Annelies nudged her HBIC. “Paige, you go next.”
“Okay.” Paige closed one eye in thought. “Never have I ever had sex with someone I didn’t know.”
“Liar!” Annelies exclaimed. “What about—”
“Hello!” Paige cut her off. “I always make sure to know their name, so a foundation is totes built. Besides, what else would I yell during the act to give them directive when they need it?”
Sienna’s face reddened to match her burgundy wine when she lifted the glass to her mouth.
“Nice,” Miles muttered.
“What?” Sienna asked defensively. “It happens.”
“I’ll go,” Eli said. “Never have I ever grabbed a penis without permission.”
Shit. Shit. Shit.
“Okay, that’s a weird one.” Annelies analyzed the question, asking Eli in a dozen different ways if she needed consent before groping him.
No one moved, but I felt Eli’s eyes burning through my forehead while I tuned out every other word Annelies said.
“My turn.” Bo unscrewed his silver flask and took a drink. “Never haver. Have I never aver I ever—”
“Hold up, Rodriguez.” Eli’s gaze floated my way again. “If we’re not going to be honest, we shouldn’t play.”
“Who’s cheating?” Bo accused, concentrating on his speech. “I sure as hell haven’t grondled anyone’s cock except my own.”
I fought to keep my poker face intact, the beer becoming heavier in my hand.
“My turn.” Sienna stole the focus.
I didn’t know whether to be afraid of what she’d say or to thank her later.
She continued, “Never have I ever regretted a sexual experience.”
Paige, Bo, Eli, Miles, Lissy, and Annelies all grabbed shot glasses and threw them back without explanation.
I remained motionless.
“You sure you’re okay?” Bo asked.
I stared down into my cup at the chestnut-colored beer. The remaining foam acted like a thin blanket across the top. “Yep.”
His voice slipped to a whisper, “Okay, because I’m just saying… I know of two sex encounters you’d rather not—”
“Never have I ever been unfaithful!” I blurted before Bo could finish his sentence.
All attention landed on me with my boisterous interjection.
Paige and Annelies slowly reached for two of the tiny glasses on the table.
From my peripheral vision, I saw Sienna’s glare aimed toward me as she lowered her wine glass a few extra inches. Eli’s jaw clenched.
“Never have I ever ruined someone else’s relationship,” Miles said coolly.
No one grabbed for a drink.
I’m not sure whether anyone else saw it, but Sienna stepped on Miles’s foot with the heel of her dress shoe and ground her foot. Hard.
Whether it pained him or not, he didn’t react.
That was the precise moment I knew she’d seen everything that’d happened outside. Didn’t she? I gulped. Was the word “ruined” code? He’d used a form of it on me a little while ago. Had Sienna already told Miles about what happened out back with Eli? Did I read too far into everything? Not knowing became my worst fear, staring me in the face while sweat prickled my skin, and nausea bubbled in my stomach.
Sienna and I were in a stare down, her cold eyes sniping at me.
Eli held up a shot glass. “To the wildest fucking night any of us have ever seen!” he competed over the country music.
Tension shattered like a crystal chandelier falling to the floor.
Everyone raised a glass, clinking them against one another before taking a drink. But I didn’t partake.
The alcohol in my hand felt confusing again, still foreign and familiar, like a stranger and a best friend. It’d been so long since I drank. Would I let Eli and Annelies’s party be the reason I buckled? And if I started, I knew it’d be for a sole reason— drowning my sorrows entirely. One wouldn’t be enough.
Sienna bumped into me as she passed by. A sudden, thin chill clung to the edges of the words she whispered, “Isn’t it scary what a pretty face can conceal?”
Guilt. So much guilt.
“Excuse me,” I said, lowering my head as I shoved my way through crowds and rushed outside. Do it. The cold air stung my lungs while I fought for slow breaths on the sidewalk. Down it. The remaining foam hugging the perimeter of the cup stared back at me. Just one night of drinking won’t hurt. I squeezed the plastic slightly, watching the beer creep up the transparent, rounded sides. No one has to know. I stared up at the silky darkness overhead and looked for an answer I could only find within myself.
“Screw every one of them.” I pursed my lips, tipping the cup a fraction of an inch at a time, dumping my drink between two slats in the storm drain. The thin stream richly splattered onto the dirt and sparse gravel below. Call what I did alcohol abuse, but no one at The Salty Seaman would cause me to ruin my streak.
I crushed the cup in my hand, the plastic making a noisy crunch against the silence of the empty parking lot. Into the trash can it landed. The symbolic victory may have been minor, but it was a win— something finally in my favor. Strength filled me and despair lessened when I went inside, stopping in front of the group. Everyone had their noses buried in their phone— except Miles.
“Don’t be a pussy, McCullough,” Eli said.
Miles crossed his arms. “I’m not. There are better things to do with my spare time than watch other people have sex.”
“Aren’t you remotely curious who it is?” Paige asked.
Bo whispered, “Where’d you go?”
“Needed some air. What’s going on?”
Bo glanced at me. “Didn’t you get Paige’s text?”
“What text?”
“I’ll forward it.” He typed. “Check it out.”
“Oops. Must’ve forgotten you.” Paige stuck out her lower lip.
I looked down at my phone at a freeze-framed miniature video. “What’s this?”
“Sex tape,” Paige said proudly.
“Gross. Yours?” I asked.
She sneered. “No, not mine.”
I studied the “play” icon on my phone before focusing back on the group.
Eli’s eyes still bore into me.
“Rumor has it,” Paige continued, “they’re both local. And rumor also has it, this little nugget raked in some serious dough.”
I looked at the still image. The back of a brunette’s head straddled a man on the side of a hot tub.
I scrunched my nose. “So, is this your contribution as a wedding gift?”
“More like a ‘just because’ gift to my entire contacts list.”
Minus me.
“I’ve made it my mission to find out her identity,” Paige said. “The whole thing’s a giant montage of clips.”
“You watched all of it already?” Lissy asked. “It’s forty-seven minutes long.”
“Yep,” Paige replied with pride. “These two had sex like rabbits in different places to make this, but you can’t ID the chick’s face. All you can see is her dark brown hair and a tattoo on her back in some of the… more bendy positions.”
Annelies turned toward Paige. “So, what are you going to do? Check out every chick’s tramp stamp in Washington to see if it matches?”
“Maybe.” Paige shrugged. “The tat’s def unique. The gray barbs and bright flowers. It’s gorgeous, and she’ll stick out like a sore thumb when I find her.”
“If,” Annelies corrected her. “You really should come up with better hobbies.”
“What happens after you find her?” I asked. “Ruin someone else’s life next?”
“Duh. I have a vested interest in ID’ing the guy, too,” Pai
ge said. “He’s hot AF.”
“While you sleuth porn, gumshoe, I need to use the bathroom before we leave,” I said.
No one replied, most watching sex play out on their cells as a perpetual canon echoing with no defined ending. A man’s groan. Heavy breathing. Moaning. Flesh slapping. And then it repeated from another phone.
I headed to the single-stalled restroom in the back of the bar. Fortunately, it was vacant. I locked the door and paced, empty-handed for a plan. With deep breaths, I braced my palms on either side of the sink, staring into the mirror. The blonde locks framing my face didn’t mask my concern. Brown eyes stared back, filled with fear. Tears blurred my vision. A hot droplet spilled down my left cheek and then another.
Seeing my reflection hurt so much I had to turn away. I crossed my hands at my waist, gripping the tank top fabric. It took courage before I could lift it a couple of inches and then a few more. I stared over my shoulder at the black and gray barbs spanning my lumbar. Lifting higher, it revealed flowers in sky blue, hot pink, and blazing orange. The flashback hit hard.
“You’re—” Anger swelled through me. I balled my hands into fists, and took a deep breath. “The reason why I only swim in the cove late at night or if the beach is empty.”
“You’re overreacting. It’s not like—”
My lower lip trembled. “You’re the reason why I let my gym membership lapse. You’re the reason why I can’t walk around in a sports bra.”
He sighed. “Dramatic much?”
“No. Don’t belittle me.” I listed off additional reasons on my fingers. “You’re the reason why I don’t come to Steele Falls. You’re the reason why I won’t strip down to my swimsuit at pool parties. You’re the reason why I’ll always have long hair. You’re the reason why I live in fear, every God damned day, of someone finding out what we…what you did.”
“Jade…”
“People always talk about finding a ‘why’ when they’re discovering themselves or when they set goals. They dig deep. Give it meaning. I learned one of mine.” My voice cracked, “You’re my ‘why’, Zachary Main.”
“I’m flattered you—”
“Don’t be,” I cut him off.
“You’re why I have suspicions, why I can’t trust, and why I dissect any man who stands within five feet of me.”
No one could find out my secret. No one. I was a prisoner of my own past. Thanks to Zachary Main and his sex tape, I’d been handed a life sentence.
Zachary Merritt Main. That motherfucker ensured my sex tape, the sex tape I didn’t know existed until it was too late, washed up onto the shores of Cannon Cove ASAP because I’d shut down his advances at The Fill & Spill. Zack’s swift revenge tactic was cruel. I thought about the water tower in Steele Falls we’d walked past, the romantic picnic in the nearby field, the expensive wine he’d poured like a faucet, the dewy grass against my bare skin, the numerous spray paint marks I didn’t understand on the back of a rusted billboard until long after the fact— representing everyone’s individual scorecards. And that was only one of the many sexcapades. There was no way I could’ve predicted Zack’s scheme, but I still punished myself by replaying those nights, trying to determine if I’d missed clues.
Seventy-four points. Sixty were awarded for the tape itself. Another nine out of ten were given based on my looks, and that brought me to sixty-nine. Fitting number. The remaining came from the screening. Every member of the all-male club watched the video at a private theater downtown and scored it with an average rating of five points— out of five points. Seventy-four tiny hash marks equated my worth, and Zack spent it all on losing me. My value alone gained him acceptance into the exclusive club, immediately topping the leaderboard. He expected me to let it go, justifying his actions, saying he didn’t violate me because my face wasn’t on display. It didn’t matter how many times I explained, yelled, or sobbed. Zack didn’t understand— what he did left the rest of me visible to the world.
I tucked the tank top back into my skirt and pulled myself together.
The drinking game made me revisit suppressed pieces of my past. If I played fair, which I didn’t, I’d be trashed. Everyone else’s Never Have I Ever contributions unknowingly targeted a shot of alcohol at my throat. There were reasons I kept spontaneous Jade under wraps.
I’d had sex underwater— back when I was a brunette; the video proved that.
I’d slept with a stranger— not knowing Nate’s name after that first morning made for awkward waffles.
I’d grabbed a penis without permission— Eli deserved it… but with a vice instead of my hand.
I’d regretted a few sexual experiences— Nate and Zack topped the list, not to mention a few others.
I’d ruined a relationship— two, but I wasn’t ready to visit those skeletons in my closet.
However, my statement about never being unfaithful? One hundred percent truth.
By the time I arrived back in the bar, our group had scattered. Miles stood across the room, talking to the blonde from outside the aquatics center. She wore a skimpy halter top, a jean skirt that couldn’t pass for much more than a belt, and cowboy boots. Vagina number three strikes again.
Immediately, I scoured the room for Sienna, anticipating her move to harshly reprimand him, but she wasn’t in sight.
Blondie stared up at Miles with wide eyes, blinking her lash extensions seductively. After she spoke a few more sentences and touched his arm, his eyes flicked my way. He immediately leaned over to say something into her ear.
I’m not sure what caused me to do what I did next. Maybe it came from reliving what happened with Zack and Nate. Maybe it arose from my hatred for Miles McCullough. Maybe it stemmed from the beer I won the fight against.
I scanned the room and considered my options. As always, they were limited. Three quarters of the contenders were faces I’d seen— and bodies I’d massaged— at The Triple C. That reduced my choices. I still needed something. An escape. An excuse. An alibi. A reason. As I skimmed the room for a second time, the answer showed himself… right through the doorway, and he sat down at an empty table in the corner.
Bartholomew Ulric Tucker-Townsend.
He didn’t notice me as I strutted over to him. Haste was partially to blame for my lack of grace when I tripped over a barstool leg. I recovered and flopped down in the chair next to him. “Hey, you!”
Barry jumped. “Jade. Hi,” he said before pushing oversized, black-rimmed glasses up the bridge of his nose with the tip of his index finger. BUTT had a nervous mannerism where his lips slightly puckered before and after smiling as if he tried to refrain from planting an imaginary kiss in the air. It’d always creeped me out, but that night I powered through it.
“Hang out in The Seaman often?” I asked, instantly regretting my word choice.
He folded his hands on the tabletop, my innuendo mishap overlooked. “Not really. Just waiting for one of my statistician buddies.”
One of? You know multiple people in that field?
“That’s… great. I,” I glanced at Miles briefly before resting my hand on top of Barry’s, rubbing, “wanted to ask you something.” So much knuckle hair I could knit three sets of unwaxed eyebrows.
“What’s going on?” He glanced down at my unusual gesture and slid his hand back an inch, stopping himself before he broke our contact. Barry tugged at his shirt collar with his free hand. “Is there an issue with your taxes?”
“Taxes. You’re so funny!”
Barry swallowed hard. “Something else with The Triple C?”
“It’s not about business.” My frustration spiked as I caught Miles from the corner of my eye. “See, there’s a wedding coming up, and I’m the maid of honor.”
“Eli and Annelies,” he said quickly. “The big Cannon Cove to-do.”
“That’s the one.” I gave Barr
y’s hand a squeeze. “Are you going?”
“I hadn’t thought about it,” he said. “We aren’t close friends, but I am the Whitaker’s accountant.”
Barry appeared exceptionally studious that night. Clip-on bow tie. Greased back hair. Suspenders. High-waisted jeans. I’d have wagered Roxy ten bucks he had a pocket protector on him. BUTT pushed the weighted glasses up the slope of his nose again.
I squinted with one eye. Barry wasn’t so bad, was he? I scrutinized his face before surveying the room again for additional options, ensuring my eyes rushed past where Miles stood. Still none. “So…” I scooted closer to him and leaned in, using my cleavage as a tool.
Barry gulped. “Are you okay? You’re acting… really weird.”
“I wondered,” I flipped my hair over my right shoulder, “if you’d be my date.”
He didn’t answer immediately. Instead, Barry studied my face like I was a complicated algebra problem. “You want me,” he paused, “to accompany you at Annelies and Eli’s wedding?”
“Yep.”
Barry leaned back in his chair and slouched a little as if I’d delivered bad news. “Why?”
Yeah, Jade. Why? My answer flowed quickly, “To be honest? My original date in the wedding party got into an accident. He’s not gonna make it.”
“He’s dying?” Barry exclaimed.
“No! I didn’t mean… he can’t fly.”
“Oh. That’s far less tragic.” Barry looked mostly shell-shocked and a little relieved.
BUTT didn’t need to know I’d told a white lie. Even if Nate ever came back to town, I’d never be his date again.
Barry’s hesitation in answering me came as a surprise. For the love of... What’s wrong with me? Do I have a third eye? I can’t even score a night out with accountant BUTT and his trusty metal detector. Being turned down, even without a verbal “no”, left me self-conscious. “You know what? Don’t worry about it.”
I practically saw the hamster wheel running in his head as he grabbed for my hand when I started to stand up. “Wait. I’ll go.”
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