by Emily Bex
“I'll stop when I understand why you left our bed in the middle of the night. I'll stop when I know who she is, and what she means to you. And what would you do, Shade Medici, if you woke to find me gone...and with another man? Something tells me that man would be dead by now, so don’t tell me to stop! I don't doubt your love for me. I’ve never doubted your love for me. But I think you have doubts about mine, and those doubts are driving you away from me.”
Pacing the floor, he ran his hand through his hair, feeling trapped. He couldn’t find the words he needed to make her understand the fear that lay inside him. He lowered his head.
“I come to you broken, with fear of something so deep inside me that I can’t breathe. I have no way to describe how I feel when I bring you pain, jealousy, anything to make you doubt any part of me. I am scared, so scared of something that could take you from me, make you too frightened to ever love me ever again. Please, let me explain her, and why I left here. I need to have a chance to explain calmly.”
He watched her take a deep breath and relax her shoulders, releasing some of her anger.
“Then tell me why you left. I’ll listen to what you have to say.”
“Thank you. I am sorry, please forgive me, I never meant for things to play out as they did
They were not of my own accord. I...Sabine is…” Stopping suddenly, he knew he had to choose his words with care.
She pulled back from him slightly at the mention of her name, and she could feel her own back stiffen involuntarily. Sabine? She’d seen the photo of them together when he took her to Florence. The tall, exotic beauty he held in his arms, the intimacy displayed in that photo apparent to even the blindest eye. She knew this man had been with many women before her, both mortal and immortal, and that, in itself, brought insecurity. But even though she knew he loved her, it was still hard not to have a visceral reaction to the women she knew he’d been intimate with. After all, she knew what was in his heart, she had no idea what was in Sabine’s, and this one came looking for him.
“I'm listening.”
She allowed him to lead her to the chair by the bedroom window, where he sat down and pulled her into his lap.
“Sabine is from Florence. She came seeking me out. She had heard rumors of our mating. She came to...” He ran his hands over his face, “Hell, I don’t honestly know what she came for.”
He sighed heavily. “I was restless, and I went for air, that’s all. I just needed to deal with things inside my head. She came looking for me. She is a just another warrior.”
Kate looked at the anguish in his face. “She’s a woman first and a warrior second. And she’s not just another warrior. I saw the photo of the two of you together in Florence before you tore it up. And I have no doubts about what she came for. You don't think Sabine feels your restlessness? It breaks my heart. There’s this void in you that you won't let me fill, and as long as that exists, I’ll always be threatened by every immortal female who feels she can step in and take my place. Hear my words, Shade. I don’t doubt your love. You doubt mine.”
“I understand that now, mi amore, but do you understand if my beast lets go, he could kill you? I can’t always control what happens, the beast is wicked, and it takes strength to calm him. I don’t know what will happen, and it frightens me because I love you more than my own life. He might be fine when unleashed, and then again... You tempt him out of his mind. You drive me over the edge with wanting you, I can’t stop thinking about you, and it’s a constant. When he is released, I could not bear if anything happened to you at my own hand! The beast is evil, bel rosso, he is my wickedness, and you have seen nothing of him, nothing!”
“But is he not you? At his core, is the beast not you? Wouldn’t the beast recognize me? Couldn’t I call you back? How do I fight? This battle with the beast is pulling you away from me, Shade. Do you think I fear to stand before him? Because I don’t! I embrace him, for the beast is you. I will lie at the feet of the beast.”
“Si, I am the beast. And fighting him and taming him will be something I cannot teach you. I do not know what will curb his hunger for you. I have little control of him while he is out, but if you push him, I cannot honestly say how much I can control him. You are mortal. It takes much for him to come to the surface and you seem to have called to him immediately. He wants you, mi amore, he wants to claim you, to calm himself. I do not know how to explain this, I go into a different realm, and I become true evil, true vampire when he comes out. Blood will be his top priority. He will seek it like nothing you have seen. Please, you must wait longer, until you have taken more of my blood. It will help you with whatever he deems to do to you...cazzo! I sound like a raving lunatic and I am frightened for you.”
“So where are we, lover? Am I supposed to get used to your restless wandering in the night, while your legion of female followers seeks you out to comfort you?”
Slamming his hand down on the arm of the chair, he rolled her off his lap and stood, pacing the floor.
“You know I love you. I did not ask for this or for her. Sabine is a warrior. She is a mercenary and came to the camp for training. She is a fucking hellcat, and one bitch to take in hand, but I did it. She did not stay with Medici. She was happier working solo, and she knows how to fight, and how to kill. She is at the top of her game right now. I also know her weakness and what will take her down. Yes, I fucked her, is that what you want to know? We stayed together for some time, she lived at Castello. She was my lover, but not like Adriana. Sabine brought out all that was dark and evil in me. She came here I am sure because she felt great changes in me. And you can bet she thought she could strut her hell back into my life and make you go away. That didn’t happen, now, did it? Because I love you, you are my mate. Not her! So, if you think this will be a problem, yeah, it’s going to be because I don’t know what I am going to do. I could either lose you to the beast or lose you when I walk out of here because you can’t deal with who I am and what I am. I just want to love you, I want you happy. You are the one who has my heart and soul.”
Kate stood from where she’s tumbled to the floor, her voice filled with exasperation. “Let's get one thing clear, Shade, because it’s the thought that’s in your head. It’s the thought that drives you from our bed in the middle of the night. I'm not leaving. The doubt that nags at you is yours, not mine. I'm not leaving. Whatever this path reveals, I’ll deal with, because I’ve chosen you, I love you. So, fuck the beast, and fuck your legion of females. You underestimate me, you underestimate my willfulness, my stubbornness, and my determination, but most of all you are underestimating my love for you.”
He hung his head, “You think I underestimate your love for me?” He turned and left their bedroom, walking down the stairs and outside, to light up a smoke.
Her anger flared as he walked away, and she followed him outside and stormed up behind him like she’d unleashed all the demons of hell. “Seriously, did you not hear one word of what I just said? Don't walk away from me. Don't you dare walk away from me! Tell me what you want. Tell me what to do to get through to you. I love you, I’ll never leave you. What is it you want from me? Tell me, and I will do it!
“Lover, if you think I’m the one who’ll leave because of your darkness, then yes, you’re underestimating me.” She stabbed at his chest with her finger. “You’re the one wandering in the night...not me. You’re the one with doubt.” She grabbed his shirt in both fists, shaking him. “Don't turn the tables, and don't run away from this. You’re driving a wedge between us, and I won't let it end this way.”
He remained silent as he leaned against the house smoking, his calmness only feeding her anger.
“Don't ignore me, Shade...This isn’t going away. And I won’t let you throw us away, do you understand?”
“Si, I heard every word you said. Si, I do wander the night and si, I think you might just take one look at my beast and the darkness and leave me.”
Taking her hands in his, he looked deep into her eyes
. “I need time to think about the beast and his capacity to kill and my capacity to control him. Tonight, I need to be alone and so do you, before we both say things we regret.”
Kissing her hand, he disappeared, teleporting to the Dead House.
Her mouth is open as she stared at the empty space he’d just occupied. She was too numb to scream, too numb to cry. She turned and stumbled back across the yard and into the house. She closed the door and leaned her back against it because her knees felt weak and she was not sure she could walk much farther. I’m losing him. I'm really losing him! How did this go so wrong?
The tears started to fall down her cheeks, and she was wracked with sobs. She slid to the floor, where she wrapped her hands around her knees and let the tears flow freely. Why is he making this so hard? Why can't he trust me to love him? A million questions in her head and no answers, not one.
She pulled herself up from the floor, the house was deathly quiet. There were no songs playing for her tonight. No fire in the fireplace. What if he never came back? The very thought of it sent a wave of panic through her, and a fresh set of tears. She stumbled up the stairs, blinded by her own tears and looked at their bed. Was it only a few days ago they were playing in this room, him showering her with gifts, her teasing, him responding, teleporting her to California to see that house, and the progress she’d made? How can we fall so far so fast? How do we fix this? How can he not know I’d do anything he asked?
She felt so broken. She stepped into the bathroom to wash her tear-stained face and stared at her red eyes in the mirror. I look like hell. She left the bathroom and dropped her clothes behind her. She picked up his shirt, thrown casually across the bed, held it to her face and inhaled. Him...she could smell him. She put his shirt on, as this was as close as she’d get to him tonight, and a fresh wave of pain washed over her.
She pulled down the blankets from their bed and climbed under the cold sheets and blankets, and a big empty space beside her. The pain in her heart felt unbearable. Can he even feel that? Can he feel what he’s done? Lover, please!
But there was no response from him tonight, not this night. She grabbed the pillow where he laid his head and hugged it to her, burying her face there and letting the tears flow again. She’d slept beside him all day, so sleep wouldn’t come to her now, but she craved the escape that sleep would bring so she opened the drawer of the bedside table. She pushed aside the weird collection of weapons he’d left there, knives and something he calls shuriken’s. She fumbled through pens and bookmarks, and assorted rubble to find that one bottle. Ah, there it was--Ambien. She rarely took them and hadn’t touched one since Shade had come into her life, but she wanted that unconscious release from her pain. She needed to escape, so she took two, and swallowed them down before she could second guess her decision. She’d not eaten, and it didn’t take long for the drug to hit her system. Within minutes, she was groggy, and she turned out the light and slid down in the bed, their bed, holding the pillow to her chest as she fell asleep.
***
She was awakened by a sound and she sat up in the bed. It was dead quiet. Did she hear something? Or dream something? She looked at the clock, she’d been sleeping for about two hours, and still felt the groggy pull of the drug. She was about to lay her head back down on the pillow when she heard it again. Yes, footsteps! Her heart was racing because she thought he had come home. He’d had time to cool off, and he was as miserable as she was. He wanted to climb back in their bed and hold her...kiss her...fix this mess they’d created.
“Lover, Is that you?”
She waited in silence, but he didn’t answer her.
“Shade, please, I know we can fix this....”
She reached for the lamp on the bedside table and turned on the light as she swung her feet out of bed and started to stand, feeling a rush of dizziness from the pills. She steadied herself and turned to search for him and stopped dead in her tracks. Standing in the middle of the bedroom was Sabine, clad in leather, eyes red, fangs bared. Kate stumbled backward...was she really seeing this?
"Not who you were expecting?" Sabine stood with her legs spread, one hip out, and a wicked smile on her face.
Kate steadied herself on the bedside table, adrenaline flowing, her head clear now. “What do you want here?”
"Shade didn't tell you? He didn't tell you about me? We have a long history, Shade and me. And I just thought I’d stop in and see his latest mortal plaything."
Sabine was staring at Kate with such evil intent it sent a cold chill down her spine. Kate moved to the wall, and placed her back against it so, at least, Sabine couldn’t get behind her.
Sabine laughed. "Clever move...pointless, but clever."
“I know who you are...you’re Sabine. He told me about you.” Kate kept her back pressed against the wall.
Sabine was laughing still, toying with her.
“Well, I doubt he told you all about me. Did he tell you how we fucked? Did he give you the dark and dirty details? How many times? How often? He’s one nasty boy who plays with nasty toys. He loves delivering pain almost as much as he likes giving pleasure. You can't seriously think a mortal can satisfy the appetites of someone like Shade Medici, do you?"
Sabine was very slowly stepping closer to her, like a cat stalking a bird, as Kate slid along the wall, keeping her back plastered against the surface, working her way in the direction of the closet. She struggled to stay calm and keep a clear head. She was no match for Sabine. She’d seen Shade move so fast she couldn’t see him, and she knew this vamp was capable of the same.
Kate snapped back at her, “I am not his plaything. We are mated.”
Sabine hissed at her when she uttered the word mated and released a deep growl that made Kate want to drop to the floor. The look Sabine gave her was pure evil as she spit out her words.
"That is an abomination and a trick. He’s royalty. Do you think you are deserving of royalty? He’s a warrior, and look at you, cowering against the wall. A warrior needs a warrior, someone worthy to be his mate. You are a temporary distraction at best."
Kate’s mouth was dry, and her throat felt like it was closing on itself. How the fuck do I get myself out of this? She continued to inch her way to the closet door, and Sabine stalked her like prey, moving ever closer to her.
“He loves me. He is mated to me!”
Sabine chuckled, "Really? Vampires do not love. They claim. They possess, and then they move on. So where is he then, if he loves you so much? Did he leave you a protector outside? I don't think so, my poor naïve mortal. He left you here alone, for me. I clean up his messes. I get rid of his playthings when he’s had his fun."
Kate felt the cold panic in her veins. Oh God...that can't be true. No, not true, he loves me. I know he loves me, oh please Shade...please.
Just as Kate reached the doorway of the closet, Sabine crouched as if to launch herself at her, mouth open, fangs bared, eyes glowing and releasing a bone-shattering growl from her throat. Kate reached inside the closet door and grabbed the only weapon she knew how to use, the only weapon with no skill level required, a shotgun. As she pointed the gun in her direction, Sabine leaped at her. She fired the gun and felt the recoil as it knocked her to the floor, and she screamed for him at the top of her lungs.
“Shade!”
She’d closed her eyes with the jolt of landing hard on the floor and the anticipation of this she-beast ripping her throat out. She wasn’t even sure if her shot hit the mark. Before she could open her eyes, she heard a different roar, louder, more guttural...more familiar. Her heart was beating out of her chest, and she was holding her breath as she looked from her position half in and half out of the closet door. She saw him, his back was to her. It was Shade, only not Shade. He was larger, more menacing. He had positioned himself between Kate and the she-beast, protecting her. He was screaming something at her in Italian, and they circled each other like boxers in a ring, both ready to spring.
As Shade turned, she saw that e
ven his face was changed, the eyes brighter, the fangs longer. And she was in awe of him. Kill her, Shade...please kill her!
When the attack came, their actions were so swift Kate couldn’t follow them; she could only listen as she heard wood splinter and glass break. But what she could see was the constant and never-ending splattering of blood...so much blood. Kill her, Shade!
Then Kate saw her, the she-beast. She’d broken away from him and was ready to pounce on her. Kate started to push herself back into the closet with her feet, but she was cornered here, and then there was another flurry of fighting that was so fast her eyes couldn’t follow, until the headless body of the she-beast dropped across her legs, and Kate felt her face and chest spattered in Sabine’s blood.
She felt the hot blood dripping from her face as she absorbed the reality. Dead, Sabine was dead. Kate looked up to see him standing before her...her beast, her master. He stood majestic, completely nude before her, covered in blood, hair matted, eyes blazing, and fangs dripping thick saliva, holding the head of the she-beast in his hand. She locked eyes with the beast. She dared not look away. He had to know she honored him, she respected him, but even more than that, she loved him.
She ran her hand down her face and chest until it was covered in the blood of the she-beast, and she held it out for him to see, palm out, facing him, and then held her hand to her mouth and licked Sabine’s blood from her hand.
The beast roared and lifted the bitch's head in the air before grabbing her lifeless body and tossing both out the window to burn in the rising sun. Then he came to her, this man-beast, crouching before her as he pulled her into a protective embrace.
“I love you Shade,” she whispered into his chest. “I’ll love you forever.”
His beast, now soothed, embraced her with honor. He was accepting her as she showed him no fear but only gratitude and love, taking the blood of his kill. As he cradled her, his beast refused to leave her alone, her words whispered softly against his bloodied chest as he lifted her in his arms. Walking to the shower, he willed on the candles and the warm water and stepped inside. Sitting her on her feet, he never let his hands leave her. He pulled her into his chest, as he wrapped his arms around her waist and the beast spoke to her, his voice raspy and low.