by Piper Rayne
“Officer Masterson—”
“I need to go, Mrs. Thomas. Thank you for showing me around. I will be here Friday.”
I turned and walked to the auditorium door, not waiting for her to follow me or escort me from the building. I couldn’t be in there another minute. I needed fresh air and clarity. Clarity that would only come with putting my fist through something.
Instead of going back to the precinct, I went straight home. The punching bag in my spare bedroom was calling to me.
I stripped my shirt off as I walked inside. I locked up my gun, then went to the spare room. The first hit stung my hand since I didn’t bother with gloves. The second pissed me off. The third brought a flash of pain with it. The fourth made me feel sick. After that, I pushed everything out and beat on the bag until my knuckles were raw. I screamed out the last of my pain and kicked the bag.
I had no idea how I was going to talk to a bunch of teenagers about recognizing when someone was in a bad spot. It sounded easy enough on the outside, but I was supposed to be there as an authority, as someone who had advice and knew what to say. But it was all lies. I had no idea what to tell them. And if I said anything, it wouldn’t fix anything and it wouldn’t change anything.
Because at the end of the day, I still failed to see the signs. I still failed to recognize the issue. And I still failed to report it in time.
At the end of the day, my partner was in a spiral that I never saw coming, and he killed himself because he couldn’t see any other way out.
And every day I had to live with the guilt of knowing I could have saved him and I didn’t.
3
Willow
“Ooh, he’s yummy,” Brittany said with a salacious grin. “That’s a definite yes.”
We were at work and folding shirts. At least, I was folding shirts. She was staring at her phone. “What are you doing?”
“Setting up a hookup for tonight. Give me your phone. I’ll get you someone.”
“What are you talking about?”
“The dating app. Book Boyfriends Wanted. Everyone around here uses it. Don’t tell me you aren’t on it.”
I shook my head and kept working. Online dating was not for me. I’d heard too many horror stories. Besides, that app was designed by Melody’s friend, Karissa, so that was a big hell, no.
“I’ll create an account for you. No wonder you’re so miserable. You need to knock out the cobwebs in there and have a little fun.”
“I don’t have cobwebs in there,” I argued.
“When’s the last time you had sex?”
I opened my mouth and realized I had no idea. Before I could recover, Brittany snatched my phone out of my apron pocket. “Hey!”
“It’s for your own good,” she said, turning away from me as a customer walked up.
“Do you have these in purple?” the woman asked, holding up a pair of heels.
I forced a smile in her direction while I tried to see if Brittany was indeed creating an account for me. The grin on her face said she was. Last time I tell her my passcode.
“We do. I’ll show you.”
I answered a few questions for the customer and showed her a necklace that would work well with the shoes. I’d been waiting to buy both for months, so I had an idea of how to make them look even better. The only problem for me was where in the world I would wear them. Heels didn’t do well in an old town with uneven sidewalks. And impressing a guy was impossible when he’d pulled your pigtails in elementary school or dated your friends in high school.
I needed a new town. Then I could wear the shoes and the necklace and do whatever the hell I wanted.
“All set,” Brittany said when I rejoined her. She handed my phone back to me. “You are meeting JustVisiting for drinks at eight tonight at O’Kelley’s. You’re welcome.”
“Tell me you’re joking,” I said.
Brittany shook her head and grinned. “Nope. He’s sarcastic and grumpy, like you. The two of you will be a perfect match.”
I rolled my eyes and shoved my phone back in my pocket with the mental note to change my code.
“You have to wear something red. You look amazing in red, and I told him to look for you in jeans, since you always wear jeans, and a red top.”
“So, if I don’t want to meet this guy, I can wear something else?”
“Nope, because I have his screen name and can message him, too.”
“You’re not my friend.”
She raised a dark eyebrow. “I’m your only friend.”
The truth hit me hard. She was right. Brittany was the only person who didn’t turn away from me when Melody and I stopped speaking. Not that I had a ton of people I was close to, but everyone took her side. Except Brittany.
“You’re right. Thank you.”
The rest of our shift went by quickly and before I knew it, I was in my red top and jeans walking into O’Kelley’s for the second time in less than a week. And going there to meet a guy. What the hell was I thinking?
Brittany got us drinks again, and I found a table. It was quieter than it had been Tuesday, and not as many people were hovering around tables. When Brittany came back, she sipped her drink and looked around.
“I don’t think either of our matches are here yet, but there are plenty of good looking guys around.”
I looked with her and found myself unable to get excited about any of them. A year ago, I could go out with Melody and not think twice about going home with someone, but now…I was pretty sure she broke me.
“Did your guy message you?” Brittany asked.
I pulled out my phone and opened the app. I still couldn’t believe she created an account for me. “How do I use this?”
“Go to the envelope for messages. Your matches are under the heart. Profile stuff is at the gear. It’s pretty simple, which is totally genius.”
I clicked on the envelope and saw messages from a few different people. “There’s a ton in here.”
Brittany grabbed my phone. “Those are all your matches who’ve reached out. Nice.”
“Seriously?” I asked. It was nice to feel like someone wanted me, even if they didn’t really know who I was.
“Yep. Ooh, my guy just got here. I’m going to go find him. Have fun tonight!”
I waved as Brittany walked off. I sipped my beer and tried to pretend I wasn’t wishing I had a vodka tonic at home.
“Here you go,” Piper, one of the servers, said. She set two drinks down on the table.
“What are these for?”
“I was told to say your match is here and he’s going to join you in a minute,” Piper said with a grin.
“Seriously? He’s here? Oh, God, I’m going to be sick.”
“Why?” Piper asked, her grin sliding off her face.
“Is he cute? Do you know him? You know everyone. Am I going to be disappointed?”
Piper shook her head and grinned again. “You’re not going to be disappointed. He’s totally cute, and yes, I know him. You have nothing to worry about.”
I sucked in a deep breath and nodded. “Thank you. Sorry. I know you’re not supposed to talk to me.”
“Why not?”
“Because I’m Melody’s sister and you’re all friends or whatever.”
Piper chuckled. “I like Melody, but I’m not going to choose sides on something between sisters. That wouldn’t be fair.”
I eyed her closely and saw nothing but kindness. That was definitely a shock, and something that calmed me more than I cared to admit. “Thank you, Piper.”
Piper nodded and put her hand on mine. “Of course. Have fun, Willow.”
I nodded and picked up the drink in front of me. I brought it to my lips and was surprised when it was a vodka tonic. How did he know? Brittany had to have put something in my profile.
I closed my eyes and enjoyed the subtle burn and the fizz as the drink worked its way into my system. I was vaguely aware of someone joining me but kept my eyes closed to take him in for ju
st a moment longer.
He smelled amazing, like he’d just showered with something that was designed to make men into sex gods. His presence comforted me in a weird way, like I could feel him and felt safe with him around. His knee brushed mine under the table, and the warmth of him sent a spark through all of me.
Then he opened his mouth. “I didn’t see this coming.”
I groaned. “Seriously?” I asked as I lifted my lids, disappointment forcing the desire and hope to the edges of my body. It was still there, tingling in my fingertips and telling me to ignore anything that kept us apart, but I couldn’t ignore it.
“I shouldn’t be surprised, but you don’t seem like the type to join an online dating thing,” Rowan said with a smirk.
“Apparently you are, so why shouldn’t I be?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know anyone here. You know everyone. I figured it was easier to meet someone when you know everyone.”
“Not even a little. I could tell you a story about just about everyone here. I know details of their lives that I wouldn’t know if we hadn’t grown up in the same town. It sucks.”
“Is that why you agreed to meet me? Because you didn’t think we knew each other?”
“No. I didn’t really agree to this at all. My friend set up my account. She did all this today while I was working.”
“Ah, I see,” Rowan said. He leaned back in his seat and picked up the glass in front of him. He stretched out his legs and brushed his calves against mine.
I couldn’t deny that there was a spark there. As much as I didn’t want to find him attractive, he was. His dark hair that slid over his forehead at times, those eyes that seemed to be able to peer into my soul, and those hands…the thought of them on my body again made every cell vibrate in anticipation.
But I couldn’t sleep with him. I couldn’t do anything with him. Kissing him was bad enough, anything else would be a disaster. Not only was he a new friend of Ramsey’s, he was the asshole who wrote me a ticket. I’d never gotten a ticket for parking illegally before he came to town.
“Is that your way of saying you aren’t interested?” Rowan asked.
It took me a second to remember what we were talking about. He was giving me an out. A way to turn him down. But in reality, it was a way for him to get out of this without looking like the asshole. He could say he didn’t know it was me, and that nothing happened.
I glanced around the bar and saw Hudson watching us. He did not look happy about it. I was the town pariah, and the newbie was talking to me, trapped. It didn’t matter that I didn’t know who he was, if I didn’t let him off the hook, things would only get worse for me.
“Yeah, I’m not interested,” I forced out. I lifted my drink and took another sip to keep anything else inside.
“That’s not the way it seemed the other day. When you kissed me back.”
“I told you that was a mistake. That can’t happen again. And neither can this. Whatever this is.”
Rowan held my gaze for another long moment then nodded and grabbed his drink. He got up from the chair and walked to the bar.
Hudson was in front of him the moment he sat down, and I forced myself to look away. There was no reason to wonder. I didn’t like him anyway.
Piper came back a few minutes later and asked what happened. Another spy. Another person looking for something to tell my sister so she could hate me even more. I told Piper we weren’t a good match and went to the bathroom.
I had every intention of leaving when I got back to the table, but Brittany was sitting there looking annoyed. “What’s wrong?” I asked her.
“My guy was a total dick. He wasn’t even worth sleeping with. Where’s your guy?”
“Didn’t work out,” I told her.
“Why not? I thought he was good.”
I shrugged. “No worries.”
“Then we need to dance. We need to find guys tonight who are live and in person and have some fun. Come on.”
I let Brittany pull me toward the dance floor. I told myself she was right, and I let the music pull me in. Dancing felt good. It released all the tension I’d been carrying around, and it let me move my body. She was right. I definitely needed it.
A guy came up behind Brittany and danced with her. She turned toward him and wrapped her arms around his neck. Another guy danced with me, running his hands up and down my sides.
I tried to enjoy it, but I found myself wishing I was anywhere but there.
The song changed and the guy behind me went to find someone else to dance with. Brittany was making out with her guy in the corner. I danced alone for a few minutes, trying to convince myself I was having fun, but I was just ready to get out of there.
I caught Brittany’s attention and told her I was going to leave. She waved me off and went right back to the guy she was with. I almost missed feeling like that. Being able to let my guard down and not worry about who the guy was or what he thought of me.
Or what I thought of myself.
I headed back toward our table so I could grab my jacket. People moved all around me, forcing me to walk around the group of people dancing instead of going straight through toward our table.
I made it into the open and nearly came face-to-face with Melody and Ramsey. I froze for half a second then turned quickly before they spotted me and disappeared back into the crowd.
What were they doing there? They never went out during the week. And they never had anyone to stay with Amber. A lot had changed in the last year. I had to admit I didn’t know what was going on in their lives.
All night, I tried to convince myself that I belonged there, that staying in MacKellar Cove was a good idea, but one glance at my sister and I knew I was wrong. MacKellar Cove was no longer my home, and pretending it was was a mistake.
I worked through the dancing crowd again, fighting my way to the table. Instead of grabbing my coat and getting the hell out of there, I sat down and stared at them. I couldn’t move. It hurt too much to see them and be on the outside.
Growing up, I could say anything to my sister. I shared every part of myself with her. We were best friends, and she never once turned her back on me. I didn’t turn on her either. I worshipped her. She amazed me every day. She made everything seem effortless, especially falling in love.
Ramsey was the first boy who paid me any attention. It didn’t matter that he was there to see Melody, he always said hi to me and asked how I was doing. He made me feel special, even though I was barely a teenager.
It hurt to think about them. To know a year ago, I was spending time with Melody and my niece, Amber. I was in their lives. And with one admission, all that changed. My sister forgave Ramsey and took him back like nothing had happened, but I was the outcast. The one no one in town wanted anything to do with. I was on the outside looking in.
Piper was at the table next to me and I waved her over when she was done with them. “Can I get you something else?” she asked with a smile.
“Another vodka tonic, please.”
“Got it. I’ll be right back.”
I thanked her and spun the straw in the watered down drink on the table. I should have just left, but I was a glutton for punishment apparently.
Piper returned with my drink and I thanked her again. I was trying to be nice. I didn’t think it would do any good, but I was trying.
I glanced over to where Melody and Ramsey sat, holding hands and looking like they couldn’t get enough of each other. I didn’t want to look. I wasn’t a part of their world anymore. But I couldn’t help but wish I was.
“Someone you know?” Rowan asked, sitting down opposite me.
I shook my head. “Used to.” I still hadn’t figured him out. I pushed him away, but he kept coming back. No matter how many times I told him we weren’t a good idea, he was there. He clearly had options since half the town seemed to flirt with him, but he kept coming back to me. A part of me liked that I wasn’t alone, but another part wondered why he was bothering with
me.
“Him or her?”
I drew a breath and turned my focus to Rowan instead of my sister and brother-in-law. It was no longer my concern who was watching my niece or if they were happy. It was time to find my own happiness. Even if it was temporary.
“Want to get out of here?”
He raised a dark eyebrow and held my gaze for a long moment. I was sure he’d say no, but he drained his fresh drink and nodded. Just once, like he was sure.
Glad one of us was.
4
The sharp bite of cold against my face was a welcome relief after the warmth of the bar. Having Rowan walk me home…the jury was still out on that one.
“Are you okay?” Rowan asked as we turned north.
I nodded and buried my chin in my scarf. “Great.”
He snorted like he knew the single word was sarcasm. Maybe he did. “You were on your own tonight?”
I shook my head. “No. My friend was there. She set up a date with someone from the app, too.”
“The friend who completed your profile?”
“Yeah. She said I need to get out there more.”
“Bad breakup?” he asked.
I breathed a mirthless laugh. “Something like that.”
“What’s the worst excuse you’ve ever heard for ending a relationship?” He shoved his hands in his pockets and looked at me expectantly. He raised one dark eyebrow and speared me with those dark eyes again. I couldn’t understand how he could see right into me, but I felt it.
Or maybe he just knew more about me than he was letting on. Plenty of people in town were likely more than happy to tell him I wasn’t worth the trouble.
“Worst excuse?” I asked.
He nodded. “Yep. I heard a guy tell his girlfriend they couldn’t keep seeing each other because he hated the color of her hair.”
“What? Did she dye it?”
He shook his head. “Nope. He just woke up one day and decided he didn’t like it. Ended things.”
“Was that guy you?”
He barked a laugh and shook his head. “No. An old friend.”