by Lori Wick
"It felt like forever. Clarence had joked a little more, but then he was quiet. Josie felt sick with the motion, and I had a headache from my head being thrown against the window. I don't know how long the storm actually lasted, but at least an hour, maybe more. Clarence shouted at us to duck just as we crashed into the trees.
"The impact knocked me out. When I woke up, all was dark. There was a huge gash in the plane on Josie's side, and the rain was pouring in. Josie and Clarence wouldn't answer me, and I couldn't get my seatbelt undone." Lorri closed her eyes with the! memory.
Ruth took her hand. "Don't think about it anymore, okay? We don't have to know right now."I
Lorri looked into her mother's eyes.
"Do you ever think about yourself, Mother? Do you ever take care of yourself first?"
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Ruth's smile was crooked.
"You know me, Lorri. I just don't want you to have to live it over again and again."
"I'll probably not have it all dear in my mind for months. I keep remembering things that happened. They were so vivid at the time, but then they completely slipped away."
Ruth reached up and cupped her cheek.
"I'm so glad you're home. I missed you so much."
"Josie and I talked about that. Neither one of us would have left if we'd known we would be gone for so long."
"Sometimes I feel cheated " Max admitted. "You and Jo were away for so many years, and I didn't get to see her again."
"We talked about you every day, Max. Our hearts were never gone."
Max felt tears again, and she already had a headache-It was on the tip of her tongue to say she didn't want to cry anymore, but Muffin took care of it for her. All three women caught movement in the hallway and looked over to see Muffin dragging an underslip from Lorri's room. It was heavy enough to outweigh her, but she wasn't giving up. They laughed so loudly and suddenly that they startled Muffin. Deserting the undergarment, she rocketed down the stairs.
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Max looked beautiful for her first day back to school. She wore the navy skirt and white blouse that were Josie's, and her hair was pulled back with a red ribbon. It wasn't hard to imagine that every male head in the school was going to turn in her direction.
Lorri and Ruth were a little at loose ends when she left, and it didn't help that Buddy stood at the picture window in the living room and watched forlornly as she walked away.
"It'll be Christmas break before we know it," Ruth said, going for another cup of coffee. "Never do the days pass so swiftly as when we're on the school calendar."
"Why is that, do you think?"
"I guess because it's all blocked out in the sections of time. Septeitnber will quickly give way to October, and then Thanksgiving will be here in the blink of an eye. Christmas and the new year always rush in, and just like that," Ruth snapped her fingers, "the school year is half over. Second term goes just as fast."
"And what do you do with yourself all day?"
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"The same routine I've always had. Wash on Tuesday, clean on Wednesday, Bible study with the women on Thursday, and marketing on Friday or Saturday."
"Plus a thousand little jobs that seem to get done by themselves," Lorri added, and Ruth smiled, pleased at her observance.
"Never forget that I love it, Lorri. I love taking care of my family, and I'm always thankful that your grandfather offered us a home. I'm not sure what I would have done."
"Mother, why haven't you married again?"
Ruth's head tipped in thought.
"If the truth be told, Lorri, I wish I had, but I never met anyone who I thought might be a good father to you girls. Certainly not the way Dean has been. I don't mean to make it sound like men were lining up; the few men in the church familywho were my age didn't want a ready-made family."
"They don't know what they were missing," Lorri said, looking at her lovely, sweet mother and thinking that she would be worth any amount of adjustment a stepfather might have to make.
"Well I don't know about that," Ruth said as the doorbell rang. "I don't dwell on it. Never have and never plan to."
Lorri stayed at the table while her mother went to the door. She came back with a tearful Cora Andrews, coffee cake in hand.
"I'm just the biggest faucet in the world," Cora was saying. "I can't believe Arlene is a senior. She'll be gone before you know it. And you know how spoiled I get in the summer with Leonard around. And now he's gone too." Cora used a hankie and then looked up to find compassion on their faces.
"Would you like some coffee?" Lorri offered.
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"Yes, please," Cora said, accompanied by a sniff. "I was supposed to babysit for Martha Jones today, but the baby has a cold so she canceled her outing."
"That would have helped keep your mind off your loneliness," Ruth said kindly. "But instead, we'll have to eat this cake and cry with you."
Cora couldn't help but chuckle at Ruth's playful tone.
"Tell me something, Lorri," Ruth said conversationally. "Have you ever tasted one of Cora's coffee dikes?"
"Not for a very long time."
"Well," Ruth continued, cutting and serving as she talked, "I think it might take a good five days of crying for you to get over this, Cora, so we'll expect you each morning this week."
This was the start of laughter and lighthearted conversation. The morning didn't pass without a few more tears, but the women were very glad that Cora had dropped by, coffee cake and all.
"Hey, Max."
It was just after lunch, and Max had been studying the class list in her hand, unaware of anyone else in the hall. She stopped and looked up to see Johnny King addressing her.
"Oh, hi, Johnny." * "Are you headed to Algebra?"
"Yes."
Til walk you."
"All right."
Max didn't read too much into this. She had known Johnny for years. He was remarkably handsome, and it seemed that he
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had dated more girls in school than any other boy. Max had not been one of them.
"The summer was certainly good to you," he said about halfway down the hall.
"What makes you say that?"
"The way you look."
Max smiled at the compliment but didn't let it go to her head.
"How was your summer?" she asked.
"Good. I worked but still spent plenty of time at the beach."
Max didn't comment because she didn't know what to say.
"Rumor has it that you and Arlene have sworn off boys."
Max couldn't stop her smile. She hadn't expected that to get around but didn't mind that it had.
"We find it's easier that way."
They were at Max's class, but Johnny wasn't done.
Til just have to see if I can find a way to change your mind," he said.
Max only smiled and said she had to get to class.
"Max," Johnny called her name one last time and waited for her to turn. "I heard about your sister. I'm sorry."
"Thanks, Johnny" Max said quietly as she slipped into the classroom. She was unaware that Johnny stood and stared at the door, almost making him late to his own math class.
Some 48 hours later, the laughter and fun time with Cora was but a memory. A letter from Clarence Fuller's family had arrived. Lorn read it, her heart squeezing with pain. But not willing to waste any time, she went to the kitchen table with pen and paper, planning to write back to them directly.
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Her intentions were better than her efforts. She addressed the letter but got no further. Where did one start? What did one say? Each time Lorri thought about the emptiness for them, she felt as though she were dying inside. She didn't know what Clarence's beliefs had been. She didn't know if his family had comfort about h
is eternal whereabouts or not. And if they did comfort themselves that Clarence was in heaven, was the comfort based on belief in Jesus Christ, or were they under the false impression that because he was a good person, that must count for something?
Ruth came through the kitchen about 20 minutes later to find Lorri pacing around the table, anxiousness written all over her.
"What's going on?"
Lorri handed her the letter.
Ruth read it and then looked to the table.
"You don't know what to say, do you?"
"No, I don't. You have me. You have me here to tell you about this and answer your questions. They don't have anyone. How much do they want to know? And where do they believe he is?"
Ruth sighed. These were all very good questions, but she had no answers.
"I wish Grandpa were here to ask."
/"Why don't you hold the letter until he returns?" Ruth suggested.
Lorri looked to be considering this when the phone rang. Ruth answered it and was on the line for a time. When she got back to the kitchen table, Lorri was nowhere in sight, so she went back upstairs to work.
"Mother," Lorri called to her, and Ruth went to the top of the stairs to see her. "I'm going for a walk. I'm taking Buddy. Muffin is in the backyard."
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"Did you want me to come along?"
"No, I'll be all right."
Ruth waited only until she heard (he front door close. She moved down the stairs and to the kitchen table. Lorri had not added a word to the paper.
You know all about this family. You know their hearts and needs. I can only tell them what I know and that I'm praying for them. Please help me to word the letter gently. Help me to be clear and kind. Clarence was very brave. I just want them to know that.
Lorri had walked all the way to the park and now sat on a bench to pray. Silent tears rolled down her face as she asked God to help her. Buddy sat quietly at her feet, but Lorri wished he were on the bench so she could hide her face in his coat.
A couple walked by with a baby stroller, and Lorri felt vulnerable and exposed. She started the long walk home, unaware of the way her mother paced in the living room, guilty of worry. Ruth met her at the door, looking relieved and upset aH at the same time.
"You were gone so long" Ruth said, her arms still around her.
"I'm sorry. I didn't keep track of the time."
Ruth looked into her face. "Did the walk help?"
"I think so. I'll let you read the letter when I'm done."
Ruth nodded, ashamed of how fearful she felt but thinking she knew why. Lorri had just come back. The thought of losing her was almost unbearable. There was no excuse for worry, but if she was going to offer one, that would be it.
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Max came in the door from school to find the kitchen empty. She was ready to run upstairs to find her mother when she spotted her in the backyard.
Stretched out on two loungers were her mother and sister. Her mother was reading a book, but Lorri was sound asleep, Muffin curled in the crook of her arm. Max let herself quietly out the door and sat at the foot of her mother's lounger.
"I didn't hear you come in," Ruth said.
"I just got here." She glanced at Lorri. "Is she feeling all right?"
Ruth reached for the letter. "She wrote this today. I wrote my own copy of it, so if you're riot up to reading it, I can show you mine later."
Max started on the letter. The details she had already imagined, but when Lorri spoke about Clarence Fuller's bravery and kindness, Max's heart felt broken. Her words were kind but frank about his death and burial. She talked about all the flights they'd shared together over the years, always landing safely until this time when the elements rose up against them. Max felt drained after reading it and understood why Lorri was sleeping.
"What did you think?"
"I think they'll appreciate all she said, but it won't be easy to read."
"Easier than not knowing," Ruth said.
Max had to nod. "Yes, that's true."
"How was school?" Ruth had forgotten to ask.
"All right."
"Tell me something that happened today that you loved."
Max thought a moment.
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"We had a pop quiz in science and I got 100 percent."
"On only the third day of school? I'm impressed. Now tell me something that wasn't so fun."
Max made a face.
"I think there's this boy who's getting serious about me."
"Do I know him?"
"Johnny King."
Ruth frowned. "I thought he had a girl."
"He's had many, but word is out that Arlene and I have sworn off boys. I think he sees it as some sort of challenge."
Ruth had to smile. When Arlene and Max had first come up with their plan, everyone gave it a week, but they'd been true to their word. There was very little talk of who was cute and who was dating whom. And Max had been correct: life was much easier without all of that.
"So what will you do?"
"Just keep being kind and saying no."
"Good."
Mother and daughter exchanged a smile before Max proclaimed she was starving. When she returned to the patio, she had a snack, a pitcher of lemonade, and three tall glasses of ice. Ruth joined her daughter in the refreshments, but Lorri slept through the whole thing.
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Ruth stared down at her pillow that night, seeing the note and a little box. She saw that it was Lorri's handwriting and wondered when she'd had time to do this. Ruth sat on the edge of the bed and read the note.
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Mother, Josie bought this for you about six months ago. I found it in my trunk I don't know why she never sent it. Maybe she was saving it for your birthday.
Ruth opened the box and found a brooch inside. It was shaped like a gold bow with a gold locket hanging beneath. It so perfectly fit her taste that for a moment she didn't think she was going to survive.
How will I do this?she asked of God.How will I possibly keep on without my Josie? She knew me so well and loved me so sweetly. I want to hold her once more, Father. I want to kiss her soft brow and tell her how much she's loved and missed.
Ruth couldn't think any longer. Holding the brooch close and rocking a little with the pain, she sat on the bedside and begged God to help her through the agony. Her words were incoherent and rambling, but she knew God understood.
She prayed until she was too tired to sit up and then laid her head down on the pillow. Placing the brooch on the nightstand where she could see it, she fell asleep with the light on, her mind full of her oldest child.
"Another week has passed," Ruth announced, addressing Max and Lorri on Saturday morning, "and we stilt haven't talked about Josie's service. I want to know what you want."
"What do you want, Mother?" Max asked, realizing Ruth had never said.
"I don't think I want a memorial service with many people talking. Pastor Higgins knew Josie for about two years before she left, and I just want him to speak."
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"I'm okay with that too, but the thought of an empty casket bothers me," Lorri admitted. "If everyone wants that, I can get used to it, but it still seems strange to me."
"I was getting used to the idea," Max said. "I mean it wouldn't be open, but it could still have Josie's picture on top, that pretty one in her blue dress."
"What do you think, Lorri?" Ruth asked.
Lorri rolled her eyes.
"I was thinking the casket would be open. I don't know why, but that's what was bothering me."
"So that's not going to bother you so much?"
"No, it's fine."
"What day does Grandpa come back?" Max wondered.
"Thursday or Friday. He said he'd send Word."
"Do we know what day we're having the service?"
"No, I was going to wait for Dean to dec
ide. He just wanted us to talk about some of the details ahead of time."
So she would remember everything for the next week, Ruth wrote down all that they talked about. A feeling of unreality crept in from time to time, but she made herself concentrate. When the list was complete, she had the girls read it over and note any additional ideas.
That done, it was time to get to the grocery store. Lorri offered to go with her. Max stayed home. Arlene was coming over, and the two of them were scheduled to work on a big project for English class.
"Are you in the mood for grapes or cherries?" Ruth asked Lorri. "Cherries."
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"Bing or Royal Ann?"
"Bing."
"Wow, you're easier than Max. She has to think about things until I tell her I'm moving to the next aisle."
"Maybe she's had too many choices."
"The war took care of that. She's just indecisive," Ruth said. Then she asked, "How was the food in Australia?"
"It was good but different. I'm sure they would say the same about ours."
"I haven't told you this, but you have an accent."
"Do I really?"
"Yes, it's very slight, but certain words take on a life of their own."
"Such as?"
"Well, anything that ends with ananow has a slight r sound to it."
Lord's look over this was comical. "Like what?" she demanded.
"Like Australia. It comes out Australier."
Lorri started to giggle. She hadn't thought about it, but it was true. She did say things differently, but they sounded fine to her own ears. She said as much.
"I'm sure they do," Ruth agreed. "But if you don't mind, when we get home, you can show me whereAustralieris on the map."
Lorri began to giggle again, and Ruth only shook her head. Lorri was pushing the cart and in no hurry about it. Ruth stepped up the pace, thinking that at this rate they were going to be gone all day.
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"Permission to break our agreement?" Arlene asked, interrupting the studying long enough to speak.
"Permission granted." Max went along.
"Word in the hallways is that Johnny King is completely smitten with you."
"I'm getting that impression."
"You didn't tell me this."
"We've sworn off boys."
"But at this moment we're off the record, so tell me now."