by Kay Marie
“What are we doing here,” Tink asks.
“This is the best spot on the club’s property to watch the sunset and for stargazing,” I tell her.
“What? How do you know that?”
“I’ve spent some time exploring. I come out here when I really need to clear my head,” I admit. I climb out of the car and walk around to the trunk. I take out one of the blankets and spread it out on the ground.
“You came fully prepared,” she says. I turn to face her, she’s looking in the trunk.
“Of course. All the blankets you could need. There are some goodies in the cooler, too.”
She opens it and her mouth pops open. “My favorite snacks and drink.”
“Only the best for you.” I grin.
She grabs the cooler and sets it on the ground by the blanket while I grab the pillows and some more blankets.
“If you get cold, even with the blankets, I have a hoodie in the car,” I tell her.
“I think I’ll be okay as long as I get to cuddle with you.”
“That can be arranged.” I pull her into my arms and kiss her. “Let’s get comfy.”
I prop the pillows up so neither of us are laying completely flat. Once we’re both sitting, I pull a blanket over us. It’ll get colder as it gets darker, so I’ll add layers as needed. She snuggles into the nook of my arm and we watch as the sun goes down.
9
Tink
The next day, Diesel and I are hanging out in the main room of the clubhouse. Saint just left for New Orleans. Mouse and a couple of Nomads went with him to make sure the move goes smoothly. Everyone else is getting the clubhouse ready for our Sunday BBQ. Once the prospects get back from the store, I’ll be in the kitchen with Minx and some of the other ladies, prepping food.
Diesel and I are talking about dogs, of all things, when Hollywood and Buzz walk in the front door. I try not to pay attention to them because seeing Hollywood and not talking to him hurts. I notice the way Diesel watches him and I study his face. Then it hits me.
“You have feelings for him.”
His eyes come to mine. “What?”
“Hollywood, you have feelings for him.”
“Well, yeah. He’s my best friend, or was. I don’t even know anymore,” he says.
I shake my head. “No, I mean more than that. I can see it in the way you watch him from across the room.”
Diesel sighs. “Maybe you’re right, but that’s between us. I wouldn’t act on my feelings. I’m with you and you’re who I want to be with.”
“It’s okay if you want to be with him, too,” I tell him. I glance at Hollywood and back to Diesel. “As much as I want to be with you, I have feelings for him also. Ever since he started keeping his distance from us, I’ve felt like a part of me is missing.”
“I’ve felt like that, too,” he admits.
I search for Hollywood again, hoping I can try to talk to him, but he’s gone. Before I can say anything to Diesel, the prospects walk in with the groceries.
I groan. “That’s my cue. Can we talk more later?”
“Of course.” He gives me a quick kiss. “Have fun cookin’ with the girls.”
“Always.” I grin at him. I stand from the table and head to the kitchen.
“Tink!” Marley embraces me in a hug. “How was your second date with Diesel last night?”
“Uh-mazing,” I gush. “We went to dinner, then he took me to watch the sunset and stargaze. He even brought my favorite snacks and drinks.”
“Who knew Diesel could be so romantic?” Minx teases.
“Before I got to know him, I never would have guessed it.” I laugh. “But he is. He’s great.”
“I’m happy for both of you. Y’all are perfect for each other,” Marley tells me.
The next few hours fly by as we make all types of side dishes and desserts. We make at least ten different sides and five different desserts. I enjoy helping out with the food, but by the time we’re done, I’m exhausted. It’s always worth it though. The guys are all extremely appreciative of everything.
We store what we need to in the fridge since there’s still another hour before the guys start grilling. Until then, we get something to drink and head outside to relax. It’s sunny and beautiful out today. The prospects set up some yard games and some lawn chairs.
“Hey, Mar, where’s Lo at?” We sit in some chairs in the direct sunlight.
“I think she picked up a shift at Rosie’s,” Marley tells me. “She’s been acting off lately.”
“Yeah, I’ve noticed that, too. She’s been keeping herself extra busy recently.”
Some of the guys come outside and start a game of bags. I watch them as Marley, Minx, and Rivet talk about random things. I end up zoning them out as my thoughts drift to Diesel and Hollywood.
I’m struggling with the fact I feel so strongly for both of them. They’re both so different. Diesel being the soft, romantic one and Hollywood is rough and angry. I’m not sure what made Hollywood so angry and hardened. We’ve never been able to get him to open up about his past. He shuts down on us when we try. When I’m with them both, I feel complete. And like I told Diesel, ever since Hollywood started distancing himself from us, I haven’t felt whole. I’m happy with Diesel, but there’s an underlying sadness.
Raze and Sketch come over, breaking me of my daydreaming.
“You ladies enjoyin’ yourselves?” Raze kisses Minx on the top of her head.
“What do you think?” Marley holds up her can of Malibu and pineapple juice with a grin.
“I take that as a yes.” Sketch laughs.
“Are you manning the grill today,” Marley asks Sketch.
“No, Shade is in charge of it today,” he tells her.
I glance around the yard, trying to find Diesel. Instead, I find Hollywood. He’s walking inside, so I decide to follow him. Hoping I’ll be able to get him to talk to me. Once inside, I find him sitting on the couch, alone. I walk over and sit opposite him.
“Hi,” I say.
“Hi.”
He’s not moving to get away from me so I’ll take that as a win.
“Can we talk,” I ask, hopeful.
“Go ahead,” he says.
My heart rate picks up. “I know you need time, but you need to know how I feel.”
“Why does it matter? You’re with Diesel.”
“Would you believe it if I told you my feelings for you are as strong as my feelings for him,” I ask.
His face twists in confusion.
“Since you’ve been distancing yourself from us, I’ve felt like a piece of me is missing. That piece is you, Hollywood. I miss you,” I tell him.
He doesn’t respond but I can see the wheels turning in his head. When I think he’s going to respond, he shakes his head, stands, and walks away, leaving me sitting alone and hurt.
10
Hollywood
I knew I shouldn’t have listened to what Tink wanted to say, but I miss her. I miss them both. Her admitting that she cares about us both just made it that much more difficult for me. I walk outside and damn near run into Kicks.
“Whoa, brother! What’s the hurry?” He chuckles.
“On my way to get a drink,” I tell him.
“I’ll come with. You can tell me whatever it is that’s bothering you.”
I groan internally. I love Kicks like a brother, but he doesn’t know when to let shit go. If someone close to him is dealing with something, he always manages to get them to talk. I was hoping he’d give up on me, but I’m not so lucky. We grab a couple of beers out of the coolers and go sit somewhere away from prying ears.
“Alright, spill,” he demands.
“Kicks, there’s nothin’ to spill. I’m fine,” I tell him.
“You’re fuckin’ lyin’, bro. Something is off with you since you stopped hangin’ out with Tink and Diesel.”
I shake my head. “I’m not talkin’ about this shit. Not now, not ever.”
“You will
talk about it. We’ll sit here all night until you do,” he says.
“Fuck, you’re persistent.”
“Hell yeah, I am.” He laughs. “Now, let’s hear it. You know, whatever it is, I’m not gonna judge you. None of the brothers will.”
I let out a heavy sigh. “You already know I have a thing for Tink . . . “
“Yeah, and?”
“She’s not the only one I have a thing for,” I admit.
He mulls it over for a minute. It registers on his face the moment it clicks.
“You have feelings for Diesel?” he whispers.
I nod my head.
“So you’re what? Bisexual?”
“Yeah, but I’ve kept it hidden since middle school,” I tell him.
“Is that why you moved back here from Chicago? Did something happen while you were there?”
“Other than my parents disowning me? Yeah.” I spend the next five minutes explaining to him everything that happened in Chicago.
“Holy shit, H. You’ve kept that to yourself all these years?” he says when I’m done.
“Grandma knows, but she’s promised not to say anything. I didn’t want a repeat of what happened with my parents.”
“Dude, I have no words. I wish you would have told me way sooner, but I understand,” he says. “Wait, so do Diesel and Tink know how you feel?”
“What? No! And they’re not gonna.”
“Why the hell not,” he asks. “At least talk to Tink about it. She could probably tell you how Diesel feels.”
“I don’t know. What are the odds he would be into me?”
“You’ll never know unless you talk to him,” Kicks assures me. He pulls out his phone. Whoever’s name pops up on the screen has his brows knitted together as he answers it.
“Kara, hey. What’s up?” he says into the phone.
It’s his cousin. I can’t make out what she’s saying, but I hear sobbing.
“Slow down. Who’s in the hospital?” He pauses, listening to Kara.
“Andy? What the hell happened to him?” he demands.
“Okay, okay. Give me thirty minutes and I’ll be up there.” He hangs up and turns to me.
“Kara’s boyfriend, Andy, is in the hospital because of a bad drug trip,” he tells me.
“Think it’s that new drug that’s been hittin’ the streets,” I ask.
“I don’t know, but I’m gonna find out. I gotta talk to Prez before I go.” He stands.
“Want me to come with you?”
“Nah. What I want is for you to work things out with Tink and Diesel.” With that, he walks away.
“Asshole,” I mutter.
I finish my beer and go find Rascal. I end up watching some of the guys play bags and not finding him.
A couple of hours later, Prez is calling for an emergency Church. The women stay outside with the prospects while the rest of us head inside and take our respected seats. Kicks is back, which means he must have gotten some information for Prez.
“Because of a source close to us, we were able to get more information on this new drug,” Prez starts. “It’s called Supernova. It’s highly addictive as it causes an increase in dopamine levels. Which gives the user a euphoric feeling. An increase in serotonin levels and a boost in energy. The list of negative effects is three times as long. It’s most popular in older teens and young adults and it’s spreading quickly. Our main goal is finding out who is distributing this drug and take them out.”
He continues by telling us to be careful when we’re out asking questions about who’s distributing the drugs. As always, whatever we hear, we’re to report it directly to him. After that, he dismisses us back to the BBQ.
When I walk out of Church, Diesel is standing there waiting for me, arms crossed over his chest.
“We need to talk,” he states.
11
Diesel
Once Bull dismisses us from Church, I knew now would be the perfect time to talk to Hollywood. He’s one of the last ones to get up from his seat, so I wait outside the room for him. I shoot Tink a quick text letting her know what I’m doing so she can come talk to him if she wants. When Hollywood walks out of the room, his eyes lock with mine.
“We need to talk,” I state.
He lets out a heavy sigh. “Can it wait until later?”
“No. I’ve waited long enough. It’s now or never, brother.”
Pain flashes in his eyes but it’s gone just as fast.
“Alright. Do you wanna talk here or in private,” he asks.
“Better to keep our business private. Don’t you think?” Tink says from behind Hollywood. He glances over his shoulder at her.
“Yeah, that’s a good idea,” he says to her. “Let’s go to my room.”
The three of us walk down the hall to Hollywood’s room. Once inside, Tink makes herself at home, choosing to sit on his bed. While Hollywood and I both continue standing.
“So, what’s up,” Hollywood asks.
I look to Tink and she nods her head. It’s her way of telling me to go ahead. I take a deep breath and turn to Hollywood.
“There’s something that’s been on my mind for months now,” I tell him. “It was, and still sort of is, confusing to me. But I have feelings for you, Hollywood. Real feelings.”
“We both do,” Tink adds.
Hollywood shakes his head. “No. This isn’t okay. Nothin’ about this is okay. The rest of the brothers would never be okay with the two of us bein’ together.” He gestures between himself and me. “Not sayin’ I even feel the same.”
“Bullshit. They’re our brothers. They’re the least judgmental people we know,” I say. “They would be happy to see that we’re happy.”
“Hollywood, I’ve seen the way you look at Diesel when you think no one is watching,” Tink admits. “It’s the way Diesel looks at me. The way he looks at you. It’s okay to have feelings for him.”
We’re all silent for a moment. Oddly enough, it isn’t an awkward silence. It never is with the two of them.
“We could make it work with the three of us,” Tink suggests. She stands, moving so she’s in front of him. Her hand goes to his cheek and not an ounce of jealousy flows through me. “We miss you, H. Promise me you’ll at least think about it?”
He seems to mull it over but eventually nods his head. She stands on her tiptoes, kissing his cheek. Then she turns to me.
“Let’s give him time to think about it.” She grabs my hand and together we leave Hollywood’s room.
“Do you wanna go back outside,” I ask her.
She shakes her head. “No. I’m over being around everyone right now. Want to come hang out at my house?”
“Really?” I don’t know why her inviting me over shocks me, but it does.
“Yes, really.” She giggles.
“Alright, let’s go,” I say. “Should I grab some clothes or will I be comin’ back here later?”
“Hmm.” She taps her chin. “Grab some clothes just in case.”
“You got it.” I grin. We make a stop in my room and I grab a backpack out of my closet. I put a pair of sweats, a pair of jeans, a t-shirt, and clean boxer briefs in my bag, then I grab my toothbrush and toothpaste out of the bathroom. Once I put them in my bag, I zip it up and toss it over my shoulder.
I lock up my room, wrap my arm around Tink’s shoulders, and together we walk out of the clubhouse.
“Oh, what’s this?” Minx eyes us with a smirk. “Are you two an item now?”
My eyes go to Tink’s. “I don’t know, are we?”
Her cheeks turn pink. “Yeah, I think we are.”
“Eek! That’s amazing! We need a girls’ night to catch up,” Minx says to Tink. “Next weekend?”
“Get your pops to let me have Friday or Saturday night off and I’ll be there,” Tink tells her.
“Ha! Piece of cake! I’ll let y’all go, wherever you were going. I’m so happy for both of you!” Minx gives Tink a quick hug then hurries inside.
“You wanna take your car and I’ll ride my bike,” I ask Tink.
“Sure,” she says. I walk her to her car, kissing her before she climbs in.
“I’ll be right behind you,” I tell her.
“Ride safe.”
“Always.” I kiss her again.
It’s a quick ride to her house. As much as I love riding, I was ready to get to her house and be alone with her. I park my bike behind her car in the driveway. I climb off and meet her at her door.
“Lo’s car isn’t here so she must be working,” she tells me.
“That means I get you all to myself.” I wrap her in a hug and kiss her neck, making her giggle. We walk to the front door. I kiss her once more as she unlocks the door. She playfully swats at me as she opens the door and walks in.
“You can put your backpack in my room if you’d like,” she tells me. “It’s the third door on the right.”
I walk to her room and open the door. Her room is one hundred percent her. The walls are a dusty rose color. Her bed is full of pink, grays, and white. She has string lights hanging on the wall behind her bed, and on another wall, lights with Polaroid pictures hanging from them. On the wall opposite the pictures, she has a tapestry with her zodiac sign on it. She’s an Aries.
I set my bag by the door and go back to the living room with Tink. She has tears running down her cheeks and a piece of paper in her hand.
She locks eyes with me. “She’s gone. Lolita left.”
12
Tink
As I pull my car into the driveway, a sense of dread washes over me. I do everything I can to ignore it. Diesel pulls his bike in right behind me, then meets me at my car door.
“Lo’s car isn’t here so she must be working,” I tell him as I climb out of my car.
“That means I get you all to myself.” He wraps me in a hug, making me giggle as he kisses my neck. His lips against my skin send a hum through my body. He kisses me again while I unlock the front door and I playfully swat at him.