Bonded

by Nicky Charles

  She gasped and tried to pull away, filled with indignation that the captain had broken his trust to her, and appalled that Reno had found out in such a way. “He had no right! He promised it would stay between the two of us.”

  “He had every right but more importantly I had every right. How the hell could you not tell me something this important?” Reno gave her arm a shake as his voice infused with accusation. “Did it give you a secret thrill? Make you feel you had some hold on me? Did you like being able to read my mind without me knowing?” He snorted in disgust, let go of her arm and took a step back, shaking his head. “God, I’ve been chased by women before who wanted the thrill of having done a rogue, but none of them went this far. Do you sit around with your friends laughing as you give them the latest update on my private thoughts?”

  “No. It’s not like that, Reno. I swear.” Brandi’s stomach clenched, a sick feeling washing over her. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. She could feel his hurt over what he perceived as her betrayal. Hurting him had never been her intention. “I… ”

  “I don’t like people playing with my mind, Brandi.” He stepped towards her, again invading her space, and she instinctively retreated. He followed, forcing her backward until she was pressed against the wall. Placing a hand on either side of her, he caged her in. With nowhere to go, she could only stare up at his menacing expression.

  Reno flicked his gaze over her before focussing on her neck. “Turnabout is fair play, don’t you think?”

  “What do you mean?” Her stomach clenched with fear. She’d never seen him in such a mood. The rogue wolf tendencies he’d always warned her about seemed to have broken through his civilized facade.

  “You bonded with me, I’ll bond with you.” He leaned forward and nuzzled her neck.

  “Reno, no!” Shocked at his suggestion, she froze, unable to believe he’d actually consider such a thing.

  “Brandi, yes.” He mimicked back and then licked her throat.

  She attempted to duck under his arm but he took hold of her waist. Bringing her shoulder up to protect her neck proved useless as well for he threaded his fingers through her hair to hold her head still.

  Trapped, unable to move, her heart pounded in her chest. He crowded in closer, his body pressed against hers. His breath was hot on her neck. She could feel his teeth grazing her skin and against her will a thrill of excitement shot through her.

  “Reno, it won’t work,” she protested. “You know that. A simple bite isn’t enough.”

  “No. But I’m definitely aroused.” There was no denying his statement; she could feel his erection, hot and hard against her belly. “The mating hormone is pumping though my system right now just as it is through yours.” His voice rumbled in her ear.

  “No. No it’s not.” She pushed against his chest, trying to get him to move away but it was useless.

  “Don’t lie to me, Brandi. I can hear your heart pounding. The scent of your arousal can’t be denied; you want me as much as I want you.”

  “Physically, yes. But a blood bond shouldn’t happen this way. You know that Reno.” She squirmed and tried to twist her head around, hoping to make eye-contact, to make him understand. “It’s not right! Reno, please!”

  For a minute she feared he wouldn’t listen. His mouth was hot on her neck, his teeth already gently indenting her skin. He clenched his fingers tighter, lightly pulling her hair as he forced her head further back. A sob broke from her and she squeezed her eyes tightly shut. For years she’d dreamed of being blood bonded with him but not like this.

  The moment stretched out and she held her breath, waiting for the pinprick of pain as he pierced her flesh. When it didn’t come she opened her eyes to find him lifting his head, staring down at her with a dark, tormented gaze.

  “Brandi… I… I’m sorry.” He let her go and stepped away, a look of self-loathing on his face.

  They stared at each other, eyes locked. The only sound in the room was their heavy breathing. Slowly, Reno extended a hand and brushed a tear from her cheek. He dropped his gaze to look at the bead of moisture on his finger then turned and stalked across the room to brace his arms on either side of the window frame.

  The sunlight threw him into a near silhouette. She could see his clenched jaw, the way his fingers curled into fists and the movement of his neck muscles as he swallowed hard.

  “Shit.” His single word echoed through the room and Brandi repeated it in her head. God, this was all such a mess!

  She sniffed, tears slowly dripping down her cheeks. “Reno, I wasn’t trying to pull something over on you. That’s not how it was.”

  “Then how the hell was it?” He threw the question over his shoulder, his voice harsh.

  “I just didn’t know how to tell you. It was an accident, Reno. Really. I promise.”

  Reno turned, lines of strain evident around his eyes and mouth. When he finally spoke, his lips barely moved. “Explain.”

  She took a deep breath and wiped her eyes, trying to calm herself enough to give a coherent explanation. “It was that demo back at the Academy. Do you remember how I scratched you? I didn’t mean to, of course. I was just trying to get away. But then, when you leaned over me, your face brushed mine and some of the blood must have smeared onto my mouth.” She paused and licked her lips nervously, ironically thinking that’s exactly what she’d done that fated day. “I didn’t realize and I guess I licked it off.” Her voice faltered and she felt her face flush as she forced out the next words. “I was… um… aroused. Being pinned down by you like that excited me. For months I’d had a crush on you and it was sort of like a fantasy I’d been having about you hunting me down.” She ended her explanation in almost a whisper. “I guess there was some mating hormone in my system at the time.”

  He gave a quick nod and she wondered if he’d realized how she’d felt that day, if he’d somehow been aware of her secret crush.

  Relieved to have the worst part over, she continued on. “I didn’t realize what had happened at first. I thought I was going crazy; all these strange thoughts and feelings kept drifting through my head. I didn’t know what to think—it never even occurred to me—that a blood bond had been formed. I figured I was stressed from exams and then the new job.”

  “But when we had sex that first time? Didn’t you notice anything different?” He paused and the slightest hint of embarrassment washed over his features. “Supposedly, once you blood bond it’s… er… better.”

  Brandi stared down at her hands. “Reno, I was drunk and overtired. It was all sort of hazy and I just… ” She shrugged not sure what to say and peered up at him through her lowered lashes.

  He was staring out the window again. Silent and still, possibly mulling over all the information in his head. Her stomach did a nervous flip-flop as she wondered what he was thinking, what he’d do. Finally he gave a heavy sigh. “I almost bit you that night.”

  “Really?” The admission shocked her.

  “Yeah.” He turned to face her, rubbing his neck and giving a rueful smile. “Maybe my wolf sensed there was a connection and wanted to complete it. I just figured it was the rogue tendencies coming out again, but I guess the beast is more perceptive than I realized.”

  Brandi gave a small smile, thinking of how insistent her own wolf had been over the past three years. She wondered if Reno had been subjected to the same treatment.

  With an uncharacteristic hesitation, he walked over to where she stood and eased himself down on the arm of the nearby sofa. “So, when did you figure it out, that we were blood bonded?”

  “Partially bonded,” she corrected. “I’m bonded to you. You aren’t bonded to me.”

  “Moot point. Tell me when.”

  “At Langstaff.” She picked up the tea towel that had fallen to the floor when he’d grabbed her earlier, and began to refold it. “Somehow, in my head, I knew what had happened there even before I got to the scene. Then, at the motel, I could feel your pain. I knew what you were thinking
, how you hated yourself, blamed yourself. Inside, I was crying for you and trying not to show it. I’d never felt anything like it. It went beyond sympathy and that’s when I started to put it all together. Once the case was over, I talked to the captain.”

  “But why him? Why not me?” Reno looked puzzled, even hurt. “I’m the one you’re bonded to.”

  “I was nervous. Scared.” She placed the tea towel in a box and made a show of pressing it flat. “I saw the results of what you and your wolf did to the Purist pack members.” She shook her head at the memory. “I wasn’t sure if I really wanted to be bonded to a hopeless rogue or not. After Langstaff I… I was scared of you, of the violence I thought existed inside you.” Giving the tea towel a final press, she closed the box. “I didn’t think I could stand to be bonded to someone like that.”

  “I understand.” He looked down at the floor, a certain air of dejection about him. “It’s what I am.”

  Brandi resisted the urge to place a comforting hand on his shoulder. Instead, she grabbed her abandoned juice bottle and leaned against the edge of the table. “No. It’s not what you are, Reno. Right after Langstaff, I started checking back on your old cases and the more I thought about it the more I realized what happened there was an anomaly. Any wolf—maybe even my own—might have reacted the same way in the same situation. You only did what any Alpha or Beta would have done to protect its pack.” She took a sip of her juice before continuing. “I needed to be sure though, so eventually I got up my nerve and told the captain what had happened.”

  “And when you realized I wasn’t a hopeless rogue, why didn’t you tell me then?” He partially turned his head and looked at her out of the corner of his eye.

  “And trap you? You didn’t want this bond but you would have felt obligated to do the right thing.” She pushed back an escaped tendril of hair. “I didn’t want that so I tried to stay away except our jobs kept bringing us together.”

  Reno snorted and sat up straighter. “The captain probably ensured that, damn him.”

  “It was hard, being around you so much.” She stared down at the bottle in her hand, noting how she’d been nervously peeling the label off.

  “So you decided to be a bitch to me?” He raised his brows.

  “Yeah. To keep you away. To protect myself. I didn’t want to know what you were doing or feeling or… ” She tried to keep the hurt out of her voice as she spoke the next words. “Or who you were with. I purposely blocked you out but it was tiring and made my wolf angry. I guess my mood was never the best.”

  “I noticed.”

  “So… now you know the whole story.” She looked at him, twisting the bottle nervously in her fingers and wondering what he’d say.

  ~~~

  “Yeah. Now I know.” He stared down at the floor. It all made sense now… sort of. Which put the ball right back in his court. So now what was he going to do about it?

  Brandi set down the bottle she’d been holding and stood up straight. “I still don’t expect anything from you, Reno. I’m leaving Lycan Link and you can continue on with your life here. I know you love being an Enforcer so—”

  “But I love you more.” He interrupted her, laying bare his heart in a way he’d never thought possible.

  Brandi shook her head. “No. You like me, maybe lust for me, but you don’t love me.”

  He stood up, taking a step closer to her. “You know that’s not true. You can tell. Just read my mind.”

  “No. It’s not quite that easy. It’s a partial bond. Some things are clearer than others and if you’re purposely trying to deceive me—”

  “But I’m not.” He sighed and ran his hands through his hair wondering why she couldn’t just believe him. Fancy words didn’t come easily to him but if that’s what it would take, well, he’d give it a try. He picked up her hands, gently rubbing his thumbs over their backs. “Brandi, listen to me. I love you. Yes, at first it was more curiosity—your hair and name caught my attention—and then lust—you’ve got an amazing body—but I’ve come to know you better over the years. You’re smart, a quick thinker, you’re good at your job—”

  She shook her head and tried to pull her hands away but he held on tight.

  Ignoring her protest, he continued on. “You care about people and are willing to go out of your way to help them.” Now he looked directly into her eyes and brought her hands up to his mouth, gently kissing her knuckles. “You’re beautiful and sexy and even before the accidental blood bond something about you attracted me, attracted my wolf. That’s how the bond started. I still remember having you pinned to the floor and feeling a pull towards you.”

  “But in Kolding’s Pass—”

  “I was an ass. Ask anyone, they all told me often enough.” He gave a rueful chuckle. “I was fighting my feelings for you, not believing that they’d last. Rogues aren’t known for being faithful you know and I didn’t want to hurt you, so I started to come up with all these reasons why it was better to let you go.”

  “And now?”

  “The captain showed me the same papers he showed you all those years ago. The ones that reassured you that you weren’t blood bonded to a dangerous rogue. Turns out it’s not too likely that I’ll go off the deep end some day.”

  “Is that what you really thought?” She tilted her head. “Is your wolf really so unruly that it would take over?”

  Reno released her hands and rubbed his neck, his gaze restlessly scanning the room. “It’s hard to explain until it happens to you. There’s a stigma to the term rogue, you know. A sense of shame, of failure.”

  He flicked her a glance, trying to judge her reaction but her expression gave nothing away. Nervousness assaulted him and he began to pace the room, determined to express his feelings, even if it killed him. If they were to have a future together, she had to know. “When you’re a rogue, your pack doesn’t want you or they look at you like you’re a ticking time bomb. The sense of camaraderie and family that you’ve grown up with suddenly disappears once that label is put on you. Maybe that’s why working with the halves always appealed to me. I know how they feel when their pack turns on them and treats them like they’re less worthy than the rest.”

  Somewhat to his surprise he found himself by the window again. Was it something Freudian, like he was looking for an escape? Perhaps, but he’d gone too far to leave off now. “And even though being an Enforcer might elevate you from being considered a common rogue, there’s always a shadow hanging over you, the fear that one day you’ll lose control and everything you’ve worked for will slip away. That you’ll lose the tiny bit of respectability you’ve managed to garner and once again be alone, an outcast, a wolf without a home.” He swallowed hard. Telling her this was like opening up a wound.

  “It doesn’t always happen.” She countered, taking a step closer to him. Her voice was calm and even. He wasn’t sure what she was thinking.

  “No. Some rogues never turn but you can be damned sure they work hard at preventing it. Constantly battling the wolf inside.”

  “Your wolf isn’t like that. The report says so.”

  “Perhaps not, but what if the report is wrong? And my wolf is definitely strong willed, stronger than most. I’ve kept it on a short leash for years.”

  “A strong wolf for a strong man makes sense, don’t you think?” She was right behind him now; her hand was on his shoulder. He could feel the heat from her body seeping into his. It was comforting—soothing—to have that physical connection. “And maybe it struggles so much because you do keep the leash so tight. If you relaxed a bit, it might as well.”

  “Could be. I’ve wondered that sometimes.” He was quiet for a moment, staring at the people on the street going about their daily lives. Then, gathering his courage, he turned to face her. “So, that’s how it is to be a rogue. It’s not a pretty life and not something I’d ever want to subject anyone to.” He shrugged and gave a half smile. “But then again, maybe it’s not my life. Maybe all these years I’ve been de
nying what my heart has been telling me for no reason. Perhaps I should take a chance and… Or I should ask you to take a chance… ” He paused and frowned, suddenly unsure of whom he was trying to convince, himself or her. “Ah hell, Brandi, will you have me as your mate no matter what my future might hold?”

  Brandi stared at him wide-eyed and he wondered if he’d totally screwed up. His heart started to race, and a strange buzzing filled his ears. Dammit, couldn’t he do anything right?

  Quickly he grabbed her hand and pressed it to his heart, speaking with as much sincerity as possible. “Brandi. I really do love you.”

  She blinked and then the corners of her mouth began to curve upwards. Tears glistened in her eyes and half laughing, half crying, she leaned forward until her head rested next to their joined hands on his chest. “Reno, I’ve waited so long to hear that. Of course I want you as my mate.”

  An inexplicable feeling of lightness and joy burst to life inside him. Reno folded her in his arms and gently rocked her back and forth while murmuring against her hair. “I know. I’m sorry it took me so long to figure it out; to quit hiding from you because I was afraid.”

  Brandi looked up and cupped his face with both her hands. “You weren’t afraid. You were just too cautious, too dedicated. You didn’t want to endanger anyone in case you really were a rogue. It shows depth of character and I love that about you.” She brushed her lips over his, and then shook her head. “Though how you could ever believe that about yourself, I don’t know. A true rogue would never be able to lead an entire squad or keep the men in line like you do. And a rogue would never buy bubble wands and purple plastic shovels for little refugees.”

  “Where did you hear about that?” He stiffened and felt his cheeks grow warm.

  “I have my sources.” She smiled smugly. “On the outside you’re a big mean Enforcer but inside you’re just an overgrown lap dog.”