After two days, the tugs had pulled one burlap sack from the river containing a hammer, a knife, a pair of gloves and some old clothing.
The good news was that we knew that this was the work of the Librarian.
The bad news was that the cold water had washed away any DNA or other evidence that could lead us to the killer.
We had one more piece to the puzzle, but were no closer to making an arrest.
Oscar knew that if he were going to stalk one particular cop, he would have to do a lot more reconnaissance.
He had thought about the two officers that had been dogging him and decided that the big one was the one that he wanted.
The old guy had been pretty civil to him and wouldn’t be as much of a challenge, but the big fellow had threatened him and had been downright belligerent.
Yes, it had to be the big one.
He remembered seeing the guy’s name on his uniform shirt, George Wilson.
He needed to know as much as possible about this Wilson, but he had to stay away from other cops who might recognize him.
He figured the best way to gather information was to quiz some of the EMT guys that were always hanging around the nurses in the ER. They were often at crime scenes and knew most of the cops.
One day, he hit pay dirt.
He had approached a couple of EMTs on their break. “Hey, do either of you know a cop --- a big guy, named George Wilson?”
“George Wilson? Hmmmm. Oh, I think you mean Ox. Everybody calls him Ox because --- well, if you’ve seen him, you know why. He’s all pumped up right now. Got a big day coming.”
“How so?” Oscar asked.
“He’s getting hitched --- to another cop. Now there’s a marriage headed for trouble.”
“When’s the big day? I’ll have to send him something.”
“Gettin’ hitched on Christmas Eve, but the grapevine is saying that there might be a bachelor party between now and then. I’ve been trying to wangle an invite. You know --- strippers --- booze --- the whole enchilada. Should be a hoot!”
“A hoot --- or maybe a hit,” Oscar thought. “This just might be my chance.”
CHAPTER 24
It’s amazing how much we take for granted.
We had just settled into our cruiser when Ox said, “Walt, I owe you an apology.”
“For what?”
“Well, you’re my partner and my best friend --- and well --- I just figured --- you know ---.”
“Ox, spit it out.”
“I just figured all along that you were going to be my best man and with all this Librarian stuff going on --- well, I just never got around to asking you. I’d really like for you to stand up with me.”
Ox may be a big tough guy on the outside, but he’s just a sentimental softie on the inside.
“Of course I will. It would be an honor.”
“Judy would like for Maggie to stand up with her. I think she’s going to talk to her today.”
“I’m sure she’ll be thrilled.”
When I arrived home that evening, Dad, Willie, Jerry and Maggie were all sitting around my kitchen table.
“What’s the occasion?” I asked.
“Oh, hi, Sweetie,” Maggie replied. “I’m so excited! Judy called today and asked me to be her maid of honor. Part of my duties is to help put together the guest list. I’ve asked your Dad, Willie and Jerry to help. We don’t want to leave anyone out.”
“That’s great,” I said. “Ox asked me to stand up with him, so I guess it will be the four of us.”
“Best man!” Dad said. “Fantastic! You know what that means, don’t you?”
“It means that I’ll be standing beside him when he says ‘I do’.”
“Well sure,” Dad replied, “but that’s not your most important duty.”
“Oh really, what is?”
“The bachelor party! It’s the best man’s job to throw a whing-ding of a party --- you know --- the last big hurrah before the knot is tied.”
“Yeah,” Jerry broke in, “strippers, dirty movies, booze --- all the good stuff he’ll have to give up after he’s tied to the old ball and chain.”
“I can he’p wit dat,” Willie said. “I’ll call Maxine and she’ll get some of de girls an ---”
“HOLD ON A MINUTE!” I said. “No girls, no dirty movies. First of all, Ox isn’t into that stuff, and second, Judy would kick the crap out of any woman she caught straddling Ox’s lap.”
“I’m afraid that I’m with Walt on this one,” Maggie said. “I can certainly see a celebration of some kind, but I think we can do without the raunchy stuff.”
You could just see the disappointment in their faces.
“Party poopers,” Dad said.
“It’s just ten days until the wedding and it’s Christmas time,” Maggie said. “Instead of separate bachelor and bachelorette parties, why don’t we just have one big celebration together? Wouldn’t it be more fun to be all together?”
“We’re talking about a lot of people,” I said, “guys from the precinct, family, friends. Where are we going to find a place that’s not already booked this time of year?”
“How about the Union Hall?” Dad said. “I’m still a card-carrying member of the Teamster’s. I’m sure I can get the hall.”
“Sounds good to me,” Jerry said, “and I’ll be in charge of the entertainment.”
“Then it’s settled,” Dad said.
“Gee,” I thought, “what could possibly go wrong with that?”
Judy and Ox were thrilled with the idea of a party.
“I love it!” Judy said. “The holiday season is the perfect time to get together with friends and now we can give it a double whammy --- Christmas and a wedding.”
Ox grew serious. “Judy and I just want both of you to know how much we appreciate all you are doing to make this special for us, and --- well --- we were thinking ----”
“Oh, for heaven’s sake, Ox,” Judy said. “Just say it”
Sometimes Ox finds himself at a loss for words.
“Okay, okay. We were talking about our honeymoon, you know --- after the wedding --- and we’d really like the two of you to come with us.”
We were both speechless.
Finally Maggie said, “What did you have in mind?”
“A cruise,” Ox said, proudly. “We’re going on an Alaskan cruise and we’d love to share it with you.”
Maggie and I had never been on a cruise.
Our realtor jobs had kept us busy 24/7. It had seemed that one of us always had a client demanding our time, and we just never made the time to get away.
Maggie gave me her ‘special look’ and I knew what she was thinking.
“I don’t know,” I said, half seriously, “I hear it can get pretty cold up there.”
Maggie punched me in the arm.
“Yes, we’d love to go,” I said with a big grin.
“Then it’s settled,” Ox said. “We’re off to Alaska!”
Oscar had followed the big fellow from the station to his apartment.
He was delighted when he pulled up in front of an old brownstone on Jefferson Street, just north of the Plaza. It was only about four blocks from the hospital.
This would be perfect.
If he timed everything just right, he could slip away from the hospital during his dinner break. No one would miss him. They didn’t even acknowledge his presence unless there was a dirty task to be completed.
He would have to wait until his shift was completed to make his run to the river. There just wasn’t enough time for everything.
He had quizzed the EMTs again and learned that the bachelor party was to be at seven o’clock on the Friday before Christmas at the Union Hall.
Oscar was scheduled for the day shift, but found another orderly that was eager to trade Oscar’s day shift for his evening.
Everything was going according to plan.
Oscar had slipped out of the break room when no one was looking, driven to the b
ig guy’s apartment and was crouching in the shadows just beyond the apartment’s front door.
The injured citizen ruse had worked perfectly on his last kill. The stupid cops were so ingrained with the ‘serve and protect’ crap, it was second nature to them to come to the rescue of some poor soul in need.
He would wait until the big guy left the building on the way to his party, call for help, and lure him into the shadows where he would make his third cop kill.
He glanced at his watch --- 6:30 --- he would be coming out soon.
Suddenly, headlights illuminated the lawn in front of the building and Oscar ducked farther back into the shadows.
The car parked directly in front of the building, and the old cop, the big guy’s partner, climbed out and went inside the building.
A few moments later, they both came out, laughing and talking, and headed to the old cop’s car.
For an instant, Oscar considered taking them both on, but then thought better of it. He had been cautious up to this point. No reason to take unnecessary chances now.
Anger boiled up inside him as he watched the tail lights disappear into the distance.
He would get another chance --- maybe even later that night.
On the night of the party, I headed over to Ox’s apartment to pick him up. It wasn’t my idea. I told Maggie that Ox was a grown man and could find his way to the Union Hall all by himself, but she insisted. She said that as best man, it was my duty. So off I went.
We arrived at the Hall right at seven o’clock.
Dad and Bernice had been in charge of the decorations and when we walked in the door, I thought I had been whisked back in time fifty years to my senior prom.
Helium balloons graced every table and crepe paper was strung from anything that was fastened down.
There was one of those goofy things that fold out and make a noise when you blow into them, and little bags of confetti at every chair.
I didn’t know who was going to be responsible for clean up after the shindig was over. I just hoped that it wasn’t me.
Maggie was in charge of the food. At this late date during the holiday, she couldn’t find someone to cater the event, so she opted for one of those ‘covered dish’ deals.
She had made a run to Kentucky Fried Chicken for buckets of wings. Guests were to bring a favorite dish of their own.
We had warned Willie to leave his chitlins’ at home.
The buffet table was loaded with salads, desserts and casseroles of every description. Someone had even brought brightly colored Jell-o cubes in various shades and flavors.
The Professor had been drafted to be the emcee for the evening, and at the appointed hour, he called the gathering to order and welcomed everyone.
After a word of blessing from Pastor Bob, everyone made a dash to the buffet line.
The wedding party was first in line.
I marveled at the food heaped on Ox’s plate. He’s a big dude with an appetite to match.
Being the first in line, we were the first ones finished.
I was stuffed, but Ox went back for seconds and then thirds of the BBQ wings and little Jell-o cubes.
“I didn’t know you were such a Jell-o fan,” I observed.
“Me neither,” he said with a goofy grin. “but this stuff is REALLY good. Never had this flavor before.”
Dad leaned over and whispered with a smile, “That’s not just Jell-o --- that’s SUPER Jell-o. Made it myself.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Jell-o shots. You make them with vodka instead of water. They pack a mean punch.”
I looked back at Ox as he was stuffing another big green blob in his mouth. He gave me another goofy grin.
I had never seen Ox loopy before. He was obviously going to be a silly drunk.
When everyone had polished off their dessert, Jerry took the podium.
He had volunteered to be in charge of entertainment and that could mean anything.
Naturally, being a stand-up comic, he had to begin with a whole succession of marriage jokes.
After a few zingers and one-liners, he handed Ox a little bag.
“Here buddy, this is for you. Keep it as a reminder of a very important principle in married life.”
Ox pulled a pair of lace panties out of the bag.
“Two newly weds were on their honeymoon,” Jerry began. “As they undress for bed, the husband tosses his pants to his bride and says, ‘Here, put these on.’ She puts them on, but the waist is twice the size of her body. ‘I can’t wear your pants,’ she says. ‘That’s right, you can’t, and don’t you ever forget it. I wear the pants in this family!’ The bride grabbed her panties and threw them at the groom. ‘Here, try these on.’ The husband tried but found that only one leg would fit. ‘Hell’, he says, ‘I can’t get into your panties.’ ‘That’s right,’ his bride replied, ‘and if you don’t change your attitude, you never will!’”
The crowd roared.
I had heard the old joke a hundred times, but knowing Ox and Judy, it was the perfect fit.
Jerry forged ahead, “Another thing. You have to be really careful what you say. I heard about a guy who told his wife that black underwear turned him on and she didn’t wash his shorts for a month.”
Jerry was on a roll.
“Every married couple have a special story and Ox and Judy are no exception. In fact, I’ve written a little ditty about a special evening in their lives.”
I wasn’t sure where this was going, but I had a pretty good idea.
Last Christmas, Jerry had drawn my name in our ‘Goofy Santa’ gift exchange. He had proudly given me a ‘fart machine’. It was a little box that emitted really gross sounds and could be activated remotely by pushing a button. Maggie forbade me to use the thing, so I put it in my sock drawer right beside my nose hair clipper and lint brush.
Before the party, Jerry had asked if he could borrow it.
Jerry solemnly read from a spiral notebook.
“Tis the season to be jolly
Lots of mistletoe and holly
Christmas tales we love to hear
Are shared in families year to year.
Tonight, I’ll share another tale
That will make the others pale.
It’s a story that will warm your heart
The story of the old mare’s fart.”
Ox grabbed me by the arm, “You didn’t! Tell me you didn’t!”
“I did,” I said sheepishly. “It was just too precious not to share.”
Ox buried his head in his hands, “Good Lord!”
“It started in a lovely carriage
Where Ox’s thoughts had turned to marriage.
So carefully he made his plan
This clever, marriage-minded man.
The setting he had planned with care
The lights, the fountain and the old gray mare.
When the time was right, he pledged his heart
Just as the horse decided to fart.”
Jerry must have pressed the button, because a loud, ‘PLTTTTTT’ reverberated through the room.
Everyone cheered except poor Ox who slunk farther down in his chair.
“In the stillness of that moment sweet
An odor did their noses greet.
The lady longed to say, ‘I do’
But all that she could smell was poo.”
Judy had tried to hold it in, but finally gave up and cackled with the rest of the crowd.
“When at last the breeze had cleared the air
‘I do’ came from the lady fair.
‘The moral’, said the lucky guy
‘Is best laid plans can go awry’.
“But if true love fills their beating hearts
It will overcome an old mare’s farts!”
Everyone in the audience was on their feet clapping and laughing.
When order was restored, Jerry said, “Ox, you’re a good sport and we all love you. That’s why we chipped in a
nd got you this special gift.”
Jerry pointed to Dad and he flipped the switch on a boom box.
The raunchy notes of David Rose’s, The Stripper, filled the room.
The door swung open and a tall brunette in a tight red dress and those black lace stockings with the seam up the back strolled seductively into the room.
“Oh, crap!” I said. “I thought I told you --- no girls!”
Dad looked over and smiled, “You did, sonny, and we listened. That ain’t no girl. That’s Bruce!”
I looked closer, and sure enough, it was a Bruce --- a damn good looking Bruce!”
As the music blasted, he wiggled his way through the crowd and headed straight for Ox.
He pushed the table back and when he raised his skirt, it was obvious that he had a good-sized package under those pantyhose.
Ox turned three shades of red and Judy laughed hysterically as Bruce straddled Ox’s lap and gyrated his junk inches from the big guy’s face.
Mercifully, the song came to an end.
Bruce planted a big kiss on Ox’s forehead, waved to the crowd and disappeared into the night.
That pretty much wrapped things up for the evening, but I noticed that right after Bruce’s departure, Ox made another trip to the Jell-o shots.
Most of the crowd had left except Willie, who had volunteered for the massive clean-up detail.
Ox was a bit unsteady on his feet, so it was probably a good thing that I was driving him home.
He was in pretty decent shape by the time we arrived at his apartment, but I walked him in, just in case.
As I was headed back out to my car, I reflected on what a lovely evening it had been.
Good fun --- good food --- good friends. Who could ask for more?
Oscar had slipped back into the break room without anyone noticing.
He was still pissed. This was the first time his well-laid plans had been foiled and it was all because of that old gray-haired cop.
[Lady Justice 10] - Lady Justice and the Book Club Murders Page 13