by Laura Acton
Outcast
Trust, Friendship, and Injustice
Beauty of Life
Book Nine
Laura Acton
Copyright © 2019 by Laura Acton
All rights reserved. This book or parts thereof may not be reproduced in any form, stored in any retrieval system, or transmitted in any form by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or otherwise except for use of brief quotations in a book review.
ISBN: 9781090152695 (paperback)
Outcast: Trust, Friendship, and Injustice is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and events are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, locales, or organizations is entirely coincidental.
By Laura Acton
Beauty of Life series
Forsaken: On the Edge of Oblivion
Solace: Behind the Shield
Belonging: Hope, Truth, and Malice
Outlier: Blood, Brotherhood, and Beauty
Purgatory: Bonds Forged in Hellfire
Serenity: A Path Home
Guardians: Mission to Rescue Innocence
Secrets: Passion, Deceit, and Revenge
Outcast: Trust, Friendship, and Injustice
Acknowledgments
Kate, Martha, and Lisa
Trust me when I say, you ladies inspire me.
I greatly value your friendship.
It would be an injustice not to say thanks for your awesome support,
so from my heart … THANK YOU!
Contents
1) Kiss of Death
2) We Screwed Up
3) A Soul in Jeopardy
4) One F.I.N.E. Morning
5) The Four Horsemen
6) Reckless Behavior
7) One Step Forward and Half Step Back
8) Hot New Guy on Campus
9) Blindsided by Fate Again
10) Find My Boy!
11) Unbreakable Family Bonds
12) Lost Boys
13) Penny for Your Thoughts
14) Bonds as Strong as Blood
15) Make You a Deal
16) Missed Connections
17) Hanging On
18) Useful Leads and Dastardly Deeds
19) Knew You Would Come
20) Guilt, Curiosity, and Caution
21) The Perfect Rat Trap
22) What the Heart Desires
23) Learning to Smile and Laugh Again
24) Don’t Piss Off Bella
25) Night of Reflections
26) Trap Sprung
27) Words Can Hurt
28) After All Has Been Said and Done
29) Safe Place for Dan
30) A Real F.I.N.E. Mess
31) Tender Loving Care
32) Talk Before Tactics
33) Disquieting Thoughts
34) Rose-Colored Glasses
35) Caught in a Lie
36) No Good Deed Goes Unpunished
37) The Price of Freedom
38) Leap of Faith
39) The Value of Family
40) Demolition and Demons
41) Love from Afar
42) Flying Monkey Wars
43) Something Not Quite Right
44) Three Birds with Two Shots
45) Henry’s Justice
46) Daughter of My Heart
47) Summoned
48) A Father’s Heartache
49) Circling the Wagons
50) Lost in Thoughts
51) Learning from Mistakes
52) Bargaining Chip
53) Ghosts of His Past
54) Facing Demons
55) Shared Dream and Vengeance
56) Difficult Conversations
57) Yin and Yang
58) Easier Said Than Done
59) Encroaching Darkness
60) Mending Fences
61) Blue Wall of Silence
62) Smoothing Things Over
63) Nemesis and Mind Games
64) Paying It Forward
65) Pride, Regrets, and Apologies
66) Awkward Moments
67) Life Goes On
68) Kiss of Hope
Sneak Peek: Whiteout Above and Beyond
About the Author
Outcast
Trust, Friendship, and Injustice
Kiss of Death
1
May 7
Running in Toronto – 6:30 a.m.
Dan hurt. His shredded heart oozed with anguish, and his soul cried out for his beauty of life. Endeavoring to outdistance his pain and clear his head, he ran. On autopilot, he followed his standard route through the streets of Toronto. Boots pounded the pavement at the pace set by angry, hard rock tunes blaring through his earbuds which also drowned out the world’s sounds allowing him to focus inward without distraction.
In the last week, his world started falling apart again as Lexa pushed him away. After canceling dinner with him at Jarmal’s restaurant on the twenty-ninth, she refused to discuss how to deal with Nick discovering their secret relationship, and quit answering his calls and texts.
Three days ago, events began unfolding which spun him around and twisted his mind so completely he didn’t know which end was up anymore. On the fourth, a package arrived containing all the clothes he kept at her place and the pink slippers Lexa had worn daily since he bought them for her. A text from Lexa asking to meet with him after shift on the fifth followed the delivery.
He hadn’t needed an oracle to tell him what she planned to do. His beauty would give him the kiss of death without ever trying to resolve the issue or attempt to negotiate with Boss to persuade him their dating didn’t affect their performance.
Lexa why? How could you do this to me? I thought we shared a unique and beautiful connection. Did I read your signals all wrong? No, no, I pushed too hard too fast, and you weren’t ready. I got cocky and careless … blinded by love.
Dan’s mind rewound the conversation with his now ex-girlfriend which stemmed from one ill-timed kiss. Their short exchange the night before last at the coffee shop played on a torturous loop.
He fought hard to control his emotions when they met but failed miserably as his wavering voice betrayed him when he asked, “What should we do?”
“I love you, Dan, but everything I value, my career and TRF family, is in jeopardy of being obliterated. I refuse to demolish my entire life, all I worked so hard to build, for any man,” Lexa stated.
Almost losing his composure when her words explicitly excluded him from what she valued, raw pain imbued his gravelly voice as he said, “Wow, didn’t think you’d ever say you loved me and I’m worthless in the same breath.”
Her response came in the form of an exasperated and annoyed sigh. Unable to take any more blows to his bleeding heart, viewing the resolve in her eyes, he said, “So TRF is your family, and I’m not. I understand now.” And he did comprehend, more than she probably realized. He recognized what the team meant to her because they, as a whole, represented his salvation too.
Without them, he would not have survived the loss of Brody. Each of them helped pull him back from the edge of oblivion. His ivory-handled pistol now resided in a gun safe instead of being in easy reach on his nightstand. These five men and the woman across from him, this job, they all gave him a new purpose and his life became bearable again.
Lexa’s next words ripped his soul as her knife plunged deep and twisted. “If you want us to continue dating, then all you need to do is transfer from Alpha Team.” Her tone and demeanor remained frigid and unyielding
.
She put the whole thing on him. If I want to continue … what about her? Does she? I would never ask her to switch teams or departments for me, but she had no qualms about laying that all at my feet. I love her to my core. She is the only one for me, my beauty of life. But does she love me enough to stay with me if I decide to leave the team for her?
What will happen to me if I transfer and she chooses to dump me? I would be alone again. Without the team, I don’t think I can survive. Bram, Loki, Ray, Nick, hell even Jon, keep the darkness at bay. From my ninth summer until I met Brody in basic training, I lived a lonely, isolated life. Alone is painful, empty, lost, fear, and … nothingness. I will hemorrhage without Lexa or my team.
As the song changed, Dan turned the corner heading towards an older section of the city. Having been forced to take two weeks off, he chose the longer route since he had no where he must be on this cool, spring morning.
Though thinking more logically about Lexa’s words now, when they crossed her delicate lips, he barely controlled his rage at the unfairness of it all and stormed out of Timmy’s to his motorcycle.
His teammate raced after him, and when Lexa caught up with him in the parking lot, she called out, “Dan. Dan, wait.”
Unable to restrain his hurt, Dan allowed anger to spew forth. “Why?”
“We … I …,” Lexa stammered.
He noted tears forming in her eyes, which also pierced his breaking heart. His voice came out unmodulated, rising and falling with the different emotions warring within him. In a soft, shaking whisper, he said, “I love you.”
Then he shouted, “You are,” and pain washed through him as he eked out a scarcely audible, “not,” before roaring angrily, “just a one-night stand.” He jumped on his Ducati, ignoring his helmet, and gunned the motorcycle to life to drown out anything Lexa might say. He put it in gear, peeled out of the lot, and sped down the street.
Unseen by either of them, Jon witnessed the scene outside Timmy’s. Not aware their tactical lead overheard his words to Lexa, Dan remained clueless as to why Jon rode his ass the next day. His tactical lead refused to make him Zulu One, glared at him at every turn, second-guessed his actions, and reamed him in debrief, blaming him for something out of his control.
As he changed to go home at the end of shift yesterday, Jon and Boss insisted he go with them for a drink. He didn’t want to, but he had no choice and figured they would talk about the kiss Boss witnessed.
He had waited an entire week for the anvil to fall, and when it did, the source of Jon’s ire and behavior that day became crystal clear, so too the reason for the choice of bar. One off the beaten path, dark, and not frequented by anyone in TRF ... not the Pond.
Launching right into a verbal flogging, his tactical leader pinned him with gunmetal gray eyes and growled, “Lexa is not a one-night stand, a conquest, or a notch on your belt. You should’ve kept your cock zipped in your pants or visited one of your willing fans. Lexa deserves to be treated with respect. She deserves someone better than you. How dare you toy with her heart.”
Dan opened his mouth, gaping with shock, but Hardy misinterpreted his motion and hissed at him, “Don’t try to deny it. I saw you last night. You left her crying in the parking lot of Timmy’s as you zoomed off on your crotch rocket. You’re one callous asshole. I heard the way you told off Ravenswood. Goddammit, if I ever suspected you would pursue Lexa just to dip your stick, I would’ve knocked you into next week!”
Boss appeared as surprised and tried to interrupt his second-in-command, but Jon continued his tirade, flinging one unfair accusation after another at Dan, and called him nearly every dirty name conceivable. Then Jon switched tangents and laid into him about violating protocol. Jon reiterated harshly multiple times the rules protected everyone and his blatant disregard of them put the entire team at risk.
By the time his sergeant stopped Jon’s scolding, old memories of being dressed down by the general caused him to revert to answering with, ‘Yes, sir,’ ‘No, sir,’ or ‘My fault, sir.’ He refrained from replying, ‘I’m sorry. Won’t happen again, sir,’ because quite frankly he would never be sorry.
If Lexa wanted him back, he would happily ignore the non-fraternization rule again. But Lexa made her choice, and it isn’t me. I’m not as valuable to her as she is to me and I can’t risk losing the team and her at the same time.
Once Sergeant Pastore succeeded in cutting off Jon, giving the tactical lead a rare, stern glare, Nick spoke more sympathetically. Aware of Lexa’s complicity in the kiss on her birthday, Boss asked him to clarify what transpired the previous night at Timmy’s and queried when the relationship began.
The compassion he read in Nick’s eyes, prompted him to quietly admit he met and became attracted to Lexa in the Grand Citadel before they became teammates. This set Jon off again, but Boss swiftly reassumed control, and Dan continued to divulge he pursued Lexa during his rehab, and they began dating in December. He left out all intimate details and glossed over anything which tarred Lexa with the same brush, taking responsibility for breaking the rules wholly on himself.
Boss implied he should not cruelly play with Lexa’s heart, and firmly stated their forbidden off-shift activities must end. Dan almost laughed at the absurdity of Nick’s assumption of Lexa being the heartbroken victim while Dan played the part of the heartless cad, but refrained, understanding Boss viewed Lexa as a daughter and would be as protective of her as he was.
On some weird level, he appreciated them confronting him first. He wouldn’t wish this inquisition on Lexa though she ripped his heart out and stomped all over it. Dan assured his bosses he was the instigator, pursuing her and Lexa the professional one who ended their relationship the night before.
Jon’s eyes narrowed, and he asked for an explanation of what he overheard. Dan was honest, well mostly, as he said they could verify with Lexa his full statement had been, ‘You are not just a one-night stand.’ He omitted the ‘I love you,’ not worrying at all Lexa would reveal that part.
Again, if he had not been so miserable, he would’ve chuckled at Hardy’s expression when Jon realized he missed the keyword, ‘not,’ which changed the statement entirely. When he assured them that he and Lexa could continue as colleagues, something in his tone alerted Boss to the fact he possessed a broken heart. Boss patted his shoulder and said things would improve with time and he only needed to find the right woman.
Boss’ comment hurt. None of them had the slightest clue Lexa was the only one for him. He began to realize she was his beauty after the gang war. She’s exactly what I need. My life is meaningful with her … she is more to me. Lexa is my heart, my passion, and my life. With her, I feel alive and make it to great.
Another anvil fell as Boss informed him, he wouldn’t file an official reprimand, but ordered him to take a two-week vacation, effective immediately. Jon’s glare indicated he preferred documenting the infraction, but Boss explained since their relationship ended, a report would not be required.
In some ways, Dan believed the decision stemmed from Nick’s desire to protect Lexa. If Boss wrote him up, he must apply the rule fairly which meant Lexa would receive a ding in her stellar record.
As he finished the beer, both Boss and Jon stated he needed decompression time to get his head back into the game. They banned him from contacting any team members, citing they wanted him to have a clean break and to shake off all the bad vibes so he would return refreshed.
When they defined the terms of his punishment, and to Dan, this was a punitive measure since they denied him the support of the people who kept him emotionally balanced … especially Bram. He asked if they would be informing the others of the reason for his impromptu holiday and Boss stated, ‘No, that might cause problems. I’ll only say you required some time off.’
Then Nick offered to attribute this to him needing time to think after the BDC raid. That would be an easy out, being responsible for almost getting Lexa killed did mess with his head, but Dan didn’t wa
nt them knowing he still harbored the guilt and told Boss he would prefer he said nothing than to lie.
Boss suggested he take a real retreat. Go somewhere different. Experience something new. Perhaps take a cruise or hang out on a beach where he could truly relax. If Boss only knew how off his suggestions were, but none of them were aware water terrified him almost as much as needles. Boss’ ideas would be the last places on earth he would unwind. He only nodded accepting the penalty for breaking protocol.
Having idle time would be the worst thing for him. With nothing to fill his days and nights except brooding over what he lost, Dan realized they didn’t grasp that beyond Jim and Jarmal, both of whom worked hellish hours, he had no local friends outside the team.
I have my cousins, but there is no way in hell I want to visit them in my current state of mind. They would probe too deep, and I don’t want to reveal why I’m on a forced break. With Blaze, Winds, and Mason deployed I can’t contact them, not that I want to.
This is too personal, and I’m not one to pour out my battered heart. Well, except maybe to Blaze and for sure Brody if he were still here. So, I have no one and no desire to travel either. I could go into the wilderness, but going by myself isn’t a smart idea. Being alone sucks. I’ve spent too many years in solitary confinement. Now I’m facing two full weeks of being all alone.
He checked his watch. They’ll be finishing workout, showering, and suiting up right about now. Wonder who is doing the coffee run. They will be pissed at me since today was my day. What the hell am I going to tell them when I return? Sorry guys, I wanted a vacation. Hope me leaving without saying a word to anybody didn’t bother you. Crap, they’re going to be furious. They’ll worry too. They have been protective ever since I returned.
I screwed up big time. I’m in jeopardy of losing them all again. If Jon’s reaction is any indicator, they will assume the same things. Although they like me and I am considered family, none will think me worthy of Lexa. She is too special. Jon was so pissed off.