“So much!” Sage’s bluntness was reassuring.
“Okay then. That’s the plan. First, we get the orders done, then we put this place back together,” I declared, feeling a little lighter now I knew a solution was in sight.
“Don’t forget to schedule lunch in there somewhere. I’m starving.”
“You’re always starving, Sage,” Linda scolded. I wondered if Linda had seen Sage’s idea of a well-balanced meal yet. Unless it was smothered in cheese or deep fried, Sage didn’t want to know about it. It was disgusting and I was jealous as hell. If I ate even a quarter of the shit she did, my butt would be the size of a bus, but somehow Sage never put on a pound.
We did it. Well almost. After getting all the orders sorted, Sage and Linda both took off to do deliveries and organize lunch. As soon as they were out the door, I flicked the lock and closed for the afternoon. Even though I told them repeatedly I was fine, my arm was aching. Digging a couple of pain killers out of my bag, I downed them quickly before dragging a stool into the back room where Ava was chewing quietly on the pink stuffed rabbit Linda had bought her.
Taking advantage of the quiet, I dug my phone from my bag and checked my social media accounts. I hadn’t posted in a while, but when I clicked on my profile, I saw the word ‘single’ staring back at me and realized how much I hated it. I wasn’t single. Not anymore. I had a real boyfriend. He was a hot-as-hell, tattooed firefighter who I couldn’t get enough of. Feeling slightly drunk on the knowledge that Zach was mine, I updated my status to being in a relationship. Then the option came up to add who I was in that relationship with. Not sure I had the balls to go that far, I set it down on the bench and leaned into Ava’s crib.
After changing her diaper, something I was mastering with one hand, I went back out the front and looked around. I had absolutely no idea where the hell to start. How I’d made such a mess of everything, I wasn’t sure.
Picking up the bin, I set it down next to my bench and started throwing shit out. If it was broken, busted or ugly, in it went. Next, I started emptying buckets and washing them out, but it was way too quiet in here. I didn’t want to annoy Ava, not when she was likely to drop back off to sleep any minute now, but the quiet wasn’t inspiring me. Instead, I started singing to myself.
“Wow! And here I was thinking a cat was being murdered in the back lane.”
Spinning around, I saw Sage standing there smirking. I would’ve killed her but when I spotted the paper bag in her hands with the Hooligans logo on it, I changed my mind. Hooligans takeout was possibly the best thing to happen to me today. Well, the best after the incredible orgasm Zach had coaxed from my body just before dawn.
“Burgers?” I asked excitedly.
“And fries and milkshakes.”
“Do you know how much I love you right now?” I declared, heading over to the sink and washing my hands, my stomach growling loudly.
“Yeah, yeah. And if Phoebe walked in here right now with a hunk of chocolate cake, I’m sure you’d say the same thing to her.”
“Not likely,” I grumbled.
It was no secret Phoebe and I weren’t best friends. It wasn’t that we hated each other or there was really a reason for us not to be, it just was what it was. We were civil and polite, but we weren’t planning on having a slumber party anytime soon.
“What’s not likely?” Linda asked as she breezed through the back door, dumping her purse on my now-clear work bench.
“Phoebe and Lily being besties.”
“Ah, yeah. I can’t imagine that would happen. Especially not now.”
“What do you mean especially not now?” I asked, reaching for a handful of fries and stuffing them in my mouth.
“Ah…”
“What have you heard, Linda?” Sage prompted, jumping up and sitting on the edge of the bench before taking a massive bite of her burger.
“Oh, I’m sure it’s just gossip.”
“Even so, I need to know any and all town gossip,” Sage insisted.
“It’s nothing. It’s just from what I heard, Phoebe’s had a thing for Zach for a while.” Linda looked over at me, her apologetic eyes making me feel sorry for her.
“Oh that. Don’t worry about that. That’s old news.” Sage dismissed it like it was nothing. “Everyone in town knows about her crush.”
“They do?” I asked, my voice catching.
“Ah, yeah.”
“Well, I didn’t,” I snapped, feeling like shit. How did I not know this? Did I live under a rock?
“Well, that’s because, Lily, you’re too nice of a person to get caught up in gossip. Well, that and the fact you pretty much have your head up your...”
Sage didn’t need to finish her sentence. We all knew what she was getting at.
“Do not!”
“Do too. When was the last time you went out?” Sage challenged. I opened my mouth to reply, but she lifted her hand, cutting off my answer. “And the speed dating thing that I dragged you kicking and screaming to doesn’t even count.”
I pouted.
I know I did. Because she was right. I did live under a rock. Under there was a nice place to be sometimes. There was no drama. No backstabbing bitches. No problems. I’d dealt with enough of them already in life. I was so ready for a calm and easy couple of years. If there was such a thing.
“Anyway, it doesn’t matter. Lily and Zach are together now, so it doesn’t really matter what Phoebe thinks or wants,” Linda stated, sounding just like a mom.
“You know?”
“Know what, dear?”
“That Zach and I are together?”
Linda smiled around her straw as she sipped her milkshake. “Sweetheart, I knew you were together before you two did.”
“Lily, hate to break it to you, but we all did.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah, oh. Now, why don’t you strut your sexy ass down the road and see that delicious hunk of man meat of yours and ask him if he can bring his tool here after work and help you screw something?”
“Sage!” I can’t believe she’d say something like that, especially in front of Zach’s mother. Oh wait. It was Sage. It’s exactly something she’d say in front of his mother.
“What? Someone needs to put those shelves back up, preferably straight this time. And from what I hear, Zach’s good with his hands.”
“Oh my god! If you stop talking, I’ll go.”
“Good. You might want to wipe the ketchup off your face before you get there though.”
Grabbing a wad of napkins, I wiped at my face like a mad woman only to have Sage snickering. “That was mean,” Linda told her before turning her attention back to the counter.
“You two suck.”
“So do you. Now, go talk to lover boy and see if he can help you.”
“What about…”
“What about what? What excuse are you trying to use this time?” Geez the sass in Sage was strong today.
“Ava,” I replied, like duh.
“Ava’s fine… I’ve got her. You go see Zach. Tell him I said hi,” Linda assured me, nudging me towards the door and handing me my purse.
Knowing I had pretty much no chance of winning this argument, I threw my hands up in the air, defeated. “Fine! Fine! I’m going.”
“Good. See you in a bit.” Sage skipped around.
Standing out on the street in front of my store, I stared down the road. Digging my sunglasses out of my bag, I started walking. It wasn’t far and it was a beautiful day, I was going to enjoy the ten minutes of peace and quiet while I could.
Rounding the corner, Station 13 came into sight and my heart took off. I was excited to see Zach. It’d been less than six hours and forty-five minutes since he’d kissed me goodbye, but I missed him already. I couldn’t wait for him to come over tonight so we could snuggle on the lounge. For someone so hard and lean, Zach was the best snuggler.
The rig was parked out the front and the crew were crawling all over it. Everything was open and so
meone, I think it was Samuels, was holding the hose, but I couldn’t see Zach and, trust me, there’s no way I’d miss him. I’d spent hours studying the ink on his arms, wondering why he got certain symbols and the meaning behind them. There was no way I wasn’t going to see them.
Then, like the heavens had opened for me, God’s gift sauntered around the back of the rig, looking all sorts of hot. Zach Higgins was every woman’s fantasy. Well, he was definitely mine. In his turnout pants and tight navy station t-shirt with his aviators covering his eyes, my mouth watered and I almost tripped over my own feet. Coming to a stop, I forced myself to take a breath before I ended up face first on the pavement.
“Bout time, kangaroo boy,” I heard someone tease before tossing something at him. Something Zach caught easily and set down beside his feet.
“Yeah, yeah. What’d I miss?” Zach’s deep baritone made my steps hasten. It was like I couldn’t get to him quick enough.
Turns out, I wasn’t the only one.
As I went to cross the road, a cab pulled in front of me, coming to a halt at the station. When it moved on, I had enough time to hear the shriek before a tiny blonde bombshell wearing black leather pants and a blush-pink sweater, one tight enough even I could see from here how perfect it fit her, threw herself into Zach’s arms.
Hugging her tight, Zach growled. “What are you doing here?”
“Didn’t you miss me?”
“Like you’d never believe.”
I felt sick. Like someone had kicked me in the stomach. I had to get out of there. Turning back the way I came, I jogged along the road, avoiding as many people and dodging as many conversations as I could. Right now, I had no words. I felt like the rug had just been pulled out from under me. No. it was worse than that, I felt like a loser the world was laughing at. At least, my world was laughing at me.
I made it back to the store in record time and fell through the door, leaning my back against it and sliding down. My dramatic entrance and the ringing of the bells caught Sage and Linda’s attention. I didn’t think I could handle one of their interrogations right now. I just wasn’t up for it. And Linda, what the hell was I supposed to say to her? Zach was her son. Her only son. A wave of dizziness washed over me, and I dropped my head between my knees and focused on my breathing. I didn’t need to fall apart right now. I couldn’t. I had people counting on me to hold my shit together. Ava was counting on me. And unlike Zach Higgins, I didn’t let people down.
“Oh sweet! You’re back. Although have to admit, that was a much quicker quicky than I thought, but yay! You’re here. What time’s Zach stopping by to fix these shelves. We’ve come up with an awesome idea,” Sage babbled.
“He’s not.”
“He’s not, what?”
“Zach’s not coming. I’ll call a carpenter tomorrow.”
“Why isn’t Zach coming? You’re his girlfriend. Installing shelves is definitely a boyfriend’s job. If he’s slacking already, Lil, then maybe…”
“Well maybe you should go explain to him the rules of being a boyfriend, Sage. Don’t forget to include the ‘you don’t make out with blondes who aren’t your girlfriend on the street’ too.”
“He didn’t?” Sage asked, dropping the bucket full of soapy water she’d been carrying and splashing it all over the floor. “He wouldn’t. No. Zach’s not like that.”
“Not like what?” Linda asked, appearing from the back, Ava in her arms.
I reached for my girl, and Linda handed her over without question. I needed her right now. I needed Ava to ground me.
“Apparently Zach’s a cheating scumbag.”
31
ZACH
From the moment I left Lily’s place, today had been an absolute shit show.
I’d gotten to the station right on time, which was my first mistake. On any normal day, showing up on time I would’ve considered being late. I was always, every single shift, at least twenty minutes early, but today, I just didn’t want to. For the last couple of days, I busted my ass trying to get Lily’s porch finished and I still hadn’t, which just pissed me off. But that wasn’t the cause of the thorn in my side. No, that was this morning’s meeting.
I’d barely gotten through the door when Collins and Malone were in my face, both pissed because I’d ignored their messages for the last few days.
“Your phone broken, Higgins?”
“No. Just needed a few days.”
“Well Chief wants to see you before you head out today.”
“I’m sure he does.”
“Stop being a dick, Higgins. People around here were worried about you after what happened, and then you went off the grid.”
“I’m fine,” I spat out through gritted teeth.
I wasn’t fine, but I wasn’t about to tell them that. Frankly, it was none of their business. All they needed to know was when the time came, I had their back and I hoped they had mine. Apparently, that wasn’t enough.
“Sure you are,” Collins tossed out before Malone shot him a look that silenced him and had him excusing himself.
“Look, Higgins, I know we don’t know each other that well and you’re still new around here, but I wasn’t always this awesome. A few years back, two of us went into a building, but only one came out. I was pretty badly injured and for a long time I let my scars rule my life. Dylan was actually the one who basically told me to pull my head out of my ass.”
“Shit, man. I had no idea.”
“Why would you? Anyway, the point of my story isn’t to get your sympathy.”
“I wasn’t—”
“Yes, you were. It’s written all over your face.”
“Sorry.”
“Don’t be. But the point is, eventually I talked. And you need to as well.”
“I’m…”
“Fine. Yeah, I know you are. But, Zach, you didn’t move. Standing outside that building you didn’t suit up. You didn’t follow procedure. And that’s not like you.”
I hung my head in shame. Everything he said was true. In the moment it mattered, I was useless. I didn’t grab my equipment and I didn’t follow them towards the house. Instead, I stood there, unblinking unable to look away. My legs were like cement. I couldn’t move even if I’d wanted to. The call had come through, and like all those calls that’d come before it, we suited up and headed out. The difference was this time when we arrived on scene everything was wrong.
The guy who’d called it in was out the front screaming. His wife and daughter were still inside and there were flames billowing from every window. Samuels and I had grabbed the guy, holding him back. He was determined to go in and save his family. His pained cries ripped my heart in two. He was a strong bastard, fighting to get free and run in. While I stood there holding him back, keeping him from helping the people he loved the most in the world, I couldn’t help but think of Ava and Lily. If it’d been me in that guy’s shoes, it would’ve taken the whole fucking national guard to stop me barreling in there, my own life be damned.
As the minutes ticked by, my hope and the fight within the guy faded. It was taking too long. They should’ve been out already. They should’ve been safe. Behind me the ambulance waited. Samuels and I started steering the guy, who was like a dead weight in our arms, towards the stretcher. He needed to be checked over for smoke inhalation but also, I had this disgusting feeling in the pit of my stomach that he was going to need help.
The guys started to get the fire under control but there was still no sign of his daughter or wife.
“How old is your daughter?” I asked nervously.
“Amber is six months old. She’s the most beautiful little girl you’ve ever seen. She’s always happy…” His voice broke as tears streamed down his face.
Six months. Shit. I’d been hoping he said six years. At least then she could run and would’ve had a fighting chance.
When they were found amongst the smoldering ashes, I didn’t have the strength in my arms to hold him up any longer as he crumpled to the gro
und. He let out the most painful howl I could ever recall hearing, one that I was positive would haunt me for all my days.
“No one’s judging you for not being okay, Zach. We just want to help you. So go, talk to Chief and do whatever he suggests. You did everything you could to save them. We did everything we could to save them. It was an accident. An electrical fault with the renovations is responsible for this tragedy, not you.”
“I should’ve done something…”
“What? What more could you have done?”
“I…I…I don’t know.”
And that was the problem. For the last few days, whenever I stopped, whenever silence engulfed me, that’s what I was trying to figure out. What more could I’ve done? What more I should’ve done? But I still had nothing. Not one damn idea.
Grady clamped his hand down on my shoulder and squeezed. “You’re a good guy, Higgins, and I know how much this is hurting you, but you have to move past it. If you don’t… you’ll destroy your future, and that would be a god damn shame.”
Malone left me standing there, staring at my scuffed boots and replaying everything he’d said and everything that had happened. Even though in my head I knew he was right, my heart couldn’t catch up.
Half my shift was wasted talking to the chief then the department psych they had on call. It didn’t seem to matter how many times I told them I was fine; they weren’t buying it. They wanted to know about my childhood and how I’d handled my father’s death. Nosy bastards. At one point I wanted to pick up the computer screen and hurl it through the wall, but that would probably just prove their point that I was unhinged. The last thing I wanted to do right now was give them more ammunition.
At least it was a slow day and I didn’t miss much. There was only one call out; a kid had got their fingers caught in the drain down at the local elementary school, so we’d gone to help. As soon as we’d pulled to a stop out the front, the rig was swamped by kids asking us to flash the lights or turn on the sirens.
Thankfully, by the time we made it back our shift was almost over. We were just doing final checks, making sure everything was stocked and ready for the next team when someone called my name.
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