“He hit me. Twice.”
Morgan winced. “I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t be. I would have done the same if I were in his shoes.”
She searched my face, almost as if she were trying to figure out if she was dreaming.
“He asked me how I felt about you, and I told him.”
This time those blue eyes of her sparkled. “What did you tell him?”
“That I care deeply about you. More than I’ve ever cared for any other woman. I can’t say I’m in love, but it sure as hell feels like it. Maybe I am, but my mind is trying to tell me I couldn’t possibly fall in love that quickly.”
A brilliant smile broke out over her stunningly beautiful face.
“It’s sort of soon to be throwing that word around, I guess.”
I nodded. “That’s why I don’t want to say it . . . not yet. Not until I know we’re both ready.”
It was Morgan’s turn to nod in agreement. “What do we do from here?”
There was no way I could stop the smile on my face. “Well, I was hoping we would date exclusively, like you said.”
“I want that too.”
“There is no doubt in my mind I want to be with you, Morgan. These last few days when you’ve been so sick, it’s been killing me. I felt so damn hopeless, I still do. I wish it had been me who got the flu.”
“I’m sorry.”
I closed my eyes briefly, then looked at her.
“Don’t blame yourself for getting the flu. You do that too much.”
“Do what?”
“Blame yourself for things. I hated seeing you sick, but being here for you the last couple of days has been amazing. Watching you sleep, giving you baths. Holding you in bed while you snuggled against my body. I never in my life thought I would love all those things.”
She grinned. “I wish I could remember it all. It’s foggy. I think a few times I woke up and thought I was dreaming. Nobody besides my family has ever cared for me like that. Thank you.”
I needed to stand up and move away from her before my greedy ass decided it wanted something from her. Like a kiss. Or to touch her body everywhere. I stood and kissed her on the forehead. “Rest on the couch while I get the soup. I think you’ll feel better with food in you. You haven’t eaten a thing in two days.”
“Maybe I’ll finally lose that ten extra pounds.”
I gave her a stern look, and she shrugged. She grabbed the pillow and was soon lying down with her eyes closed.
I had turned off the stove, but the soup was still hot. The perfect temperature for her to eat it. I filled a bowl for Morgan and one for me, then I headed back into the living room.
“Here ya go, princess.”
Slowly sitting up, she watched as I put a TV tray in front of her and then placed the soup and some crackers on it.
“Chicken noodle soup straight from your mom’s kitchen.”
She sighed, picked up a cracker, and ate the whole thing in two bites.
“Are you eating anything?” Morgan asked, looking up at me with the sweetest expression. I knew I was falling in love with this woman, but my heart needed to slow things down. There was something between us, a secret I knew I needed to share with her and a truth she needed to know. Until we had that taken care of, I wasn’t sure we could truly move on with our future.
“Yep, let me set up another tray and then I’ll go get my soup.”
After getting my tray set up and grabbing my bowl, I settled on the love seat across from Morgan. When I glanced up, she was staring at me.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
I realized she was attempting to keep her tears at bay.
“Why are you doing this?”
I frowned. “Doing what?”
“Taking care of me? Eating soup with me in the middle of the night.”
“I already told you. I want to, Morgan.”
She couldn’t keep her chin from trembling, and it nearly broke me in two.
“Why?” she asked, my voice sounding so weak I hardly recognized it.
“Why?” I repeated.
“Yes, why are you doing this?”
I swallowed hard and sat back. My brown eyes locked with her blue. “Why is it so hard for you to believe I want to be here? To care for you?”
A tear slipped down her cheek, and she shrugged. “I honestly don’t know. I’ve never . . .”
Her voice broke off, and she covered her mouth. Moving the tray out of the way, I sat next to her, pulling her into my arms. I hated seeing her upset.
“You never what?” I asked in a soft voice.
She nuzzled her face against my chest and attempted to settle herself.
“Mike and I dated when we were in high school. He was my first for everything. The first boy I kissed. First boyfriend. First man I had sex with. Everything with him seemed to be my first. When he left for the army, things seemed fine with us. When he would come home on leave, everything was good. Even being with him, nothing felt off.”
I tried not to let my jealousy show. It was stupid of me to be jealous of a man who was no longer here. Someone who was in Morgan’s life years ago. But I was, and that was something I couldn’t ignore. I had never been bothered hearing another woman talk about an ex. Not one. But with Morgan, just thinking about another man touching her made me want to kill someone.
“Then things weren’t okay. Every time he came back, he was different. He treated me fine, but not like he used to. His touch didn’t feel the same. His kisses felt empty. I kept telling myself it was me, I wasn’t doing enough to welcome him home. Or maybe I was just used to him being gone. That guilt tore me apart. So I tried harder. I gave more, but I still felt empty. God, that played havoc with my mind. Then, he wanted to do things differently in the bedroom. He wanted to tie me up once, and at first I thought it would be thrilling, but he seemed so far away. Like he was with me, but he wasn’t with me. I hated it and told him I never wanted to do it again.”
My eyes closed as I tried to push the sick feeling away. “Did he hurt you?”
Her fingers moved softly over my chest in a rhythmic motion. “No, never.”
After taking a deep breath, she slowly let it out. “I know he loved me, but looking back, I don’t think he was in love with me. Maybe I felt the same way. I loved him, but I wasn’t in love with him. I hate myself for not seeing it then. I hate that he made me think less of myself, but at the same time, I hate myself for not giving him more. Maybe it was my fault.”
I pulled back and titled her chin up to make her look at me. “Your fault he took his own life?”
She nodded. “That, and . . . and . . .”
Damn it all to hell. I would never speak ill of the dead, but in this moment, I hated Mike for making this beautiful, strong woman doubt herself.
“And?” I softly asked.
“For cheating on me. He confessed in his suicide note he had been having an affair. I don’t know who with, and I wanted to believe it was a lie at first. That it was just a way for him to make me hate him for cheating rather than for taking his own life. But I knew he had secrets. Right before he was discharged, a mission went wrong, and one of his closest friends was killed along with a few other guys. It tore Mike apart. Lance Merchant was his name. He’d been married, but not for very long. Just two years, I think.”
I didn’t want her to feel my body stiffen as my mind went back to Wednesday night and Nash telling me about the woman Mike had cheated on Morgan with. The woman who had gotten pregnant and given birth to Mike’s child. Her name was Lynn Merchant.
Fucking hell. What did you do, Mike?
I looked down at Morgan. She had no idea. Nash had never told her he had hired ma PI to find out the truth about Mike’s affair. And it was Nash and Butch who had decided to keep the truth from Morgan. Something I was now stuck in the middle of.
“Mike tried to be there for Lance’s wife.”
I swallowed hard.
“When he asked me to marry hi
m, it wasn’t the fairy-tale proposal I had always dreamed of, but he had seemed so happy. Like maybe what had been bothering him had somehow slipped away. It felt like the old Mike was back. It didn’t last long though. He grew distant and . . .”
Her voice broke off into a sob, and I was about to ask her if she wanted to talk about this another day, but I didn’t. I had a feeling this was the first time Morgan had talked about Mike at all.
I held her tighter as she drew in a shaky breath.
“I told him maybe we should split up for a while. Take a step back and look at our relationship.”
My breath stilled in my chest.
“Mike asked me to not leave him. He said things were okay and that he would go to counseling. I believed him. He said he needed to go out of town for a few days. Be around his old army buddies and get closure. I told him I thought it would be a good idea.”
I glanced down at Morgan as she stared off into space. It was clear a memory was hitting her.
“I really thought things would be different when he got back. We would be different. He would be like he was before.”
“Was he?” I asked.
She pulled in a deep breath. “No, not really. He had something on his mind, and I asked him to go to a counselor with me. We needed to figure out what was wrong. I didn’t want to give up on our relationship. He told me he would go. Two days later, he killed himself, and I’ve been trying to wrap my head around what I missed. What I did wrong.”
Goddammit. She needed to know the truth.
“You did nothing wrong, Morgan. Nothing.”
Then she did a one-eighty and changed the subject. “Do you know what’s my favorite time of year?”
My eyes closed as I asked, “What’s that?”
“Christmas.”
Smiling, I kissed the top of her head and reached for her soup bowl. She took it and positioned herself next to me so she could eat.
“Why Christmas?”
After taking a few spoonfuls, she answered. “It’s filled with so many beautiful memories. Fun times with me and Nash, going skiing and taking long road trips. When I look at a Christmas tree, it’s like all those happy memories come rushing back, and I get to forget every bad one from the last six years.”
“There must be some good memories since Mike passed away.”
She smiled. “There have been.” When she turned and looked at me, our eyes met. “You’ve been one of them. You seemed to have sparked something back up in me, and I have to tell you, Blake, it scares me as much as it excites me.”
“Me too.”
Eating more soup, she gestured for me to go back to my own bowl. We ate in silence until she finished, laid down, and drifted off to sleep.
I picked up the bowls and made my way into the kitchen. Picking up my phone, I sent Nash a text. I didn’t give two shits it was early in the morning.
Me: You have to tell Morgan the truth. If you don’t, I will.
I set my phone down, jabbed my fingers through my hair, and cursed. I was in new territory with all of this, and I had no clue what in the hell I was doing. The only thing I knew for sure was there was no way I would lie to Morgan and no way I would fuck this up with her. Once Morgan found out the truth about Mike, I would tell her about that night and pray to God it didn’t change her opinion of me.
I WOKE TO my body pressed against someone. For the first time in a few days, my head wasn’t pounding. I didn’t feel feverish, and the fog lifted.
The sound of a soft sigh from behind me had me smiling.
Blake.
He was still here, still watching over me. I moved slowly as I somehow managed to get out of his embrace. I was dressed in the T-shirt and panties I had put on sometime Saturday afternoon.
Tiptoeing into the bathroom, I quietly shut the door and gave myself a good look in the mirror.
“Dear God.” I looked like death had been knocking on my door.
My hair was a mess. I had black circles under my eyes, though I had no idea how; I was positive I had slept more the last three days than I had in the last few months.
I brushed my teeth, stripped out of my clothes, and got into the shower. The warm water felt good as I closed my eyes and let it run over my head.
“How are you feeling?”
An instant rush of tingles raced over my body at the sound of Blake’s voice.
“Much better, thanks to you.”
He chuckled as he opened the glass shower door and stepped in. I let my eyes roam over his perfect body. I blushed when I realized he was doing the same. I didn’t think I could ever get used to the way this man looked at me. The dark passion in his eyes made my body tremble.
“I did nothing but watch over you.”
“And feed me. Bathe me. Make sure my fever didn’t get too high.”
He winked then motioned for me to turn around. “Let me wash your hair.”
I felt my breath quickening, and I was hypersensitive to Blake’s every touch. The feel of his fingers working the shampoo into my scalp nearly had me melting to the floor.
“Lean your head back some, baby.”
Good Lord. His pet names alone were enough to make me push my ass back and beg him to take me. My lady bits throbbed.
He pulled me back into the water and rinsed the shampoo from my hair. Then he worked the conditioner in as my body built up more and more. I was positive if he touched my nipples right now I would have an orgasm.
Then he ran his fingers through my hair while letting the water slowly wash away the conditioner.
“Blake,” I whispered, needing to hear him say something. Anything.
He turned me around and stared into my eyes with the most glorious look on his face. It was almost like he had just designed the world’s tallest skyscraper, and I was his prize.
When he touched my body, I jumped. His hands moved easily over my skin, the result of the body soap he had lathered on. He dropped down, cleaning down one leg and then back up the other. I willed him to touch me, but he didn’t. He simply placed his hands on my stomach and started slowly working his way up. He took each breast in his hands and rubbed his thumb against each nipple. I gasped, and he smiled devilishly at me.
“Blake.”
My voice was more commanding this time. I was tired of this. I needed more.
“Not yet, princess. You’re still weak, and I will not make love to you while you’re sick.”
“I’m not sick anymore. I mean, I feel so much better.” My hand reached down to stroke his long, hard shaft.
Blake groaned and closed his eyes. I pumped faster, making his body jerk in response. He squeezed my nipples, and I moaned with pleasure.
His eyes opened, and then he bit into his lower lip.
Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.
My legs went limp, and he grabbed me.
“Shit, see. This is too much. I knew it!”
I frantically shook my head. “No. No, it’s not. You bit your lip!”
He pulled his head back and stared at me. “Oh no. You’ve got another fever. You’re not making any sense.”
Laughing, I shook my head.
“No, you bit your lip a second ago, and it was the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen.”
He drew in his brows. “I did?”
“Yes, it made me weak in the knees.”
Leaning down, he brushed his lips over mine. “Please let me feed you something, then I promise I’ll make love to you.”
I smiled. As much as I wanted him this moment, I couldn’t deny the fact that I was starving and food sounded better than sex.
“Fine. But only because I’m so hungry.”
His dimpled smile almost made me rethink my decision. He opened the shower door and stepped out, taking my hand in his to help me out. Then he wrapped a towel around himself and then me. Lifting me, he carried me to the bedroom. I buried my face into his neck and let out the most contented sigh of my life.
“Morgan, you are so precious.”
; Tears stung at the back of my eyes and all I could do was whisper his name.
“Blake.”
He set me down, gently dried me off, and then dressed me in a T-shirt and sweatpants. It was the sweetest thing any man had ever done for me, though I didn’t miss that he neglected to put a bra or panties on me.
“Pinch me,” I said when he brushed my hair and then put it in the worst-looking ponytail I’d ever seen.
“Pinch you? Why would I do that?” he asked with a laugh.
“Because I have to be dreaming. No man stays with a woman for days, taking care of her while she has the flu, then bathes her and dresses her, all while dropping sweet kisses on her forehead or the tip of her nose.”
Blake stared at me and then shrugged. “I guess I’m different then.”
My heart swelled in my chest. “Yes, you are,” I said softly, lifting onto my tippy toes and kissing him.
He took my hand in his and led me out to the living room.
“Sit while I make you something to eat.”
I did as he asked, watching him walk into the kitchen and smiling as I took in his fabulous ass. Desire bloomed in my lower stomach, and I chewed on my lip to keep from cat calling him.
With a sigh, I spied my work laptop and reached for it. Positioning it on the throw pillow, I pulled up my schedule. Blake had somehow managed to reschedule everyone. I scanned the schedule for tomorrow. Three, and all of them in the morning.
I was about to say something when I looked up and gasped. Closing my laptop, I tossed it onto the sofa and made my way over to the corner of my living room. The white lights blinked off and on, pulling me closer. A slight sob slipped from between my lips as I reached out and touched one of the handmade hearts that dangled from the tree.
“It’s not much of a Christmas tree, but it was the best I could do while you were sleeping. I found your tree, but not the ornaments, so I cut some out of the colored paper in your office.”
I spun around and looked at Blake standing there. My throat felt thick and heavy, and my body instantly warmed with a feeling I had never experienced.
Was this what true love was? Real love? When someone loved you so much they would put up a Christmas tree in the spring and decorate it with handmade ornaments?
Adore Me Page 14