by Amanda Faye
"No, I'm not. But I should be. We'd joked about it for years, since high school. That if nothing else, we could make our own family. Then joking turned to serious conversations. When she and Zoe were ready to have children, they came to me and asked me if I would be the father. Our relationship would be no different than what it is today, only when I showed her picture to people, I'd know that the reason that family exists is because of me. It was a gift that I desperately wanted to give them. And to myself, if I'm honest."
"Then, why didn't you?"
"My wife. She wasn't my wife yet, but we were living together, and I knew without a doubt that she was the one. The first woman besides Amanda that didn't put up with my shit. Besides maybe you."
Her breath hitches, but I power on.
"She didn't want me to. It became a pretty big bone of contention between us. She said that she felt uncomfortable with me fathering other children, even if I wasn't going to be any more of a father to them than I already am. Amanda saw the hurt it was causing us and said that they'd use a donor instead. When Temperance told me she wanted to be the only woman to carry my children, I took her at her word."
I can't help the bitterness that seeps into my voice at the end. The hurt that still bleeds through my words. Whether in response to the feelings being shared between us, or to the obvious pain in my person, Emma starts running her thumb across the back of my hand. I raise my arm and put it around her, and after a second's hesitation, she snuggles into my side.
I haven't talked to anybody about this, outside of Amanda and Sami and Liam. It feels good to share it with Emma. Real good.
"So, I abandon a plan that my best friend and I have had since our childhood and watch in wonder as Amanda and Zoe make their way into parenthood, without any assistance from me. That's okay, I think, because Tempe and I got engaged, and then we got married, and it was only a matter of time before I had children of my own. We lived less than a mile from each other, and our children would grow up together as we did. But, then the years pass, and my beautiful devastating wife tells me she's changed her mind, and she doesn't want this life after all. Now not only am I out of a wife, but I've lost my only opportunity to be a father."
"I'm so sorry, Logan."
I shrug as best I can with her in my arms, then gather her closer to me still.
"It is what it is. Amanda and Zoe were off and on for a few years after Ellie was born. But they've been re-married for almost two years now. There's been some rumbling about giving Ellie a sibling before it's too late. Zoe would carry this time. They know in no uncertain terms that the day that happens, I'll be there."
We're silent after that, both of us lost in our own thoughts. Emma's fingers are once again playing with my happy trail, and my hand is running in lines up and down her arm, stopping every now and then to give a caress to the breast closest to it.
It's getting late, and I know she'll want to leave soon, but I don't want this, us, to end.
"Did I ever tell you I was going to be a pediatric surgeon?"
"Thank God you didn't. If one more person compares you to Darcy, I swear to God I'll puke." I chuckle at that but continue with my story.
"I love children. Their innocence and their truthfulness are amazing to me. It's so easy to make them happy. All it takes is a hug and a smile and a little bit of your time. I eventually went into plastics because my old mentor showed me I had the temperament for it and the smile. Plus, the money was better then peds. I know this sounds crass, but do you know how many women, and men, wanna bang a rich hot plastic surgeon? Everyone."
She laughs at the truth in my words, and I feel myself relax into her warmth. It's so peaceful being here with her like this.
"Peds is really where my heart lies. I pick up pro-bono work for children as often as I can; Conjoined twins and reconstructive work. It's why Noah picked me to cover his department for him. I even delivered Ellie. I delivered all of my friend's children but one. Ellie, though, that was the happiest day of my life."
I sense her wanting to say something, but she must change her mind, and we sit together peacefully in the silence surrounding us.
Enough of the melancholy. I may miss my family, but my second favorite blonde is naked in my arms, and it seems a waste not to take advantage of that.
Quick as I can, I fling the sheets off of us and pin Emma to the bed, evil twinkling in my eyes. She lets out a yelp that is delicious to my ears, and I work my way down her body with my hands and my mouth, resuming what was previously interrupted.
Chapter 16
Logan
Its Saturday afternoon, and I haven't been with Emma in sixteen hours. But who's counting? This complex doesn't have a gym in it, and my three-mile run this morning didn't do anything for me except to freeze my balls off. The whole time I was trying to purge her from my mind via the pavement, all I could think about were all the ways she could warm my balls up for me.
I went to the sports store my GPS pointed me to and bought a stand-up body bag, then went to the local hardware store to buy a bag of sand to fill the bottom up.
An hour of pounding on the bag has tired out my body but has done nothing to get Emma Admas out of my mind.
I don't know what it is about this girl that's got me so worked up. Maybe it's the apparent complexity about her. It is bordering on multiple personalities sometimes. She's a mystery, that's for sure. I haven't felt this affected by a woman since Temperance. That alone should send me running in the opposite direction from Emma as quick as my legs can carry me. But instead, I find myself becoming more and more intrigued.
I asked around about her yesterday. I'm amazed at the information nurses are willing to dish out to a stranger. Of course, I may have plied the charm a little stiff. She was involved with a resident for the last three years, and everyone thought they were going to get married, but after his fellowship, he took a position in Nebraska. To the best of their knowledge, she's been single ever since.
Her hospital is as gossipy as my own. It's a relief, actually. Some of the centers I've been temping in the last year have been downright stuffy. I like the lines between professionalism and personality a little blurry. It gives a place more character. It reminds me of my own hospital back home. Or what used to be my hospital. I miss working with Liam and Mandy and Zoe. I even miss bossy pants, Samantha. But I can't be in the same place as my ex-wife. I just can't.
I pull out my phone and decide to mess with Liam. It's always easy for a guaranteed fun time.
Logan: Tell Sammi she missed our skype date last night. It's not polite for her to keep her mistress waiting.
He's always so easy to rile up. It takes less than a minute to get a response from him.
Liam: I'm half tempted to let her deal with you herself. Then you can come to me crying and ask me to set your broken nose for you.
Logan: Don't be like that. She'd never hit my face. I'm too pretty for that. Sammi would go for my balls first.
I don't even finish my text to Liam before I see the alert to tell me his wife Samantha has gotten in on the conversation. I smile as I picture them at home with their twins. Girls, instead of the boys, we all thought they'd have. Liam is most likely sitting in the middle of the living room, watching as the girls toddle around him. Sammi is perhaps on the couch reading a book on alternative medicine, or maybe one of those trashy romance novels she and Zoe sneak back and forth between them.
Sammi: Stop teasing Liam L. You know how easily he gets worked up. If you make him grumpy, I'm going to tell Mandy on you.
Logan: When are you going to leave him and run away with me?
Sammi: When you dream about me while in a coma. Until then, I'm all his.
Liam was in an accident a few years ago, and when he woke up from his coma, he thought that he and Sammi were married. It was a whole thing. It didn't take long for them to realize what we'd all known for years. They were meant to be together. But it's still so much fun to poke at him.
Logan: Fair. But t
hat doesn't mean I won't rub his face in it every once in a while that you think I'm cuter
Sammi: Don't you have a new toy in Denver you could bother? Mandy says you have a hot little thing that's got you all twisted up. Let's talk about that, shall we?
Logan: What's that? The line is getting fuzzy...I can't hear you anymore.
I take one more swing at Liam before I put my phone down
Logan: Just talked to Sammi. We're running away together at the first opportunity and starting a naked commune in the Bahamas. Thought you should know.
When all I get back is a picture of them kissing, I laugh out loud and throw my phone on the couch.
*****
After a quick stretch and a shower, I grab my phone again.
Logan: What are you doing today?
I stare at the phone, willing a quick response. Just as I'm about to give up, those precious little dots show up on my screen. Then they disappear. And appear. And nothing. Is she purposely trying to ignore me? Or is she starting to have doubts?
Logan: I know you're there. Marco...Maaaarco
Austen: Polo
YES! Anyone who gets my Marco-polo reference is incredible in my book.
Logan: Soooo, what are you doing today? Shall I come over? Do you need help organizing your sock drawer?
I don't know what made me tell her that I thought those over the knee socks were sexy the other day. Tempe used to make fun of me without mercy when I told her that. Something about the heat of the moment made me trust that she wouldn't react the way that Tempe did. And she hasn't let me down yet.
Austen: No. You can't come over. I have plans this afternoon. But if you want, I can come over to your place Monday morning?
It's only Saturday. That leaves 36 hours I'll have to fill before I can fill Emma with me. But if that's the soonest I can see her, I'll take what I can get.
Chapter 17
Logan
We stumble into my apartment in a tangle of limbs and lips, and only separate for me to shut the door. Emma has a sense of urgency that I usually find irresistible, but today I'm craving something different. Something more. I'm craving her. I want everything. I'm tired of only having Emma piecemeal.
"Come on, hurry up. We don't have a lot of time."
"No. Stop."
It comes out more harshly than I intend it, but it brought about the appropriate response. Emma halts her flurry of motions, looking at me like I've lost my mind.
"I'm tired of the wham bam; thank you, ma'am. If I'm going to have you and make no mistake, I am going to have you; I'm going to take my time with it."
Her expression turns to exasperation, and she resumes the shedding of her clothes.
"We have to be back at the hospital by two Logan. Just shut up and take your pants off."
I shrug out of my coat, then take out my cell phone and set the alarm for forty-five minutes.
"The next time you open your mouth Austen, it better be to wrap it around my dick. Now shut up and come here."
Her shoes are already off. Her shirt is thrown haphazardly on the couch. Other than that, she's still fully dressed. I pull my scrub top off over my head, then repeat the process with my work out shirt underneath.
Her mouth has blessedly stopped moving, and she walks to me almost as if hypnotized. When she comes to a stop in front, I gather her hair in my hand and wrap my hand inside of it, then give it a slow tug. Her neck arches beautifully, and I take advantage of all of that exposed skin. Bending my neck to the side for better access, I slowly start laying kisses down her throat and over her collarbone.
Sending a silent thank you to the gods of women's underwear, I flick open the front clasp of her bra and use my fingers to pull it off of her shoulders. Her nipples are a rosy pink color, all puckered and asking to be touched. Making my path downwards, I take one of her breasts into my mouth while cupping the other, twisting the nipple between my thumb and finger.
Switching my mouth to her other breast, I send my now open hand rubbing down her back, slipping my hand into her bottom, squeezing her ass.
Her breathing quickens, and she starts to arch fuller into my touch, but I've promised to take my time this encounter, and I meant it.
Removing my hand from her backside, I bring it around to her front, just to test her wetness, then take both my hand and my mouth back up her body.
"Logan, you ass, touch me, baby." Her voice is a whiny need, and it's incredible.
Mmmmm, baby. I like the sound of that.
But I set the rules for today's encounter, and she just broke them.
I give her hair a sharper tug, and she whimpers out in pleasure. Bringing my lips up to hers, I growl, "What did I tell you about that mouth?"
I bring my hand up to her throat and wrap my hand around it while I kiss around her lips. She lets out a frustrated growl when I won't let her move her face to kiss me more directly, and the sound goes straight to my dick. It's the fucking sexiest sound ever.
I start leading her backward with my body, still with my hand in her hair. When she hits the couch with her legs, I let go of her entirely and drop my hands to her hips, pushing her bottoms off of her in one fell swoop.
I watch as she steps out of them, then shove mine down with my boxer briefs. Palming my cock, I take a moment to admire her gorgeous form — curves in all the right places. Perfectly trim mound, proving that my girl is all woman.
Shit. Not my girl. Don't get attached asshole. We aren't permanent. That thought causes my heart to clench, and I shove it and the feelings it conjures out of my mind. I have no place for them right now.
She's right that we don't have a ton of time, but I have enough for this. I shake my hair out because I know she likes to pull on it when I take her and drop to my knees in front of her. If it's even possible, her shuddering breaths are making me harder, and I take one of her thighs and put her foot up on the couch, then dip my head between her legs.
She tastes exquisite, like salt and woman, and something specifically her. I plunge two fingers directly into her pussy, and after taking a few leisurely licks, I get down to business, working her hard and fast.
When I feel her orgasm start to crest, I hum deep in my throat and send her over the edge. I love the feel of her fingernails digging into my head. As she rides out the waves, her hands tighten in my hair, and the pain she causes just heightens the experience.
"Oh, God Logan." She's huffing and puffing with a fine layer of sweat over her skin.
"Oh no, Austen, I'm not done with you yet."
Standing, I yank her to me, cupping her face in my hands and, at last, kissing her deeply. I want her to taste her cum on my lips. I want her to know that in all the women I've had since I gave my first orgasm at fifteen, only she makes me feel like this. Like I'm insatiable and crazy. I count the minutes from the time I finish with her until I can have my mouth on her again.
Once again leading her with my lips and my hands, I line her up where I want her, then pull us apart and bend her over the back of the couch.
She looks over her shoulder at me, her hair a wild mess, her lips puffy. Her entire body is flush and pink from my ministrations. I wish I could take a picture of her just like this. I make a mental note to ask her about it, but not right now. I give her perfectly plump ass a quick smack. Not hard enough to leave a mark, but sharp enough to get a surprising yap out of her.
When her eyes widen in shock, then narrow in hunger, I give my dick a few strokes. I coat my cock in my precum, enjoying the change in friction the minor lubricant causes.
"Do you see what you do to me, Austen? The minute you enter my line of sight, I go from mild-mannered surgeon to a dirty fucking heathen. When you're not with me, I spend our time apart thinking about what I'm going to do to you the next time I have you under me. You've turned me into an addict, and your sweet pussy is the only thing I crave."
I could gorge myself on her for days. Feast on her for weeks. Keep her next to me forever. It's that realization that tem
pers my actions. I could stay here with her forever, and it's a terrifying thought. My hand on my dick slows as I ponder the possibilities.
Imagine waking up with Emma in my arms every morning. Falling asleep tired and sated with her in my bed, instead of after she leaves me for the night. The last time I let myself get close to a woman emotionally, she destroyed me. I'm not sure I'm ready to feel that weak again. I'm not sure I'm ever going to be prepared to be that vulnerable. Once bitten, twice shy and all that.
I must have let my thoughts show on my face because her expression changes from lust to worry. She stands up straight and turns to face me, her waves of blonde hair falling around her face and shoulders.
"Hey, what happened? Are you okay? You left me there for a minute."
Barefoot and gloriously naked, she stands several inches shorter than me. Lifting slightly on her tiptoes, she brings her lips to mine. Her kiss starts chaste, just her lips against my own, but as she runs her hands up my chest and over my shoulders, I deepen the kiss. Pulling her bottom lip into my mouth, I suck and nibble, then use my tongue to open her wide for me to explore. The truth of the matter is I could lose myself like this, and I better decide fast whether to put up a fight or to go down with the ship. With the way she feels in my arms, one of my hands on her ass, my cock pulsing between us at her belly, and my other hand lost in her hair, I'm not positive it's a battle I haven't already lost.
"How could I be anything but perfect with you naked in my arms? Thank you for checking on me. But you disobeyed me again, Austen. I told you not to open that mouth unless it's on my cock. Now, seeing as we don't have the time for you to worship my dick as it deserves, I'm going to take an I.O.U. on that, but the time has come to punish you for your disobedience Austen. Assume the position."
"I—What?"