by Ruby Rowe
“Then why are you crying?”
“I said some mean things last night about Aaron being gay. It was out of anger, but you would’ve been disappointed in me.”
“Who did you say them to?”
“Someone I accidentally dialed when I thought I was calling him.” Thinking about the friendly guy from last night, I eat another fry and struggle not to shed more tears. Landon reaches across the table and curls his fingers around my wrist.
“Everyone says shit they shouldn’t when they’re angry.”
“You know I love you and accept every part of you, right?”
A sly grin branches from his lips. “Yeah, but someone once told me I shouldn’t give a shit whether you do or not.”
“Touché, baby brother. In all seriousness, yesterday made me realize it’s time... You need to come out. This isn’t the 1950s, '80s or '90s even. You should’ve been able to say you were gay the moment you knew. I hate that you were made to feel like you couldn’t. The same goes for Ken. Maybe he wouldn’t have cheated if he had been able to explore his sexuality over the years.”
“I’m not ready. Maybe I’ll go public after Dad retires and I meet a man I want a relationship with.”
I smile impishly. “How can you meet him if you’re hiding in the closet?”
“I doubt you’re the first to tell that terrible joke. I mean it, Liv. I’m not ready for the world to know, especially not our parents.”
Frowning, I take a bite of my sandwich and wonder if Ken has felt the way Landon has most of his life. My phone buzzes in my purse that’s hanging off the chair, and I’m sure it’s him.
“Ken has text me like fifty times today, and it’s only noon.”
“Are you going to speak to him?”
“Yes. I guess I have to face our mother, too.”
Landon exhales a clipped laugh. “It’s funny that you didn’t mention Dad. It shows that we both know who wears the pants in their relationship.”
He says this because our father rarely makes decisions outside of the Capital Building. If he does, it means Gwendolyn has told him which is the right one to make.
“Hey, are you listening?” Landon asks.
“Oh, sorry. What did you say?”
“They think I took you home from the party because you became ill. I need to know if we’re sticking to that story.”
“Yes. At least, until I talk to Ken.”
“You’ve always been strong, sis. You’ve got this.”
“Maybe I’ve only seemed strong because I haven’t dealt with adversity.”
“You were raised by a mean, delusional woman who stuck your nose in the corner if you colored outside the lines. She physically abused us, and Dad let it happen. You haven’t pursued a single dream that our mother hasn’t created, and the one person you thought was going to make those sacrifices worthwhile was found making out with another man at your engagement party.”
Landon tosses his napkin on the table. “No, you haven’t starved or lived on the streets, but you’ve been dealt your fair share of shit over the years. You lecture me about being comfortable in my own skin, taking charge of my life and not giving a fuck what anyone else thinks, yet you don’t have the first clue how to do it yourself.”
My eyes are overrun with tears, and my lips quiver as my brother spits the truth at me. It’s a truth I deny at all cost because the unknown outcome of accepting it is scarier. Do I even know how to live my life without my parents or Ken dictating my every move?
“I’m not trying to hurt you, Liv, but yesterday has given you an out. Take it. Use the opportunity to break free from our parents’ rule and Ken’s self-absorption and figure out who Olivia Bradford is.” Landon gives me a sympathetic smile. “Maybe I’ll follow in her footsteps.”
My brother’s twenty-one, two years younger than me, but he’s often the wiser one. I don’t know what I’d do without him.
“I’m considering it. I promise.”
***
“Finally,” Ken says rudely after he opens the door to his condo. Feeling my chest rise to my throat from my slow inhale, I pull my fist back and clock him square in the nose. I thought I was going to keep my anger in check but apparently not.
“What the fuck?!” he yells as he cradles his nose with his palms. My hand aches in an instant, so I bring it to my chest and hold it.
“Your nose was too perfect anyhow. Now, you look like you stood up to someone in your life, which is what you should want voters to think when you follow in my father’s footsteps.” I open and close my fingers. “Can I come in and doctor our injuries?”
“You’re crazy.” He pulls his hands away from his nose as blood drips between his fingers and onto his white dress shirt. I guess he hasn’t changed clothes since he returned from church, where I’m sure he acted like a fucking hypocrite.
I shove my way past him and stride to the kitchen. As I find a baggie and fill it with ice, Ken rips paper towels off the holder to catch more of his blood.
Sighing, I make him a baggie of ice, too, and set it on the counter next to him. He tilts his head back, and while pinching his nose, he garbles the words, “You said when I follow in your father’s footsteps. Does that mean you’re forgiving me?”
“I don’t know.” I point at him. “And, the only reason I’m even considering taking you back is because of Landon. I’ve watched how confusing and difficult it’s been for him to accept his homosexuality, especially when he’s known that almost every important person in his life would be ashamed of it.”
“I know firsthand what that feels like.”
Holding the ice on my knuckles, I stare at it.
“Have you cheated with anyone else?”
“No.”
“Were you with other men before we got together?”
“Why does that matter? We weren’t together.”
“It matters because I need to know which sex you prefer to be with.”
“We should choose based on the person, not their gender.”
“OK, fine. If you weren’t planning to run for president one day, would you have been in a relationship with Aaron instead of me?” Averting his gaze to the counter, Ken picks up his bag of ice. The seconds become double digits, so I murmur, “That’s what I figured.”
“I still love you.”
“But you love him more. You’re living a lie for the sake of your career, and I’m the collateral damage.”
“It’s not just about my career. It’s about my family and the life I’ve always known. I’d have to walk away from all of it to be with Aaron. All of it, Liv.”
“Olivia,” I spout.
He rolls his eyes and rests the baggie on top of his nose.
“Don’t give me attitude, or I’ll walk right out that front door and tell my parents the truth.”
“I’m sorry, and please, let’s figure out a way to make this work.”
“Why should I do that for you?”
“Do you really want to give up the future we’ve mapped out?” he asks.
“I could find someone else to love.”
“Is it worth destroying our families and the bond they share? Are you fine with being humiliated by the fact I cheated with a man?”
The tears crowd my eyes until Ken appears blurry.
“You hurt me, and it’s not only because you love Aaron.” The first few tears fall, and I let them. Even if he doesn’t feel my pain, I want to be sure he sees it.
“You broke my heart by stealing my past and offering me a pretend future. I gave you all my years in college. I’ve never been with another man. I walked the line all these years for you and our families, being the perfect girlfriend and daughter, and you were going to let me live the rest of my life without ever feeling truly loved.”
“We can come to an agreement that would allow that.”
“Discreetly, you mean, right?” Brushing away my tears, I shake my head. “Yeah, having some strange on the side is really going to make me feel cherished.�
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“My parents have done it for years, and they seem happy enough.”
Dropping my baggie in the sink, I walk up to him and place my hand over his heart.
“Your love was the only reason I was going to accept a life like the ones our parents were living. I thought you were worth it.”
“That’s bullshit. You’re with me because you’d be lost on your own and you know it.”
“Seeing how no one has ever allowed me to make my own decisions, you may be right. I think it’s time I find out.”
I leave the kitchen, and as I open his front door, he comes up behind me and grasps my shoulders.
“Please don’t leave me. I’ll dodge our families for a few days to give you time to think. I know it’s a huge sacrifice I don’t deserve, but I need a partner in life who understands why I have to live this lie.
“That’s you, Olivia. You’re my best friend and can relate to the pressures of being an Ingram or a Bradford. I’ll give you everything I possibly can to make your selflessness worth it. You’ll feel cherished. I promise.”
As more tears fall, I clench my eyes shut.
“You break promises, remember?” Swallowing the knot in my throat, I flee from his condo. I can’t believe what he’s asking of me. The pathetic part is, I’ll consider what he said because I understand why he’s asking. I do understand what’s expected from an Ingram and a Bradford.
Zain
“Get a drink and talk to me,” I say to Nash as we sit in the green room in Chicago while Impossible Domain, our opening band, performs their set.
“I can’t drink on the job.”
“Dude, I’m hiring a new bodyguard so you can hang out with me.”
He smirks. “Are you going to pay me to be your friend?”
Feeling my cheeks heat, I shake my head. “That would be an all-time low, but if that’s what it takes…” I snap my fingers and point at him. “You could be my assistant. I need one, and then you could drink and hang with me.”
“So, you do want to pay me to be your friend.”
“Dammit, man. Stop being a dick.” I laugh since he’s grinning, giving me shit.
“I pretty much am your assistant.” Realizing I’ve distracted him, he looks around the room that I feel perfectly safe in.
My phone buzzes in my pocket with a text, so I pull it out.
Olivia: You’re lucky to be free on your bus. I’d sure like to drive far, far away from where I’m parked, which is outside Ken’s condo.
I’m about to reply when another text comes through.
Olivia: I’m sorry. I shouldn’t bother you with my problems.
Me: No, it’s cool to hear from you again. I was going to text you later to see if you needed bail money.
I haven’t been able to get her out of my head today, so I feel my heart race as I wait for her to reply.
Olivia: Unlike Ken, I’m not bisexual, and I have a feeling it would be necessary if I wanted to survive prison life.
I laugh and look around. Faith’s eyes dart to mine as she sits across from me. The queen needs a hobby. Maybe Aiden will wear her down to date him and she’ll stop being in everyone else’s business.
Me: Why can’t you drive far away?
Olivia: I don’t know where I’d go.
Me: Come on. There has to be somewhere in the world you’d like to visit. I can give you great recommendations.
Olivia: I’ve never traveled alone. I wouldn’t know where to begin.
Me: Damn. You need some adventure in your life. Do you have a job?
Olivia: No. I’m in graduate school, but we’re on summer break.
Me: Do you have a car that won’t croak on you if you leave the state?
Olivia: Yes, I have a reliable vehicle.
Me: Not to be nosy, but do you have enough money for a hotel and gas for a few days?
Olivia: Yep.
Me: Then I would get the hell out of Cali.
Olivia: How do you know where I live?
Me: I guessed from your phone number.
Olivia: Right. It seems dangerous for a young woman to travel alone, and I don’t know what I’d tell my parents.
Me: Do you live at home?
Olivia: No, but they always know what I’m doing.
“Borrowed Faith!” Pete yells from across the room before he nods for us to join him. Shit. It must be time for his pep talk.
Me: Hey, I hate to cut it short, but I have to go to work for a few hours. Can I text you later? I need to convince you to take a road trip.
Olivia: It’s getting late.
Me: Don’t mistreat your one life. It deserves some excitement. Hell, I live for thrilling moments and take them any chance I get.
Olivia: My life is definitely not thrilling. OK. I’ll wait up just for you.
Me: Rebel.
Olivia: Ha! I haven’t been called that before. Bye.
CHAPTER FIVE
Olivia
Feeling my phone buzz in my hand, I open my eyes. As I lie stretched out on my sofa, the TV appears fuzzy, so I blink a few times to focus before I look at my phone.
Z: Hi, are you still up?
It’s a little after midnight, which is late for me.
Me: I’ll admit; the rebellion was losing to sleep. How was work?
Z: Awesome.
That’s odd. Most people I know wouldn’t say they had an awesome time at work. I sit up and stretch.
Me: Interesting. It’s cool you do a job that you’d call awesome. What does a hippy who lives on a bus do for a living? Let me guess. Are you a street performer? Or do you run a party bus for special occasions? I’ve got it! You drive seniors to casinos from their retirement homes?
Z: Keep making your jokes, woman, and you’ll never find out what I do.
Me: Oh, shit. I’m sorry. I was only joking, but if you have one of those jobs, I truly don’t see anything wrong with it, especially if you think it’s awesome. I wish I was doing something fun with my life.
Z: Chill. I was joking, too. I thought you were in grad school to do what you love.
Me: No, I’m only doing what my parents think is best for my future. I’m working toward an advanced degree in education with an emphasis on organization and leadership so that I can be an exceptional first lady when Ken becomes president one day. Insert eye roll here.
Z: Yeah, but you’re not with the cheater anymore, so you can do whatever the hell you want.
Me: Actually, Ken’s begging me to stay with him. He wants to maintain a secret relationship with Aaron while living a pretend life with me.
Z: Are you seriously considering this?
Me: I guess so. If I were to marry him, it would be on paper only. His heart belongs to Aaron, and honestly, I don’t want it any longer.
Z: That’s messed up. You’d throw away your whole future and happiness to be with him? Is it that important for you to be a politician’s wife?
Me: I hear a judgmental tone in your response.
Z: Sorry, but I’d never give up doing what I love for someone else, especially not for someone who treated me like shit.
Me: My situation is unique and complicated. I can’t be the one who crumbles the legacy Ken and I were born into.
Z: If you say so.
Me: I thought you’d be a listening ear. Instead, I feel like I’m being criticized. I get enough of that from the people I’ve known all my life.
Z: I was only trying to prevent you from making a huge mistake. You should appreciate someone being on your side for a change, encouraging you to make your own damn decisions.
Me: A life with Ken was supposed to be my happy-ending. I don’t know how to be anything other than the supportive fiancé and wife!
Z: Then you better add a strap-on to your wedding registry.
Me: That was mean, asshole!
Z: I’m sorry. Seriously, I apologize. I’ve been watching a friend of mine throw her future away for a guy I don’t feel treats her right. She won’t listen to me, and I k
now she’s going to get hurt again. Hearing that you may do the same hit a nerve with me.
Me: Maybe like me, your friend doesn’t feel you have a right to tell her what to do. Have a nice life, Z.
Z: Come on. I said I was sorry.
As I debate on texting him back, I bite the inside of my cheek. Z’s just another person trying to tell me what to do. I don’t need anyone else in my head, confusing me further, but I feel bummed that he and I can’t be friends.
Here I am, wanting to cling to someone I’ve never met in person. Hell, I don’t even know his last name. I must be desperate and lonely to be sad over losing a stranger.
Zain
Growling beneath my breath, I squeeze my phone as I walk to the bus. The minutes have ticked by with no more text messages from Olivia.
I should’ve kept my damn mouth shut. I don’t like it when people give me advice, especially if they don’t know me or my unusual life. I shouldn’t expect her to listen to a stranger. I fucking apologized, though. What more did she want?
I take my spot on the couch before Tripp has a chance to. I want to be able to see Faith’s face across from me when Aiden boards the bus.
She’d already been watching him in the green room with the girl he’s into, but she’s really going to become unchained when she finds out the chick’s traveling with us for a few days.
Tripp and Apple pass by me and head for the bunk room. Once I see they’re not stealing my spot, I get up to grab a glass and fill it with bourbon from our liquor cabinet.
Pete appears on the bus and sits in his usual spot at the table, and I imagine it’s to referee the fight that’s about to go down.
Aiden and the brunette, Emma, board next, so I smile at her and take my seat. Exhaling, Aiden grips her hand and looks at Faith.
“Faith, this is Emma. She’s staying with me on the bus.”
“Excuse me?”
Sighing, he combs his fingers through his golden-blond hair.
“You heard me. Emma, this is our singer, Faith, and I apologize in advance for her attitude.”
Oh, shit. The queen sits up straight and glares at him.
“I only have an attitude because you’re breaking one of our rules.” She slides her icy blues over to Emma and back to Aiden. “You know we don’t bring hookups on the bus.”