She has something I want, and I’m not leaving without it.
“Kade,” I say, turning my attention back to him with my smile still in place. “Can I steal you for a second?”
He shrugs, oblivious, whispering something in his unsuspecting victim’s ear before she giggles and runs her hand over his chest, slick with tanning oil. “Hurry back,” she says, and then she grabs his junk over his shorts, right there in front of everyone, outlining the thick shaft that I had inside me just days ago.
I turn before rage can seethe through me, not checking to see if Kade is following, because I know he knows better than not to. I just stalk toward one of the tents set up for shade reprieve, and when I step inside it, I thank Adam and his fraternity brothers for being smart enough to put fans with water spritzers inside each one of them.
It feels like heaven.
I sigh, turning just as Kade joins me in the tent. It’s a large one, with space for at least a couple dozen people, but most everyone is out in the sun or on a boat. There’s a couple making out on one of the couches in the corner, but I snap at them and point to the tent flap, and without a word, they exit.
Then, it’s just me and Kade.
I cross my arms, mouth twisting to the side as I wait for him to say something.
“Uh…” He looks around, cocking a confused brow. “Am I in trouble or something?”
“What are you doing?”
“Currently? Standing in a tent with you wondering why you look like you want to murder me right now.”
“I mean, with Miss Tits for Brains out there.” I cringe. “Sorry, I didn’t mean that, I’m sure she’s lovely and very intelligent and driven and resilient.”
Kade chuckles. “I wouldn’t know, I just met her.”
“Well, you seem to be very acquainted, judging by how she just wrapped her hand around your cock in front of your brothers and me and God and everyone else.”
A moment of silence passes, and Kade’s smirk climbs higher as he crosses his arms over his chest, his stance even cockier with that damn belt hanging around his hips. “Jess… are you jealous?”
“No.”
“No?” he asks, taking a step toward me. “Because it kind of seems like you might be jealous.”
“I’m not.”
“Then why’d you pull me in here?”
He’s still walking toward me, and I take a few steps back, until I run into one of the several cocktail tables set up inside the tent. Just as I do, three Omega Chi brothers stumble into the tent. Kade turns around and points at the door they just came through, and they laugh, all drunk, throwing their hands up before exiting again.
“I haven’t done anything wrong, have I?” Kade pushes again when we’re alone. “We had a deal, did we not?”
“We did.”
“You’ve been a great instructor; I was just testing out my skills.”
I scoff.
His brow arches higher, and he moves into my space, trapping me between his hot, toned body and the table behind me. My hands press into his chest, and he places his palms flat on the table, staring down his nose at me.
“If you want to re-negotiate our terms,” he husks. “I’m all ears.”
I want to growl. I want to scream and slap him and shove him away and spit on him for good measure.
But I also want him to take those big bear hands of his and put them on every inch of me.
Jesus Christ, what is happening?
And it’s then that I realize it.
I like him.
I fucking like him, and I hate myself for it, but it’s true. Somewhere between all the teasing and fucking and fooling around, I started liking the time we spend together.
And he’s right.
I am jealous.
Fuck.
“Fine. I still want to teach you,” I say, dragging my nails slowly down his chest to his abdomen. Each inch lower makes his cock twitch, growing where it’s pressed against me, and I instantly react to the power I feel from having that effect on him. “Because God knows, you still have a lot to learn.”
“I’m sure I do,” he says, his voice low and husky.
“But if I’m going to teach you, then I want to reap the benefits.”
“And?”
“And…” I say, dragging my fingertips down lower. I slip them under the band of his shorts and revel in the stiff inhale it elicits from him. “I want to be the only one who gets to reap the benefits.”
I try to shove my hand down his pants, but he stops me, wrapping his hand around my wrist with force. “Meaning?”
“Fuck you, Kade,” I say, writhing in his grasp with my swimsuit so wet you would have thought I’d already been in the water. “Don’t make me say it.”
“If you want me inside you right now,” he whispers, using his free hand to skate up the inside of my thighs. His thick knee presses between them, spreading me wider, my back aching where I’m pressed against the table. “You have to say it.”
“Fuck,” I moan, ripping my hands free of his grasp to hold onto his shoulder. His thigh rubs against my swimsuit, the friction heating my clit, and my eyelids flutter at the sensation.
“Come on, Jess,” he teases, releasing the belt around his waist with one snap. In the next breath, he reaches into his shorts and pulls his cock out, holding it, throbbing and hard in his hand, right between my thighs. “What. Do. You. Want.”
I’m practically salivating, and in that moment, I’d say anything to have his dick inside me.
I convince myself that’s why I reach up on my tiptoes and bite his lower lip, sucking it between my teeth before I whisper, “Be mine.” My hand wraps around his cock, replacing his, and I grab his ass, making him thrust into my grip. “And make me yours, too.”
Kade answers with a growl, whipping me around to face the table so fast I have no choice but to brace myself on it. My fingers have barely wrapped around the edges before one of his hands is crooking me at the hips, and the other is yanking my swimsuit to the side, and in the next inhale, I’m filled to the brim — all at once, brutally and punishing, a claiming thrust that kills me as much as it makes me feel alive.
“Oh God, you feel so fucking good,” he groans, nipping at my ear as his hands find my hips and slam me onto him again. “All that talking made you wet, didn’t it, babe?”
“Yes,” I whimper, and I want to slap myself because I don’t whimper for a man. But here I am, putty in his hand, legs shaking and orgasm already building from just a few thrusts.
I reach down and shove my swimsuit farther to the side, rubbing my clit as he pounds into me. It’s fast and animalistic, and it takes everything in me to be fucking quiet so not everyone on the beach knows I’m getting railed inside this tent. Not that I particularly care, but I’m at least trying to be discreet.
Kade reaches down, hiking one of my legs up to where I’m balanced on just one foot, but he’s holding all of my weight, allowing me to spread my legs open wider and rub my clit until I come in a burst of gasps and fire. I quiver and shake in his grasp, and his mouth claims mine, my neck bent so forcefully it hurts, but the kiss is too good to break. And Kade keeps going, pounding into me, forcing me to open wider and wider for him as I ride the waves.
When my climax recedes, I’m even more weak, and I know that if it wasn’t for him holding me, I’d collapse to the ground. But we’re still kissing, tongues and teeth clashing, biting and licking, until he grunts something that sounds like coming and rips himself out of me, whipping me around and forcing me into the sand on my knees.
I don’t even think twice, just open my mouth and guide him into it just in time to catch his hot release down my throat. He shoves a little too far down and I gag, but he holds me there, and I squeeze my eyes shut in an attempt to focus and not gag again.
I’m so fucking turned on I want a round two already.
When he’s spent, he pulls out of me slowly, trembling, and I swallow, looking up at him with a wicked smile and wiping the corners of my mou
th.
“So, you’re mine?” I ask, and he just laughs, a lazy smile on his face as he yanks up his shorts and collapses into the sand next to me.
Kade pulls me under his arm, kissing my temple, chest still heaving. “All yours, you devil woman,” he says.
Then, he palms my tit with a grin.
“And these are all mine.”
THE SUNDAY AFTER HALLOWEEN, an entire plate of hummus and tzatziki sits untouched between me and Erin, along with fresh, hot pita bread and a smorgasbord of vegetables. It’s been there for at least five minutes now, but neither of us moves for it, and I’ve nearly drained my first beer as Erin has attempted small talk. The way her eyebrows are drawn together as she watches me from across the table, I have a feeling she’s about done with that.
Thank God.
Now we can get this over with.
“Thank you for agreeing to meet me,” she says, tentatively tucking a strand of hair behind one ear. Her hair is longer now than it was at the end of last semester, when her head was in the toilet and she told me unknowingly about our baby. She was an absolute wreck that night, but this evening, she looks… calm. At peace. She looks like she’s getting sleep and eating.
Still, she watches me with worry etched in every feature, and I find that as fucked up as it is, I like that aspect the most.
Erin clears her throat when I don’t answer, folding her hands in her lap with her eyes falling to the hummus plate. “I don’t know how to start, so I’m just going to talk. And I know a lot of this might not make sense to you, but… I guess, I just wanted to talk to you. I wanted to explain what happened.” She lifted her eyes to me then. “Why I made the choices I made.”
I inhale a stiff breath, draining the last of my beer and signaling to the waitress for another. She delivers it promptly, seeing as how there are only a dozen tables inside the small restaurant.
Erin offers a gentle smile as I take my first sip, something like pity in her eyes now.
“When we slept together, neither of us really knew each other. I mean, I asked you to semi-formal on the heels of your fraternity being on probation, and then we accidentally got too drunk and…”
She pauses when I take three dramatically large gulps from my beer, belching before I set the glass back down on the table. Her eyes stick there for a moment before she swallows and continues.
“I mean, neither of us even really remembered it the next morning. Do you recall that? We laughed it off, promised not to tell anyone… it wasn’t serious.”
“Is there a point here?”
Erin blows out a slow breath. “Bear, we weren’t in a relationship. We still aren’t ready for a child, let alone back then. We’re just kids ourselves. And when I found out I was pregnant… I did come to you.”
“Bullshit.”
“Let me finish,” she says, holding up one hand. “I came to you, before I even took the test, actually. I wanted to do it together. I knew we could figure it out. But when I went to you… you were with Shawna.”
I frown, tracing back through my memory for what she could possibly be talking about. “I don’t understand.”
Erin takes all her hair and wraps it over one shoulder, taking a deep breath. “I went back to your room, and I was knocking but you didn’t answer, and when I walked in… I didn’t know her at the time, but you and Shawna were…” She swallows. “Indisposed.”
My gaze hardens.
“And, I don’t know, Bear. I just, I felt so fucking silly. Like, we had a one-night stand, and I expected you to hold my hand while I peed on a stick? I mean, these were my exact thoughts.” She shakes her head. “I felt like a fool. How could I expect that of you, of anyone in college?”
I take another pull of my beer in lieu of answering.
“Anyway, so I took the test alone, and… well… obviously, I was pregnant. But I lied to Jess, who was the only one who even knew I was suspicious about being pregnant. I told her it was a stomach flu. And then…”
She doesn’t finish, and I squeeze the glass so hard in my hand, I wonder if I can break it like the Hulk.
Erin’s expression softens, and she reaches forward, wrapping her hand around my wrist before I can flinch away. As soon as I feel her warmth, something inside me cracks, and emotion stings my nose, but I fight it back.
“I am so sorry, Bear,” she says, her eyes glossing with tears. “I was a coward. I should have come to you. I know that now, but I also know it doesn’t change what I did. At the time, I thought it was the right thing to do. And I’m sorry I didn’t include you in the decision, but… it was my body. And ultimately, it was my choice.”
I shake my head, tearing back from her grasp. “I know it was your choice. And I would have supported it, Ex — even more so if you would have just fucking told me.”
She breaks at my words, swiping at the tears streaming down her cheeks furiously. “I know that now. I didn’t know that then, but I do now. I know that you were the one who saw I wasn’t okay before anyone else. I know that you were the one who saved me when Landon…” Her voice breaks, and another zip of pain splits my chest open. “When he raped me, when his brothers stole every ounce of innocence I had, you were there. You saved me. You kept my secret even when I knew it killed you.” She rolls her lips together, more tears tumbling over her cheeks. “You are the most amazing man I know, and you are my best friend. And I am so sorry I hurt you.”
Every muscle in my jaw is tight and burning as I fight off the emotion strangling my throat. I just shake my head, over and over, gaze lost in the distance before I finally pull my eyes back to hers.
“Listen. I know you’re going to therapy, and I’m really fucking glad you are. Okay? I want you to be okay. I do,” I say, and I mean it. “I also know that you’re sorry,” I continue, forcing a breath. “But that doesn’t mean I have to forgive you. So, don’t expect me to.”
“Bear,” her voice cracks, and she reaches for me again, but I’m already up out of my chair, abandoning my napkin on the table, as well as what’s left of my beer.
“Excuse me,” I murmur, and then I’m gone, out of the restaurant and in the first campus cab I see.
My heart is thundering in my chest as the car carries me to the other side of campus, and then I’m on Becca’s doorstep, and as soon as she opens the door and sees me, she invites me in, wrapping me in a warm hug that I completely collapse into.
I’m not sure how long she holds me, how long I have to use every ounce of willpower I have to fight off the tears my body is desperate to let free, but eventually, she grabs me by the hand and pulls me back to her room. Her dorm mate doesn’t seem to be around, which I’m thankful for as she closes the door behind us.
She sits us on her bed, wrapping her arms around me and leaning her head on my chest. For the longest time, we just hold each other, and she takes long, exaggerated breaths, cueing me to do the same.
After a while, she whispers, “Is this about the trip?”
I sigh, running my fingers over her hip where I hold her against me. Just feeling her warmth already makes me feel better. “Partly.”
“How did it go?”
I swallow. “Well, Clayton is convinced I’m a monster because I don’t believe our lying, sack-of-shit mother when she says she’s back for good.”
“Was she drugged out?”
“No,” I admit. “She seems clean, actually. But I don’t trust it.”
“What’s the other part?”
I sigh, debating how much I should tell her. “I just met up with Erin, and we… we had a fight.”
Becca stiffens in my grasp, sitting up even when I try to hold her there in my arms. She shakes her head, looking out her window before her eyes land on me. “You saw Erin before you saw me?”
Shit.
I let out a long sigh. “She asked if I’d have dinner with her,” I explain. “She wanted to apologize.”
“For what?”
Fuck.
Another hot breath leaves my no
se, and I roll my lips together, looking anywhere but back at Becca.
“I asked you last semester if there was anything between you and Erin, and you said there wasn’t.”
“There’s not.”
“Then why are you holding this…” She waves her hand in the air. “Grudge against her? You haven’t talked to her or about her since the night of Skyler’s poker tournament, and now you’re meeting her for dinner for her to apologize for… what?”
I swallow.
“What happened, Bear?”
Still, I don’t answer. And it kills me, because I know Becca is pissed, and hurt, and as much as I am angry with Erin, it’s still not my place to tell anyone what happened.
Becca shakes her head, sliding off the bed before I can stop her. She stands, crossing her arms and watching me. “Maybe you should look at that.”
I frown. “At what?”
“You told me about what happened with you and Shawna, how you never forgave her, even when she came to you begging for you to understand. And when you held a grudge against Skyler for half a semester. And how you wrote off your mom completely, and now that she’s back and legitimately trying, you won’t have any part of it.”
Defensiveness prickles in my chest, and I stand up, too, ready to combat her. But she holds up a hand to silence me.
“And, on top of all that, whatever is happening with Erin that she needs to apologize, which — judging by the way you were acting when you first got here — I’m assuming you didn’t accept either.”
I clamp my mouth shut at that.
Becca shakes her head, her golden eyes thick with confusion and pity as she watches me. “You don’t give second chances, even when someone maybe deserves one. Why is that, Bear?”
I blink at the accusation, skin hot and uncomfortable for the way it sinks into my gut like an anchor.
Becca holds her hands out toward me, palms up, desperation in her voice. “Have you never made a mistake? Have you never hurt someone?”
My little brother’s words echoed on my girlfriend’s lips.
She waits for me to answer and gives me plenty of time to do so. But when I don’t, she just shakes her head, tears blurring her vision as she opens her door.
Ritual: A New Adult College Romance (Palm South University Book 5) Page 12