by Laura Acton
Though not wanting to admonish William, because her unintentionally hurtful question played a significant part in the debacle they now faced, Yvonne couldn’t let William entirely off the hook for his reaction. “You shouldn’t be so harsh on Danny. It only exacerbates his belief we don’t care about him. He did not behave disrespectfully. His tone only reflected hurt.”
Raking a hand through his short, blond hair, William paced like a caged lion. “Yes, I recognize I screwed up again, but in my defense, his tutors report Daniel is withdrawing. He is becoming more silent, moody, surly, and snarky. He isn’t paying attention to his lessons … only stares off into space. His language tutor told me he refuses to speak Latin, Italian, or French. And Corporal Ellison says all the boy desires to do is run for hours at a time.”
Yvonne flipped the pages of the Latin textbook. She shook her head as she faced William. “He is sixteen. Yes, he will be moody. Yes, school work is less appealing. And quite frankly, dear, there is not a whole heck of a lot for him to do other than run.
“The base has an obstacle course, basketball hoop, and the firing range, but doesn’t possess any other features which would interest a teen. He lives in a place devoid of others his age. He is missing out on the life of a normal teenager. I would not begrudge him the one activity he truly enjoys.”
William’s heart ached as did Yvonne’s. They faced a no-win situation, and this was a conversation they had many times since moving Daniel to the Arctic base. “He isn’t an ordinary teen. You and I both agree my base is not ideal, but it is better than the alternative. What else are we supposed to do?”
He blew out a frustrated breath before stalking over to the library chair and slumping down. His shoulders carried considerable weight, a burden of his making which he wished to lighten for his entire family’s sake, but mostly for his heartbroken and confused child.
His eyes and voice softened as his raw emotions laid open for Yvonne to view. “Do you think he is ready to live here again? Has enough time passed where he won’t go catatonic when he approaches the goddamned intersection? I don’t think my heart can take that again. The last time we tried two years ago, he lost three whole days.
“On the trip back, Daniel stared at me with those lost, frightened eyes. I wanted to hold him badly, but he wouldn’t allow me near him. He flinched every single time I endeavored to move closer. It was all I could do to not break down in front of my men on the flight. If I had spoken one word, I would’ve ended up in tears … not an appropriate action for a general.
“And truthfully, it doesn’t elicit confidence drugging Daniel either. I loathe sedating him. He wakes extremely disoriented, and the fear in his eyes reminds me of when the orderlies maltreated him after Sara died. In hindsight, I now realize I should’ve tranquilized him for that journey as I did for this trip.”
William dropped his face into his palms. The only way they made it past the dreaded intersection was to either put Daniel in a drug-induced sleep or arrange for an enclosed van with no windows in the rear so he couldn’t peer outside when they drove by the place where a drunk driver killed Sara.
He had attempted to have a new access road built, but after years of fighting with the city, he was no closer to success. Not even Yvonne’s or Bella’s connections and smooth political maneuvering budged the zoning and planning committee. His next idea was to install a helicopter pad in his backyard … unrealistic, but he was at his wit’s end.
After lifting his head, he peered at Yvonne. Both despairing at their continued inability to help their beloved and grieving son to move forward.
Yvonne went to stand next to him. Her words came out hesitantly and choked with emotion as tears threatened to slip from her eyes. “Perhaps … he is … old enough and the memory … distant enough he can handle the overwhelming sorrow and unjustified guilt.”
Tears fell from emerald orbs as she clutched her hands over her heart. “I miss my boy so much. I desire to hold and soothe him when he aches. I want him to understand none of this is his fault, and we dearly love him. A couple of days every few months and several weeks during summertime are not sufficient. He needs a mother’s tender touch. We must try again. Our Danny needs to come home where he belongs.”
William pulled Yvonne into his lap and softly thumbed away the glistening river running down her cheeks. His eyes filled with unshed liquid witnessing his wide’s soul-deep pain. “Yvonne, I try, so hard, but I keep doing the wrong things with Daniel. I have struggled to figure out how he got the idea we blame him for Sara’s death.
“Nothing I say or do changes his mind. I recognize and accept my fault in this. I regret my actions. I’m so sorry I pushed him too hard, too young and destroyed our father-son connection. But this other, it baffles me how he came to believe he is responsible for her death, and we no longer love or care about him. What hurts most is he thinks I wish him dead instead of Sara.”
Yvonne tenderly wiped away the single tear which slipped down William’s cheek. “I know, dearest. I still hold hope we will one day understand all the pieces and help Danny return. I yearn for his smile, his laugh, and for the light to return to his eyes. We have not been graced with those beautiful things since the afternoon he and Sara left for the park. We lost two children that day, but I have hope one will be restored to us.”
Pushing the hurt and pain down, she asked, “What did the new child psychologist you brought in have to say?”
William shook his head. “Scrapped trying to use a normal route four months ago. Daniel never said a word to any of them. He would remain silent for the entire hour. I engaged one to come in as one of his tutors, but he’s not made any headway with Daniel either.”
“Based on his recommendation, Daniel’s day is now entirely regimented and he is never without adult supervision. The psychologist said it would help keep Daniel’s mind ordered and engaged. I followed his counsel, but I fear it isn’t helping. My gut says the advice is having a detrimental effect, especially with his more withdrawn behavior of late.”
Yvonne nodded. “Boys need free time to relax. How about we try tomorrow? The three of us take a walk to the intersection. If emotions do not crush Danny, he stays home. We can enroll him in Hillview High School and perhaps having friends his age will be beneficial.
“If he goes catatonic again, well, Danny goes back to the base with you. But I don’t want a regimented schedule. That counselor doesn’t appear to possess a clue about what teenage boys require.”
William nodded and hugged Yvonne. He prayed they were doing the right thing and Daniel did not become unresponsive at the goddamned intersection. His heart would shatter again if that occurred. That intersection took both his future hopes and dreams, as well as the lilting joy brightening his days.
His gaze shifted to the table beside him and landed on the framed picture taken a month before the accident. Daniel aged nine, Sara seven, and Rebecca three, all wore bright grins as they stood next to their bikes.
Becca received her tricycle that year for Christmas, and all three of them spent hours outside during the spring and early summer riding on the driveway. A sight and memory to warm their hearts. Laughter filled their home for nine years, five months, and ten days. Sara’s light switched off on July nineteenth, and so did Daniel’s on that tragic summer day.
In her husband’s arms, Yvonne noted where William’s gaze remained and comprehended his thoughts. “With a little luck, and a lot of prayers, tomorrow will go well, and Danny’s light and laughter will return.”
February 10
General Broderick’s Home – Kitchen – 8:00 a.m.
Dan finished his second helping of oatmeal, enjoying the dash of cinnamon and massive quantity of raisins and walnuts his mother added. The fact she did that for him confused him. Also disconcerting was today’s modified schedule. Typically, his day would be well on its way by now.
He would have been woken at zero four hundred, dressed in camo pants, a long-sleeved dark green t-shirt, and combat
boots, and prepared his room for inspection by four-thirty. The next half hour he would’ve read whatever book had been assigned. Between five and six breakfast would be served and he would be required to do KP duty in the kitchen.
By zero six hundred, he and General Never-Misses-A-Shot would be on the way to the rifle range for an hour of shooting practice. Zero seven hundred would bring Corporal Ellison, and they would go for a full hour run then head to the gym to lift weights or do other exercises. Except on some days, ones he preferred, where his run would be extended for another forty minutes before returning and hitting the showers.
So, to be allowed to sleep until six and be sitting here wearing jeans, tennis shoes, and an Iron Butterflies t-shirt while eating a breakfast of his choosing was beyond strange, just like one of Rod Serling’s Twilight Zone novels he recently read. But not only that, his parents sat at the table with him and stared at him with eyes which reflected hope and compassion, and when they spoke their tone held a note of care and warmth.
Their physical attributes are the same, except they appear to possess a loving demeanor. Wonder if the military substituted androids for my parents … we have the science. This is creeping me out.
Dan stood to take his bowl and spoon to the sink to wash them, again surprised he was not expected to clean all the other dishes … his father already finished them. He nearly dropped the bowl when Mother spoke to him.
“Danny, would you like to take a walk with me?” Yvonne hoped the change of routine would help relax Dan but noted his unease.
He wanted to be outside, going stir crazy without his daily runs, but Dan worried about leaving Becca alone with the general. Though he didn’t often see his little sister, he still cared about her and remained protective. His memories of her were few and far between, but he recalled Becca could be a handful, and General Do-As-I-Command didn’t like to be disobeyed. Dan turned to face his mother. “Yes, ma’am, but what about Becca? Doesn’t she need you here?”
Yvonne smiled. “Aunt Ann will be here in a few minutes. She will stay with Becca so we can take our time.”
He nodded and pivoted to finish cleaning the bowl. Strange morning.
Approaching the Intersection
Dan’s heart started to race, and his breathing became erratic. His gaze focused on a specific spot on the sidewalk. Images of Sara lying there, covered in blood ripped at his heart and soul. If not for the crimson, she might appear as if asleep or peering up at the clouds making shapes.
Blinking to erase the vision, his eyes darted around, scanning the area as he came to a stop to wait for the light to change. His lungs ceased to work properly, and he gasped for air as he realized he searched for Sara’s sandals. His vision began to narrow with lack of air. A hand on his left bicep and lightly squeezing drew his attention. He turned his head and peered at his mother.
“Danny, breathe, just breathe,” Yvonne whispered, encouraged when he didn’t immediately pull away from her gentle contact. She wanted to wrap her arms around him and hold him close but resisted the urge. A small touch on his arm would have to suffice for now. Perhaps soon he would allow more.
Sucking in a ragged breath, Dan stared at the woman who once loved him. Conflicting emotions swirled in his head. If she hates me, why is she telling me to breathe? But she deliberately hurt me yesterday. Why is she holding on to me? It feels nice, like when she used to caress my head. But she brought me here, made me walk toward the park even though it hurts so bad to remember what happened to Sara and all I lost when I failed to protect her.
Tears welled and threatened to spill, but the general stood behind him. Dan shoved all his emotions down. I will not bawl in front of General Hates-Me-For-Living. He will yell at me for behaving like a baby … soldiers don’t cry. They suck it up and move on.
His gaze moved to the light, urging it to change to green so he could cross the street and leave the location of his greatest failure … the corner where he lost his best friend, his little sister … the one spot on which he would gladly curl up and die if only it would bring Sara back.
When the crosswalk sign flashed a white walking man, Dan rushed forward as if demons from hell chased him. He didn’t slow down until he was half a block away. Unconsciously he used the technique his dad taught him to slow and control his breathing. In. Hold. Two. Three. Four. Release. He repeated the four-count method, and his heart rate began to return to a regular cadence.
William kept up with Daniel when Yvonne fell behind. His son was swift-footed, and most of his men couldn’t match Daniel’s speed when running flat out. Private Theo Brock, now Master Corporal Brock, instilled a love of running in Daniel. The man had been a godsend when Danny was only ten and in need of someone to draw him out of his shell and play with him. The first day Brock showed up he made a huge difference, engaging Danny in a game of tag and eliciting the first inkling of a smile.
Nearing the park, memories flooded in for William. Many happy days my children spent playing here. This is where Danny taught Sara to ride without training wheels. William recalled enjoying ice cream with Danny on top of the jungle gym instead of lecturing him about using words before fists the day Danny defended Sara … Danny’s first fight and black eye. My son is a true Broderick. A defender of those who need protection.
Hard-pressed to catch up, Yvonne beamed. Danny didn’t go catatonic. My boy can finally come home. Though heavy gray clouds filled the winter sky, a bright ray of sunshine broke through and appeared to trail Dan’s path. Yvonne contently sighed. Sara is surely smiling down on Danny today.
Park Near Broderick Home
Breathing returned to normal as Dan approached the playground entrance. He covertly wiped the welled liquid from his eyes as the general came up behind him. Dan scanned the snow-covered landscape. Nothing much had changed … only the monkey bars no longer reached the sky. Being older now, they took on realistic proportions.
“Daniel, hold up and wait here for your mother,” William directed.
Stopping, Dan complied and turned to find his mother strolling to them from quite a way back. He didn’t realize he sped here.
Reaching her husband and son, Yvonne halted and prepared herself to enact the second half of her plan for this morning. “Come sit with me for a while. I need a little break before we head home.” She tilted her head towards the swings before moving in that direction.
Complying, Dan followed her, and when they arrived at the swing set, he brushed off the snow from one for his mother, then did the same on another one when she indicated he should sit. Dan noted his father did not join them and chose to take a seat on a bench well away from them.
Yvonne linked her arms around the chains and pushed off, swinging gently. “I loved to swing when I was a little girl.” She winked at Dan. “Still do.”
Sitting still, a lump formed in Dan’s throat. Sara loved when I pushed her high on these … her laugh was so infectious I would laugh too. I miss her so much. He again fought the need to cry. Remembering all he lost hurt so bad.
Yvonne noted the deep sorrow reflected in Danny’s eyes. She hoped she wouldn’t cause him more pain, but talking about Sara might help him come to terms with his grief. “Tell me your favorite memory of Sara.”
Inhaling sharply, Dan’s eyes widened. The compassionate android was gone, and the mother who inflicted pain returned. He must answer, or General You-Must-Obey would make his displeasure known, dressing him down cuttingly. A tone heavy with suppressed emotion, Dan replied, “Pushing her on the swings. She always begged to go faster and higher then laughed.”
Smiling, Yvonne placed her hand on his left bicep again. Yvonne’s heart soared when he didn’t flinch or pull away from her. She wished to lay his head on her lap and card her fingers through his hair to relax him as she had done so often before Sara died. Take slow, cautious steps. Don’t scare Danny away. “What other good memories do you have of her?”
Dan glanced down at her hand on his arm. The caring android is back again. This i
s confusing. A strange warmth seeped in and flowed through his body, melting the ice encasing his memories of his beloved little sister. He shared, “Bike riding, playing tag, making snow angels and snowmen, having snowball fights,” he choked up, and the next words came with a hiccup as tears welled, “the way she called me my Danny.”
Yvonne missed Sara’s sweet voice calling out, ‘my Danny.’ She sighed then said, “It was as if you were hers and you could do no wrong. You were her greatest hero and protector.” Yvonne glimpsed the flash of pain in Danny’s soulful eyes and realized her mistake. “Sara loved you with all her heart.”
Bowing his head, Dan said, “I’m sorry. It’s all my fault.” He stood. “It is rather cold outside. Can we go now, ma’am?”
Regretting her words caused him pain, Yvonne rose. “Yes. I’ll make you some hot chocolate when we get home. That should warm you right up.”
Waiting for his mother to start walking, Dan trailed behind her when the general rejoined them. Memories of his emerald-eyed sister, ones with her smiling and laughing, played in his mind. Approaching the intersection, he forcefully made himself think of only happy times they spent together.
William and Yvonne both noted Danny’s breathing was less ragged as they crossed the street. They shared a smile as Yvonne linked her arm in William’s. One step forward and a half-step back is how Yvonne would recall this morning. Their boy’s heart and soul had started their journey home. Next step, a dinner conversation about making other changes in his life.
Hot New Guy on Campus
8
February 11
Hillview High School – Administration Office – 7:45 a.m.
Dan came to a stop to the right and slightly behind the general. He assumed a parade rest stance and remained quiet as he scanned the interior of the high school’s office. He noted a mural of a hawk in flight on one wall with the words Hillview Hawks over the top. Several teens roamed around, but Dan didn’t make eye contact as his father spoke to the lady behind the desk, requesting to talk with Principal Wiggins.