I had never felt so close to my mother than at that moment. When I was young, everyone around me spoke of Eleanor with a sense of awe. To me, she had always seemed like a creature from another world. An angel. It had been difficult to try to relate to someone who seemed to be more of a heavenly being than a human being. But looking down at my shimmering dress that flawlessly flowed over me and feeling the perfect fit of mother’s shoes on my feet, and feeling the unspeakable joy that filled me inside and out, I finally felt like I was truly my mother’s daughter.
An Ember in the Ashes
Chapter 18
WILL LED ME OUT THE FRONT DOOR AND INTO THE SOFT light of the full moon. It was unfiltered and pure and it bathed us in its glow. I couldn’t remember a more beautiful night. Perhaps it was because I wasn’t pulling Lucy in from the pasture or washing dishes inside the house. How many nights like this had I missed or not taken the time to appreciate? It felt like all my senses were finally waking up from a deep sleep, that I had been a part of a dream and hadn’t realized I was sleeping.
Once I soaked up as much loveliness as I could, I couldn’t help surveying the yard to make sure no one else was there. For all I knew, Victoria had someone watching me. It seemed safe. Will offered me his arm, and I grasped it, suddenly needing more support than I realized. I gasped when I noticed a glistening, ivory-colored carriage parked in the far end of the front drive. A graceful white horse stood waiting. He seemed impatient.
“Will, where did this come from?” I exclaimed.
Will laughed. “I told you I was tending to the horses tonight. Our assignment was to take the carriages and circle them around so that they would be ready to pick up the guests when the ball ended. This carriage’s circle was a little wider than the others,” he said innocently.
I shook my head in gentle rebuke but couldn’t help feeling like a princess as he opened the door and held his gloved hand out to help me in. I hadn’t seen him put on his gloves, but it enhanced the loveliness of the evening even more. I sat on the red velvet cushioned seat and my hands traced the plush fabric that lined the walls.
“I don’t know what to say, Will. Besides my father, no one has ever done anything this nice for me.” Tears threatened to spill over my cheeks, but I took a breath and steadied myself. “I’m overwhelmed.”
“You deserve this, Ella. I just wish you could have this every day.” Will’s voice unexpectedly faltered at the end of his sentence, and I placed my hand on his arm. My thoughts went to the ball and the realization that I actually could have this kind of life every day. Even when I had decided to go to the ball, it wasn’t so I could win over a prince. But now, when I felt like a princess, it seemed as if the possibility was within reach.
Will stood outside the carriage with the door still open. “I think we’d better know the plan before we get there,” he said, suddenly serious and practical.
I nodded. I couldn’t believe I was going to deceive Victoria like this, right under her nose, in the same room. It was terrifying and exhilarating.
“I will drive you up to the front entrance of the palace. A guard will be there to escort you in. I will have to drive the carriage away, but that will be the last time I’ll leave you. I won’t exactly be right by your side, but I’ll always know where you are and where Victoria is. She will be watching for you.”
Chills ran down my spine and I began to shiver. I clenched my teeth to try to steady myself.
“The other thing we have to worry about, besides Victoria seeing you, is making sure anyone else who might mention you to her doesn’t see you. We also have to make sure you are home before she is. I saw her pull up tonight in Jane’s carriage. Victoria looks awful … well, more awful than usual. I don’t know how long she’s going to last.” He smiled. “So make the most of the time you have at the ball.”
I nodded again. I was glad Will was taking this seriously. It made me feel less pathetic, hiding from an old and weak woman. We both knew the power Victoria had, but it seemed frivolous and foolish at the same time—taking the risk to go to a silly ball when Victoria could make my life miserable after.
Will lifted his hand to close the door but paused. “One last thing.” He dropped his hand from the door and reached out for mine that was still resting on his other arm.
“May I?” He pulled my hand closer to him, bowed over it, and kissed it.
***
MY FRANTICALLY POUNDING HEART FELT LIKE IT WOULD break my ribs. The more I tried to persuade it to calm down, the more determined it was to disobey me and it only beat harder. A part of me could understand its defiance. It didn’t want to be contained or controlled. It wanted to beat … to live … not just keep me from dying.
The carriage drove for miles along the familiar winding road that ran along the edge of the forest and through the main part of town. I caught a glimpse of the wigmaker’s shop and couldn’t believe that I had been there just the night before, taking my fate in my own hands. We continued on, leaving the shops and buildings behind us, and drove up the hill toward the palace. We reached the massive, ornate iron gates, and two guards with swords hanging from their belts opened them to let us in. Once we were past the gates, the guards closed them behind us with a metallic clang that felt ominously out of place in this beautiful dream.
We pulled up to the wide, curving front drive of the palace and the carriage came to a stop. Will appeared at the door and opened it. He showed no sign that we knew each other, much less were friends. The only contact we had was when he stiffly held out his hand to help me down. I realized Will probably didn’t want anyone to know he had left. Suddenly, I felt terribly guilty, knowing that he was taking so many risks to help me.
When my glass slippers were firmly on the ground, I looked up at the enormous pale gray palace. It glowed silver in the moonlight, and a soft yellow light blazed from within. A small but perfectly manicured garden separated the drive from the front steps and framed the walkway that led up to the palace doors, which were flung wide open. I had spent my whole life looking at this palace but had never fully appreciated its majesty. It was a part of another world. A world I was about to enter, if only for a night.
The sound of the carriage driving away behind me was a poignant indication that I was now alone. Utterly alone. I felt bold and frightened at the same time. I tried to swallow to moisten my suddenly parched throat and walked forward. Almost immediately, a guard was at my side, offering me his arm. I placed my hand on top of his and he led me forward. I smiled my thanks, but he kept his eyes straight ahead the whole time and led me up to the warm light that emanated from the enormous open doors. We ascended the grand staircase, and when we reached the doors, he gently dropped his arm, indicating to me that this is where I continued in alone.
I walked as slowly as possible, knowing that Will would need a few minutes before he returned. There was no sign of anyone in the cavernous foyer, except for the guards spaced evenly apart. I could hear the sound of music and the low hum of hundreds of voices coming from the direction of the line of guards, so I followed it.
As I entered the palace, I admired the gleaming floor and wondered how long it had taken to polish every perfectly cut stone square. I marveled at the countless candles lit in hundreds of perfectly polished candelabras and wondered who had placed and lit each one and who would snuff them out at the end of the night. I gaped at the vaulted ceiling and wondered how they kept it free of cobwebs.
I thought of all the dishes and trays that would be used and who would clean them and who had cooked the food and how long had it taken. I couldn’t resist running my fingers over the smooth, dark wood of the decorative tables that were as smooth as glass. Who would clean up when tonight’s festivities were over? I smiled, a little guiltily, as I realized that tonight it would not be me.
I reached the gigantic doors that practically vibrated with the energy that they contained behind them. I risked a glance behind me and found that I was the only one standing there. I looked at th
e guard closest to the door, whose expression was completely void of all emotion. I took a hesitant step closer and he heaved the door open for me to walk through.
My eyes widened in absolute rapture at the scene in front of me. The doors opened to a grand ballroom, lit brighter with more candles than I had ever seen and swirling with all the colors of the rainbow reflecting off the dresses of the ladies. Beyond the ballroom, it looked as if a whole wall had been opened up and it flowed into a large courtyard, lit romantically by moonlight and candles and adorned with fountains and shrubs and statues. Once I had taken in as much of the scenery as I could from my vantage point, I began to focus on the faces of those nearest to me. I had never seen so many people in my life, and I was suddenly acutely aware that every eye was staring directly at me.
Chapter 19
PANIC WAS THE FIRST THING I FELT. I HAD FORGOTTEN about Victoria in those few seconds I had taken to absorb the grandeur of the ball. She could be anywhere. She could be watching me this second. But my fear became embarrassment as I looked more closely at the unfamiliar faces of the people staring at me. The older women had expressions of wonder and astonishment. The younger women’s expressions were closer to envy and some even fury. The men gazed at me with expressions I did not recognize but didn’t exactly want to.
Suddenly a person was at my side, a breathless person who was offering me a drink from a glistening glass tray. I didn’t have to look to see that it was Will, but I turned and smiled at him and whispered a thank you. We both knew I was thanking him for more than just the drink.
Will was the picture of dignity and professionalism as he subtly led me to a safe corner. Most of the eyes of the crowd returned to what they had been looking at before I had come through the doors, but for some reason I had certainly made an impression, an unwelcome impression considering I had hoped to slip into the ball undetected.
“I didn’t want to be noticed,” I whispered when we were safely away from peering eyes.
“Impossible,” he said in a teasing, yet admiring, tone.
I smiled and blushed. I scanned the crowd again and saw that a man in an official-looking uniform was staring at me. I recognized him as one of the men who had noticed me when I entered the room, and I ducked my head. I watched him stride away past me, a sense of purpose in his step.
“Do you know who he is?” I whispered to Will. “He looks important.”
“That’s Sir Thomas. He’s one of the prince’s most trusted advisors.” Then he added, “He’s an excellent horseman. He prefers a dressage saddle.”
I laughed, surprised and impressed. Of course I knew Will was here every day, but it was illuminating actually seeing him here, realizing how much he knew about this royal world and the people in it.
“Relax. I’ll be watching as best I can,” Will said. People had been taking drinks from off his tray and it was now filled with empty glasses. “I better go refill this. If you stay in this corner, you should be safe for a few minutes until I get back.”
Will strode quickly away from me and I again felt horribly guilty about the position I was putting him in. He had left his earlier duties at the stables to bring me to the ball, temporarily stealing a carriage in the process, and now he was worrying about keeping me safe and happy as well as keeping his job.
With this realization, I was determined to take more responsibility for my own safety and happiness at the ball. I wouldn’t let Will risk his job for me. I had eyes; I could look for Victoria. I had feet, and I would dance. Leaving the security of the wall that my back had been attached to, I stepped out into the crowd.
Almost immediately, I spied the village doctor, but not before he saw me. He was already walking in my direction, a look of concern across his face and a small triangular sandwich in his hand. I glanced subtly to my left then right, hoping to escape somehow. I was very fond of the doctor, but he was just the sort of person who might innocently mention to Victoria that I was at the ball. But we had made eye contact, and there was nowhere I could run.
“Ella, dear!” he said, sounding just like the sweetest grandfather I wish I had known, adoration in his eyes. “You look absolutely stunning. I wish your father were here to see you. He would be bursting with pride.”
“Thank you, doctor. I’m so glad you could get away for the evening.” My voice quivered and my smile was tense and forced. I hoped he didn’t notice.
“Yes, it is nice to spend some time out with my wife and daughters. Besides, everyone in the kingdom is here anyway.” He smiled and then a dark look passed over his features. “Including some who shouldn’t be here.”
I gulped and a cold sweat broke out on my neck. He knew. He was going to tell Victoria. I opened my mouth to plead with him but no words would come.
“No, no. Don’t try to explain,” he said, waving a hand in the air. “I’ve always known Victoria would do whatever she felt like doing, whether I told her to or not. But that stubborn woman should be in bed!”
I hoped my sigh was inaudible, but my relief made me giddy. My smile relaxed and became genuine. “There was no keeping her home. She loves a good party.” I paused, hoping I could say this tactfully. “But, doctor, would you be so kind as to not mention to her that you saw me? She hasn’t seen my dress yet and I wanted to surprise her.”
He nodded and winked conspiratorially, and I felt my heart slow to a regular rhythm for the first time that night.
***
THE CROWD WAS A THICK, WARM WALL AROUND ME AS I timidly walked forward, no destination in mind. I tried to be casual as I scanned the faces for Victoria, or anyone I knew who would mention to Victoria that I was there. But these were all the faces of strangers, most likely from other villages in the kingdom.
With absolutely no warning, my way to nowhere in particular was blocked by a tall man. A very tall man. He was more than a foot taller than me and I had to crane my neck to see his face. He had a huge smile with huge teeth to match and outrageously wavy hair the color of strawberries in summer. I smiled as kindly as I could at this towering man obstructing my path and his smile became miraculously wider.
“Miss, you are the prettiest little thing I have ever seen in my life,” the man said as he held out his hand for mine. Not knowing what else to do, I lifted my hand, and he bowed over it and kissed it. I wished desperately that I had at least one pair of gloves. I would have gone a few days without food to avoid feeling some strange man’s thick lips on my skin. My hand had never been kissed by a stranger (and it wasn’t an altogether pleasant experience), but he was nice enough and I decided to relax. It wasn’t his fault I didn’t have gloves … or experience.
“May I have the next dance?” he asked, looking deeply into my eyes. It took me a moment to realize that he was trying to be charming and I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, but I was concerned about being conspicuous, twirling around where anyone’s eyes could see me. On the other hand, I had also promised myself that I would have a good time, so I agreed to the dance.
He offered me his arm and I had to reach higher than I thought possible to link mine through his. As we walked to the dance floor, my panic returned. The floor was absolutely exposed with hundreds of people all around it. I stopped abruptly, pulling my partner to an awkward stop. He looked down at me questioningly, hurt evident in his eyes. He must have thought I had changed my mind, and perhaps I had. At that moment, I spotted Will across the floor from us, a tray in his hand. He looked at me and nodded with a smile, indicating that it was safe. I sighed in relief … and a small amount of dread, when I realized I was about to dance for the first time in years. I hoped my dancing lessons from my childhood would come back to help me now.
The tall man, who I had learned was named Frederick, put his arm securely around my waist and I stretched as high as I could to try to reach his shoulder with my left hand. I had to settle for just above the elbow. The blood immediately started rushing out of my arm and I prayed the dance would be a short one. But I smiled up at him, and he looke
d like he would burst with joy.
The music started and I recognized it as a waltz. For the first time since Victoria sold Father’s violin, I heard the hauntingly beautiful resonance of a violin as the musicians started playing, and I felt like my father was there with me. I thought I could remember exactly how the violin sounded, but hearing it again made me realize that my faded memory of the sound was weak and hollow compared to experiencing it in real life. I savored the sound so I could take it with me and make it last until the next time I would be able to hear it, hoping that there would be a next time.
Frederick smiled down at me and moved forward and my feet automatically moved backward with him. It was thrilling when the steps came back to me effortlessly as we flowed around the dance floor. I was pleasantly surprised to find that Frederick was an excellent dancer; I had been afraid his long arms and legs would get all tangled up once we started moving, but he was surprisingly graceful. I beamed up at him, absolutely immersed in the joy of the moment. I caught a glimpse of Will and saw a look of pride and awe on his face. I couldn’t contain the ecstatic smile that lit my face. This was worth any risk I was taking.
The music ended and the crowd stopped their twirling to applaud the talented musicians, and I joined in wholeheartedly. The tingling in my arm had increased and then abated as I lowered my arm and the blood rushed back to my fingers. As Frederick turned to me, clearly preparing to ask for the next dance, a gloved hand patted his shoulder from behind and Frederick’s smile disappeared. Frederick was so tall I couldn’t even see the head of the person behind him. Frederick reluctantly turned to face the gentleman standing behind him—Roger Wallace.
My stomach twisted up in knots as I remembered how he had spoken to me in town. I glared at him and started to turn away. How dare he assume he could ask me to dance?
Ella: A Novel Page 14