by Kim Nash
But then look at what they’d achieved since then. The fab five were now the awesome three, and extremely successful in a different way. So, it just went to show that you could make a comeback and be a huge success again. If they could do it, perhaps anyone could. Did I have the strength though? I guessed I’d have to discover that.
I picked up my phone from the bedside table, the first thing I did every day – a habit I really needed to break – and noticed a text message from Beth sent the evening before when I was well and truly in the land of nod.
Hey stranger! Spoke to your mum and she told me that you were having a tough time right now. If you fancy a coffee tomorrow with an old friend, pop on over. I’d love to see you xx
It was so lovely to hear from her. I took a deep breath. Right now I had two choices. I could wallow in bed all day and feel sorry for myself, or I could get my arse out of bed, dust myself down, get dressed and go and see Beth. It had been a while since I’d seen her last. She was a lovely girl, and we’d been such good friends over the years, even though I’d neglected her over the last few, so I knew which option I needed to take to move forward.
* * *
Bethany Jane Millington and I met three hours after I was born when Mum and I were taken back to the sunny maternity ward of Stafford Hospital where two roomies bonded over their beautiful newborns, sharing some of the most cherished and precious moments of their lives. Her parents were farmers, a lovely couple who somehow managed to be wonderful parents as well as run Giddywell Grange, a small but busy farm just on the outskirts of the village. Beth was their second child and their son Alex was two years older. They were so kind to Mum, who was parenting all on her own, after my dad, apparently, buggered off the minute she told him she was pregnant.
Our families did everything together, from those early days when our mums used to get together for coffee mornings and just stare at us babies, through to reception class where allegedly I used to cry until my bestie arrived, when I’d run in excitedly holding hands with her, looking forward to the day, through our early years at primary school and then on to high school.
As I pulled up into the courtyard in front of Giddywell Grange, I got a warm fuzzy feeling deep in my tummy as I remembered how much I loved this house and what it meant to me. I hadn’t been here for a couple of years and it really felt like I was coming home. It was their family farm, which had been handed down through the generations, and had always been a welcoming, warm and wonderful place to be. The big ivy-clad stone farmhouse, set in acres of land, held so many good memories for me. It was almost like the thick stone walls were ingrained with happiness, warmth and love that oozed out to those who were in it like a warm, cosy hug.
Much of my childhood was spent there, and my teenage years had been so much fun, helping to muck out the stables and grooming the horses with Beth, doing our homework at the kitchen table while Aunty Jen made us hot chocolate in the winter and doorstep sandwiches with her homemade bread, singing into our hairbrushes and pretending to be the Spice Girls in Beth’s room.
Beth must have heard the car pull up and was standing at the front door. She enveloped me in a hug.
‘Oh Maddy my love, it’s so good to see you.’
My lip quivered and tears threatened, but Beth, tactful as ever, turned round and led the way into the kitchen. ‘Come on love, I’ll pop the kettle on.’
‘It’s really good to see you Beth, I’m so sorry it’s been such a long time since I popped by.’
While I was living the life of Riley in the corporate world, staying in swanky hotels, dining at the most salubrious restaurants and making sure I had Christian Louboutin shoes and the latest Mulberry handbag, Beth had launched and was running a very successful doggy daycare and boarding business called Growlers at the Grange, happy in wellies and wearing a backpack where she always had dog treats and poo bags at hand.
‘How’s business?’ I asked her. I realised that I didn’t actually know much about her work and I felt quite bad. It was becoming increasingly clear to me that I’d been so wrapped up in myself for the past few years that I had distanced myself from everyone who was once close to me.
‘It’s going really well actually. We’re dead busy. We’ve expanded Growlers, so that we can have up to ten dogs in the daytime and we do overnight boarding now too, so it really keeps us on our toes. Dad and I do most of the work between us – obviously Dad has the farm to run too, but he’s really cut back on the actual farming now. We have way fewer animals than we’ve ever had before and the ones we do have, we can just about cope with. He’s renting out a couple of the large fields to neighbouring farmers who are keeping their own cattle on our land, and he’s renting out allotments to local people. Oh and we also have a side business where we have a totally secure field that we rent out to people who want to bring their dogs along, those who don’t normally let their dogs off the lead. That’s a money-maker, I have to say. Oh and we’ve got the barn that we do a long-term let on too. It certainly keeps us busy. And gives us various income streams coming in.’
I hadn’t realised that Beth had such a good business head on her shoulders. Perhaps she wasn’t living the dull and boring life, stuck in the village, that I’d thought.
‘Crikey, that sounds like a lot to do.’
‘It is, and it certainly takes some juggling and keeping on top of, but we both love it. We have a young lad called Russell working some hours for us too. Really nice lad and he loves dogs, which helps.’
‘That sounds amazing, Beth, you really seem to be happy and living the dream.’
‘Well I’m sure you’ve always thought that my life is dreary and unexciting after the work that you do and all those swanky hotels you stay in and fancy restaurants.’
I gulped. It was as if she could see right through me.
‘I love it and it’s just my way of life. And I’ve also become involved in a couple of local community projects too through the library to give me some variety away from here and because I wanted to do something to help others.’ Beth had always been so very kind and it was in her blood to help others before helping herself. Just like her mum. She really was one of the nicest people I knew and perhaps I hadn’t been the best friend to her that I could have been. Like with Mum, I’d neglected our friendship, another thing I’d prioritised my job over… and for what? For them to get rid of me. I hoped that I could make it up to her.
‘And how about your health, hun? Are things better on that front?’
‘Not really, they have decided that the best thing for my dodgy knee is to operate. The torn cartilage needs sorting out and they’re going to shave some of the bone away, quite disgusting really and probably better that I’m out under general anaesthetic for it. They offered key-hole surgery but you know how squeamish I am. I’m just waiting for a date for the op to come through. That’s going to be quite a challenge. And I don’t think I’ll get much notice either. To be honest it’s really preying on my mind at the moment, but I’m sure we’ll work something out. Dad will have to work extra hard, Russell will up his hours but obviously the cost is going to hit the business hard. Luckily Alex is going to come over to help out for as long as his work will allow him to, but he can’t stay forever, he has his own job to get back to over in the States and Sophie too.’
Alex was Beth’s older, cooler brother, who was always out with his super cool mates when we were teenagers hanging around the farm, then he went away to uni. I don’t think anyone ever realised that I’d always had the hugest crush on him.
‘Anyway, it stresses me out to think about that so let’s get back to chatting about you. What are your plans going forward? Do you have any? Or are you just going to give yourself some time to look around?’
Another great quality of Beth’s was that she was very direct; there was no pussyfooting around with her. She just came straight out and asked what she wanted to know.
‘Well, I suppose I’ll just look around for a similar role; it’s all I know real
ly. I might see if there’s something in the interim. There must be jobs out there that I can do. My redundancy money won’t last me forever. One of the first things I need to do is to buy myself a computer. I desperately need to get myself set up so that I can use the internet properly instead of just on my phone, and start looking around I suppose. I need to buy a car too; my company car will go back at the end of this month.’
‘You can always use the office computer here you know. It would be great to spend some time with you and there’s always one desk free. Would that help at all? You could even come and help with the dogs, too. An extra pair of hands around the place would never be refused if you are looking to fill your time.’ She laughed and went on to say, ‘I could just see you getting stuck in with the poo pick-ups. Only joking! I know you’d never get your hands dirty in that way.’ Clearly she knows me well. Way better than the people who I worked with day in and day out and I thought were my friends, but who were strangely silent right now. If they’d known me as well as Beth did, they’d have realised that one of the kindest things they could have done for me would have been to say something, even if they weren’t sure what to say; sometimes a friendly word is all you need to hear.
‘Not sure about picking up poo, but being able to use the internet would be amazing Beth, thank you.’ I stood to hug her.
Warmth, generosity and kindness oozed from every one of her pores. ‘You’re welcome here anytime Mads, I hope you know that.’
I looked at my oldest friend properly for the first time in what seemed like ages. Beth and I had been through so much together over the years. She was always the centre of attention, the belle of the ball, the one who, when we were out clubbing and dancing to ‘Relight My Fire’, yelled over the music, ‘I’m gonna be Lulu!’ and took to the centre of the dance floor. Every single time!
And now, she was still beautiful and kind and she seemed so happy and comfortable in her own skin, and I was so blessed that she was my friend. I vowed at this point to be a much better friend to her than I’d ever been before. It had never really occurred to me before, but if we were all a bit more Beth – and spent our time helping others and making them happy – the world would be a much better place. Sometimes it’s easy to lose sight of what is important.
‘Well, there’s no time like the present. I need to go over to Growlers and do some jobs now. Why don’t you come over and I can show you how everything works and give you passwords, and then you can help yourself whenever you like. Unless you have other plans, that is.’
‘I don’t! I don’t have any plans for the foreseeable future, to be honest. You really are kind you know, Beth. I do appreciate it. I know I’ve not been around much in recent years but now I am; I’m really looking forward to spending time with you.’
She brushed my comment aside with a flimsy wave. ‘Maddy, I know that you’ve had a tough time over the last few years with Jamie,’ she paused, ‘and everything.’ She smiled a sad smile at me. ‘I know you. And I know that you had to get through that on your own. But you have always known that I’m here for you any time of the day or night. And besides, that’s what friends are for.’
* * *
We headed over to the kennels where a huge metal sign reading ‘Growlers at the Grange’ with paw prints either side hung outside a set of iron gates. The name always made me smirk, since Paul Stubbs at school had got told off for asking the girls to pull down their pants and show him their ‘growler’. But here it obviously wasn’t a euphemism for one’s lady-garden. Beth and I had laughed so much when I reminded her of this after she’d told me what she was calling the business on one of our phone calls, which had been very few and far between around that time.
‘Well hello my darling. Come here!’ Uncle Tom opened his arms to me and I walked into them. He wrapped me in a huge bear hug, which he hadn’t done for years. I was trying to remember how long it had been since I’d seen him and the fact that I couldn’t recall when it was, told me that it had been way too long.
‘Maddy, darling. So good to see you. I was hoping you’d pop over while you were here.’ A hug from him felt so good and at six feet five, he was such a giant that you couldn’t help but feel safe and secure when you were cocooned in his arms. My mind wandered for a second and I wondered, like I always used to when Uncle Tom hugged me, what it would have felt like to get a hug from my own father. My own flesh and blood. I’d never know though, so I pushed that thought aside like I always did. It was something I couldn’t think about because it would drive me insane again.
I was one of those people who was very good at pushing things away when they became hard to deal with. I’d done it all my life when I thought about my father and I did the same when my world crashed around me when I found out about Jamie and everything that happened at that time. I supposed it was just my way of not having to deal with stuff and once I’d got my head around it all, enough to get back to work, throwing myself into it whole-heartedly and working all the time meant that I didn’t have to think about anything. Work was a huge distraction to me. But it was silly because all that stuff was still there, deep inside my mind, just with a lid on it. I knew there was a possibility that one day it could all come spilling out, but I had no intention of letting that lid come off for a good while yet.
‘Come on sweetie, let me show you around.’ Beth tucked her arm into mine and we strolled into the first barn at the back of the offices.
Uncle Tom and Beth had spent a great deal of time and money making Growlers at the Grange the most wonderful five-star doggy daycare and kennels that you could ever wish to leave your dog at. Everything was behind locked doors and gates so there was no danger of escapees and it was immaculately clean. Each pen was once a stable, so was a good size, with an outside and an inside section, separated by a large dog flap so that the dogs could choose which bit they wanted to be in. There was a raised dog bed in the corner of each pen, with a fluffy blanket on it and a big squashy armchair in another corner, covered with a throw for those dogs that preferred to be on furniture. There was even a TV in each of the rooms. ‘We find that they don’t react to everything if there’s a bit of background noise. And the sofas are for those more pampered pooches who are used to being on the furniture at home.’ Beth explained. ‘It helps those dogs that are a little more anxious.’ I could have lived there myself, to be honest.
‘We’ll go through to the paddock areas now. It’s all totally secure, and off lead from here, which the dogs love.’ The huge paddock had six-foot-high metal fencing all the way around and an assault course with tunnels and jumps and even hay bales, which Beth explained that the dogs loved because they hid treats in them for the dogs to forage and find, keeping them mentally stimulated as well as physically. If I had a dog I’d be so happy to leave them here.
A young man was playing with several dogs in the paddock. ‘And that’s Russell. He’s such a lovely lad. He spends lots of time here, even when he’s not working. He just loves dogs and playing and spending time with them. He’s going off to university soon though. Wants to train to be a vet, so is trying his hardest to build up a pot of cash. We’ll be so sad to see him go and I really don’t know how we’ll replace him. He’s such a help. His mum is Rebecca, who works at the library. I help her out on the community projects that she organises. You’d like her, Mads. I’ll have to introduce you – although she’ll probably try and rope you in to helping. Lovely family.’ Beth smiled at me and tucked her arm back in mine as we walked back to the office. ‘I’m so happy to see you matey. I really am.’
Beth was such a good egg. I definitely needed to be more like her.
* * *
Once I’d worked out how to use a PC again – which was very different to a Mac – I found a couple of jobs that I thought I’d apply for, if only to keep things ticking over in the interim period before I got my foot back in the door of PR. I wasn’t sure whether I wanted to go through a recruitment agency just yet and thought I’d see what I could find on my
own. To be honest, at the moment, I couldn’t face bumping into people from the industry that I’d come from and admitting what had happened. It was still something I found highly embarrassing, so I thought a change of environment might do me good while I could get my head around things.
The first was as a sales rep for a hairdressing product company. Surely I could do that with my hands tied behind my back. I had learned so many different skills over the years that I knew I could turn my hand to anything. The other job I quite fancied having a go at was a membership co-ordinator role at a gym. Now gyms, I knew well. I’d pounded the treadmill many times to get rid of unwanted thoughts during the last few years and enjoyed people-watching, so I knew the different types of gym member. Surely it couldn’t be hard to recruit new people.
I spent the next couple of hours putting together a CV and got Beth to proofread it for me.
‘Well on the strength of that CV, I can’t see you having any problems whatsoever getting either of those two jobs. They’d be bloody lucky to have you.’ My confidence had taken a bit of a battering of late, so I crossed my fingers and fired off my CV to both companies, hoping that she was right.
* * *
The hair product company was the first to come back the following day and they invited me to call them and arrange an interview. They asked if I could go in at short notice, so I agreed and planned to go along that afternoon. For the first time in a couple of days, I felt a frisson of excitement as I showered and put a conditioning treatment on my hair. I’d always used the best of hair products so it always looked sleek and shiny, so hopefully they’d notice that too and it would go in my favour.
Deciding to go for a natural make-up look, I put on my favourite pinstriped trouser suit, with a pretty blouse, and spritzed myself with Daisy by Marc Jacobs before sliding my feet into a pair of high heels. I absolutely looked the part and envisaged myself walking through salon doors with a product brochure and wooing the managers into buying lots of gorgeous products.