Lydia shook her head. “He’s running late. He’ll be here soon…” She looked past Harlow around the room. “Where’s Ophelia? She isn’t usually here at this time of the week.”
Probably because Ryske wasn’t usually there at this time of the week. “I’m supposed to be looking for Vane, have you seen him around?”
That was why she’d come, to seek Penzance. Ophelia wasn’t present and hadn’t told her to track Vane down. Yet, Harlow hadn’t actually lied, she’d just missed out a few pertinent details… Sometimes she wondered if she’d been spending too much time with Ryske.
“He was here,” Lydia said. “But he left. I think he’s coming back later. I don’t know.”
Damn. She didn’t have a clue how to get in touch with Penzance. He’d eventually hear what had happened through the grapevine. But he’d made it clear that he wouldn’t be going back to Floyd’s any time soon. Floyd’s and Windsor’s were the only links they had. She couldn’t hang around at Windsor’s for too long and she might not be at Floyd’s even if he did try to get in touch with her there.
“Thanks anyway.”
Harlow was about to turn and walk away when Lydia spoke. “Do you have time for a drink?”
Hanging around might not be a good idea. She’d come to find Penzance, and had hoped he would leave with her. Staying had never been on the cards.
Funny that this place was going to belong to Ryske any day soon and yet, she still didn’t feel safe. Maybe once his name was official on the deed, she would be more confident about spending time there. Though she imagined that would only happen if Ophelia’s people were ejected too. But as long as Pothos was ongoing, evicting anyone was unlikely.
Still, Harlow might have underestimated Lydia’s importance in what was going to play out. She’d asked Ryske to cultivate a relationship with Yarker, and had an opportunity in front of her to nurture a friendship with their other partner.
Harlow smiled. “Sure.”
They made their way across to the bar and each of them ordered drinks. At the far end of the bar, furthest from the people in the room, the women seated themselves and sampled their drinks.
“I confess I… I never quite understood you,” Lydia said. “I was intimidated by your relationship with Ryske. He’s a… a formidable man.” She frowned and touched a fingertip to the rim of her glass. “No, that’s not what I mean, he’s… he’s daunting. I… I must admit, I was always a little afraid of him.”
Wondering what she’d gotten herself into and why Lydia wanted to have this conversation, Harlow couldn’t decide if this was going to swing her way or not. As of yet, Lydia wasn’t asking questions. Through her relationship with Parratt, Lydia had probably learned not to quiz someone who could take offence.
“He would never hurt a woman,” Harlow said.
If Lydia told her that Parratt had hurt her, they’d be in a difficult spot. Harlow would want to help if she was being abused, but getting involved in their private business wouldn’t endear her to Parratt.
Shaking her head, Lydia laughed. “Oh, I know. I… I didn’t mean like that. I… I just have never been confident with men and he’s so confident… it’s intimidating.”
Ryske. Intimidating. Harlow tried to see it. Even when they’d met he’d been so approachable; she’d never feared him. She’d feared her feelings for him and what getting involved with him would do to her, but she’d never been intimidated.
In contrast, Lydia didn’t exude confidence. Ryske’s cocky persona could easily overshadow the meek.
“Talk to him,” Harlow said. “The more you talk to him, the…”
She trailed off and had to turn her lips into her mouth to subdue a smile. Letting her upper lip slide free, she held the lower one in her teeth.
Lydia bowed closer. “You didn’t finish.”
“I didn’t, I…” Inhaling, she let her breath out slowly. “Ryske’s mouth can get him into trouble. If he wants to soothe you, he will. But if he wants to be an asshole, he’s good at that too.”
Lydia smiled. “He’s good at a lot of things… He knows things that I…”
Color rose in Lydia’s cheeks. Harlow didn’t need her to say any more. It was odd that Harlow’s skin crawled when she even thought about Ryske being intimate with Ophelia. Yet, seeing this other woman, who had been intimate with him, didn’t have the same effect.
“Yeah, he’s like that,” Harlow said, and gave Lydia time to enjoy her memory. She took another drink and set her glass down again. “Are you tempted?”
Harlow didn’t think that Lydia had called her over to ask how to seduce Ryske. Though she wouldn’t be the first woman to think that Harlow was pedaling how-to guides.
“Tempted to…” Lydia lost some of that longing and straightened up. “Oh no, I… I couldn’t… Ophelia would not be happy if she found out that Ryske and I were…”
It wasn’t the resounding no that Harlow had hoped for, but at least Ophelia was good for something. It was tempting to encourage Lydia to let people think she and Ryske were involved, just to really drive the knife in and twist it in the wench’s gut. But that could lead to grave problems for Lydia, so Harlow refrained from making the suggestion.
“Ophelia shouldn’t be a reason for you not to do something you want to do,” Harlow said. “But you’re with Gil, you don’t need Ryske.”
Shrinking, Lydia glanced toward the bar, showing obvious discomfort in the way she squirmed. “I… I was with Gil when I… when Ryske and I…”
“I know,” Harlow said, determined not to let the woman feel shame.
“He can’t let it go, he won’t. He brings it up all the time and treats Ryske like he did something awful.”
When in truth both Ryske and Lydia had been unmarried when they were intimate. Parratt was the only one of the three bound by vows. Harlow’s advice stuck in her throat. She wanted to tell Lydia to remind Parratt of his marriage and to tell him he had no right to belittle her choice as she was free to do whatever she wanted.
Instead Harlow just said, “You and Ryske were consenting adults.”
“It was the wildest thing I’ve ever done,” Lydia said. “Ryske was so great about it. He made it so easy, and was so considerate of us… I didn’t think it could be like that… Gil asked if I’d… if I’d do it with him, but I… I don’t think I want to do it again.”
That was one Harlow was happy to confront. “You should never do anything you’re uncomfortable with. In bed or anywhere else, and no man should pressure you into anything.”
Lydia seemed relieved that Harlow understood and supported her. “That’s just it. With Ryske it didn’t feel like pressure, you know? It sounds stupid to say it because I know it’s not, but… it felt natural.” She deflated. “But Gil just won’t let it go. He won’t…”
“That’s in the past. It’s all in the past. Moving forward is important; it’s the only way to make progress.”
28
Harlow would be the first to admit that she sounded like an after-school special. That ceased to matter when Lydia relaxed. The calm acceptance had put the woman at ease. A relaxed mark was far more open to talking than a tense one.
Lydia swept her hair from her shoulder. “Now that Ryske’s ownership of the club is official, Gil is livid. He says Ryske has too much power.”
Ryske’s ownership was official? Harlow hadn’t known that. As much as she wanted to leap up and punch the air, she couldn’t. Playing it cool in the face of finding out something unexpected was Ryske’s trade. Harlow had to practice his restraint and bite her tongue.
“Whether Gil likes it or not, Ryske is where he is because of legitimate decisions made by everyone.”
Lydia nodded. “Right. Absolutely… Ryske is getting a real tough break recently… Ophelia isn’t happy about his relationship with Anwen. She told Anthony that she wanted it to stop, that it wouldn’t be good for us… for the consortium.”
“Do you think Anwen will influence him?” Harlow asked. “How
can she? She doesn’t have a vote.”
“No,” Lydia said. “Neither do I and I said the same thing to Gil. He said we should still be concerned. He pointed out that even though I don’t have a vote, my opinion matters to him.”
Just like Hagan had warned in his recording. If Harlow wanted to influence Gil, she had to have influence with Lydia. “To be honest,” she said, touching a drop of condensation on the side of her glass. “I think Ophelia is out of line for suggesting Anwen would push her own agenda. Like you said, Anwen’s the same as you. You both have influence with your men, but that doesn’t mean you would abuse it.” Peeking up at Lydia, she checked that the woman was listening and processing before she pushed on. “It’s especially rich given we both know there are two votes in the consortium who are more than just associates.”
Lydia blinked and began to squirm again. “You mean two votes who are…”
“Intimate with each other? Yes.”
The only votes on the consortium were her, Parratt, Yarker, Ophelia and Ryske. Ryske had secured his vote early. He’d have no reason to offer the service and security that he did if he wasn’t getting anything in return. Besides, it wasn’t his fault that he’d been dead when the plans were put in place.
Lydia slid to the edge of her stool, transfixed on Harlow and ignoring how their knees slid together. “I didn’t know you knew.”
“It’s difficult to hide something like that when you live in the woman’s pocket,” Harlow said, masking her mouth with her glass.
It was better to imply that she’d learned about Ophelia’s affair with Yarker while she lived and worked with Ophelia, even though she’d never seen the man there alone. Ophelia obviously went out to conduct her carnal business. Though, with her renewed interest in Ryske, it was impossible to know how often she and Yarker were seeing each other.
He might be pursuing the relationship for love or with ideas that they could have a future. Ophelia wasn’t. She was using the man, manipulating him, in favor of her attempts to secure Ryske.
“I was shocked when I heard,” Lydia said. “Gil told me and I was… I didn’t see them together; I couldn’t picture it. Afterwards, we did socialize. There were times I thought that there could be something between them… Gil told me that Anthony has feelings for Ophelia, but he doesn’t think they’re returned… Not with the way she is about Ryske.”
Nice to know someone else was paying attention.
Harlow smiled. “I suppose it’s their business. As long as you and Gil are secure with each other, you don’t have to worry about them.”
Sighing, Lydia took a long gulp of alcohol. “He always tells me he loves me,” she said. “But he’s never faithful.”
The statement conjured such conflict in Harlow that hiding her frown was impossible. Was Lydia talking about Parratt’s wife? She couldn’t be upset that the man was sleeping with his wife. Surely she’d known that was a possibility when she started an affair with a married man. Their whole relationship was built on infidelity. Parratt cheated on the woman he married, so it couldn’t be a surprise that he screwed around on the mistress too.
“Do you want him to be faithful to you?”
The point of the conversation was to gain some favor with Lydia. Harlow couldn’t voice anything that might come across as judgement.
“Doesn’t every woman want her man to be faithful to her?” Lydia asked.
Considering the point, Harlow tilted her head. She’d known from the moment she gave herself to Ryske that there was every chance she’d have to share him. Share his physical self anyway. He was always faithful to her in his heart. He would never fall for another woman or prioritize a lover over their relationship.
Seeing other women fawn over him, women other than Ophelia, sometimes gave Harlow an immature feeling of superiority. She had him and no matter what those women did to him, he’d still be her man.
Would it be better if Ryske was hers and hers alone? What would it feel like to see him refuse another woman, to stand up and claim her without all the misdirection and subterfuge? Maybe it would be nice. Maybe she would enjoy that too.
“If that’s what you want then you have to talk to him,” Harlow said. “Tell him that you want to be together.”
“Except his wife won’t let us be together,” Lydia said and sighed. “Oh, it’s my fault for getting involved with him in the first place. He wants me to commit to him. He doesn’t like me to be independent.”
Hence why she was sitting in this club waiting for him like a patient puppy. If this was a unique occurrence, Harlow wouldn’t blink an eye. But she had a feeling this was what most of Lydia’s life looked like.
“Hey,” Harlow said, putting a hand over hers on the bar. “Don’t ever lose sight of yourself. Not for anything. If your gut tells you that Gil is the man you want, then you have to do whatever you can to make yourself happy with him. That doesn’t mean you have to bow to his will. Don’t ever bow to anyone.”
Determination kept her eyes locked on Lydia’s who seemed to peer into her before smiling. “You’re so strong, Harlow… I wonder if there’s anything that could ever break you down… I can’t imagine that there is.”
One thing had. Losing Ryske. If that happened again, if it happened for real, she wouldn’t come back from it.
“I’ve had my knocks and I’ve been lost too. That’s how I can be so sure about this. At the time, walking away from the security I had was terrifying. It went against everything I was being told. But if I hadn’t done it, I would never have found this life. I wouldn’t have found Ryske.”
Lydia frowned. “I didn’t think you were together now.”
“We’re not,” Harlow said, letting her hand slide away from Lydia’s. “That doesn’t mean I regret what we had. Whether or not I lost it, I still value it. I wouldn’t trade any of the decisions I made, even the scary ones, if it meant I had to give up the memories I made with him.”
“I wish I knew my mind as well as you know yours.”
“Sometimes it’s not your mind you have to know,” Harlow said. “It’s your heart. You have to follow your gut… Love is difficult and complicated and it’s not always like the movies. There isn’t always a happily ever after. Sometimes we have to walk away. Sometimes we have to sacrifice. Sometimes we lose.”
“Like you lost when you thought Ryske was gone… Like Jarvis lost Anwen… but she came back too.”
“It’s not always like that,” Harlow said. “Sometimes dead is dead.”
The sound of a solitary clap made her and Lydia turn. Another followed and another in a slow rhythm. When she saw Brash coming towards them with his arms outstretched, clapping in the ironic applause, she grew rigid and set her jaw. Animal was behind him, stoic, wearing an expression of sinister anticipation that made her shiver.
This was the test. Lydia had said Harlow couldn’t be broken. But she had a feeling that they were looking at the one man who wanted to give it a shot.
“That’s beautiful,” Brash said, coming up at her side and picking up her glass to down the rest of its contents. “I couldn’t have said it better myself. Sometimes dead is dead.” He slammed down the glass but kept his hand on it, between her and Lydia, so he could lean in to growl. “But sometimes how you get there is worse.”
Harlow leaped off her stool. Before she could retreat, he grabbed both her arms and thrust her back against the bar.
Lydia screamed. “Oh my God, let her go!”
“You butt out,” Brash said, focused on the woman in his clutches who was returning his ire.
“Harlow, what should I—”
“Just go, Lydia,” Harlow said, glaring into Brash. “I can handle this Neanderthal and his friend.”
Lydia only hesitated for half a beat. She obviously figured out there was nothing she could do to help, so quickly scurried off.
“Now it’s just the three of us,” Brash said, lowering his mouth to breathe against hers. “One happy family.”
“I don�
��t think so,” Harlow said and tried to pull her arm away, but she didn’t get far. “Did she send you to bring me back?”
One corner of his mouth curled; he exhaled a laugh. “She doesn’t give a damn about you anymore. She’s given you to me.”
Gritting her teeth, she ignored his proximity. If he thought about trying to kiss her or touch her, she’d scream and fight until her last breath. “I don’t belong to anyone.”
“You belong to me.”
“Because she says so?” Harlow spat. “You don’t even know who you’re dealing with… You think she’s your savior, that you’re doing what Jarvis would’ve wanted. He’d be turning in his grave.”
“Don’t dare say his name,” he said and gave her a shake.
Curling her lips, she laughed. “You’re a fool. A fucking idiot. All this time you run her errands and take her shit… You never stopped to ask yourself, why would she let me into her life if I was the one who killed him? If I was brutal enough to take her brother from her, why would she want me in her home?”
“To make you pay for what you did.”
She raised her brows. “Is that what she told you? Wow, she must be quite the actress. Look around. If she wanted to make me pay, why would she go into business with me? Why let me earn a crust off a scheme she cooked up? Your boss isn’t afraid of me. She doesn’t hate me… Well, she does, but only because I used to ride Ryske’s cock. But, come on, what woman hasn’t?”
His fingers loosened. Although he was still glaring, she could tell she was breaking through, making him question his assumptions and what he’d been told.
“What the fuck are you saying?” he asked.
This time when she moved her arm, she got it free of his grip. That gave her the opportunity to slip her pinched fingers into her cleavage to retrieve the USB she’d made at home. Her secret weapon.
“You know I went to see him on the night he died,” Harlow said. “Yes, I was there. I can’t deny that… What you don’t know, what even she doesn’t know, is that I got the whole thing on tape.”
Go Full Circle (A Go Novel Book 5) Page 22