But Maudie’s aunt in Boston had read all of Bulahdeen’s letters, enchanted by this depiction of the rural South. She’d begun to look forward to them. When the letter about the attack had reached her, she’d panicked. She hadn’t known what to do. She’d contacted the police chief in the town where the postmark came from, and he’d told her to send the letters to him. When he’d gotten them, he’d been charmed and then alarmed, and he’d shown them to his wife. She’d recognized the name. It was the redheaded girl who’d helped tend to the elderly woman next door.
That’s when Bulahdeen truly understood what Maudie had been trying to tell her all along. And she’d never once wavered in her faith that endings were never absolute.
Not until now.
She’d spent enough time in this life to know that not everything will go your way. She’d read enough books to know that they weren’t all happy endings. Still, it broke her heart a little after the party when Eby finally told Bulahdeen that she had changed her mind, but that it didn’t matter, because Lazlo was going to fight her.
Bulahdeen recognized people who could make their own endings, as easily as she could recognize the taste of a fine summer wine, and Lazlo was one of those people.
That meant they weren’t going to win. Not because they didn’t want it more, but because they didn’t have the power he had to make it happen.
He was kidnapping their ending, and there was nothing more Bulahdeen could do about it.
She simply had to close the book and walk away.
* * *
After having leftover cake for breakfast because, for the first time anyone said they could recall, Lisette had slept in, Devin and Kate walked outside into the bright muggy morning. Jack was still waiting with worry in the dining room. Bulahdeen, who had been unusually quiet, was now on the dock, standing at the very end, a tiny lone figure surrounded by water. The lawn was messy, but not as messy as it had been when the party had ended last night. It looked like someone had come out and cleaned after everyone had left. Devin remembered her mother carrying her to their cabin then. She’d set her down on her bed, then she’d crawled in next to her.
“We’re not going anywhere for a long while. But no matter what happens, we’ll get through it together,” Kate had whispered. “I’m here. I’m not going to leave.”
When Devin had woken up, her mother had still been curled beside her. It had been the best feeling. She hadn’t moved for nearly twenty minutes, staring at her mother’s face, loving her so much that she would have done anything to preserve that moment, to stick it in a jar like a firefly and watch it forever. But then she’d finally had to get up and go to the bathroom.
As they stood there, looking at the lake, Devin was quiet, tilting her head, listening to something only she could hear through the chirping of the birds and the rustling of the trees.
“Are you all right, kiddo?” Kate asked.
“He’s still anxious.”
“Who?”
“The alligator. Can we go for a hike through the woods to the cabin again?” Devin asked.
“Sure. I’ll get some bottles of water from the kitchen,” Kate said.
“Can I go down and see Bulahdeen? I won’t go anywhere. It’s a Devin promise,” she said when her mother hesitated.
Kate nodded, and Devin raced to the dock, feeling the fairy wings against her back and wishing she could fly. The thought of hovering above the earth, weightless in a lilac sky, appealed to her, in the same way imaginary friends appealed to her, or talking alligators. Not long ago, back in her old life, she had started to feel a restlessness, a pressure, as she outgrew all her clothes and needed the feel of her mother’s hand in hers less and less, that possibilities were becoming more finite, and everything was becoming more real.
It didn’t feel like that here. She was glad they were staying longer. It still didn’t feel as permanent as she thought it would feel, but at least they weren’t going back to Atlanta. She decided to be glad for that. If they went back, her mother might change again. And Devin liked her exactly as she was. Her dad was gone, but her mom was here. She was here.
She slowed as she reached Bulahdeen, then stopped by her side. “Hi, Bulahdeen! What are you doing out here?”
Bulahdeen brushed at her eyes under her sunglasses.
Devin instintively reached out and took her hand. Her fingers felt like green wood. “What’s the matter?”
Bulahdeen smiled and squeezed Devin’s hand. “It’s nothing for you to worry about, baby.”
“You look sad.”
“I am,” Bulahdeen said. “I am sad.”
“Why?”
“Because this place is special. If I can’t save it, does that mean I can’t save the rest of my endings? My husband Charlie’s ending? The ending of the girl who saved my life when I was little? If I lose this place, I lose my sense of possibility, and that’s the only thing that has kept me going.”
“That’s what I like about this place, too,” Devin said. “Anything is possible.”
“Maybe it just wasn’t meant to be. They can’t all be happy endings, can they?” Bulahdeen paused, then turned suddenly to see Selma standing behind them, holding a white Chinese paper parasol over her head in one hand, her high heels in another. “Selma, I didn’t hear you come up,” Bulahdeen said coolly.
“I took off my shoes so I wouldn’t fall into this cesspool,” Selma said.
“What’s a cesspool?” Devin asked.
“A place beautiful women avoid,” Selma told her.
“What is it, Selma?” Bulahdeen asked. “Did you want something? There are no men here, and it’s not like you to come out here only to spend time with us.”
“I just passed Kate, sitting over there.” Selma waved in the direction of the lawn. “She wanted Devin to come up when she was ready.”
“Go on, baby,” Bulahdeen said, turning back to the water.
Devin and Selma walked down the dock in silence. Selma was so pretty, but sometimes, Devin thought, if she touched her, she would find that she was as sharp as wire. “Why don’t you like anybody here?” Devin asked her.
Selma’s mouth set into a thin line. She hesitated before she said, “Because they don’t like me.”
“Sure they do. They all do. I do.”
“You’re one in a million, kid,” Selma said as they stepped off the dock and she stopped to put back on her shoes.
“That’s what my mom says,” Devin said, stopping with her.
There was some movement near the water.
“Oh! Look!” Devin said, excited. “Do you see him?” She crouched down near the edge, almost like she would for a small dog, to get it to come closer. She could see the alligator’s eyes, just barely, over the water. He hadn’t talked to her since she found the Alligator Box. Whatever was in the box hadn’t made everything right. Not yet. She’d searched and she’d fought and she’d run. Devin didn’t know what else to do.
Selma stood next to her, her parasol resting on her shoulder, but she wasn’t looking in the water. “Who is that?” Selma asked, which Devin thought was an odd question, because clearly it was an alligator. “There was a boy there,” Selma said, pointing to the trail, “walking through the woods.”
Devin looked up but didn’t see anyone.
And when she turned back to the water, the alligator was gone.
* * *
Eby stepped out into the sunshine and took a deep breath. She felt like she’d been away for a while. She and Lisette had slept well past breakfast, which had vexed Lisette. Even when she was sick, Lisette always went downstairs in the mornings to see Luc. Eby thought it was marvelous, the sleep, like the way you sleep when you’re finally home. The dance floor and the canopy were still on the lawn, and some stray cups and plates were still scattered around, but Lisette had cleaned up the rest. Eby had heard her leave the house when everyone had gone home and the grills had finally cooled. Lisette missed nighttime.
Last night Eby had dreamed of Geo
rge again, but not in Paris. He was right here. He was sitting on the lawn, and she was lying beside him in the grass with her head in his lap. He was stroking her hair, smiling down at her. There was such a feeling of peace around them, it was soft and pink and smelled of butter. She woke up to Lisette standing over her, petting her hair away from her face. Lisette had pointed to the clock on the bedside table, then left.
Eby saw Kate sitting on one of the picnic tables. She had two bottles of water in her lap.
Eby walked over to her. When her shadow fell over her, Kate turned. “I was just waiting for Devin. She wants to go for a hike.”
“Like myself again.”
“Is she okay today?”
“I think so. I think we’re both finally okay.”
Eby looked down at the lake, at Devin crouching by the water in her pink romper and fairy wings and Selma standing next to her with her white parasol. Selma pointed to something, and Eby followed her finger to the trail around the lake, where she thought she caught a fleeting glimpse of a little boy in overalls, walking away.
Eby’s breath caught.
“Eby? Are you all right?” Kate asked.
Eby turned to her. “What? Oh, yes. I’m fine. I thought I saw … it was nothing. Just a little déjà vu.” She shook her head. It was so long ago, she’d almost forgotten. “I was remembering the first picture of Lost Lake I ever saw, just after my honeymoon. It was on a postcard George showed me of some investment property. I felt like I was looking into the future. Maybe I was. Maybe I was looking at this very moment. Maybe I’ve come full circle.”
Kate stood. “Or maybe it’s just a new circle forming.”
Eby smiled at her as Kate walked away to get Devin. Eby put her hand to her chest, to check for that familiar fluttering there. But it was gone now, released to the wind like a caged bird.
The only thing she could feel now was the life inside her, the beat of her heart and the filling of her lungs.
She was alive and well, with plenty of fight left in her.
She looked at the postcard scene at the lake again and shook her head.
The big sign she’d been looking for had been here all along.
PART 3
14
A short time later, already sweating as the sun rose higher in the sky, Kate and Devin broke through the woods and finally found themselves on the dirt road leading to Wes’s old cabin.
They walked up the road, and as soon as the clearing came into view, so did a large white van with Wes’s handyman logo on it.
Wes was leaning against the front of the van, staring at where the cabin had once stood. He was wearing shorts and a long-sleeved T-shirt, and black sunglasses hid his eyes. He was as still as a statue.
Before she could take Devin’s hand to quietly lead her away, not wanting to disturb his moment with this place, Devin yelled, “Wes!” and ran toward him.
He turned quickly.
Devin reached him and hugged him, which made him smile and he put his arms gently around her fairy wings.
He watched as Kate approached him.
“We didn’t know you’d be here,” Kate said. “Do you want us to leave?”
“No, not at all,” he said. “I had a job down the highway this morning. On my way back, I found myself turning up the old road to this place. I don’t know why.”
Devin ran into the clearing. Her wings were starting to droop. They’d seen better days. They’d snagged on some branches on the trail, and there was a bit of Spanish moss clinging to one of them.
Kate leaned against the van beside him. The engine was cool. He’d been here awhile. They hadn’t interacted much at the party after bringing Devin back from the woods. They hadn’t danced again. Kate wasn’t sure where they stood.
“I talked to my uncle one last time this morning,” Wes said. “I couldn’t change his mind. He said he’ll still be coming by late this afternoon to give Eby another chance to sign over her land. Otherwise, he said he’s going to sue. I’m sorry.”
She shook her head. “I’m the one who should be sorry. I’m sorry I got mad at you at the party,” Kate said. “I know you’d never do anything to hurt Eby.”
“What do you think she’ll do? Do you think she’ll fight him?”
“Oh, she’ll fight him,” Kate said. “But I don’t know what will happen.”
“What are you going to do?”
She pretended to think about it. “Oh, I don’t know. What are the schools like around here?”
“The schools?” he asked. “They’re good.”
“What are their dress codes like? Do they allow tutus and fairy wings?”
He looked to Devin, then back to Kate, his brows rising from under his sunglasses. “Are you staying?”
“Fifteen years ago, I never wanted to leave in the first place,” she said. “I’m just finally making my way back.”
He smiled and made a huh sound. He paused, and she could see the tension growing in his shoulders as some sort of realization set in. “There was something of yours in the Alligator Box. If you’re staying, I think I need to show it to you now.”
“Something of mine?”
He pushed himself away from the van, then went to the side door and pulled it open. The Alligator Box was there, tucked in a mesh hammock. He opened the box and took out a plastic sandwich bag. Inside the bag was a letter. He handed it to her.
On wide-ruled paper, in fading gray pencil, Wes had written:
Dear Kate,
I was sad that you had to leave. You didn’t even say good-bye. But that’s okay. I know your parents made you go. I asked Eby for your address and I’m writing you to tell you that I’m coming to Atlanta to live! Yes, you read that right. My uncle Lazlo lives there, and he will take me and Billy and my dad in. My dad works in construction, and I’m sure Lazlo will give him a job. Please write when you get this and tell me what school you go to so I can go there, too, since we’re in the same grade. Won’t that be great? Maybe we can get lockers beside each other. Will they let us do that? I’ll sit beside you at lunch, if that’s okay, until I meet more people. I’m hoping Lazlo will give me an allowance if I do chores for him and my aunt Deloris. I have two cousins I don’t like very much because I heard them once call us embarrassing, but it will be worth it to be nearer to you. Once I get some money, would you like to go to the movies with me? My treat!
Listen. This is a secret. Don’t tell anyone, okay? Dad will never leave this place, and Lazlo thinks we’re fine as long as we have this land and a roof over our heads. So I have to get rid of the cabin. I’m going to set fire to it on Monday after Dad leaves for work. Billy and I will be out of the house with our stuff, and we’ll watch it burn. It will take forever for the fire department to get here. Dad got drunk once and fell down and hit his head, and it took an hour for the ambulance to get here. No one ever believes us when we say something’s wrong here. I don’t know why.
I’m enclosing Lazlo’s address in Atlanta. Write me there, please? It’s probably big in Atlanta. I hope I don’t get lost. Maybe I will finally get a bike. Is there water there? Billy would like that.
Sincerely yours,
Wesley Patterson
P.S. DON’T TELL ANYONE!
Kate’s lips parted as she read it. She realized she’d been holding her breath and finally made herself exhale. It didn’t help. She felt light-headed.
She looked up at Wes.
“No,” he said, reading her expression. “It’s not your fault.”
“You set the fire. Because of me.” She looked around wildly, at the bare spot where his cabin had once stood.
“No,” he said again. “I did it because I wanted a new life, another life. That was true long before you showed up.” He made her look him in the eye. “Kate, it’s not your fault.”
Kate gave him a jerky nod and handed him back the letter. He looked at it one last time before putting it back in the box. He closed the van door, and the sound echoed over the clearing.
/> “I didn’t even know my father was at home that morning,” Wes said, his hand still on the door handle. “I heard what I thought was his truck pulling away, going to work like usual. I even looked in the garage, and the truck was gone. I didn’t know that he’d gotten so drunk the night before that he’d left his truck at the bar and someone had given him a ride home. The sound I heard was him being dropped off that morning. He was passed out on the floor on the far side of his bed, and I had no idea. And Billy … I didn’t tell Billy what I was going to do. I’d packed our stuff the night before and hidden it in the woods. I doused the house with gasoline from a container my father kept to burn stumps. I picked up Billy—he was still sleeping—and I threw down a match as I reached the front door. My God, the sound it made. My ears popped. I ran into the woods, and Billy had woken up by this time. I remember him looking around, trying to figure out what was going on. I didn’t think I had anything to worry about. He trusted me. He always trusted me. I told him what I did, and he got this worried look on his face. He started going through the things I’d taken from the house. He was looking for something.”
“The Alligator Box,” Kate said softly.
Wes nodded. “I’d looked everywhere for it in the house the night before. It wasn’t there. I know it wasn’t there. When you grow up with a father like ours, you learn to hide the things you love very well. Billy had hidey-holes all over the place. I knew where all of them were in the house, so I’d assumed he’d hidden it in one of his secret places in the woods. I can still see him taking off toward the burning house. He caught me off guard. I ran after him, but I slid in the dew and fell. I knocked one of my teeth out. I looked up to see him race into the smoke without the slightest hesitation. Completely fearless. I ran up to the porch, screaming his name. The smoke was black, and it was so hot the air singed the hair on my arms. I backed in, covering my face. I remember the explosion, and I remember the feel of the fire against my back. I remember being airborne and landing on my face again in the grass. And that’s it. I woke up in the hospital. They told me that my father set the fire, and I was too shocked to correct them. I’ve never corrected them.”
Lost Lake Page 21