When the Dead Have It Easy

by B. L. Brunnemer

He nodded. “People’s choices affect their souls. They decide what to put out there. If they spent their lives trying to cause pain or whether they were kind to people. If they tried to help or prey on others. Who they were in life affects the rest of their eternity.”

  “The psycho…” I met his eyes. “He was dragged through a door into blackness.”

  Louis nodded.

  “Hell exists, doesn’t it?”

  “I won’t know until I cross over.” He shrugged. “Now, let’s get back to your lesson.”

  “Yes, Yoda.”

  He narrowed his eyes at me. “Drop your barriers and find the cold spot again, Padawan”

  I closed my eyes and focused. It only took a minute and I was exactly back where I was a few minutes ago. My ribbon of will hovered over the body of the squirrel.

  “Now, just touch the skull of the squirrel.”

  My heart pounded in my ears. “Then what?”

  “Then you send your energy into it. And when it glows in your mind, you tell it to rise.”

  Bracing myself for the cold I lowered the ribbon and touched the skull. That ice began to seep into me. Instead, I pushed my energy against it. The cold went away as the bones began to glow.

  “Now, let go of the skull. Pull back and you can close your barriers.”

  I did exactly as he said. When I opened my eyes the glow was still around the pile of sticks.

  “Tell it to rise.”

  My throat went dry. “Rise.”

  The glow intensified but nothing else happened.

  “You have to mean it, Lexie.” Louis turned back to me. “Need or want, it doesn’t matter but mean it.”

  I swallowed hard. I wanted control of my abilities. I didn’t want to raise animals while I was asleep anymore… To do that, I needed to raise this squirrel. “Rise?” My voice was firmer, stronger.

  But nothing happened.

  “Lexie! It’s not a question.”

  Irritation filled me, stupid mother fucking… “Rise!” It was my pissed off voice that finally worked. The pile shifted, a white skull popped out with gold flames for eyes.

  “Tell it to come to you.”

  I point to a spot a foot in front of me and focused. “Come here.”

  The squirrel bounced over the sticks and grass just as if it was still alive. It even tilted its head to the side. Yeah, that’s not creepy at all.

  This close to the zombie squirrel, the hair on my arms raised. That gold energy moved over it like smoke. “Is… is it supposed to do that?”

  “Only when you use too much energy.” Louis knelt beside me. “Which is fine for now. You’ll have to learn finer control before that stops.”

  I nodded. The thing was looking at me. “Can…can I put it down now?”

  “Drop your shields like before, and reach out with your will again. I always found it easier to put my hand over them for this part.”

  I dropped my barriers. The freaking squirrel glowed in my head as if it was radioactive. Taking a deep breath, I held my hand out over it. My palm grew warm.

  “Now, tell it to rest. All of your energy left will snap back to you.”

  Right. My energy. Only now it felt like warm, dead squirrel energy. “Rest.” The light shot up and into my hand. The bones fell apart in front of me. A small wave of giddiness swept through me. It didn’t last long but as soon as it was gone my stomach rolled. I turned and threw up.

  Louis didn’t say a word as he waited until I was sitting up and wiping the back of my mouth with my hand. “Everyone does that the first time too.”

  I shot him a look. “Are we done?” I enjoyed it… the rush had been… fun. What kind of monster enjoys that?

  “For today? No.” His eyes were kind as I sat back on my butt. “You’re not a bad person for having that endorphin rush.”

  My eyes met his.

  “We’re necromancers. Our bodies are wired differently for that kind of thing,” he reminded me. “It’s okay to like the rush, it’s not okay to love it.”

  That did make sense. I nodded that I understood.

  “Now, again.”

  * * *

  A couple of hours of later Louis finally called it.

  “Now, I doubt you’ll be able to raise anything more than a fly. Not with how far your energy went.”

  “What do you mean?” A nap did actually sound really good right now…

  “Your energy went out about fifteen feet in radius.” He tilted his head to the side. “Didn’t you notice?”

  I shook my head and got to my feet.

  Tired, and achy, I walked back into camp with Louis. Isaac was waiting next to the fire ring. When he saw me, his shoulders relaxed.

  “Good luck,” Louis whispered before heading back into the woods.

  Isaac met me. “Lexie, we need to talk.”

  “Want to take a walk?”

  “Yeah.”

  We started down the trail heading west out of the camp ground. “Where are the others?”

  “Asher and Miles got back a while ago. Asher went fishing with Zeke and Hades while the others are at the rope swing.” He took my hand in his. “I needed some time to think.”

  My stomach knotted. “You’re avoiding the others.”

  “So I can think, yeah.”

  We needed to do better. “They’re your best friends.”

  “And they all fucking kissed the girl I fell for, so what does that tell ya?” His voice was sharp and edged.

  “That they have good taste?” I smiled up at him, hoping for a laugh.

  His amber eyes met mine, I didn’t get a laugh but I did get a grin. “I can’t argue with that.”

  I squeezed his hand. “Do you know what really scares the shit out of me?”

  “Snakes.” He smirked as we walked around the bend in the trail.

  “It’s the way they fucking move.” I shrugged. What was so wrong about that?

  He laughed again.

  I waited until he was done to tell him. “Normally, yes, snakes, but not this time. The thing that scares the hell out of me, that keeps me up at night, is worrying about you guys. That’s what gives me nightmares. Your relationships to each other and that I might have messed them up.”

  He said nothing as we continued to walk.

  “I would hold a thousand poisonous snakes if it would make everything alright between everyone again. I’d jump in a fucking vat of them. But I can’t.” I squeezed his hand.

  “So instead, you want all of us to date you? At the same time?” He shoved his other hand into the pocket of his cargo shorts. “That’s not fucking fixing the problem, that’s adding to it.”

  “How do I fix this?” I stopped walking, forcing him to turn and look at me. “I fucked up so badly that everyone I care about is likely going to get hurt.” I shrugged, frustration making me clench my fists. “So, please. Tell me how to fix this without losing everything. I’ll try anything at this point.”

  “You pick someone.” Isaac ran his hands through his hair, his fingers digging into his scalp. “You pick someone, the rest deal and move on. That’s how it’s supposed to work.”

  I wiped my face we had already talked about this... “Could you do it?”

  He dropped his hands and narrowed his eyes at me. “Do what?”

  “Could you choose? If you were me, could you hurt the best friends you’ve ever had? Your family, the people you love so much that you’re willing to put the world at risk to save them. Could you point at one and say, I pick you? I care for you more than the others. Could you watch their faces as their hearts broke? Could you do that?” My head ached as indecision warred over his face. I simply waited. Because I needed an answer.

  His eyes filled with unshed tears as his breathing grew heavier. “Am I not enough for you?”

  Pain filled my chest, burning a hole straight through me. “More than any girl could ever hope for.” I took a shaky breath as I moved closer, my hands gripping his shirt. “You’re amazing. Sweet, funny, won
derful. You push me to try new things even if I’m scared. You remind me not to take life so seriously…” I had to take another deep breath through my tightening throat. “I love you and everything about you.”

  His arms moved around my waist as tears fell down his face. “Then why?”

  “Because if I choose… How can I be happy knowing my happiness is at the price of their pain?” I took several deep breaths. He had to understand. “Because I love them just as much as I love you. And losing all of you… I can’t even function from the thought.” But I would. I’d rip out my heart and leave it shattered on the ground if it meant the guys would stay friends, would stay family. Trust them, Lexie. You have to trust their history, their friendships…

  He pulled me close and buried his face in my hair as we both cried.

  “You’re more than enough, Cookie Monster. More than anyone I could ever want or ask for. I just royally fucked up.” My lungs grew tight as I tried to breath.

  He took several deep breaths with me as we both struggled for control. I don’t know how long we stood there, clinging to each other. And I didn’t care.

  When he loosened his hold and stepped back he didn’t even look like he’d been upset. Whereas I, well, I’m an ugly crier. He wiped my cheeks, held my face and kissed my forehead. I closed my eyes and just felt him.

  “I need to think about this...”

  When we were almost back to camp he squeezed my hand and let go. “I’m going to go on one of the skis for a while.”

  I nodded. Though my instincts screamed not to let him go.

  He didn’t even go change into his board shorts. He just walked down the beach and started pushing a ski into the water.

  I wrapped my arms around myself, worrying that he was going to take some stupid risk.

  “Are you alright?” Miles asked as he came to my side.

  “Could you make sure Isaac doesn’t do something stupid?” I asked in a quiet voice before turning to meet his eyes. Isaac sped off at high speed across the water.

  He took in my tear streaked face and red eyes. “Of course.” He squeezed my arm before heading down to the jet skis.

  Ethan came to my side as Miles took off at full throttle after Isaac. I closed my eyes as my heart ached. Please, Isaac…

  “What happened?” Ethan asked in that soft smoky voice I loved.

  “We talked.” Needing time alone, I turned away from the lake and headed for my tent. I needed my sketch book.

  Two hours later, I was sitting on the sand. Trying to draw… something. Anything other than the fears running through my head.

  And for the last two hours, nothing. Nada. I couldn’t come up with anything.

  I was about to give up when Ethan sat in the sand beside me. “Hey, Beautiful.”

  “Hey, Snoopy.”

  We both looked out at the water.

  “Are you going to tell me why Miles ran after my brother?” His voice was soft as he turned to me.

  “My chickens are coming home to roost.” I turned my charcoal pencil in my hands.

  “What?”

  “Nothing, I’m just… nothing.” I set the pencil down on my notebook and turned to him. “We talked, we both got upset and…” I gestured toward the water.

  He reached over and wrapped his arm around my back. “How’d it go?”

  I shook my head and started running my fingers through the sand. “You don’t really want to hear about it.”

  “If it has to do with my brother, I do.” His arm disappeared before he grabbed me behind my knees and carefully spun me to face him. Careful of my bruise on my thigh, he set my legs over his lap. My toes curled in the sand on the other side. “Now, I can hear you.”

  I gave him a half grin. “He thought he wasn’t enough for me.” My eyes filled as I looked at my hands in my lap. “I never wanted to make him feel that way…”

  Ethan’s hand ran up and down my back again. “I know, Beautiful. It’s not your fault.”

  I sniffed and looked up at him. “But look what I’m asking him to consider, what I’m asking you to do? What else is he fucking going to think?”

  He tucked a stray curl behind my ear. “You didn’t mean to make him feel that way.”

  “No, but…” I shook my head. “I should have thought about how what I was asking would make you guys feel. And I didn’t. What kind of friend does that?”

  “The ones that aren’t perfect.” He gave me a soft smile. “You can’t predict how we would react or feel.”

  “I should have realized you guys would feel like… like you aren’t important to me or something.” I took a deep breath against the weight in my chest. “I should have thought of that first.”

  “Beautiful, that’s how Isaac reacted.” His fingers on my knee made comforting circles on my skin. “You haven’t asked how I feel about it.”

  Stomach knotting, I lifted my head and met his eyes. “How… how do you feel about it?”

  He looked at me in confusion. “About what? You need to be specific.”

  I snorted. “How do you feel about the me dating everyone option?”

  He smiled a warm smile. “Relieved.”

  Everything stopped. Did he just say… “You’re relieved?”

  He nodded. “Yeah, because it meant I have a chance not to lose you.”

  His eyes were warm as I met them. The pain in my chest eased back little by little. “Snoopy…”

  He leaned in a little closer, our hair cutting off the rest of the world. “I only have one reason. You.”

  I shook my head. “But you’d be sharing me…”

  “So? I’d rather have part of you than none of you.” His warm hand rested on my knee. “Besides, I’m not exactly good at normal.”

  I smiled. It was that simple for him. He wanted to be with me. But I still had to ask… “Why did you tell me to pick Isaac?”

  His eyes grew shadowed as he took my hand and kissed my knuckles. “Because I want my brother to be happy.” He met my eyes again. “After all the shit that he went through, with Sophie, with girls, with that demon… He deserves it more than I do.”

  “You’re a good brother.”

  “I’m an amazing as fucking hell brother,” he countered, making me laugh again. “But the only way I can be with you is if everyone agrees to give this thing a try. So, I’m all for it. We just have to get the others on board.”

  Love filled me, leaving me just staring at him. Amazed that someone like him existed. I leaned forward and kissed him softly. It wasn’t long, it wasn’t passionate, but it was still filled with love.

  I pulled back and felt lighter than I had all day. “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome.” He pulled back even more. “Now, we’ve established how awesome I am. What are you working on?”

  I chuckled as I pulled my legs out of his lap. “Nothing, I couldn’t even come up with an idea.”

  “So, use real life.” His wicked smile was back. “Draw me like one of your French girls.”

  I burst out laughing as he leaned back against the tree and picked up his notebook.

  “Draw the lake.” He gestured at the water. “It doesn’t have to be a masterpiece.”

  He was right. The lake wasn’t that interesting though… I eyed Ethan as he started working in his notebook using one of my knees as a table. Smiling to myself, I started sketching his face. His general outline first… then the details…

  Asher

  I was getting ready to cook the fish that we caught for dinner when Astrid and Ranulf arrived. The pair split up. Ranulf headed over to talk to Zeke at the fire ring with Hades, checking the dog for ticks. Astrid came toward me.

  The tall blonde werewolf picked a bottle of water out of the ice chest. “Hey, little brother.”

  Brother? “Um, hey?”

  She leaned against the barbecue and gestured at me as she took a drink. “So, what happened?”

  I pulled the burger meat out of the cooler. “What?”

  “Wel
l, last time I saw you, you were human.” Astrid reached over and snagged a chip out of the bag before popping it into her mouth. “So, how did this happen?”

  I pulled out the seasonings I need and set them on table. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  When I turned back she eyed me her face puzzled.

  “What?” I looked down at my shirt, thinking I had dropped something on myself. When I found nothing, I met her eyes again. “Okay, you’re starting to creep me out.”

  She grew still. “When did you get bitten?”

  I shook my head. “What the hell are you talking about?”

  Her mouth opened. “You don’t know.”

  “Know what?” She wasn’t making any sense.

  “You haven’t…” Her eyes grew wider. “Oh, fuck.”

  At this point, I didn’t know what the fuck was going on. “Ranulf.” Ranulf turned toward us, smiling. “Do you know what Astrid is talking about?”

  Ranulf walked over, his smile fading. “Goddess?”

  “He hasn’t shifted yet,” she whispered, her eyes wide.

  Ranulf’s shoulders grew rigid. “It’s in a couple of days, isn’t it?”

  Astrid nodded slowly.

  “What’s in a couple of days? And what are you talking about?” This was really starting to get on my nerves. If they didn’t make any sense soon, I was walking away.

  Astrid turned to me, still stunned. “You’re a werewolf.”

  “Okay, yeah, sure.” I stepped around Astrid and walked away. “Which one of the guys put you up to this?”

  “Asher…” Astrid followed me. “I’m not messing around, this is serious.”

  “Extremely.” Ranulf followed as we reached the fire ring.

  “Okay, was it you who asked them to pull that prank on me?” My gaze went straight to Zeke as he continued to check Hades’ fur.

  “This isn’t a joke, kid.” Ranulf shifted to the side while Astrid moved to stand across the fire ring.

  “What isn’t?” Zeke looked up at us while scratching Hades’ ears.

  Astrid hesitated as I sat down. The twins, Miles and Ally walked back into the campsite from the lake.

  “She’s trying to tell me I’m a werewolf.” I glared at Ethan, who I was sure set it up. “Nice try, Ethan.”