“Get out,” Jason grumbles. “Don’t forget the beer this time.” I bite my tongue. I want to argue that he hasn’t given me enough money to get food and beer, but I don’t dare. I’ll have to get creative with what I buy for dinners.
I climb out of the car and head toward the back to grab Sophie; this is one of the rare occasions he is allowing me to take her with me.
“I’ll be back when I’m back. Be waiting here when I get here.” I barely have time to close the door before he pulls away from the curb. I let out a sigh of relief.
“Okay baby, time to get the grocery shopping done.” Reaching down to grip Sophie’s hand we head inside and get the grocery shopping done. There is no telling when Jason will be back, but I want to make sure I’m finished before he gets here.
* * *
“Ma’am, the total will be $220.54,” the cashier chirps. I look back down at the cash in my hand and begin counting. “He just had to have the fucking beer,” I mumble to myself. I look at Sophie and the Fruit Loops she is clinging too.
I wanted to get her a treat for being good in the store but looks like that, and a few other things are going to have to go back, “Is there any way you can suspend the transaction? I am going to have to take somethings off, I don’t want to hold up the line.” I hold my head up high, I know I’m not the first person this has happened too.
“No need. You can put it all on my card.” A familiar voice chimes in from behind me as they hand their credit card to the cashier. I spin around and see Dr. Patterson.
“Thank you for your concern, but I can manage. I just got a little overzealous this trip.” I smile bashfully.
“I insist. If it would make you feel better, you can give me the bundle of bills you have in your hand.”
That would actually stop many issues with Jason when I get in the car. I can just tell him they had good sales this week. “Yes, that would make me feel better. Thank you so much for the kind gesture.”
After making my purchases, I load up the cart and head for the front of the store. I discover two things as I get outside, first there is no Jason and second, it’s pouring.
Noticing a two-seater bench right in front of the store, under the overhang, I pull Sophie out of the cart and hand her my jacket. “I need you to put this on and sit right here. Mommy has to stand near the curb, so Daddy knows where we are.”
“But Momma, you get wet.”
“I know sweetie, but I want to make sure you stay nice and warm. I love you, baby.”
“I love you too.” I make sure she is all bundled up and push my cart into the rain toward the curb where Jason dropped us off.
Last time this happened, I stayed by the door. He beat me so badly I couldn’t step foot out of the house for almost a month; I don’t want to take that chance again or worse that he will turn his wrath on Sophie. Turning to make sure Sophie is within eyesight, she gives me a wave. I turn and wait for Jason to decide to come pick us up.
ADAM
After running into Isabel in the grocery store, my anger soared to new heights. I remember the nights Mom went hungry, so I’d have food in my belly. I wasn’t about to let Isabel and her little girl suffer the same fate. After paying for my groceries, I headed to customer service.
“Can I help you?” The young girl behind the counter asks
“Yes, can I get a blank envelope. The girl gives me a quizzical look before reaching behind the counter and grabbing one. “Thank you.” I take the envelope and stuff the bills Isabel gave me at the register and few more I had in my wallet into the envelope.
“The Western Union is at the other end of the counter.” The girl says with a smile.
“Thank you again, but this money is for a friend. She needs it a lot more than I do, but I need to hurry and catch her before she leaves.”
Understanding immediately registers on the girl’s face. She reaches under the counter for what I assume is her purse and comes back with a handful of bills, “Add this in there too.”
I give her a nod of understanding before stuffing her addition and a card of the woman’s shelter I volunteer at into the envelope and write her name on the front.
If I hurry, I’ll run into her in the parking lot. Maybe I can convince her to run, since her daughter is with her.
Rushing out the door, I look around and notice her little girl sitting on the bench alone. Not wanting to frighten her, I bend down and smile. “Hello, little one, do you remember me?” She gives me a skeptical look but doesn’t say a word. “Good for you. I’m sure your mommy taught you not to speak to strangers. Can you show me where your mommy is?”
There is no doubt in my mind that Isabel wouldn’t leave her daughter here alone. Her asshole husband is either watching or gave her specific instructions on where to meet him. The little girl’s arm points straight ahead out into the pouring rain. Turning, I see Isabel shivering in the rain. “Thank you. I’m going to make sure your mommy is taken care of now. You be a good girl and wait here like she asked, okay?”
Her little head nods in response and I take off for my car. I don’t want to make it too obvious that she is being helped, things will only be worse for her, but I can’t sit around and let her stand in the rain. Loading the small amount of groceries I have into the trunk, I grab my umbrella and a windbreaker out. I slam the lid, open the umbrella over my head, and move back toward the entrance. I approach her carefully and she notices me immediately.
“Hello, thank you again for the help inside.” Her eyes immediately drop to my shoes.
“It wasn’t a problem at all.” I stop beside her, ensuring my umbrella covers both our heads. “I can help you, both you and your daughter. Just come with me right now. I’ll take you someplace safe. He won’t be able to touch either of you ever again.”
Her eyes snap to mine. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Isabel’s voice trembles. I reach down and grab her hand,
“He has no right to put his hands on either of you — ever. No matter what he tells you. Please, let me help you,” I beg her. I want to help them get away from this monster, to keep them safe. If I can help this little family, maybe I can find my own peace as well.
Isabel yanks her hand from my grip. “Thank you for your concern, but we’re fine.”
I sigh, my mother always says you can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped, but I can’t let this one go. “At least take this umbrella and jacket. I saw you standing out here in the rain.” I slip the envelope into the pocket of the windbreaker, maybe when she’s ready, she will use the information inside to get away.
“Thank you,” she mumbles quietly, accepting the windbreaker and putting it on. I hand her the umbrella and take a step back.
“Please remember you can call me any time. I’m someone who understands your situation a lot better than most.” Understanding lights up her eyes. “Have a good evening.” I give her little girl a wave and turn to head back toward my car. For today, this is all I can do. I hope tomorrow she takes the next step to be free from her abusive husband. I hope that her decision to get away comes sooner rather than later.
Chapter Nine
ISABEL
“Mommy?”
“Yes, baby?”
“Can I watch Moana?”
I chuckle, reminding me of my healing ribs. We’ve watched this movie at least once a day since we got it a few months ago. She knows how to get the disk and put it into the player herself, the things she’s able to do blows my mind. The music begins as the house phone rings. Walking over to the phone, Sophie starts the movie in the living room and curls up on the couch to watch.
“Hello?”
“Isabel, how’s Jason?” my mother’s shrill voice filters across the line.
“Jason is fine, Mother.” It’s no use trying to tell her anything, she’ll just tell me it’s my fault.
“Don’t take that tone with me, he’s obviously slacking in his discipline if you’re mouthing off.”
“I’m so
rry, Mother, I had a rough morning.”
“That’s no excuse for bad behavior. You were raised to be a damn good wife, now act like it,” she snaps at me.
“Yes, Mother.”
Hearing Sophie singing in the living room brings a smile to my face.
“Are you listening to me? You’re such an insolent child, no wonder Jason has to keep such a tight rein on you. I hope he’s keeping that child in line or she’ll be useless.”
The way she speaks about Sophie has anger humming through me. “Don’t talk about her like that,” my voice weak. I know if I snap or give her any attitude, she’ll call Jason. If she calls him, I’m in for a long night.
“You don’t tell me what I can and can’t say. You’re barely more than a child yourself. Frankly, Jason took a big problem off our hands by marrying you, no one else would have.”
Dammit. Tears fill my eyes as I lean back against the counter. How much more do I have to endure?
“I’m sorry, Mother, it won’t happen again,” tears clogging my throat.
“Stop blubbering, no one wants to hear it,” she snaps.
Taking as deep of a breath as I can, I get myself under control. “To what do I owe the pleasure of your call?”
I don’t understand how she can be okay with this, knowing Jason beats me and encourages it. What kind of a mother does that? Why do I let her rile me up and then pay for it when Jason comes home? Why can’t she just leave me alone?
“Mommy! Dance wit me!” the giggle Sophie lets out as she dances to Maui’s singing helps me find the courage to wipe my tears and putting on a brave face. She deserves so much better.
“Your brother is giving me another grandchild, that means he will have three children. You’re failing in your wifely duties.”
I let out a sigh, I’m tired of this conversation. “I’m sorry, Mother, but Jason only wants one child. I’ve done my duty. If there’s nothing else, I have to get back to my chores.”
“Fine, we’ll speak again soon.”
“Good bye, Mother.”
“Be a good wife, Isabel.”
With that she hangs up, some of the tension in my shoulders leave. She’s exhausting on the best of days. I’ll never understand her thoughts on parenting, they’re so old fashioned.
Watching my little girl play, smile, and laugh has the card in my purse calling me. I should throw it away; I know I should, but I can’t bring myself to do it. I keep thinking of the dirty blond hair that rests just above his glasses. I can’t help but imagine what it would feel like to be wrapped in his arms, instead of being thrown down a flight of stairs because dinner was cold. Maybe, he’d take me on dates or talk to me about books he was reading. He’d want to know how my day was going — just normal everyday conversation.
I never had that with Jason, I was just a business transaction between him and my father. Maybe once he retires, things will get better. It has too. It’s not just me I have to worry about and I have no one who will take me in. I will deal with it for her; everything I do is for her.
It’s good to dream so I can pretend, even if it is just for a little while, that Dr. Patterson thinks of me as something more than just a patient, even if it is a lie. Something to help me get through the bad times. It all has to get better soon, right?
* * *
After Moana, we have some lunch, and then walk down to the park. It takes me longer to get there with my ribs throbbing every time I take a breath, but I manage.
Sitting on a bench where I can watch her, I can’t stop from picturing a different life. Dr. Patterson, Adam, with us, having a picnic on a blanket in the grass. Sophie running around with him, laughing and giggling. She deserves a happy life with a father who loves her and wants to spend time with her. Pushing her on the swings, chasing her around the playground, and catching her at the bottom of the slide.
I’m scared of what she is learning about relationships, that she’ll find a man who mistreats her and believe that’s the way love works. I never witnessed a healthy relationship since Mother and Father act like associates more than spouses but I know love is real. There wouldn’t be so many shows, movies, and books about it if it weren’t. I pray that Sophie will meet her great love, get married, have kids, and be happy. I also pray that I out live Jason. What kind of thought is that for a wife to want to bury her husband?
Over the years he’s made sure that I don’t have any friends, isolating me from everyone I knew. My own family won’t listen to me, telling me that if he’s beating me, then I must deserve it. I’ll never understand them.
My family has never seen me as anything more than a maid, and maybe even at times a bargaining chip. I was the only girl in the family, besides my mother, which made me good for nothing but bearing more children. Lucky for me, I had four older brothers, so I could learn to take care of them before it was time for me to take care of my husband. It was their duty to teach me how to be a proper wife. When it came time to marry, it was decided that I would marry one of the men in my father’s command. Jason was chosen specifically by my father for his drive to succeed, making him the perfect match for me.
Sophie comes running up to me, cheeks bright pink with delight. “Mommy! I made a friend!”
I smile at her excitement. “That’s great sweetheart, whats her name?”
She shrugs her shoulders, “I don’t know but she said she’ll be my friend.”
I try to laugh my by ribs scream, “Okay, go play but stay where I can see you.”
She runs off to play with her new friend, her laugh being carried to me on the light breeze. If only making friends as an adult was that easy, introduce yourself and say you’re friends.
The sun is high in the sky, warming my skin. Closing my eyes, I lean my head back, soaking in the vitamin D and smiling to myself at the picture in my mind. In my fantasy, Adam smiles at me and gives me a soft kiss while Sophie runs around and giggles. Sitting on an old blanket eating peanut butter and strawberry jelly sandwiches, munching on fruit and crackers. She deserves that kind of life but I doubt I’ll ever be able to provide it for her.
With that heartbreaking thought, I open my eyes and watch my bubbly little girl still laughing and playing. For a few minutes, she can be a normal little girl.
Chapter Ten
ADAM
It’s been weeks since I ran into Isabel and her little girl at the grocery store, thoughts of them are plaguing me day and night. How are they doing? Did she use the number for the shelter?
Thoughts of things they could be going through have brought the memories of my own childhood back full force. The beatings my mother suffered at the hands of my father were endless, but he never put his hands on me. I was a man, and men needed to discipline their woman — teach them their place. Just the idea of hitting a woman turns my stomach.
I take a deep breath of the crisp air off the balcony of my home, watching the sun rise for the fourth time this week. Afraid to close my eye, not knowing what I would see when they are shut. I was ordered out of the hospital last night around midnight having been there for the third night straight.
“Patterson!” Commander Jensen, Head of the Emergency Department, shouts across the ward. I know that voice anywhere. I immediately freeze in place and stand at attention
“Yes, Sir.”
“Get off my ward. You’ve been her for the past four days, probably haven’t gotten a decent night’s sleep in the same amount of time.”
I open my mouth to argue, but immediately shut it. There is no arguing with the Commander when he says something. It wasn’t a direct order, but it could have been. It’s better for me and my career when it isn’t, we both know it.
He places his hand on my shoulder, “One more round to check in with your patients and discharge who needs to go home and then complete turn over with Watson. I called upstairs and let them know to clear your patients for tomorrow, you are to rest. Understood?”
“Yes, Sir.” I respond in defeat. The last thing I want to
do is sit at home and have more time to imagine everything that could be happening to Isabel and her little girl, but at this point I don’t have a choice.
Instead of going home and sleep like the Commander suggested, I’ve been spending time at the shelter and the gym. Anything I can do to keep my mind occupied. However, it’s times like this when everyone is sleeping that I have no choice but to be alone with my thoughts and imagination.
Checking my watch, I decided to call my mother. Although I know this fixation on Isabel isn’t healthy my mother understands my need to help. The phone rings a few times before she picks up.
“Can’t sleep again?”
“More like refusing to sleep,” I chuckle before continuing, “I just want to know how I can help them.”
“I keep telling you, you can’t force her to go to a shelter or to accept the kindness you’ve shown her. At this point, she is probably afraid you are stalking her,” my mother says. I open my mouth to respond but she cuts me off, “I know all of your meetings have been by chance, which is more than likely why you feel such a strong need to help her. But see it from her side. This man keeps showing up and helping you, when you have never received any kindness before. Wouldn’t you be suspicious of that help?”
My mother takes my silence as agreement with her statement, “Just continue to be kind. If not to you, then she will learn to trust someone.”
I let out a breath I wasn’t aware I was holding, “I love you, Mom.”
“I know, Adam. I know. Now if you would just give me some grand babies before I die, I would be ecstatic.”
I can’t help but chuckle, “You and the grand babies.”
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