But everything feels dead.
Lifeless.
Empty.
“I want tonight to be about you,” I say with a groan, escaping her hands just before they dip below the band of my sweatpants. She pouts for only a moment before I’m on my knees, tugging her ass to the edge of the bed. “Let me discover you.”
At that, her eyes heat with desire again, and she smirks, letting me have my way with her.
And I do.
I take my time, testing out what makes her writhe. Is it when I flick my tongue over her clit, or when I roll it hot and flat along her seam? Is it when my fingers just barely enter her, or when they curl deep inside? Does she like it when I bite her and grip her hard and give her bruises, or does she want me slow and soft and romantic, does she want care and concern?
I find the answers to every single one of my questions, but I do so with a sort of distant, numb version of myself — as if I have a clone, and I’m in a room miles away controlling him.
I asked Becca to take it slow because I’d been hurt before. Because I felt so much for her. Because I knew she was special, and I didn’t want to fuck it all up by moving fast.
I’d waited so long to touch her this way.
And yet, I feel nothing.
Becca’s nails dig into my flesh. Her body writhes in my sheets. Her cries are heard through the entire Omega Chi house before she grabs one of my pillows and bites down hard to subdue them.
She comes with her hands in my hair and my name on her lips.
And still, I am numb.
THE EXCITEMENT THAT COURSES through my veins on the first day of a new semester is a neon flashing sign for how big of a nerd I am.
Fortunately, I’ve gotten pretty good at hiding my geeked-out joy, though if anyone looked close enough, I’m sure they’d see it.
I’m sure they’d see my hands shaking a little as I unpack my new notebook and fresh pack of Le Pens, ordering them in color on my desk, ready to mark up the syllabus once the professor hands it out. They’d see my smile — not overly obnoxious or visibly excited, but permanent in its place. They’d see that my new, short hair is perfectly styled and that I had this outfit laid out a week in advance. They’d see the foot hanging where my legs are crossed under my desk, swinging slightly, and the cool, calm collectiveness I’m faking as I open my laptop — just in case I need to take notes there, too.
It’s junior year, and I’m not messing around.
I’m finally out of all of the general education classes, and firmly in the core curriculum that will get me my bio med degree. This isn’t even the prerequisites we’re talking about. I’m done with biology I and II, with organic chemistry, with my first labs. I’m officially in the classes that really matter, the ones where I don’t just like getting As, but where I will need them if I have any prayer of getting into the medical schools on my dream list.
This is it. The big leagues.
And I’m ready.
I uncap the deep blue Le Pen first, writing Genetics in perfectly neat handwriting at the top of my notebook, and feeling a zip of excitement run through my veins just as a familiar voice speaks my name.
“Cassie?”
All the joy fades instantly when I look up and find Grayson standing in front of my desk, something between a smile and a cringe on his face.
“Hi,” he says when I don’t respond.
“What the hell are you doing here?”
I can’t help the bitterness in my voice when I finally speak, and a few students around us cast us weary glances as Grayson cocks a brow.
“Same as you, I’d expect.” He holds up his notebook with a black pen hooked in the spiral ring.
I narrow my eyes. “You’re a music major. Why are you in Genetics?”
What was left of his smile slides off his face like a runny egg. His eyes harden — eyes the color of a deep sapphire.
Eyes I used to long for, to lose hours in.
To lose myself in.
“Yeah, well, let’s just say I was a music major, but my father decided that wasn’t an option anymore.”
My heart squeezes with something close to sympathy before my head snuffs it out with a firm boot heel. “Okay. That still doesn’t explain how you’ve met the pre-reqs for this class.”
“I took a lot last semester and over the summer. You would know that if you were still speaking to me.”
My jaw clenches. “Why in God’s name would I ever talk to you again?” I shake my head, throwing my hands up. “I don’t know why I’m talking to you now!”
More people turn to look at us, and I blush, ignoring him as I turn my attention back to my pen and notebook.
“Cassie, I’m sorry—”
“Just leave me alone, Grayson.”
He stands there for a long while, and I ignore him dutifully until he finally concedes and takes a seat somewhere behind me.
And from that moment on, my focus is shot.
It’s impossible not to think about the fact that I’m in the same room, the same class, the same fucking lab with my ex-boyfriend who cheated on me and made a fool of me, and almost cost me my relationship with the one man who truly loves me. No matter how I try, every part of my mind and body is unpleasantly aware of my proximity to that danger.
I sit there with my jaw clenched, my brain a whir of angry nonsense as I try to listen to the professor warn us that we’re in for a challenging semester. I take notes, mark up my syllabus, and add important dates to my calendar on my laptop, all while trying to pretend I don’t care that Grayson is a few seats behind me.
When the professor dismisses us, I bolt out of that room like it’s on fire, not giving Grayson the chance to even attempt to talk to me again. It’s not until I’m a hundred yards away from the science building and nearly to the student union that I take a calming breath, releasing the tension in my chest.
As soon as I do, I’m lifted from behind and spun around in a frenzied circle.
I scream, swatting at the arms around me until I’m dropped back to the Earth. When I turn and find a sexy, lazily smiling Adam, I shove him hard in the chest.
“Asshole! You scared the living hell out of me!”
He chuckles, wrapping me in a warm hug and kissing my nose as I pout. “I’m sorry, babe. I just couldn’t resist. I haven’t seen you since this morning. I missed you.”
“You saw me three hours ago,” I say, but already I’m smiling and leaning into his chest with a sigh. I wrap my arms around his waist and rest my head under his.
“Three hours is too long.” He pulls back, grabbing my hand as we continue making our way toward the student union. “How was class?”
Anxiety rips through me — and this time, not from having Grayson in the same room with me, but with the decision of whether or not I should tell Adam that he was in the same room with me. I glance at him from the corner of my eyes, swallowing.
“It was fine.”
“Fine?” he asks with a smirk. “You were practically bouncing like a little kid about to ride a carousel when I dropped you off in front of the science building. How come you’re not smiling like a loon now?”
I blow out a breath. “It’s an advanced Genetics class, Adam, not a carnival. Excuse me if I’m not excited about the massive amount of lab work I’ll have this semester.”
I inwardly cringe at the way I snapped at him, but he just stops walking, pulling me to a halt, too, and framing my face with his hands.
“Hey, I’m sorry,” he says — even though it’s me who should be apologizing. His brown eyes search mine. “Are you okay? Did something happen?”
I sigh, shaking my head and leaning my forehead against his. “I’m just a little stressed with the new workload, I think.”
It’s a lie. A blatant lie. And I can’t figure out why I’m making it. I should just tell him what happened, tell him Grayson is in my class and it freaked me out to see him after everything.
But Adam and I are finally happy. We’re finally t
ogether — really together. We’ve spent the whole summer falling in love and getting even closer than we ever were before. And for the first time since we met, there’s no one and nothing between us.
And I don’t want to ruin it.
Adam kisses my forehead, pulling me in for a long hug with his chin balanced on the crown of my head. “That’s understandable, Red.”
I pinch his side and he makes an oaf! sound before chucking and hugging me tighter.
“How about we grab lunch, I’ll walk you to your next class, and then when you’re done we can go get Moon Pie pizza and hide away in my bed for the rest of the night?”
I pull back and peer up at him. “I thought we were going to work out after class?”
He shrugs, a smirk on his too-hot-for-his-own-good face. “We can work extra hard tomorrow. Tonight, I want to hold my beautiful, amazing, smart, incredible girlfriend and make all her stress go away.” He leans in, grabbing my ass as he whispers in my ear. “And I know many ways to do it.”
I shove him away with a roll of my eyes, pretending to be annoyed, but as soon as he’s away from me I’m grabbing his hand and holding it tight. I lean up to kiss his cheek. “You’re perfect.”
“That’s you, baby girl. Now,” he says, opening the door to the boisterous student union. “What’s for lunch?”
“ALRIGHT, LADIES,” ERIN SAYS, highlighting something on her clipboard before smiling at the group of our sorority sisters gathered in her bedroom. “I think that’s it for today. Thank you for meeting with me. I think it’s important that we’re all on the same page heading into our first Sunday Chapter of the semester tomorrow — especially since we’ll have the most fantastic group of new members this sorority has ever seen, thanks to J-Love.”
I smile and pretend like I’m blushing, waving off the little round of applause from the other executive board members.
“Oh, stop. You’re too kind.”
“Don’t play modest,” Ashlei teases. “We all know you’re not.”
I toss one of Erin’s pillows at her, and then everyone is dismissed.
Ashlei kisses both me and Erin on the cheek before being one of the first to bolt out of the room. It’s Saturday, which is about the only day she and her sexy, suit-wearing CEO can get in some hump time nowadays, and she doesn’t play coy when she lets us know that’s exactly where she’s heading. But I hang around until everyone else is gone and it’s just me and Erin.
“Great first meeting, Prez,” I say, reaching into her secret stash of snacks in her bedside table drawer. I crack open a bag of white cheddar popcorn and shove a handful in my mouth. “On a scale of one to ten, how ready are you for this semester to be over?”
She smiles, still jotting something down in her planner. “You know I love being president, and I’m in no rush to graduate, either. But, I’ll admit,” she says with a sigh, finally looking at me. “It’s been a rough few months, and I’m not excited to be back in the full swing of things.”
I frown, wiping my hands together to dust off the cheese powder before I hop off her bed. I lean against the foot of it right in front of where she’s seated in her desk chair. “How are you, Ex?” I ask. “I mean, really.”
Erin sighs, capping her highlighter and shutting her planner. “I’m okay. I actually have group therapy in about an hour, so I need to get ready for that.”
“Group therapy?” I ask. “I know you were seeing a therapist over the summer, but I didn’t realize it was a group thing.”
“This is part of my overall recovery plan,” she explains. “Something my therapist recommended. It’s been good,” she adds quickly, and I don’t miss something curious in her eyes as she smiles. “Strange… but good.”
I smile in return, but my heart aches for my best friend. She hasn’t been herself in what feels like at least a year, and I hardly noticed because I’d been caught up in my own shit. I was caught up in Jarrett, in Greg, in Kade. I had no idea what Erin had been through, or why she hadn’t told any of us, but I was glad she was getting help.
“You know you can talk to me,” I say, barely above a whisper. “I love you, and I would never judge.”
“I know,” she says, and she stands, wrapping me in a hug that surprises me. I wrap my arms around her hesitantly while she squeezes me tight. “And I will. One day.”
When she releases me, she hangs her hands on her hips, eyes on her closet. “Welp. Time to figure out what the hell to wear.”
“To therapy?” I smirk, pushing myself off the bed to stand. “I’m sure what you have on is fine, Ex.”
“Well, I might go to dinner after, so I just want to be prepared for both.”
I cock a brow. “Dinner? With who?”
Her eyes widen as she finds me, but she shrugs quickly. “Just some kids from therapy.”
She doesn’t elaborate, and I take it as a cue that she doesn’t want me prying, so I drop it, but not before giving her a look that I know lets her know that I know.
Something.
I just don’t know what I know.
“Alright,” I say, still eyeing her. “Well, I’ll see you at Chapter tomorrow. Love you.”
She makes a kissy face, dipping into her closet as I let myself out.
Skyler is nowhere to be found when I make it to our room down the hall, so I put on some music while I get ready. I take my time, brushing my teeth and applying my makeup with care before slicking my long hair back into a fierce, high ponytail. I dig out one of my favorite little black dresses, slipping it on over my head — but only after layering up my new, hot pink lingerie set — complete with a garter belt and stockings.
When I’m dressed, I slip into my high heels and make my way downstairs, a wicked grin on my face as I fire Kade’s car to life. It’s a short walk down Greek Row to the Alpha Sigma house, but I want to remind him that I’m the one with the power in our little arrangement.
Plus, high heels and long walks are not friends.
I haven’t talked to Kade since he showed up on the Kappa Kappa Beta front porch during rush week. Now that recruitment is over and the first week of classes is under my belt, I’m ready to deal with him.
And he may think he’s ready, but he’s nowhere near.
I park my car in the Alpha Sigma parking lot, ignoring the blatant stares and gaping mouths as I strut my ass through the yard, shoving the front door open without knocking.
I know the code, obviously, because I’m fucking J-Love.
Adam is in the living room with a group of his brothers, and they all stop talking when they see me. But I don’t acknowledge a single one, keeping my eyes locked on the hallway as I make my way toward it.
Every open door I pass is quickly filled with heads leaning out to watch me walk by, and I smirk at the power I feel rushing through my veins. When I make it to Kade’s room, I stand in the doorway, popping my weight onto one hip.
He’s on his bed, with two other brothers in the room with him. One is in the bean bag on his floor, and the other is sitting backward in Kade’s desk chair, all of their eyes locked on the television screen.
On some stupid video game, to be more exact.
At first, none of them look up, but the one in the bean bag glances toward the door. He looks back to the television, then does a double-take, and his jaw drops as he hits the leg of the kid sitting on the chair.
“What the fuck, you’re both going to die,” Kade says, still hammering away at the remote control in his hands. He scowls. “What are you losers gaping at?”
Then, he turns and sees me, and all the blood drains from his face.
Carnage ensues on the television screen with the three of them watching me, and I smirk like the devil I am.
“Out,” I say simply to the two brothers with their jaws on the floor.
They jump up without question, averting their eyes from me the best they can as they make their way past me and into the hall. As soon as they’re gone, I shut the door behind me and turn to face Kade.
“So,” I say, walking toward him with my hips swaying slowly and purposefully. His eyes drink in every inch of me, and when I’m right in front of where he’s sitting on the edge of his bed, I stop, just out of his reach. “Have you been a good boy?”
His eyes grow hungrier and hungrier, his erection already so hard and strong that his basketball shorts look like a fucking tent.
I reach out and forcefully grab his chin, tugging it up until his eyes are on mine. “Answer me.”
“Define good,” he rasps out, already panting.
“Did you listen to my instructions when you left the Kappa Kappa Beta house?”
He gives me a look of confusion, and I’m so annoyed I roll my eyes and debate dropping the whole thing.
But, truth be told, I’m turned on, too.
And I’m just getting started.
I release his chin, trailing the long fingernail of my pointer finger down his chest, his abs, running it along his hard shaft as he inhales a stiff breath. “I told you not to touch your dick until I saw you,” I remind him, then I grasp his cock hard and squeeze, and he groans, head falling back. “Did you listen?”
“Um…”
I squeeze again, this time in a way that I know probably hurts as much as it makes him feel good.
He winces, but his hips buck against the touch, anyway. “I… I…”
“Don’t lie to me.”
I stroke him softer, rolling my hand from the tip down to the base, all with the fabric still separating us.
He looks at me again. “I didn’t listen.”
I cluck my tongue. “Bad boy. I’ll have to punish you for that.”
To be clear, I have no idea where this dominatrix side of me has come from. All I know is that I woke up with the urge to hurt Kade after him blowing me off this summer and then making a show of himself at the KKB house during rush.
Ritual: A New Adult College Romance (Palm South University Book 5) Page 2