by Mari Carr
“I’m not the best judge when it comes to the guys I date, Mom. My track record sucks.”
“That’s standard operating procedure for everyone. You kiss a lot of frogs and then, one day, voila, the prince.”
“Lucas Whiting cannot be the prince.”
“Why not?” Mom raised her hand to cut off Caitlyn’s argument. “And no more about his determination to buy the pub. Take that out of the equation completely. If it was just you and Lucas, would you keep going out with him?”
Caitlyn had resisted considering what her mother was forcing her to think about for days. It was easy to justify her reasons for running by claiming outside forces were working against them. At least in that scenario, she could pretend she was acting on principle, taking the high road.
But that wasn’t why she’d run from him, and she knew it. It was because he was a threat to her well-ordered life, to the part of her that truly believed she was self-aware and had her shit together.
Wasn’t that his reason for giving her a three-day reprieve?
“Get your shit together,” he’d said. At the time, she had wanted to rail at him, berate him and tell him she’d had her act together perfectly before he had swooped in and fucked it all up.
Yeah. Right. She’d been fucked up before him.
“He’s…just…” Caitlyn struggled for the words to explain. “Different from the other men I’ve dated before.”
“I know. He’s a very dominant man, alpha to the core. Sammy is a marshmallow in comparison.”
“How can you say that? About him being dominant? You’ve never even met him.”
“I was at the meeting the first time he stopped by to make an offer on the pub.”
“Oh. I didn’t know that.”
“I knew it in an instant, could hear it in his voice, in the way he held himself, always so in control. When Tris and Ewan said he’d asked you out, I was concerned.”
Caitlyn rolled her eyes and sighed. “We’re going to have the talk, aren’t we?”
Mom laughed. “We had the talk when you were twelve, Caitlyn. I think this falls under the heading of something else altogether, though I haven’t a clue what to call it. Should we just go for girl talk between best friends?”
“Is it going to include you talking about sex with my dad?”
“Absolutely.”
“Fuck. Okay. Fine. Dad…he’s…God, I can’t believe I’m going to say this…he’s dominant too, right?” Caitlyn had never spoken those words aloud, had never let her thoughts linger on that idea for long. It was one thing for her to acknowledge she had submissive tendencies that she had likely gotten from her mother. It was another thing entirely to think about her father commanding her mom to kneel or, Jesus, any of those other things Lucas had done with her.
“He is.”
“Did you know that when you started dating him?”
Her mother nodded. “Yes. He told me the first night he asked me out.”
“And did you know that you…” Caitlyn waved her hand around a few times, letting the gesture speak what she couldn’t.
“I didn’t realize I was a submissive. In fact, I fought him quite a bit of the way.”
“Oh.”
“You’re older than I was when I started dating your dad. And you probably picked up on things at home without realizing what you were seeing. I mean, Will and I moved all the D/s play to the bedroom after you and Lochlan were born, but I’m certain those attributes still showed up in other ways.”
“Maybe. It’s just so…” she paused, aware that she was going to reveal too much with her next comment. She forged on anyway. She was messed up in the head, and she needed some of her mother’s wisdom. “It’s so intense. Being with him.”
“But you enjoy it.”
She nodded. She did. Too much. “I made that mistake before, you know. Stayed with Sammy because the sex was good. That didn’t mean he was the right man for me.”
“You’ve been so anxious to find your true love and move on to the next part. I blame your grandfather for that. Man is a sucker for a love story and I’m sure he planted plenty of seeds in your head about how amazing it is to find the one you want to spend the rest of your life with.”
“But Pop Pop’s not wrong. I mean, look at you and Dad. And Teagan and Sky. And well, all of you. You all found love and happiness and the perfect life. There’s not a single divorce in our family, which is sort of unheard of. What if I’m the one who breaks that streak?”
“It’s not a contest or a rule, Caitlyn. And you can’t force love. When it’s real, when it’s right, you’ll know it.”
Caitlyn didn’t want to acknowledge that she knew that. Now. Before, she’d tried to pretend that companionship with nice guys was close enough to right. She’d been so wrong. The silence between her and her mom lingered because Caitlyn wasn’t sure how to respond.
Turned out she didn’t need to. Her mom knew her too well.
“I can’t help but wonder if your hesitance in regards to Lucas centers on the fact that he may be the right man.”
Caitlyn lifted her hands in frustration. “Which brings us right back to the reason I can’t go out with him. He’s trying to take our family’s business, our home, away from us. Family means everything in the world to me. I could never be with someone who tried to hurt mine.”
“So bring him by, let us get to know him.”
“Bring the fox into the henhouse.”
Mom reached across the table, taking her hand and giving it a quick squeeze. “You keep alluding to the fact that we’re weak, that we can’t protect what’s ours. While I appreciate that you’re upset, I’d be careful with that kind of talk around your uncles. You’ll hurt their feelings.”
“I don’t think our family is weak.”
“And I don’t think we’re the reason you’re avoiding Lucas Whiting. He got under your skin and it scared you. You’ve been struggling your entire life, trying to make the pieces of who you are fit. In one night, Lucas proved you were putting the puzzle together wrong. There are a million ways to have sex, Caitlyn, but only one way to give your heart and soul to someone who is worthy of it. Falling in love is very similar to submitting. Both require you to give up some measure of control. What you have to decide is if you’re willing to do that.”
Her mom always had a way of saying things that made her feel better.
“Okay.” Caitlyn smiled. “That helps.”
Mom rose from the booth, coming around to kiss her on the forehead. “Thank your grandfather. He always gave the best advice. Must have rubbed off a bit.”
Caitlyn laughed as her mom returned to work. Then she took out her cell phone and opened her list of contacts.
Her emotions were a jumbled mess. She wasn’t afraid of Lucas physically—quite the opposite—but emotionally, she was terrified. Lucas Whiting was going to break her heart. There wasn’t a doubt of that in her mind. And yet she couldn’t put the brakes on this runaway train. Couldn’t find an ounce of self-preservation that would allow her to stop what she was about to do.
Her finger hovered over Lucas’s number.
And then she realized—right or wrong—there was only one answer.
She hit dial—and was surprised to hear a phone begin ringing directly behind her.
She turned at the sound and found Lucas standing there, looking at her, though his phone was in his hands.
“You squeaked that in just under the wire.” He was grinning, far too pleased with himself.
She turned her phone off and glanced at the door he’d just walked through. “You caved before I did.”
He reached out a hand and she stood. And then he shocked her by hugging her. Like a genuine glad-to-see-you, friendly hug. “You’re a sight for sore eyes.”
She heard a groan behind her and Ewan muttered, “Dammit.”
She sighed. “That didn’t take long.” Then she turned to face Uncle Ewan. “You were saying?”
“Nothing,” he mumbled
.
Glancing over Ewan’s shoulder, she saw her mom and Riley peek their heads out of the kitchen door. Riley gave her the thumbs-up and her mother winked.
Lucas must have spotted them too. While she’d told her mom Lucas represented the fox, she was certain he didn’t feel that way.
Especially when her cousin Padraig came around the corner and caught sight of him. “Oh hell, not this guy again.”
The Collins men had this very annoying arms-crossed stance they used for intimidation. It had worked on countless men who’d come to pick up her or any of her female cousins for dates.
Lucas chuckled. “There are too many of you. I was wondering if you’d care to have a drink with me, Caitlyn.”
She nodded. “I’d like that.”
Padraig jerked his head toward the pub. “There are a couple of empty seats at the bar.”
Caitlyn shook her head. “Hell no.”
“Caitlyn,” Ewan started. “What about your dinner?”
She glanced down at the shepherd’s pie. She hadn’t taken a single bite. “Maybe you could box it up and take it upstairs for me, Paddy? I’ll eat it for lunch tomorrow.”
Padraig sighed when it was clear they weren’t going to win. “Okay.”
She picked up her coat and Lucas helped her put it on. Then she raised her hand to wave goodbye to her family. “I’ll see you all later.”
Ewan and Padraig were clearly unhappy with her choice of company, but neither of them sought to interfere. Mercifully, there were enough females in the family that the men had learned there were limits to how far they could push the “protector” role.
Caitlyn paused as soon as they hit the sidewalk. “A limo? Seriously?”
He turned to face her. She expected her joke to make him smile, but his face was suddenly too serious. “Same rules apply as the other night. If you get in the car, you’re giving yourself to me. Completely.”
“I think we should talk, Lucas.”
“We’re going to. Believe me. But that doesn’t change the rules.”
She hesitated, wondering once more about the wisdom of starting down this path. If she got in the car, she was setting herself on a course for almost certain heartache.
Then Lucas sealed her fate with his deep, demanding tone.
“Get in the car, Cait.”
Chapter Seven
Lucas managed to take his first full, steady breath when Caitlyn walked toward the car. She thanked his driver as he held the door and climbed in.
Once they were seated inside, he turned to look at her. It appeared that she’d only just gotten home from work. She was dressed in business slacks, a conservative white blouse and black jacket. She was buttoned up and all business. And the professional, completely covered-up look was still sexy as hell.
Which told him exactly how screwed he was.
She pointed to the black shield between them and the driver. “Let me guess. Soundproof.”
He nodded. “Completely.”
She shivered slightly. “Where are we going?”
“It’s a surprise.”
Caitlyn nodded and glanced out the window at the traffic of the city. “About the other night, Lucas—”
“It’s okay, Caitlyn. Things got intense fast. It was smart for both of us to take some time to sort it out.”
“I keep waiting for this,” she waved her hand between them, “this attraction to cool off.”
“I hardly think one night was going to take care of that. We’re sexually compatible, there’s nothing wrong with that. I also enjoy your company. Usually when that happens, I invite a woman out for a second date. So…here’s our second date.”
“And that’s all very normal, very practical. But I’m a lawyer, Lucas. I have this tendency to see the world in right and wrong. I’m having a hard time justifying continuing this, considering…”
She paused, but Lucas knew what she was thinking.
“Considering my business practices may not always be what you consider right. Philosophically, we are very different. You see right and wrong. I see winners and losers. I know what side I want to be on.” He gestured to the limo. “I’m accustomed to a certain standard of living. I like nice things. And money. I won’t apologize or make excuses for that.”
“Even if your success means you’re hurting people with less.”
Lucas didn’t respond. Mainly because she wouldn’t like his answer. “So you’re torn between sticking to your principles or—”
“Tossing all that to the wind and having sex with you again. Which makes me shallow and maybe even slutty as hell.”
Lucas laughed, her admission surprising him. “I have no problem with shallow. Or slutty.”
Caitlyn grinned and rolled her eyes. “I’m sure you don’t. In all honesty, it’s that damn cat that convinced me to get into this car.”
“My cat?”
“You took in a stray—a really ugly one. It’s making me think that there’s something decent buried underneath the greed and arrogance.”
“I’d like to reassure you that’s true.”
“But you won’t?”
He looked out the window and admitted something that didn’t come easy to him. “I think the proper response is I can’t.”
Caitlyn tilted her head, her forehead crinkled in confusion. “Do you believe there isn’t anything decent or good inside you?”
Lucas continued to watch the buildings fly by them outside the limo. He hadn’t spoken these thoughts aloud to anyone. Ever. However, since his brother’s death, he’d been experiencing something he could only call a crisis of conscience.
Lucas had woken up the morning after his brother’s funeral, taken a long, hard look at himself in the mirror and seen his father in the reflection. Until Toby’s death, Lucas saw the world exactly as he’d described to Caitlyn. Success or failure. As long as he was the winner, he didn’t care who lost.
He had destroyed countless faceless people in his quest for more money, more power. It had never bothered him until he realized the faceless people had names, family, loved ones.
When he walked into Pat’s Pub for the first time, he had truly seen the Collins family—and it had unnerved him. In the past, he could walk into a deal, lay it down and walk out without ever feeling an ounce of remorse. That hadn’t been true the day he’d spoken to Tris, Ewan and Keira. The meeting had gone exactly like every other initial buyout he’d ever proffered, but when he left, he kept seeing the two brothers and the way they partially shielded their older sister from him.
He hadn’t protected Toby. Hadn’t ever offered his younger brother any sense of security.
He’d jerked awake in the middle of the night on more than one occasion, worrying that he’d been as much of a threat to his brother’s mental well-being as their father.
Seeing how the Collinses took care of their own had made him somewhat trigger shy, and it had taken a month before he could force himself back into the pub. He’d done better that time, watching the activity in the pub with an emotionless eye, categorizing and analyzing the place from a business standpoint as he and the architects discussed their plans. He’d managed to keep the worst of his feelings tucked away throughout the entire meeting.
And then Caitlyn walked in.
She’d agreed to go out with him. He knew that initially she’d wanted to explore her sexuality, but Caitlyn wasn’t the type to hold people at bay. Even those who sought to hurt her family. So they’d sat together at dinner and she’d asked him questions no one had ever bothered to ask before because no one had ever given a shit who he was on the inside. The only thing that mattered to the people around him was what he could give them.
The silence lingered too long.
“You’re wrong,” she said at last.
He looked back at her, surprised. “What do you mean?”
“I don’t think you’re a bad person. I want to, because this whole pub buyout thing is really pissing me off. But,” she reached out and grasped
his hand, “you’re not bad.”
Lucas wasn’t sure how to respond. For the first time in his life, he wanted to be worthy of someone’s affections. Of her affections.
The limousine came to a stop, and Lucas was surprised to see they’d already arrived at their destination.
“The marina? Isn’t it a bit cold for sailing?” Caitlyn asked.
“Not the way I intend to do it.” He reached for her hand to help her out of the limo and kept hold of it as he led her to his yacht. Lucas was sorry it wasn’t warmer, but December was determined to leave a sting this year, with lower-than-normal temperatures. While the night was clear and the moon full, the chill in the air insured no one would want to linger outside.
He helped her aboard his yacht, entertained by her muttered “holy shits” and “sweet Jesuses.”
“This is insane,” she said when they left the upper deck and walked downstairs. “I’ve never seen…” Her words faded as she walked farther into the spacious living room. The large white-leather sectional and matching ottoman dominated the room. The opposite wall contained a horseshoe bar with tall cushioned stools. Behind it was a mirrored shelf trimmed in gold that held the liquor and glasses.
“Whoa.”
“Let me call the captain and tell him we’re ready to go and then I’ll pour you a drink.”
Caitlyn was too busy walking around the room to respond, her gaze flickering from one spot to the next rapidly.
Once they were underway, Lucas walked behind the bar and gestured to the bottles. “Name your poison.”
Caitlyn studied her choices briefly as she sat at the bar. “Gin and tonic.”
Lucas opened the bottle of Nolet’s Reserve, poured them both a glass, and then walked around the counter to claim the stool next to hers. “To second dates,” he said, as they clinked their glasses together.
She glanced over her shoulder at the large windows behind the sectional. The Baltimore skyline grew smaller as they traveled farther along the Patapsco River toward the Chesapeake Bay.
“It’s beautiful.”
Lucas didn’t bother to check out the scenery. He knew exactly what he wanted to see and it wasn’t outside.