Something was wrong.
Immediately, I went over to him and sat by his prone body. “Connor, sweetie,” I enquired cautiously, “What’s wrong?”
He turned to the side, resting his head on his forearm, and uttered slowly, miserably, “I’m so fucking bored.”
Annoyed, I bunched my nose. “You’re bored?”
That was it? That was his problem?
God. Sometimes he was too much.
“Hey.” He sat up and tugged at the hem of my robe, attempting to part it. “What you got under there?”
I shot up and my brows furrowed. “Connor!”
Connor grinned, knowing full well he was being an ass. “What?” He looked down at the book on my bed, picking it up and reading out a small clip from the title page. “A paranormal romance.” He held it up high and shook the book, emphasizing the words, “This is smut. You read smut, Emmy?”
“It’s romance,” I clarified, suddenly self-conscious.
He flicked through the pages and uttered an amused, “It’s about wolves.” Then he stilled. “Wait, do they fuck in this?”
Sitting on my bed, I sat against the headboard. “Well, yes. It’s romance,” I said like it was a stupid question.
Connor stalled then gasped before he asked, “Do they fuck as humans or wolves?”
“Sometimes both.” My cheeks began to heat.
“No shit!” He tipped his head back, laughing and threw the book into the corner of the room. The jerk. He looked at me with a grin then bit his tongue. “You little freak.”
I was too humiliated to respond.
“Emmy.” He reached over, slowly running his fingers down my bare leg. “Baby.”
“What?”
I didn’t like Connor in my space. I was beginning to get aggravated.
But then he asked a quiet and polite, “Can I stay here a while?” and my insides melted into a pile of goop.
“Why aren’t you out with the guys?”
“I’m sick of those groupie bitches.”
“That’s not nice. Don’t say that.”
“They are bitches,” he stated. “They’re so rude. The things they say….” He shook his head. “No shit, you should hear some of the stuff that comes out of their mouths.” He turned to lie on his back and stared up at the ceiling. “I’m over ‘em.”
Yeah. For tonight.
I thought about what he was saying. “Maybe you need something more meaningful, Connor.” When he turned to face me, I added, “Like a relationship.”
He blinked at me, paused, and then laughed. Loudly. “Emmy.” He sat up, chuckling. “Baby, do you even know me?” When I didn’t respond, he looked at me like I was crazy. “I don’t do relationships. Hell, I barely do friendship. I don’t want a relationship.” He made a face. “In all seriousness, there is nothing I want less than a girlfriend, all needy and jealous and shit. Ugh. No. Not for me, teeny thing.”
Fair enough.
Well, at least he was honest about it.
I turned my body to face him. “Well, then I guess you’re stuck with groupies because everyone knows who you are.”
“You didn’t.”
That was true. It was also a completely different situation. “Yeah, but all I had was my nanna. Basically all of my friends were geriatric, Connor. I watched Wheel of Fortune, I Love Lucy, and The Odd Couple. I didn’t know much or care about anything that was happening outside of my grandmother’s house. We listened to old records, not the radio. I was taught that gossip is cheap so I wasn’t allowed to buy trashy tabloids and I’d never even seen E! News.” I noticed he was watching me strangely. “I’m a one-off.”
He thought about that a minute. “That you are,” he muttered to himself, and I averted my gaze. When he asked, “Why are you holding onto your virginity?” I almost died.
My response was quick and far too loud. “I never said I was!”
Connor chuckled in a way that told me he’d expected some kind of outburst. “You didn’t have to.”
I was offended. “I’ve been with boys.” When he looked dubious, I stated sincerely, “I have!” But after a moment, I admitted a feeble, “It just never went… there.”
“So, you could’ve, but didn’t.”
It was difficult to explain but I did my best. “Let me tell you, there is nothing less sexy than watching your only family member deteriorate in front of your eyes. And I lived it every day. I didn’t have time for a boyfriend. I didn’t want a boyfriend. If I had one, that meant time away from Nanna and, honestly, I didn’t know how much longer I had with her, so…” This was a frustrating conversation. “I know you can’t possibly understand—”
But he cut me off with an earnest, “I understand.” When I threw him a suspicious look, he nodded and assured “I do. Really.”
Perhaps I had explained myself well enough. “Good.”
“So…” He looked me up and down then grinned. “Wanna make out?”
I was so tired. “Connor.” These jokes of his were wearing down my very soul.
“When’s the last time you were kissed?” To my surprise, he sounded dead serious. When I looked at him, he watched me carefully, waiting for a response.
“Um,” I started, paused, and then picked invisible lint off the comforter as I pulled up my knees. “A couple of years, I guess.” Apart from Pearl, that was.
His eyes widened. “How do you live?” He shook his head as if to clear it. “Fuck, you must jerk yourself like twelve times a day.”
“What?” I laughed but it was uncomfortable. “I don’t do that.”
“You’re twenty-four years old.” He looked like he wanted to strangle me. “What do you mean you don’t masturbate?”
Why was it an issue? More so, why were we talking about this?
I choked out the words. “This is really none of your business.”
This conversation was not happening.
“Don’t you miss that—” Connor kept his eyes on me and made a show of linking his fingers together in the air between us. “—human connection.”
Okay, so this conversation was happening. May as well be frank. “Well, sure, but it’s not something people need.” I corrected myself. “It’s not something I need.”
“It’s not about needing something, baby.” He reached over and touched my fingertip with his own, lightly caressing the delicate skin there. “Sometimes what you want is just as important.”
The expression I wore told him I thought he was wrong. “Look, I’m not guarding my virginity.”
“You are,” he stated matter-of-factly.
God, he was maddening. “I am not. In fact, if the opportunity came up, I’d be glad to lose it because it’s not the big deal everyone makes of it!”
If Connor were a dog, his ears would’ve perked up. “Really?”
“Really,” I told him, one hundred percent over this chat.
“Emmy, I feel like we’ve made some real progress here. I’m proud of you, baby.”
“Oh, wonderful,” I deadpanned.
Connor sat up and leaned over, and when he ran his thumb across my lips and muttered, “They’re so soft,” I stilled. Then he tried to peer into my mouth. “Show me your teeth.”
I wasn’t sure why I did but I forced a smile anyways and I felt like a horse being show checked.
“Nice,” he stated with a smile. “You have great teeth, Thumbelina.”
“Uh…” My face started to flush. “Thank you?”
“So.” He looked around my room. “We doin’ this or what? ‘Cause otherwise, I think I’m gonna hit the hay.”
I was so confused. “Doing what?”
“Fucking,” he stated like I was ridiculous for asking.
“What?” This came out shrill.
Connor’s eyes widened but he kept his smile. “You just said you’d fuck if you could.” He held out his arm. “Well, here I am, baby.” He wrapped his hand around the thi
ck erection in his pants and I couldn’t take my eyes off it. “Reporting for duty.”
“Connor...” My heart started to race. “No.”
“Why not?” He sounded a little vexed. “You’re single, and I wanna mingle—” He bit his tongue cheekily. “—with your cooch.”
I couldn’t breathe. He was serious. I choked out, “We can’t.”
“Why not? No one will ever know.” He moved to lie next to me, on his stomach. He put his hand to my knee and gently touched the skin there. “I’m good at keeping secrets, Emmy. Are you?”
When I paused to think, I was appalled at myself.
Oh my God, do not tell me you’re actually considering this.
Maybe I was. “I can’t lose this job, Connor.” He had no idea how important it was to me.
To Nanna.
He looked up at me and reiterated, “Didn’t you hear me? I won’t tell a soul.”
My chest ached. I wanted nothing more than to wake up from this dream but, shockingly, when I pinched my shin as hard as I could, all it did was hurt.
Connor attempted to put his hand under my robe but when I slapped it away, he chuckled lightly. “Okay, so maybe jumping into the deep end isn’t your thing and that’s cool. Smart, even.” He slightly tilted his head to the side. “What if we just fool around a little?”
I licked my lips and asked a rough, “Fool around how?” Oh, God, I just publicized that I was actually contemplating this. “What does that mean?”
Connor took a deep breath in then exhaled slowly. “Kissing. Touching, over clothing only.”
Well, that didn’t sound too scary. My brows furrowed. “Huh.”
“Time’s a wasting, Emmy.” He made a tick-tock sound.
I snapped at him. “Don’t rush me.” At war with myself, I don’t know what I was thinking when I uttered a quiet, “Okay.”
Connor stilled then sat up, surprised. “Yeah?”
I couldn’t bring myself to look at him. Keeping my eyes on the comforter, I nodded jerkily.
The truth was, I did miss intimacy, and Connor was safe. I knew him and I didn’t expect anything more than was offered. It wouldn’t get weird. I wouldn’t let it. And… oh Lord, I wanted to be kissed again really, very badly.
He slapped a hand down on the bed and let out an eager, “All right.”
“Wait,” I said before getting up and sliding on a pair of shorts under my robe.
Connor watched me, smiling. “You know, normally in these situations, the clothes come off not on.”
Slipping out of my robe, I paused a moment before heading to the dresser and spraying my underarms with deodorant. When I turned back to Connor, he was sitting on the edge of the bed, amused. “Aw, baby. Are you nervous?”
I ignored him then shrugged. “Where do you want me?”
“Come here.” He stood and, momentarily, my world spun. He was so tall.
It was strange that this was all so casual and choreographed. It wasn’t at all how I expected my next romantic liaison to go. I went to him, and he peered down at me with a grin. “Okay. Here goes nothin’. You ready?”
Before my nerves got the better of me, I uttered a weak, “Ready.”
Without warning, Connor lowered his face, and when his lips touched mine, my eyes widened. My body was stiff as a board.
“Relax,” he whispered against my lips but that was easier said than done.
When he peeked at me, his soft laughter warmed my mouth. “What are you, a serial killer?” He covered my eyes with his hand and moved to press soft kisses to my cheek. “Close your damn eyes, Emmy.”
I couldn’t help it. I started to laugh. This was absurd. “Sorry.” I closed my eyes.
Connor removed his hand from my face, placing both hands on my shoulders and massaging gently. “You’re so tense.”
Taking a short step back, I squeezed my eyes shut tightly and groaned, “Oh God, I am nervous.”
“Hey.” Connor ran his hands up and down my arms. “Don’t be nervous, not with me. This is a safe space. Anything goes, baby. You say no more and I back off. You’re in charge here.”
Hmm. I was in charge?
Testing that theory, I looked up at him and said firmly. “Sit down.”
Once he registered my tone, his brows rose. “Yes, ma’am.” He sat on the bed, leaning back, resting on his elbows, and he was beaming.
Taking a deep breath, I stood between his legs, put a knee to the bed, and then I was straddling those lean hips of his. My core was already pulsing and we’d barely touched. Once I was towering over him, he put his hands on my hips and asked, “Is this okay?”
I was in the middle of swallowing my tongue so I couldn’t answer. I was sure a nod was sufficient though.
There was nothing sweeter than Connor’s smile and when he brought that smile up to me, I returned it shyly. This time, I was prepared for it, and when Connor’s full lips glanced my own, I sunk into him. All laughter gone, a quiet moan escaped me, and Connor kissed me deeper, his grip near bruising. I was in a daze and when Connor pulled back a moment to say, “I fucking knew you’d be sweet,” my hips bucked unexpectedly.
He groaned and pulled me down, hard. My crotch met his and picking up a rhythm, he rocked me against his thick erection.
I’d never felt anything like it. It was amazing and sort of overwhelming but it was building into something, and I’d read enough romance novels to know exactly what that was.
Throwing my head back, I pushed against Connor’s chest and moaned, gripping the front of his shirt.
“Oh no, baby.” He put a hand to the back of my head and guided me back to his lips. “I’m down here.”
Our mouths melded and we kissed, panting into each other, and without meaning to, my hips picked up a rhythm of their own. Connor let me lead, easing his grasp, and when he licked the seam of my lips, I sighed into his mouth. His breathing got heavy and he whispered, “Can I touch you?”
I nodded, because, duh, I wanted him to, and one warm hand covered my breast. He ran a thumb over my nipple and my eyes fluttered.
Oh my God, it felt so good.
“You like that, baby?”
My hips undulated and I whispered, “Yeah.”
Deft fingers plucked the hardened bud and, in a moment of madness, I wanted to take his hand and put it under my shirt. Thankfully, I didn’t. Instead, I started to grind against him and watched as Connor’s face turned pained as he groaned. He was clearly as affected as I was, and that made me feel a sort of power I’d never before held. It was new and exciting and I ran with it.
Slowing down my rhythm, I kept my eyes on his and I ground down into him. His brows furrowed and he bit his lip. When his eyes focused again, he grinned. His voice was rough. “You’re enjoying this, aren’t you? Little minx.”
My hips worked, rocking in a way I didn’t know they could, and just when I thought I had things under control, Connor dipped his head and placed his mouth over my cotton-covered nipple.
My head swam and I gripped Connor’s upper arms to steady myself. His low chuckle told me he knew exactly what he was doing and I think I surprised him when I wrapped my arms around his head, holding him close.
Lord. Something was definitely happening.
It was too much.
He bit then gently chewed on the taut bud and my grinding became frantic. I felt winded, breathless, and I moaned loudly, too turned on to be embarrassed.
Connor wrapped his arms around my back, holding me close, the move letting me know he wasn’t about to back down either.
Suddenly, as if I wasn’t in control of myself, my arms felt numb and they drooped. My core tightened and I lost my breath. “Oh my God,” I stated as I rocked furiously against Connor’s hard-on. “Connor, I… I…” My eyes rolled back into my head and my core pulsed violently. A tense groan escaped me, and one moment my body constricted. The next, it released.
And then I was weightless.
<
br /> I was coming.
I was coming hard.
“C’mere,” Connor panted and then his mouth was on mine. My keening whimper seemed to fuel him on because one second he was in control and the next he was growling into my mouth, his hips bucking viciously.
A long moment passed and I couldn’t yet open my eyes.
“Baby, you came.” The words were soft but Connor sounded so proud.
Why did I feel pleased at that?
It was absurd.
What was more ridiculous was when he stated an unfortunate, “And I jizzed in my drawers.”
I rolled off of him, landing on the mattress with a light bounce and my body shook in silent laughter.
Connor chuckled softly and stood. “Well, it’s been fun, Emmy.”
Why didn’t this feel weird?
It should’ve felt weird.
Suddenly sleepy, I lay on my bed, watching him leave. When he reached the door, he turned back and asked a soft, “You okay?”
The orgasm had temporarily broken me. All I could do was smile.
“We gotta do this again sometime.” He opened the door and uttered a quietly surprised, “I had fun.” Then he shot me the peace sign and was gone.
Before the door even closed, I was sound asleep.
Chapter Thirteen
Waiting on a Friend.
Emmy
It was late. The bus was quiet and I was in my cubby, reading peacefully, when the curtain was dragged open. Putting a hand to my chest, I tried to tame my now-racing heart. “You scared me.”
“Why?” Connor asked. His eyes narrowed. “Were you playing with yourself?”
I was too tired for this crap. I rolled my eyes at him.
He jerked his chin. “Move over,” he ordered then, without asking, climbed on in. With an exhalation, he lay next to me and I let him, knowing Connor would do whatever Connor wanted to and what I wanted had little to no effect on that.
I continued to read in silence. My eyes were dry and my blinking slowed. Truth was, I wanted to stop reading but being with Connor, even in an environment where I knew nothing sexual would happen, was overwhelming.
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