by T. L Smith
When I go back to the mansion, the clean-up crew has already arrived and are sweeping up the mess. Body bags are being taken out, and I stop when I know it’s her. My hand touches her body over the top of the black bag.
“Cremate her, and bring her back to me.” The cleaner nods and continues to go about his business.
“I sent Isadora away. You need space from her,” Carter says. He’s my second in command for a reason. He sees clearly when I don’t.
“Do you think that’s smart?”
“You tell me? You wanted to kill her, but couldn’t. You took a bullet for her then you watched as her uncle killed your mother. So, you tell me, was it the best option?” He shakes his head and starts walking out of the room.
“She’s more to me than just a pussy, Carter. Watch yourself.”
His back straightens. “We know this. She knows this. Let it breathe, and when you both have had time to grieve then go back to each other and see what’s there. Right now, it isn’t smart.”
“And you know about love, do you?” I ask him raising an eyebrow.
He laughs. “I love you, boss. I’d give my life for you. No one else matters above you. But that is the life I choose. You didn’t. So you can love more than us. Fuck, you can have her if you want even if she doesn’t want you. It’s you. It’s all about you. Who are we to stop you. But all I ask is that you let yourself breathe for a moment. You need that. Just breathe. Take some well-earned time off. You’ve been consumed by her, and I personally don’t understand it.” He walks away leaving me standing where I am, watching the space he vacated.
When I was a teenager, before I killed my father. What I wanted most in this life was a wife. One who I could count on. One who wouldn’t ruin me or use me. I figured out later that it was next to impossible to find something like that in this life. Especially considering who I am, and the power I hold. But that dream, it still niggles at the back of my throat when I’m near Isadora. Could she be it?
No, she can’t be. She started a war and never finished it.
Though, this wasn’t all her, and despite everything that’s happened I still very much want her.
She’s exactly what I fantasized about. She was the woman stuck in my dreams, and when I found her I knew I had to have her, it was simply hard to work out how. With so much bad, so much ugly, how could it ever really work?
Dreams are meant to be altered, and mine was, tremendously.
Max’s body comes up last. “Burn that one or feed it to the wolves, I don’t fucking care,” I say pointing to her Uncle. If I could kill him, again and again, I would. The cleaner nods then walks out with some of my other men.
This life I live is one where I run, and profit, from the businesses around me. I own half of them, and if I don’t, you can bet I soon will.
My father took this town with force, scaring the locals, but I run it with good business sense. Bought them out, and made sure they knew not to cross me. Some I loaned money to, knowing full well they couldn’t pay me back, but their business was always my collateral.
The strip club where I found Isadora.
Benny. He’s not one of the brightest lights in the sky. I did the same thing with him, but at least he still runs it. Benny most definitely isn’t my biggest fan, but he doesn’t need to be.
“Do you intend to do anything?” Ace asks, pulling his shirt over his head.
“Yes, I plan to burn Max’s place to the ground.”
Ace nods.
And that’s what we do.
Go straight to that shithole where Max lived. We walk in, spilling accelerant all over the floor, and then removing the cars. I can sell them. As I said, I’m a businessman, I’m not stupid. I have plenty of cars both old and new alike, and they’re like a passion for me.
Walking up the stairs to the rooms, I come to an office first. Clearly this is where that bastard looked after the business. Behind that is three rooms, the first is a bathroom, the second is Isadora’s.
A photo of Isadora and her family hang on the wall. I remember them all clearly. It’s hard to forget something like that. Not that I hadn’t been around killing before, but in the manner where my father didn’t care, I hadn’t noticed that in him before that fateful day. He laughed when he shot Isadora’s mother, then smiled when he shot her father.
Isadora looks like her mother, she has the same green eyes as well as her hair. But her face is more like her father’s. I take the picture from its frame and step out of the room. There’s nothing else here other than clothes and a mattress on the floor.
Walking into the next room, this one has a mattress on the floor as well, but what is different is it has more. Clothes and more pictures, but these pictures consist of my mother, Max and Isadora. This shit makes me angry. There’s not one picture of the person he’s supposedly revenging. He did it all for the wrong reasons.
I don’t like Isadora’s actions, but I’m no one to judge. I’m worse than she will ever be. Stepping out, I light a match flicking it on the floor before I walk out.
From the front, I watch as it goes up in flames and continue to watch while the whole fucking place burns to the fucking ground.
And with it the memory of my father.
“You listen, son, and you fucking listen good.” My father smacked the back of my head hard. I’m in his room after he just killed another man for no fucking good reason.
Carter stepped out of the room as my father’s voice raised, and knew full well what kind of man he was about to be.
“When I order you to kill the little guy, you fucking kill him. Do you understand me?” He pointed a finger in my face, flashing around his gold skull ring.
“No,” I argued back.
That wasn’t going to happen. He should be locked up and put away for being the asshole he was. But he owned every crooked detective and every dishonest lawyer in this town. No one would dare touch him.
“You ungrateful little fucking shit, you’re meant to be a man now. Did you lose your cock when you fucked that last whore?” he spat, slapping me across my face.
I loved him so much once. He’d changed, though. I guess, in my story, they all do. It was the sad reality of life. No one stayed the same.
“You’re getting bad in your old age, old man,” I seethed back at him.
That was the last straw.
Kill the little guy, because he walked in on my father after he’d killed his father and stepped over his body and screamed.
Kids. I don’t do kids.
It’s not their fault they were born into this awful fucking world.
“You think ‘cause you’re eighteen now you’re a man?” My father’s head fell back as he laughed. “No. You aren’t,” he said standing tall. He removed his gun, placing it on his bedside table. Fuck, this place was like a museum. It’s all fucking gold, and I hated it. “What could make you a man is something you will never accomplish. You’re your mother’s boy. What a fucking shame.”
He hated her, but when she wanted something, he was the first to do it for her. Their relationship was fucked and something I never wanted for my future.
“I’ll be more of a man than you’ll ever be.”
He laughed, shaking his head. “Son, that you will never be. And I hope one day you fall in love with a woman who fucks it all up for you. Just as mine’s done for me.” He turned, walking to his dresser, then back to his bed. Removing his clothes, he sat on the edge to pull off his shoes, and that’s when I knew what I had to do.
It had to be done.
The bastard had to be killed.
No matter what.
No matter the consequences.
Raising the gun in my hand to his head, he looked up at me, and with laughing eyes he went back to what he was doing.
“I raised you right, but you do have your mother in you, after all. So crazy runs in your blood, but you won’t kill me, son. That would mean you will have to take over the business, and that’s something you don’t want.”
He was right. I didn’t want that responsibility this young. But I had more respect from his men then he did, and the ones who were loyal to him I planned to kill anyway. They were just as fucked in the head as he was.
“You can’t keep doing this,” I said while shaking my head slowly.
“Wrong! I can and I will.”
I didn’t say anything back to that, and I didn’t drop the gun either.
“You think the power won’t go to your head? It does. People like us can’t help ourselves. It’s in our damn blood, son.”
“No. We can help ourselves, and killing people just because you feel like it needs to stop. You’re ruining everything,” I said.
He went to push the gun away, but I kept it in place. Standing, he pushed the end of the gun into his chest. “It’s addictive… the killing. Soon they’ll all blend together, and you will want to keep doing it. When you become that man, think of me and smile, son. Now do it before I take the gun off you, and put a bullet to your brain. Just remember as you pull that trigger, I love you.”
I didn’t bother asking him if he was speaking the truth. He’d lost all sense of who he was, and I sometimes wondered why I was still alive in this place.
“I love you.”
He nodded his head as I pulled back on the trigger. Falling backward, he landed on his bed, his hand going to his chest where the bullet entered. His door opened and his second in command stepped inside with wide eyes. He raised his gun at me, but before he could do anything he fell to the floor. Carter stood behind him holding a knife which he’d just lodged in his throat.
“Boss,” Carter said with a nod. “Should I call the clean-up crew?”
I nodded and stayed in the room until they arrived.
Carter was the only one to come in, as I sat on the bed next to my father, knowing full well that everything was about to change.
“No one is to come in here. Ever. After this room is cleaned it’s never to be touched again. The rest of the house is yours,” I told Carter.
He nodded as I walked out.
And just like that I had killed my father, and I had become the boss.
All my worst nightmares had just come to life.
29
Isadora
Two months later.
Bella smiles as I walk in, she could light up a room with that smile.
“You’re back. Felt like you’ve been gone for ages,” she says, collapsing onto her bed.
“Only a week,” I tell her touching her hair.
Sharon had a mother which she hardly spoke to who took full custody of Bella. I try to visit her at least once a week, bringing her something special every time.
As soon as I left that day, I went straight to Sharon’s house. Looked around inside until I found her mother’s phone number in a drawer and called her to let her know she’d have to collect Bella today from daycare.
Sharon’s death was deemed an accident, even though I know the truth. The guilt is something I will never be rid of. Ever.
Jasper’s helped with that. I haven’t seen him once in the last two months, but he messages me with words of comfort and sends me things, but he’s not once left my mind.
I like getting to know him in a situation where he doesn’t control the outcome, and his hands don’t make me forget my situation.
The trouble is he’s good at that.
Making me forget.
Heather, well, I haven’t seen her again. And I hope I never do. I never want to take a life again, but hers, I would seriously contemplate killing her.
And the men I murdered, the guilt that resides inside of me because of that, will never die, but I have learned to live with it. It is out of my control, and I was being controlled by someone whose motives weren’t in my best interest. That was hard for me to come to terms with.
“How’s school?” I ask
Bella shrugs her shoulders as a little puppy comes running into the room.
“Who’s this?” I ask, leaning over and picking him up. He licks my face as Bella laughs.
“Jasper got him for me.”
I place the dog down as I look at her. “Jasper?” I ask, confused.
She nods her head. “He said the puppy will make me happy, and he was right. The puppy makes me very happy, but not so much Grandma, when he pees and poos everywhere.” She offers me a small giggle before she goes off chasing him around the room.
Leaving, I check my phone and see a message from him.
It’s time, don’t you think?
My heart rate speeds up at the thought of seeing him again, and what I might feel. My life has changed so much, I no longer have any need for revenge. I don’t think I could do that ever again anyway. It drained me as a person. It took away my identity and majorly interfered with my personality. I’ve been trying to find work, and figure out what I want to do with my life.
My parents wanted me to be a lawyer, but I dedicated my life to avenging them thanks to my uncle.
So, who am I, if I’m not that person?
Who is Isadora? The woman. My identity. My whole self.
I’m still trying to figure out those questions.
I smile climbing into my car. I sent their car back to them and bought my own with the money I had saved. I have a lot put away from the fire that happened at Max’s garage. So much so, I’m not sure what to do with it.
The fire was investigated, and thankfully I was nowhere near it at the time, so it was cleared for the insurance money.
Maybe.
I start the car and when I do my phone beeps again.
I’m behind you Isadora. Start driving to the local café.
I turn around, and sure enough, Jasper’s in the passenger seat of a black sedan following behind me. Ace smiles and offers me a wave before I spin around. Pulling away from the house, I drive to the closest café and pull up.
Getting out, my maxi dress sways at my feet as I wait for him to walk over. He doesn’t disappoint when he greets me with his hands in his pockets, glasses covering his eyes and with those lips with that scar. When he reaches me, I remember to breathe, taking a deep breath, one at a time. I look from his shoes, shiny black ones, up to his dark denim jeans until I reach his chest, broad and everything I’ve missed.
“Isadora,” he says and I swear it knocks the air out of my lungs. “It’s been a minute.” I nod as he looks behind me then back to me. “Coffee?” He nods to the café in front of us.
“Sure.”
Jasper steps back from my personal space and waves for me to walk in first.
A waitress comes over and he places both our orders as we sit.
“I’ve missed you. Who would’ve thought it, right?”
“You missed me?” I ask, surprised.
He nods, confirming it. “Did you miss me, Isadora?”
I nod. “Very much so.”
“Good, I’m glad that’s settled. So, when can I expect you to move in with me?”
I balk at his words and shake my head, confused. “What? Move in with you?” I ask him, shocked.
“Yes. You hate that place, and it still looks like you don’t live there. Don’t you want to make something your own? My place can be that.”
I didn’t live in that shithole for living there, though. My place was with my uncle, and now, well, I don’t even like to think of him anymore or even care about what happened to everything we once had there. It all went up in smoke, and he deserved that even in his death.
“We haven’t even seen each other in ages. How do you know you still even want me? And, for your information, moving in with you is not making your place my own.”
“I know what I want. I’ve always wanted you. It was never a question, Isadora, it was a matter of questioning if I could fit you into my life. You did destroy so much of it.”
I look down as a waiter comes over, placing coffee in front of us.
“I’m sorry. So very sorry about that.”
“I get it. I get why
you did what you did. I would have done the same. Don’t apologize, Isadora. Just move on and do better.”
“Don’t you think we should go slow, though?”
He laughs. “No. I’ve never done anything slow, and I don’t plan to do you slow either.”
I choke on my drink because I know exactly what that means.
“Exactly,” he says as I wipe my mouth.
“I’m not moving in. Not yet. I need… time.”
“I’ve given you months.”
“We both needed that,” I reply.
“Yes, but now I’m over it, and I need you back. I’m not a patient man, Isadora, not sure how much longer I can wait.” He doesn’t touch his coffee, instead he watches me with intent while waiting for me to speak. Do I hold the power here? Jasper isn’t one who gives power away, he always holds on to it tightly. So this is new. Very new.
“I’m sorry about your mother,” I say, remembering what my uncle did.
“It’s fine. She had to die anyway. It was probably easier than me doing it.” He shrugs.
“Still, you loved her.”
“I love you.”
My eyes go wide at his words.
No, he can’t mean that.
Can he?
“You can’t possibly. You don’t know me,” I say, shaking my head.
He leans in and touches my knee, holds me with his hand. “I know what I need to know, the rest we can work out along the way.”
“What if you find out I hate cats, and you love cats. Or worse, I’m allergic to seafood and you love it?” I ask.
“If you hate cats, I will deal. If you’re allergic to seafood, I will never eat it around you, or come home and mouth fuck you.”
I giggle at his words. “I’m still not moving in with you,” I tell him. “Slower. We need slower.”
He nods and agrees. “Tonight then. You can come tonight?”
I nod and he smiles. We both stand.
When we walk outside to my car, Ace is standing there having a cigarette. When he sees me, he smiles and nods his head in hello. “Isadora.”