Ice hit my veins as I snatched my arm away. “I gave you everything. What the hell makes you think I owe you anything else?” My hands shook with anger, making it impossible to get my key into the lock.
He stood at my back, so close that his body heat was suffocating me. “I’m sorry, but you have to make me understand all of this. You gave up on us so fast. I don’t see why you wouldn’t even try to make us work?”
I spun around to face him. “No, Greg. You don’t understand why you couldn’t make me try. That’s all this has ever been about. Every single step of our marriage has been about you controlling me.”
“Controlling you? Are you kidding me? There’s a big difference between taking care of someone and controlling them. When we met, you were a mess. You had no car, no money. Your credit was shit. You couldn’t even get a lease in your name because you were up to your eyeballs in student loans.”
“You just described every twenty-one-year-old kid in America! You act like I was a poor, homeless woman you rescued from a life on the streets. For fuck’s sake, I had just graduated with a bachelor’s degree from Emory and had been accepted into med school. Med school that I gave up to be with you.”
He scoffed and raked a hand through the top of his hair. “You didn’t give up med school for me. You didn’t even get in to med school.”
My back shot straight. “What the hell are you talking about? Yes, I did.”
He shook his head. “No. You didn’t. You got a twenty-six on your MCAT. Even with your GPA, that was nowhere close to what you needed.”
I felt like he’d slapped me. “You told me you’d seen people get in with less. You told me I didn’t need to retake them.”
“It would have been a waste of time. You’re not doctor material, Rita. Even if you could have gotten in, you wouldn’t have graduated. I didn’t want to see you fail anymore.”
That verbal punch came so hard that I could barely catch my breath. “You…you didn’t want to see me fail anymore? So you told me I got into med school and then proposed, asking me to give it up?”
He reached out and caught the back of my neck. I was in too much shock to push him away.
“You were so fucking stubborn, insisting on doing everything yourself. You barely let me pay for dinner when we first started dating. You were broke and struggling, but you wouldn’t let me help. It was embarrassing enough that you insisted on working at the restaurant where all of my friends saw you. Can you imagine how I would have looked if you’d flunked out of med school? Jesus, Rita. Besides, when I asked you to marry me, I didn’t hear you arguing about skipping med school. You were relieved.”
I wasn’t relieved. I was in love. Or so I’d thought.
Tears burned in my eyes, but I refused to free them in front of Greg. “Wow. So you really have been lying to me for our entire marriage.”
“No,” he said adamantly. “All I ever wanted was to get you out of the ditch your parents all but dumped you in. You were this beautiful, lost woman who needed someone to give her a chance.” He bent like he was going to kiss me, so I screwed my eyes shut and turned my head to the side. I felt his cruel lips against my ear as he whispered, “You have never wanted for anything since the day I put my ring on your finger. You work because you want to. You spend my money freely because I want you to have nice things. I don’t even say anything about you hanging out with the nurses at work instead of the other doctors’ wives like I’ve encouraged in the past. The only thing I’ve ever asked of you was to be my wife. And you can’t even do that, Rita. I made you the woman you are today and your thanks to me was divorce papers.”
The tears were building until I wasn’t sure how much longer I could keep them at bay. But, luckily for me, so was my anger.
With my hands at his chest, I gave him a hard shove. “Don’t you fucking touch me, you self-righteous prick! I wasn’t failing because I didn’t get a perfect score on my MCAT. Or because I was broke or working as a waitress. That’s life, Greg. You only fail when you stop trying. And you took that from me. You decided I was done. That was not your decision to make. Just like it’s not your decision who I hang out with or what I wear or how I cut my fucking hair.”
He rolled his eyes. Yes. Rolled them like I was a bratty child throwing a temper tantrum over an ice cream cone rather than a woman enraged over a man stealing almost a third of her life.
“Rita, you didn’t have the best female role model growing up. Your idea of dressing up was jeans and a ponytail.”
“Don’t you dare talk about my mother,” I hissed like a rabid animal. “She was shitty and I know it. I don’t need you to point it out to me.” I sucked in a jagged breath, my entire body vibrating with fury. How was it possible for this man to cut me deeper than he already had? But, right then, I was fileted open. He was right. He’d made me who I was, and I hated myself because of it. “I was broke when we met. I didn’t have anything but jeans. I let the girl in the dorm next to me cut my hair once because I didn’t have the fifty bucks the lady at the salon wanted, and you know what? That’s okay. I’m not fucking perfect, but I spent seven years trying to be that for you. Apparently, that was just another failure of mine, because you still went out and slept with another woman.”
“She was a mistake.”
“You were a mistake!” I roared, my whole body shaking with a punishing combination of anger and adrenaline. “We are done. And I mean that in every sense of the word. There is nothing left for us to talk about.”
He threw his hands up, allowing them to slap on his thighs when they fell. “And there you go again. Shutting down and quitting on us. You aren’t even considering that we could work this out.”
I put my fingers to my head and massaged my temple. “Seriously, Greg. What planet do you live on? You just admitted to lying to me and manipulating me for our entire marriage, this being before you cheated on me and impregnated another woman, and you want me to sit down and talk about working it out? You signed the divorce papers.”
He took a step toward me and I moved away, my back hitting the door. His palms landed on either side of my head, caging me in.
“I only signed those goddamn papers so you’d drop the boy toy and his team of piranhas. Was that seriously necessary? I looked like a fool with them dragging all of our friends and half of my office in to testify. It was despicable.”
My jaw was hard as I snarled, “You need to back up.”
He did not back up. He got closer. His chest pressed into mine, sending a cold shiver down my spine.
“You never gave a shit about our marriage, did you?” he spat. “You were so fucking quick to move on when a bigger wallet crossed your path.” He leaned down, his mouth coming perilously close to mine. “Say it. Admit it, Rita.”
Just over a month ago, he’d innocently kissed me goodbye before going to work. Suspicious and unable to shake the unease in my gut, I’d darted out of bed to check the search history on his iPad.
Everything had changed for me in the next minute.
The betrayal had been paralyzing. The pain, the self-doubt, the mental anguish of knowing I hadn’t been enough.
But that was the way it had to be for me to truly throw in the towel on this man. Greg and I had been falling apart for a while. If I was being honest, it had been at least a year since I’d been happy in our marriage. But I wasn’t a quitter, regardless of what he thought about me.
The final nail in the coffin was destiny’s well-timed announcement about Tammy’s pregnancy.
Funny enough, that was the same day I met the whirlwind that was Tanner Reese.
Suddenly, something Lynn had said to me popped into my mind.
“Sometimes fate brings you to a place in life for a reason. It’s not up to you to figure out what that reason is, it’s only up to you to decide what you’re going to make of it.”
What I was going to make of this crossroad in my life was still a mystery. But, for the first time since I’d picked up that iPad, I knew without
a shadow of a doubt there was a reason for it.
After the lies and filth he’d spilled about our past and who I’d been all those years earlier, cheating on me and impregnating another woman was the kindest, most generous thing he’d ever done for me.
Because he’d set me free.
Lifting my chin, I squared my shoulders and leaned into his front until he was forced back a step. “Thank you.”
His eyes narrowed. “For what?”
“For showing me what a horrible man looks like. It’s really helping me recognize the good ones.”
He barked a laugh. “And you think Flanksteak Fabio is a good one?”
A smug smile grew on my lips. Tanner would have adored that nickname. Making a mental note to tell him as soon as he got there, I replied, “Oh, I think he’s one of the best.”
He shoved off the door, thankfully giving me space before I was forced to knee him in the groin.
“Rita, you are a shiny, new toy for that man. And when he discovers that you are nothing but rusted-out garbage under that pretty little exterior, he’ll be on the next plane back to Hollywood.” He shoved a finger in my face and I fought the urge to Mike Tyson the tip of it. “And when that happens, you better not think about crawling back to me. You chose him and we’re through.”
Jesus, Tanner had been right. Greg was a serious douchebag. He sounded more like the robotic voice on my cell phone than the evil villain he thought himself to be.
Seven years I gave this man. Seven years. I was starting to think Tanner’s whole flipping-the-switch theory was real. Because my switch for Greg Laughlin was permanently in the off position.
“I’m not sure if you read those divorce papers before you signed them, Greg, but we’re already through. And I wouldn’t come crawling back to you if my life depended on it. You have a child to consider now. Maybe you should spend more time worrying about that than a washed-up marriage that was over long before you came between Tammy’s legs.”
I turned back to the door, my hands no longer shaking, my conscience clear and my head aligned with my heart.
And then Greg proved that he didn’t even have to be my husband anymore to break my heart.
“And what about Tanner?” he asked. “You’re just going to welcome his bastard child in with open arms? One big happy family? Oh, right. That’s okay. Because you’re the other woman in that scenario, it’s completely acceptable.”
I put my chin to my shoulder, chills pebbling my skin and a weight forming in my stomach. “What the hell are you talking about? Tanner doesn’t have any kids.”
His dull eyes suddenly lit with pure, unadulterated elation, a devious smile tilting his lips. “You don’t know?” He scrubbed a hand over his chin. “Damn, I should have led with this.”
I didn’t want to be interested in anything he had to say. But this was about Tanner, so I turned around. Greg was absolutely a liar, but he was taking entirely too much pride in prepping this verbal weapon for it not to be true.
“It seems your little boyfriend isn’t as great as you thought.” He leaned toward me. “Or he would have told you about his baby on the way.”
That weight in my chest got so heavy that I was barely able to stay on my feet. I swayed back, putting my shoulders to the door. After Greg’s betrayal, I didn’t have a lot of trust left to put in a person, but I’d never once doubted Tanner.
“What the fuck are you talking about?” I snarled.
Greg only took one step toward me, but there was no mistaking the swagger. “Shana Beckwit? Ring a bell?”
It did. It so did. And, suddenly, I wanted to puke.
Greg continued, his smile wider than ever. “My PI found her while digging into your relationship with that asshole. She was all too willing to give the gory details. Your guy sounds like a real winner. He kicked her to the curb the same day she told him she was pregnant. He’s been paying all of her bills, keeping her tucked out of public view like a dirty little secret.”
I couldn’t breathe or formulate thoughts. It was crazy, but nothing Greg had said to me on that porch had come even close to hurting me like the idea of Tanner lying to me did.
He’d told me about Shana and her stupid book. But why not the baby?
Because the book wasn’t true.
Pain, gut-wrenching and bone-breaking pain, exploded inside me.
Oh, God. How was this happening again?
After everything I’d told him about Greg and Tammy, he’d kept this from me?
So he could blindside me too?
A silent sob slashed through me.
She was pregnant. Tanner was going to be a dad. I was just supposed to stand by and watch someone else get the family I wanted? Fuck that.
I should have known he was too good to be true. I was just one-named Rita, attempting to play in the big leagues when I’d done nothing but strike out in the minors.
Seven years of my life was a lie. My husband had cheated on me. I hated who I saw when I looked in the mirror. And I’d fallen in love with yet another liar.
I mean, really, if there was ever a time to call it quits in the romance department, this was unquestionably that moment.
I must have looked as shattered as I felt, because Greg opened his arms while continuing to smile and cooed, “Come here, baby.”
My chest ached, and my nose stung, tears flooding my vision. I was colder than I’d ever been and it had not one thing to do with the weather. But I would have rather been tied at the stake and lit on fire than accept an ounce of comfort from Greg Laughlin.
“The divorce papers said I have thirty days to vacate the house,” I replied, desperately trying to hide the quiver in my voice. “I’ll let you know when I’m out. Get your shit from the garage and then forget I exist. Because the moment I walk through this door, that’s exactly what I plan to do with you.” And Tanner.
Oh, God, Tanner.
“Rita, come on. We belong together. We both fucked up. I’m willing to forgive you for this whole Tanner thing. Why can’t you forgive me for Tammy? Two wrongs. Clean slate.”
I bit the inside of my cheek, the pain doing nothing to distract me from the agonizing ache in my chest. I did not have the energy to get into another argument with Greg where I would be forced to point out how absolutely ludicrous his thought process was.
I had no fight left.
I had nothing left at all.
But one thing was still true. “I may not know where I do belong in this great big fucked-up world, but I know it’s not with you.”
He continued arguing behind me.
But I was done.
With everything.
I walked inside, slamming and locking the door, and went straight to my bedroom. After toeing off my heels, I paused to stare at the bed I’d once shared with Greg. Jesus, how was this my life? Divorced from one man. Heartbroken over another. Thirty days from being homeless. Unemployed as soon as I could convince Charlotte to hire someone new.
And broken.
So fucking broken.
I grabbed the blanket off the foot of the bed and dragged it outside. And then, just like the bed, I paused and stared at the hammock. Tanner. I’d had that damn hammock for years, but it was all fucking Tanner now. And with one glance, I lost it—just like I’d lost him.
I didn’t want to be inside that house.
I didn’t want to be outside that house.
I didn’t want to be anywhere anymore.
My knees hit the ground, the tears coming harder.
And I cried and I wept and I mourned.
And then, wrapped in a blanket, I fell asleep on the cold, hard wood on my deck, hoping like hell that, when I woke up, something would make sense again.
* * *
“What the fuck is that?” I said to Andrea as she walked into my office at The Porterhouse.
She set a ring box and a stuffed purple monstrosity with gold-sequined wings on my desk. “I think it’s a bat.”
I picked up the small stuffe
d animal and turned it in my hand. “Why would you get a bat? I told you to get a fish.”
She shrugged. “They didn’t have a fish. But they had a bat, and since I’m out running your errands at almost eleven at night, you got a fucking bat.”
“A bat makes no sense though. What am I supposed to say? ‘And he’s a cute rabid animal for you to snuggle with when I’m not around’?”
She gave me a bored glare. “She’s a thirty-year-old woman. If she’s still snuggling with a stuffed animal when you aren’t around, you have bigger problems than it being a bat. Besides, with the stupidity that’s in that box, she probably won’t even notice the damn thing.” She arched an eyebrow. “Are you sure you know what you’re doing with this woman, Tanner?”
I snatched up the little velvet box and pried it open. I’d called the jeweler as soon as I’d had former-manager Gus escorted from the premises. He’d designed a few bracelets and such for my mom over the years, but this was the first time I’d ever commissioned him for a ring. It’d cost me a shit-ton of cash to get him to do it on such short notice, but she was worth it. So fucking worth it.
I smiled up at Andrea. “No. I have no idea what I’m doing with this woman. But that’s the best part.”
“You need to be careful. You haven’t known her that long, and after—”
“Don’t say her name. Do not even say her name in the same room as this ring. She gets no part of this. None. Do you understand me?”
She rolled her eyes. “Whatever. It’s on you, man. You got my dinner?”
“It’s in the kitchen. One of the waitresses can grab it for you.” I lifted the ring box. “And thanks for picking this up.” I jutted my chin toward the bat. “And for that too…I guess.”
She smirked, offered me a salute, and then walked out the door.
I rocked back in my chair and picked up my phone.
Me: I’m leaving here in ten. You want me to bring home dessert since I failed on dinner?
The Complete Darkest Sunrise Series Page 58