by Amanda Faye
I haven't been in a bath in ages, months. Maybe years. With Logan in the water with me, though, I might have to make this a regular occurrence.
"This feels like heaven. I could get used to this."
His voice his husky, not meant for public consumption. The way his chest rumbles against my back sends chills down my spine, and I grind my ass against him where it's up against his lap.
"Funny, I was thinking something similar."
I don't mean for it to come out in a come hither sort of whisper, but it seems to do the job, and I feel him start to stiffen against my backside.
His lips were on my neck when I spoke, and this time his chuckles tighten my nipples into pebbles.
As if I sent out a homing beacon, his hands immediately come back to home base and begin to caress and circle my breasts. After a moment, I swat his hands away.
"Hey, none of that now. We're in the bath to give some of my overused muscles a break, not to get me all keyed up again."
Another round of sniggers sends ripples through the water and goosebumps over my body.
"I thought we were in the bath because I'm too exhausted to stand, but you like to see me all wet and naked."
"That too."
Logan curls his hand in my hair and gently angles my body so that my head is against his other shoulder. Then he resumes his ministrations with his lips against my throat.
Logan's phone goes off where it's sitting on the toilet, and my concern for his phantom patient disappears into the steam of the room as I recognize Ellie's ringtone.
"Just ignore it. I'll talk to her in the morning."
How he doesn't realize she's just going to call right back is beyond me. That little girl has him wrapped around her damn finger so tight I'm surprised she has any circulation left.
Right on cue, the silence envelopes us for a total of ten seconds before the ringing starts again, somehow more insistent than before.
"Fine, fine, the little brat." Unsurprisingly his tone is one of amusement rather than real irritation. With a kiss under my ear and a pat on my arm, we lean forward together so that he can reach his phone.
Instead of picking it up, he simply hits the accept button and pulls me back against him in the tub.
"Uncle Logan, why am I looking at a ceiling?"
"I'm in the bath."
"Eeeew, why'd you answer the phone then?"
"Oh, God." It's whispered against my neck so that Ellie doesn't hear it, and this time there is real exasperation in his voice. My giggles make the water lap around us.
"Sweetie, what do you want? You should be asleep already."
"I just wanted to make sure what day you were coming back. Does mommy have the information? I want to pick you up from the airport."
With every word out of her sweet little mouth, my heart twists more and more. She makes it real; in a way, it hasn't been before. He's leaving. What the hell am I doing in the arms of someone who was honest from the very first day that he never planned to stay with me? How did I get myself into this position?
"Yes, Elli, your moms have my plane information. You'll be at school when my plane gets in. I'm just going to get a ride from the airport, but I promise I'll be sitting on your couch by the time you get home that day. And no, before you ask, you can't stay home from school. I don't care how awesome you are in all of your classes. You have to go."
I can feel her exasperation with her Uncle through the phone line, and despite the way this conversation is killing me, it brings a small smile to my face.
"What if I'm sick?"
Logan puts his teeth into his next caress against my neck, and he must be more frustrated than he's letting on because there's a real string when he pulls his mouth away. I hiss my pain in through my teeth but make no move to reprimand him for it. How many times have I felt the need to bite something when dealing with my monster?
"Elizabeth Marguerite, you are the product of a house full of world-class doctors. If you dare try to get out of school by claiming to be ill, if you waste our time with a case of 'I don't wanna-itis,' I will personally ensure you spend the afternoon cleaning out bedpans in the ICU. Do we understand each other?"
His tone brooks no argument, and I cover my mouth to hide my smile. Bedpans as punishment? Why have I never thought of this?
His mouth returns where he bit me, and he mumbles 'sorry' into my ear before he starts to lick and soothe the ache he left there.
"I love you, baby girl, but get off my phone. Good night."
"Sheesh, you don't have to be so grumpy. Mommy said your girlfriend made you happy, but maybe she was wrong. Okay. Night Uncle L."
Logan is still sputtering his response against my head when the line disconnection sound echoes against the tile.
Gone is the relaxed zen-like atmosphere in which we were ensconced. Now the tension in the room is so thick you could cut it with a rusty spoon.
I can't take this anymore. I have to put some space between us. The heat, once soothing, is now closing up my throat. But when I brace myself to push out of the tub, Logan reaches both arms around my torso, effectively holding me in place against him.
"You do make me happy. You make me happier than I've been in an incredibly long time."
His lips are against my shoulder where it meets my throat, and despite myself, desire and need for him ripple across my skin. I try to contain my reaction, but the shuddering gasp his simple statement pulls from my depths echoes off the walls in a continuous loop.
Turning in his arms, I arch my head back as far as it will go. Seamlessly, he moves his kisses from my shoulder to my lips. My kiss is heated, desperate. Despair incarnation. He responds with so much strength it pulls tears from my eyes. Hopefully, the water and the steam hide them well.
Cupping my face in his hands, he pulls me back, gasping for breath and running his thumbs across my cheekbones. My tears stream harder, and my breathing is coming in little desperate gasps, but still, I can't say a word.
"We need to talk, Em. We need to talk about what happens when my contract is up."
I shake my head no in panicked little spurts. I can't. I can't even think about it, let alone talk about it.
"Not tonight."
I hate how small my voice sounds. The whispering quake that you can probably hear at Darcy's house.
He stares into my eyes, searching for I don't know what. I don't have anything left to give him. He's taken it all already.
Whatever he finds seems to be enough for now. With a single nod, he releases his hold on me.
Without a word, he lifts me from the tub, setting me down on the tile and picking up my robe. One of the benefits of being with a man with long hair I discovered is he's an expert at bending me in half and wrapping my hair in a towel. With a towel around his waist, he pulls the drain for the tub, runs a spare through his hair, then quietly drags me to bed.
******
By the time Logan kisses me goodbye and promises to see me in a few hours at the hospital, I've made my decision.
We made love with an intensity that frightened me. Or, maybe what scared me was that it didn't frighten me at all. Logan raises a passion in me that I never expect to find again, and my body seems to realize that it's almost gone.
It also doesn't surprise me to see that between midnight and when I reach for my phone when Logan leaves at six, I have three missed calls and ten messages from Darcy. We're twins. He always knows when I'm hurt.
Chapter 35
Logan
"She's pulling away from me, Mandy. I don't know what to do."
Today is one of the few times that I regret how small this damn apartment is. It's not like my apartment in New York is enormous. Not by Denver standards anyway. But I am a plastic surgeon. My income bracket certainly can afford something more significant than this place, even in New York.
By the time I've taken ten steps in my manic pacing of the studio, I have to flip and turn the other direction. I need to burn off the adrenaline pulsing
through my veins, and every other method I would typically use— running, boxing, Emma— isn't available to me at the moment.
"Of course she is, dumbass. You're leaving in a week."
When I don't say anything, I hear movement and muffled talking on her end of the phone line.
"You are leaving in a week. Aren't you?"
Am I? Yes, maybe. Fuck.
"Yes. Yes, I'm coming home. But I think it might kill me to do so, Mandy."
More talking on her side, then, "Hold on, I'm closing the door."
"Where are you?"
"I'm with a patient."
The torture just keeps coming.
"Jesus Mandy, you answered the phone with a patient? What the hell is wrong with you? Just call me later."
The rustling on the other side intensifies, and then suddenly, a different voice comes into focus.
"Don't get your panties in a twist, L. It's only me."
"Sami? Are you okay? Why are you on the table? What's wrong?"
For the first time in days, something pulls my attention away from Emma and my pathetic world of drama, and I wonder if I've been neglecting my family at home to such an extent that someone is sick and I didn't know about it.
"Sheesh, this girl does have his panties in a twist. Nothing wrong with her stupid, she's pregnant. I'm an OB, not an infectious disease specialist or anything."
Pregnant. Sami and Liam are having another baby.
Happiness bursts in my chest, and I push away my heartache that I'll never have that for myself.
"What!? I'm so happy for you guys! Due date? Sex? Twins again? Prenatal panel screening results? Let me hear it."
I hear Sami's contagious laugh through the phone line, and I wish we'd video chatted instead. She's beautiful when she smiles, and I suddenly miss them all with an ache rivaled only by the one I feel at not being able to get ahold of Emma.
"Nothing to tell yet. I'm only eight weeks. You make the fourth person to know, including Liam. We pulled the blood panel all of ten minutes ago, and I still don't have my pants back on from the ultrasound. Only one heartbeat, thank God."
Her relief at the single heartbeat is palpable, and I can only imagine the horror they'd have felt if they'd had another set of twins.
"But we're still missing the boy twins." It's so much fun to tease her. They went through so much to get here. I guess it was worth it in the end.
"You shut your mouth. I think we're finally out of the coma world. Thank you very much. Do you remember the amount of crap I took from people who knew about his dream when they found out we were having twins the first time? Oh, wait, of course, you do! You were the ringleader."
"True that! It was weird, admit it."
"It was romantic, and I won't say another thing about it. Now, enough about this. Let's talk, new girl."
"Her name is Emma, as you damn well know. Don't call her new girl."
The force of my words brings me to a stop in my pacing. I take a breath and resume my stress walk while debating about apologizing for biting my best friends heads off for nothing.
"Sorry." It's short and assholey, but they can't say I didn't try.
One of the girls' whistle, and it sounds tinny coming through the digital connection.
"See, I told you."
They must be having a secret conversation without my hearing. I can't muster the anger to care at this point.
"So, Logan, have you told Emma that you're in love with her?" Sami, always blunt and to the point. Man, I love her. She's a pain in my ass when she's bossing me around in the OR, but I wouldn't have her any other way.
"No! Not that I'm not fucking trying. I tried to tell her the other night when Ellie called.
"Make her stop calling me at midnight unless it's an emergency, by the way. Emma got all upset. She said she couldn't talk about it then. She promised me we'd talk later, and now she's fucking avoiding me!"
"Wait, so he just admits it? Just like that? Damn. It's worse than I thought."
"I told you! It took almost a year of pussyfooting around before he'd admit there was even the possibility of it with Temperance."
"Yeah, yeah, Logan's got it bad. Can your minds be blown on your own time? I didn't call so that you could wonder at the circus freak. I need help, dammit!"
The sound of a door opening and closing on her end is loud in the stillness following my outburst, and then Liam's voice joins the crowd.
"What's taking so long? Is everything okay? Why do you guys look like that?"
I've reached the wall by my bed. I take the opportunity to bang my forehead into it once or twice.
"That's it. I'm hanging up. Call me later. I'm going to go toss myself off a mountain or something."
"Logan, no wait, hold on."
I hear what sounds like the rustling of the paper covering the exam table.
"Liam, everything's fine. Here are the ultrasound pictures — only one heartbeat. I love you. Now leave."
"Huh? What's Logan doing on the phone? Dude, you never call me anymore."
By this point, it's either laugh or cry, and I don't want to cry. I fling myself across my bed, putting my phone on speaker, and psycho laugh until tears are streaming down my face. I can close my eyes and imagine the amused chaos and whispered recaps that are going on on the other side of the country.
Mandy sounds panicked when she speaks.
"Liam, not right now. I love you, man, but get the hell out of my exam room.
There's a scuffle on the other line, and what I can only assume is Liam being bodily thrown from the room as the door slams shut behind him.
"Okay, L. It's just us again."
It takes me another minute to get myself back under control.
"I don't know what to say. I don't know where to start."
"Why do you think she's avoiding you?"
"We were in the bathtub. It was perfect. Then Ellie called. She wanted to confirm when I'd be back and wanted me to give her permission to skip school that day."
"Why would she ask you that? I'm her damn parent."
"You think that? Awww, you're so cute when you're in denial. You may have birthed her, but we all know Logan, her favorite."
Damn, I miss them.
"Hmph." I can barely hear Mandy's disgruntlement.
Bless you, Sami. You always know what I need.
"It was late, and I was tired, and I told Ellie no. If she tried to play sick, I'd give her bedpan duty. She said something along the lines of mommy says your girlfriend makes you happy, so why are you so grumpy, then hung up."
"See! I'm the mommy! I decide the punishments, Logan."
"And such a good mommy, you are too." Sami sounds like she's talking to a puppy. I can almost imagine her scratching behind Mandy's ears. Then she turns back to me.
"So Emma heard all that?"
"Yeah, she was laying in my arms. I— I told her that they were right. She does make me happy. Happier maybe then I've ever been. I told her that we need to talk. And she shut me down. Afterward, we made love, and in the morning, I told her I'd see her at work. That was a day ago, and I haven't talked to or seen her since. I got one message last night that said Brandon wasn't feeling well and that she'd call me later, and that was it."
"Who's Brandon?"
"Her son. He's eight. Nine this summer. He's a great kid."
"You've met him?" I can hear the surprise in her voice.
"Yeah. It's a long story, but we've hung out a few times now."
"Why didn't I know she had a kid, Logan?"
Mandy sounds hurt, and I rush to alleviate any hurt feelings.
"Even I didn't know she had a kid until recently. She didn't tell me about him. When we went on an actual date, her childcare fell through, and we met. Then, our date was interrupted because he got hurt, and it was this whole thing. Instead of wining and dining her, we spent the afternoon in the ED, her holding his hand and me putting seventeen stitches into his cheek, poor guy."
"Tough guy."
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"Yeah, he's great. Ellie would love him. I don't see why it matters that I've met him or not."
The silence on the line is telling. Mandy finally speaks up with her, 'what are you a fucking moron voice' firmly in place.
"Logan, it's a huge deal. If she'd kept him hidden, then you'd know she wasn't serious about you. At all. You don't introduce your kid to the booty call. But she did. And you say you've hung out since then? Of course, she's pulling away L. It's not just her heart at risk. It's him too. She's protecting them both."
"I don't want her to pull away dammit. I fucking love them. We can make this work."
I have so much pent up bitterness inside of me that I stand and take a swing at the body bag. Then take a few more after that.
"Logan. LOGAN!!"
Dropping my elbows to my side, I return to the women yelling at me through the phone line.
"That," Sami huffs out emphatically, "Tell her just that. Word for word. You love them, and you can make it work. If she's not answering her phone, go hunt her ass down."
At last, I can identify the feeling coiling in my chest like a snake. Fear. I'm so fucking afraid of losing them in hurts.
"What if it doesn't work?" I can't help the tremble that laces my voice.
"Then come home, and we'll think of plan B together. If that fails, well, at least you'll have your family around you to keep you from getting too drunk."
I huff out my acknowledgment at the truth of her statement, then grab my phone and head out in search of my girl.
Chapter 36
Emma
Jar of Hearts— Christina Perry
She's not answering her phone. Brandon's not answering his. I even broke down and called Johns. Nada. I take a minute to wonder why I have her son's phone number but not Charlotte's, though the thought does me little good now.
I'm hunting her through the halls of the hospital when Esme catches my eye.
"Esme. Wait, hold on." I'm waving my hands like a complete imbecile, but she pauses in her walk and turns towards me. I can't read the expression that crosses her face as she closes the distance between us, but I can tell it's not good.