beautiful eyes whenever Lady Packham drew near. The baby would laugh and smile, her hands grasping at Lady Packham so that she might settle into her arms again. Even if he struggled with his own emotions, was it right for him to put his own needs and desires before that of his niece? Lady Packham did not appear to be in any hurry to return to London, for, as she herself had stated on previous occasions, she had nothing to return to.
Could he ask her to remain here a little longer?
But for how long? he asked himself, a groan escaping him. He could not exactly ask Lady Packham to remain here indefinitely, for she would only grow closer to Josephine and the child to her. He wanted to do the very best for his niece and yet it was becoming more confusing by the day.
A knock on the door caught his attention.
“My lord?”
Lifting his head, he called them to enter and, much to his surprise, Lady Packham stepped within. His first thought was that something was wrong with Josephine and, rising to his feet, he began to ask after her, only for Lady Packham to smile and lift one hand gently.
“She is quite all right, my lord,” she said, quietly. “You need not concern yourself. She is asleep at the moment, having enjoyed a very good luncheon.”
Sinking back down into his seat, Daniel let out a slow breath of relief, seeing Lady Packham’s smile spread, her hazel eyes warm. The fear left him at once, although he still felt a trifle weak.
“I thought to ask you about your guests, my lord,” Lady Packham continued, with just a touch of hesitancy. “What is it you wish me to do?”
“Do?” he replied, confused. “What do you mean, Lady Packham?”
She pressed her lips together for a moment and he caught the slight tremble in her frame. Clearly, she was anxious.
“Forgive me, my lord. What I am trying to say is that I am more than willing to continue with my duties towards baby Josephine whilst your guests are here, but I was uncertain as to whether you had selected a new nurse to take my place.”
“Oh.” Their eyes met and he saw pain flash in her expression. She was clearly expecting him to state that her time with Josephine was to come to an end. A little embarrassed, he cleared his throat.
“Lady Packham, I have received a few recommendations from the Duchess as she wrote to me lately, but I confess I have done nothing with them. You have been doing so wonderfully with Josephine that I had not considered your role when the guests arrive tomorrow. The truth is, aside from Essington and his wife, I had not intended to reveal Josephine’s presence to anyone as yet.” His brows furrowed as he saw her nod slowly, a little uncertain as to what to say. “Might I ask you to continue on as you are, Lady Packham?” he asked, slowly, anticipating her reaction. “Would you be willing?”
“More than willing,” she said at once, her hands clasped together as her face brightened with delight. “I cannot tell you what a joy this has been, Lord Sherbrooke. I will remain here for as long as you require it.”
Daniel nodded, his own lips curving upwards upon seeing Lady Packham’s delight. “I am glad to hear it, Lady Packham. You have nothing to return to London for, then?”
Her smile faded immediately and it was as though she retreated into herself.
“No,” she stated, quietly, her gaze dropping to the floor. “I have nothing to return to, my lord.”
Her statement confused him, for it sounded as though she had nothing in the world. That could not be the case, of course, since she had been the wife of a peer, and so he brushed the thought away.
“Well, I think it is settled then,” he said, grandly. “I shall inform you in plenty of time if I find another suitable nurse but, for the moment, I am very glad that you will continue on as Josephine’s nurse. You are doing marvellously with her.”
Lady Packham’s eyes glowed, her smile returning to her face and making him smile back at her in return. Her pendant caught the light, giving her an almost sparkling appearance.
“Thank you, my lord,” she said, quietly. “I am glad you think so. I should return to Josephine now. She will waken soon.”
Daniel watched Lady Packham as she left, torn between frustration and delight. He had never meant to suggest that Lady Packham continue on with Josephine for a prolonged length of time but now that he had done so, he found himself glad that she would remain in his house. It was foolishness, of course, but he reasoned with himself that it would be the best for Josephine – and was she not the one that ought to come first in his thoughts and considerations?
Waving a hand as though to brush aside his confusion, Daniel picked up his bundle of papers again and tried to concentrate. His guests would be arriving very soon and he wanted everything to be perfect.
SEVEN
“My dear Cassandra!”
Cassandra embraced Prudence, delighted to see her friend once more.
“It is so very good to see you,” she exclaimed, happily.
“Was your journey long?”
They exchanged pleasantries for a few minutes, with Prudence eventually seating herself in one of the chairs in the private parlour Lord Sherbrooke had designated for Cassandra’s personal use.
“And you are to continue on with Josephine, I hear,” Prudence probed, gently. “Lord Sherbrooke must be pleased with how things are workin
g out.”
“I think he is,” Cassandra replied, with a small smile whilst she prayed that her cheeks would not flare with colour. The truth was that she had grown rather fond of the gentleman these last weeks, her heart filling with compassion over what he had lost and just how much he was now trying to do for Josephine. “He is a good man, I think.”
Prudence nodded firmly. “A very good man, I believe.” She eyed Cassandra carefully. “He has never asked you about your circumstances?”
Cassandra hesitated, not quite sure what to say.
“He knows that there are a good many things troubling me and has offered to listen and offer advice should I wish to speak of them but I have not found myself inclined to do so.”
That was not quite the truth of it, for whilst she did find herself often wishing to speak to Lord Sherbrooke about the memories that so often troubled her, she forced herself to remain silent, knowing that the shame and disgrace would overwhelm her.
“He has been very open with me, however, and I am glad to have been able to lend him my ear.”
A small flicker in Prudence’s eyes made Cassandra frown.
“Is something the matter, Prudence?”
Her friend shifted slightly in her seat but did not shake her head, sending Cassandra’s anxiety to the skies.
“I am afraid that your brother-in-law, the new Baron Packham, has been scouring London for you,” she said, slowly. “It seems that he is convinced that you have something that belongs to him.”
Horror seized her throat.
“The pendant,” Prudence finished, quietly. “He states that it now belongs to him and that you have no right to take it from him. It seems that he is a rather desperate man, intending to claw back as much wealth as he can from his estate and from you. It is quite ridiculous, of course, for the pendant was from your mother.”