by Emily Bex
Kate fought back her tears. She hungered for his touch and he’d felt so far away from her, if he only knew how desperately she had craved him, and yet, she didn’t feel wanted or welcomed in his embrace. She felt like his obligation, not his mate. Looking into his eyes with his dark damp hair falling around his face, she kissed his forehead, and his nose and then his lips, hoping she wouldn’t feel rejection.
He returned her kiss, grasping the back of her head, fisting her soft silky hair and moaned. “Please mi amore, take from me, I need to feel you, know you still love me, need me.”
His touch was the touch she needed to feel, his words were the words she needed to heal, and she slid her lips across his cheek and his strong jaw, down to his neck where she licked at his vein and kissed his neck before she bit hard and felt the rush of his blood into her mouth. She moaned with the pleasure it brought. She felt him arch his neck as his head was thrown back on the pillow and a low moan escaped his lips. She couldn’t remember when she last fed from him, it seemed so long ago, so much pain ago. But he would heal her, and she’d heal him. She felt his cock grow hard as steel against her leg, and she slid her leg against him as she drew deeply from his neck, the heat between her own legs building. “I know you battle, I feel your anger and your pain, but I’m in a battle too, and I won’t lose you. I’m fighting my way back to you. Please don't give up on me.”
“Never, bel, I will never give up.”
She gripped his shoulder with her hand as she drank from him with an unquenchable thirst. Her need for him overcame her pain, her hurt, her loss, and right now, she only wanted him, only needed him. She broke away from his neck and covered his mouth with hers, her tongue probing at his, her hand sliding down his chest, across his hard abdomen and into that tight mass of curls before wrapping her hand around his cock.
“Now take me, lover, and feed from me. Heal us...heal us both.”
She lowered her head beside his, her neck at his lips, she could feel his breath on her, and she needed to feel the sharp bite of his fangs. She needed to feel his hands with their strong firm grip as they explored her body. She needed to feel him inside her.
Shade felt her desire and his own need overpowered him. She was his and no one else would ever fill the void she filled in him. Sliding his hands slowly down her body, he gripped her hips gently and eased inside her. His moan was deep and low. Sinking his fangs into her neck, he drew deep and groaned with pleasure, drawing softly, taking it easy on her as he felt her body move into a slow, sweet glide on his erection and he rubbed her back, encouraging her to set her own pace. It was bel rosso and her savage lover, joined in their love for each other.
Kate had missed him so much. Her love for him overwhelmed and she felt the tears fall. She buried her face because she didn’t want him to misunderstand her tears. They were tears of love, not grief. Her hips glided slowly up and down as she rode his shaft, and she felt him respond to her, matching the rhythm. When he fed from her, she felt it was a turning point, a small one, but she felt him open up to her. Her own body responded as he bit and drank again, and it was like an electric current that ran through her. She thrust harder against him, feeling his cock throbbing deep inside of her, and it sent shivers down her spine. He drank slowly from her, still cautious, but each swallow he took increased the heat between her legs. As he unlatched and broke away from her neck, she sat upright on him, taking all of him, letting him fill her. She rode him hard, because she knew it was what he needed, what they both needed, to find their way back to each other. She watched as he threw back his head and she heard the growl that rumbled up from deep in his chest, mouth open and fangs bared. His dick throbbed and released. She felt her body respond to his when that delicious wave of ecstasy flowed over both of them, again and again, before she collapsed onto his chest, breath ragged, heart pounding. She placed her hands on either side of his face and kissed him, and with her lips still against his, she repeated to him, "I love you, I love you, I love you."
“I love you so fucking much! Please tell me you are coming back to me. I cannot bear much more without you.” He wrapped himself tightly around her and buried his head into her neck. “Don’t leave me, bel, I need you. I need to come home to you. You are all to me, everything. And without you, I am nothing.”
Holding her, he felt the pull of the coming dawn, the wear and tear on his body, the sweet release of emotions and the words they both had left unsaid for far too long, as he was being pulled deep into his slumber.
Kate heard the pain and anguish in his words. She knew he was hurting as much as she was, and the separation between them had to end. She couldn’t bear his absence in her life. This emotional barrier they had built between them had to go, and they would tear it down. Tonight, they removed a few bricks from that wall, but she knew they both had to break through it, if they were going to come out on the other side together.
“I could never leave you, Shade.”
She stroked his face as she slid off him, lying beside him, head on his chest, and hand to his cheek, her leg tossed across his. She felt his arms around her. Felt his body relax and she knew he would slip into his death slumber soon.
“Sleep my savage lover, and your bel rosso sleeps next to you.”
She fell asleep next to him, a calm sleep, not tormented by the sound of the baby crying. It was the first time she’d slept since losing the baby that she hadn’t heard that sound. The day passed too quickly, and as the sun set, she felt him stir and quietly slip from their bed, dressing himself all in leather. She watched him as he dressed, knowing he prepared himself for another night of battle when he suddenly looked up at her.
“I did not wish to wake you, you were sleeping so soundly."
“Lover, I’d be upset if you didn’t wake me. I hope you never leave our bed without waking me.”
He walked to their bed and sat down next to her, running his hand through her hair and bent to kiss her. “Ti amo."
She remembered his reaction to her request of yesterday to be careful, and she had noticed the bandage around his arm. She would never stop worrying about him, but she knew it wasn’t what he wanted to hear. It wasn’t what he needed to hear. “Fight well tonight, my savage warrior.” She ran her hand across his cheek. “And never forget how much I love you.”
94
Kate could hear him downstairs in the bunker, and she felt when he left. Almost immediately, the darkness gripped at her, tried to pull her down. She slipped from their bed and moved to the bathroom, stepping into the shower, letting the hot water pour over her. She stood still and let her tears flow, masked by the water. She could cry here, and no one would hear her. All of the memories of Shade rushed back at her, the memories of them together, and she wanted him back, full time.
She had made herself numb to try to block the pain, but she had realized she couldn’t numb herself to the painful loss of their baby, without numbing herself to all the other emotions as well. She couldn’t selectively numb, so when she numbed the pain, she also numbed the joy, and gratitude, and happiness, and most importantly, the love. She had lost this baby, and she couldn’t lose Shade. She had to find the strength to pull herself out of this maze of grief. She finished her shower, stepped out and toweled off, and made some effort to put herself together, to reclaim her routine. She dressed and headed downstairs to a startled Gi.
"My lady, is there anything I can get for you?"
“Nothing now, thank you, I'm just going to the kitchen, see if Reynaldo can fix me something.”
Reynaldo wanted to fix a huge breakfast, but she begged off with coffee, juice, and toast. After eating, she headed upstairs to return to their bedroom, but as she walked past the nursery, she felt the pull. It was like a hand reaching out, grabbing at her, pulling her in, and she gave in and entered the room.
She walked over to the nanny’s bed, which had once again been made. She said a silent prayer, thanking the house staff for keeping her secret from Shade. Perhaps the staff knew they w
ere both bearing as much burden as they could carry right now. She sat on the bed, her back against the pillows, and she could feel him, their baby. She couldn’t remember what it felt like to not be broken, and she could feel the darkness pulling at her. She saw a shadow across the door and looked up to see Luca. She gave him a sad smile. “Guess you knew where to find me.”
He sighed and just stared at her. “Kate, it’s not my place, but you know this has to end.”
She motioned for him to join her, and he walked over and sat in the chair by the bed.
“I know. I'll be okay, just not today. Have you told him? About this?”
Luca shook his head. “Of course not, and I won't unless...unless I think you can't find your way back. You’re both working through your grief, in your own way. But you’ve placed me in the middle here.”
She reached out and took his hand. “I know that. I understand your loyalty to him, and please believe me when I say, I understand the position I’ve placed you in. I can't thank you enough, for being here, for listening. He was hurt last night, wasn't he?”
He paused before answering, deciding how much he could share. “Yes, but it was a small wound, delivered by a poorly delivered shuriken.”
She creased her brow. “A what?”
“Oh...uh...I think you call them ‘those shiny star-shaped thingies.’” He tried to suppress a smile. “But you don't need to worry about master. Like me, he has trained all his life to be a warrior.”
“Trained...I have news for you, Luca. Warriors aren't trained. Speed and strength are developed through training. Knowledge of weapons is developed through training. But a warrior is one who chooses to stand between their enemy and all that he loves and holds sacred. That’s in the heart. You can't teach that. You are born with it. Shade was born with it. You were born with it. Warriors are born. The training just improves their skills.”
He looked at her a second before responding, “I have underestimated you, Kate. But you know, you have a warrior's heart as well. I watched you attack the feeder. Stupid move by the way, but you attacked with your heart, and not your head.”
“I know it was stupid, but I’d do it again. And I have to fight for him again now. Fight through this pain we’re both trapped in. But there’s something I need to know.”
“What? Whatever it is, if I have the answer...if it will help you...I’ll tell you.”
She looked him in the eyes. “I need to know where the baby is.”
He sat upright, pulled his hand from hers, and paused a moment. “Stay here, I'll be right back.”
He left the room and went downstairs to find Gi, and together, they returned to the nursery.
They walked into the room together, and she looked from one to the other. Her eyes finally settling on Gi and she pleaded to him. "I need to know."
Gi nodded his head. “Yes, my lady, I knew the time would come. You understand we could not report this birth...this miscarriage. There could be no autopsy, no examination. We could not allow a mortal doctor to discover this baby was...different. But we loved the baby too, and I found a place for the baby, in the garden. When you were in California with master...I, all of us, we buried the baby. Do you wish to see him, my lady?"
She threw her hands over her face as the tears poured from her and she heard her own sobs. “Please...take me to him...”
Luca went to her and helped her off of the bed, and led her from the room, Gi walking ahead of them. As they reached the bottom of the stairs, Theresa was there, and she grasped Kate's hands. Kate saw the blood tears Theresa shed for the baby she never got to hold as well. As they all walked past the kitchen toward the back patio, Reynaldo joined them, and they walked outside. With Gi leading the way, they walked down the garden path.
“This way, my lady." Gi led them to the garden bench he’d made and placed there for her, surrounded by fresh plantings of lavender which wouldn’t bloom until spring, knowing this would not be her last visit to this spot. As they reached the bench, Luca directed her to sit. She looked at him with questioning eyes and he just nodded at her. “Sit please, Kate.”
Kate sat on the bench, still holding Luca's hand, surrounded by these people she loved when Gi spoke to her once again, "You understand, my lady, we can't have a traditional marker, nothing that would draw the attention of other mortals. But the baby is here, and I have marked the place with this garden statue of the cherub. We do not believe in angels, but I know in your culture...I hope this brings you peace."
The wave of grief and gratitude washed over her, and she didn’t block the pain. She knew, now, the only cure for the pain was through the pain, as she cried out loud to the heavens for her lost baby. She dropped from the bench to her knees as her body was wracked with sobs, and she felt Luca drop to the ground beside her. She leaned her head on his shoulder and cried until there were no tears left to cry. When she finally looked up, Gi, Theresa and Reynaldo were all still there. She felt their love, and their strength, and she couldn’t begin to find the words to thank them for what they had done.
She started to stand and felt Luca's strong grip supporting her, so much like Shade's. She walked to the tiny cherub and laid a kiss on his head. “Sleep, my tiny warrior. Sleep knowing how hard I fought for you. Sleep knowing how much your father loved you, how much all of these people loved you.”
She turned and looked at all of them, this was her family now. “Thank you. Thank you for this, for understanding I couldn't let him go. Thank you for understanding that, in my heart, I saw him growing up to be a man, and following in his father's footsteps, and that wasn’t something to be thrown away. I'm ready to go back to the house now.”
They all walked back to the house, but only Luca followed her upstairs. As she walked to their bedroom, they passed the nursery and she paused, the room pulling at her, calling to her.
Luca reached inside and grabbed the door knob, pulling the door closed. “No more, Kate, no more.”
95
The night was long, but Shade remained inside the Dead House, managing things from the command center. The attacks were less frequent tonight, and that worried him even more. Was Aries hunkering down for a bigger, more aggressive attack to come? He spent some time giving the warriors a few tips on shuriken’s and sword battle. He wanted them to be at the top of their game.
Heading home, he strolled in through Luca's entrance. He had no need to shower here tonight. He was fine and showed no telltale signs of a battle. Luca looked up from his easel and nodded, telling him all was well, another quiet night. Shade headed to the bedroom and quietly opened the door, hoping if she was asleep he didn’t wake her, but always inside his heart, he hoped she was awake and waiting for him. At least, tonight, he was a bit early. The sun was still a good hour from rising, so, perhaps, that would make her a bit happier.
When he entered, he saw the bed was made and she was dressed, and he got a smile. “Mi amore...I am home.”
She walked to him, sliding her arms around his waist, and laid her head against his chest. “I was waiting for you. You’re home early. Did you have a good night?”
“Si. I stayed in the Dead House managing things mostly, boring stuff. I like when my bel is up and waiting for me, makes me feel good.”
Bending down, he tipped up her chin and kissed her on the lips. “Mmm, and what was my minx up to this night?”
“Keeping busy. Missing you, mostly.” She slid her arms from his waist and dropped them to his hands, holding both of his hands in hers as she looked up at him.
“I know I’ve been in a dark place that felt closed off from you, and I can't live like that. I’ve been fighting to get back to you, just as you fight every night. And I know how you spend your nights, even though you take great measures to protect me from it. I’ve felt your pain as I’ve felt my own. But I have something to show you...to share with you...if you think you’re ready.”
His brows furrowed. “Something to show me?”
Kate didn’t know what his reac
tion would be. Would he find the same healing she’d found? Or would this bring more pain and heartbreak? She was torn with her decision. She took his hand and led him from their bedroom and down the stairs. “The sun isn’t up yet...we have time.”
They walked through the house, and out through the back-patio door into the early light of dawn. A light fog hung close to the ground and she turned and looked at him, and wondered again if she was doing the right thing?
“Bel, where the hell are you taking me, the sun will be up soon.”
She could feel his turmoil, the questioning, and a part of her wanted to turn back, but something compelled her to move forward. Their baby called to her. “The garden, please walk with me to the garden, down this path and here to this bench.”
She sat down, still holding his hand and pulled at him to sit next to her. She could see he was bewildered.
“Kate, please, what is it? I can feel your emotions rolling.”
She gripped his hands in hers. “Our baby, lover. Our baby is here. Gi, Luca, Theresa, and Reynaldo...all of them. They buried our baby here, where he’ll be with us forever. He’s there. The angel marks his grave.” Silent tears ran down her cheeks as she clung to his hands.
“The baby is...what?”
His looked at the garden statue, and realized this was the place where her heart came to heal, and provided an outlet for her emotional pain. He let go of her hands and knelt in front of the statue. Closing his eyes, he spoke to his son, “I am so sorry, my figlio. I sacrificed your life, so I could keep her. Forgive your padre.” Laying his hand on top of the statue, he whispered in a tone filled with the pain and sorrow he had stored inside him, “Sleeping warrior.”
Kate dropped to her knees beside him, put her arms around him as she leaned her head against his shoulder, and let the healing tears flow. It was the first time she’d felt okay to show him her pain, because she was no longer in the dark.