by Eric Ugland
I walked to the ditch and looked at the dismal progress. Maybe dismal was harsh, I suppose, but they’d dug down about six feet, out five feet, and along about thirty feet.
And left all the tools there. Which, to be fair, they’d be going back in a few hours, but still, some goblins, dark or otherwise, could have taken the shovels. I grabbed one of the shovels and hopped down in the ditch. The dirt on either side of me was impressively black, rich loamy soil.
With a grunt, I started digging, going as quickly as I could, tossing dirt to the town side.
There was a heavy whomp as something large landed nearby.
I jumped out of the ditch and positioned the shovel across my body for defense, looking around. Stretching my senses out, I could tell something big padded across the ground in front of me, just around a tree.
Taking the chance, I dropped the shovel and grabbed a spear from the bag of holding I always kept on my person. I cocked my arm back, ready to let go as soon as I could identify what was hunting me.
A grey snout came out from the back of the tree, followed by a large head, almost shark shaped. The skin was smooth, and it looked hard. Small eyes sunk into the skull, tucked there for protection. A large mouth, one that ran almost the entire length of the skull, hung open, and I could see a deep red mouth with a large tongue. It had very powerful legs, thick, with massive claws at the end. The claws weren’t sharp or pointy, but they were big. They looked very strong, as if they were perfect for digging. The creature continued from behind the tree until I could see the whole thing. The grey skin looked more like armored plates now that I could take it all in. The back end had a thick tail, heavy with muscle. All told, it looked a lot like a shark that had been built to swim through the earth. A land shark.
Mouth open, it watched me.
I crouched a little, ready to jump to either side if this big bastard chose to attack.
He remained motionless, just looking at me.
Slowly, carefully, I stood back up and lowered the spear until it hung at my side, pointy bit towards the ground.
“Hey there, buddy,” I said.
It tilted its head to the side, and I wondered where its ears were.
“I really hope I’m not wrong here, because that probably leads to unpleasant things between the two of us, but is there any chance you’re here because of Typhon?” I asked.
There was a pause, long enough to make me worry. But then the big head nodded.
I had a thought, and popped into my sheet to look over the boon Typhon bestowed upon me.
Monstrous Companion (Typhon) - You have been gifted a companion from the god Typhon. Your companion is immortal, though if reduced to 0 HP, he will be forced to return in a different form, chosen at the whim of Typhon. You may absorb your companion for a temporary boost to your abilities, but the boost will only last until Typhon sends another companion your way.
Given the wording, I had to wonder…
“Fritz?” I asked.
The creature’s mouth opened wider, and the tongue came out, lolling to the side. Then he nodded.
Fritz was back.
I dropped the spear, jumped the ditch, and threw my arms around the big land shark.
“Fritz,” I shouted, “welcome home, buddy!”
He licked me.
Thank gods there wasn’t like, acid in his saliva. It was just, you know, normal regular ol’ gross stuff.
“What the fuck are you?” I asked.
He turned his head to the side and closed his mouth, giving me the land shark equivalent of a what the fuck, do you think I can talk like this? gesture.
“Ah, can’t talk?” I asked.
He shook his head.
“Are you a land shark?”
He tilted his head from one side to the other.
“You’re kind of a land shark? Or a kind of land shark?”
I could feel frustration rolling off of him, that he felt I was an idiot for asking such a question, that I should just know what the fuck he was.
“Whatever, man,” I said, “I’m just glad you’re back. Welcome home.”
That seemed to mollify the big guy. He pushed me to the side and hopped down in the ditch.
“Yeah,” I said, like I knew what he was doing, “we’re digging, like, a protective ditch. Which might be called a moat? Except I think a moat has water, but it’s, you know, going around the wall we’re going to build. Dirt’s going inside, we’ll use that to build a rampart up to the wall.”
He jumped up to the other side and sniffed around a little.
“The marks on the ground,” I continued, “indicate where the wall is going to be, and, you know, the boundary of the ditch. Any chance you’re good at digging?”
He gave me a look that said, I’m as good at digging as you are at being a dumbass.
I felt like I was getting pretty good at reading his looks.
Fritz started digging.
Dirt flew out behind him in a massive rooster tail.
And, likely on purpose, all over me.
There was a chirp from next to me.
The prinkies had arrived. En masse. They spread out, and looked at the ditch.
Fritz, for his part, stopped digging, and looked over at all the tiny creatures.
“They aren’t food,” I said, though it made me wonder if you could eat a prinky. Would it provide any nutrition? If I could summon them for mana, and a tiny amount of mana, maybe I’d found a way to feed the community through the winter. Though, looking down at all the innocent wide eyes staring at me as if I was the bees knees, I didn’t think I’d be able to slaughter them. “They’re more like, you know, helpers. So, uh, Fritz, meet the prinkies. Prinkies, meet Fritz. You guys should work together to dig this ditch. Put all the dirt on the inside and tamp it all down.”
There was a very short pause, and then the prinkies all hopped into the ditch and started throwing the loose dirt Fritz had scooped up onto the bank.
Fritz watched the little guys work for a moment, and then he went back to digging, a plume of dirt going high in the sky behind him.
I left them to it, and walked back to the fire where I heard the enticing sounds of someone making porridge.
Chapter 67
By the time we were done with breakfast and ready to get started on the work day, the ditch was finished. Done to a depth of ten feet, all around the three sides of the prospective village. Also the rampart was up. It wasn’t perfect, and it wasn’t beautiful, but it was there. The prinkies even managed to follow the rough plans laid out by Lanfrank, leaving spots filled where our gates would be. I couldn’t stop smiling.
Fritz the land shark laid at one of the entrances, growling at the prinkies who were climbing all over him in a big cuddle puddle.
I walked into the center of the village, which was really closer to a camp, and I stood up on a stump.
“If I might have your attention,” I shouted out.
People shut up, for the most part, and looked at me. I was their duke, after all.
“Our good friend Fritz,” I said, “who you might remember as a big scary furry guy with wings who flew you all through the canyon into our new home, is back. He doesn’t quite look the way he used to, though. Instead of a manticore, this time he’s back as a land shark.”
I was met with confused looks.
“What is a land shark?” I heard a woman whisper to her friend.
Her friend shrugged.
“I guess there’s some, uh, other word for it here, but where I’m from,” I lied, “we just called them land sharks. He’s, you know, laying over there. Because he dug out the rest of the defensive ditch this morning.”
As one, all the heads of my followers turned to look where I was pointing. Then they faced back to me.
“So, uh, yeah, not really much need for digging for you all today.”
There were some laughs of relief.
“We are going to be putting logs up as the outside of the wall, though. So, you kn
ow, little need for digging and a lot of need for hoisting up big things. I will be working with Essie and Mercy. I promise I’ll get you guys out of the stinky longhouse as soon as I can.”
Nods and smiles. The crowd was starting to come around.
“For the moment, uh, I’m going to talk to my, uh, council, and then we’re going to do something I should have done right when we got here, but I was a little, well, distracted and I didn’t know what it was I was doing, but well, here I am and we’re going to do it. I’m going to sit here with the council, and we’re going to meet you all one at a time. You’ll tell us what you can do, and we’re going to assign everyone a job. Provided, you know, you’re an adult. Kids, you can play with the furballs for now.”
The council headed over to me, and formed a rough semi-circle.
“What’s up guys?“ I asked.
“You think a little heads up on this matter might have been in order?” Nikolai asked.
“Sure, but I just thought of it. I’m trying to be a better leader.”
“And Fritz is back as a bullette?” Nikolai asked.
“That I didn’t know about until a little earlier this morning. I’m not sure what the word you just said means, but I’ll assume it means land shark. So yes.”
“And the little furry things?”
“Prinkies,” Essie said, more than a drip of disdain in her voice.
“These ones are his though,” Tarryn interrupted to say, pointing at me. “Pulling from his mana, which he has no use for. Makes them perfect little utility workers.”
“As long as they remain under his control,” Essie said, “I will not kill them.”
“They’re harmless little furballs,” I said.
“And if they managed to get that ditch dug and the rampart built in barely a day,” Lee started, “I’m a prinky fan.”
“I think the digging was mostly Fritz,” I said. “But still. Now, we’re going to go through everyone, divide people into teams. We need to get cracking on this stuff, and fast.”
“Teams?” Nikolai asked.
“There’s team Lee, on the saw mill and the smithy.”
Lee nodded.
“Nikolai, you’re on the walls. Get the logs up against the ramparts, then start in on the towers.”
Nikolai nodded.
“Me?” Nathalie asked.
“Uh, what have you been doing?”
“Training guards,” she replied. “And guarding.”
“Good, good. I guess you just keep doing that. If you have someone who’s free, send them to Nikolai. I think he’s the one who will need the most unskilled labor today.”
“What’s your team doing?” Essie asked.
“I’m glad you asked, Essie. You’re on my team—”
“I don’t get my own team?”
“Not yet. I am going to take you and Mercy, and I guess Tarryn, and see what we can do with some houses and maybe a treasury. Or something along those lines. Now, let’s meet some people!”
This was one of those times where I should have done a little more thinking before acting, but, well, everyone seemed to be in reasonably good spirits looking around at the ramparts. They all got in a general line, one that was a little more organized once Nikolai got frustrated and started yelling at everyone and shoving them into an order.
It went pretty quickly, mainly because Lee was perfunctory in everything he was asking and saying, and I was happy to let him run the show. At least in this regard. He seemed to have plenty of experience interviewing people, and seemed to know what sorts of professions we needed where.
First up were the dwarves. There were twelve adults, and each one of them spoke about how happy they were to be part of the dukedom and how they thought I was doing a fine job. Amongst the group, we had eight males and four females. They were quick to point out that they had already told Nikolai their jobs, but were happy to do so again.
I just smiled as big as I could and thanked them for humoring me. I also had Lee explain the teams thing. Then, because I still hadn’t learned to stop talking before doing the whole thinking thing, I added that I was considering making it a competition. The team who finished first would get a prize.
Nikolai did not like that idea. Everyone else did. Nikolai was a stick in the mud. He did not like it when I called him that.
There were the three miners, all of whom went into Nikolai’s wall team. The smith and the metallurgist went with Lee to work on Team Industrial Revolution, as Lee had renamed it. The two cooks and the butcher were members of what I called the Home Team, which only Lee and I found amusing. I then shifted Nathalie to be the leader of the Home Team, those who were keeping us fed and safe. I took the tanner/leatherworker and the sculptor. One dwarf was a trained crossbowman, so of course, he was with the Home Team, and then there was the old dude. He got the job of making sure the food was hot on time.
Next up were the battenti. There were 23 of them total, but only 16 adults. And of those adults, there was the super old geezer who was hilarious, but of limited mobility. He got into the Home Team as well. Nikolai took the two miners. Lanfrank, the clan leader and an architect, came with me to work on the houses. The rope-maker, the tinkerer and the jeweler went on Team IR. The shortening of the name was the first revolution. Lee was having altogether too much fun with this. There were two archers and two cooks who got tapped for the Home Team, and three couriers who got pulled into the Wall Team.
Conall the woch walked up, smiled, and waved to Nikolai. Nikolai nodded, and then Conall was on the Wall team.
Isaac got pulled into the Wall Team because, so far, Isaac was the best with all the various draft animals we had. Rebecca, as our top cook, was definitely on the home team. Her brothers, who were very much unhappy about being in Coggeshall and not Osterstadt, were less than enthused about doing much of anything. Thankfully, Rebecca was overjoyed with her new home, and after some choice words with her brothers, they seemed to come around. At least while she was watchin. One was the guard outside the Magic Circle, so he was clearly on the Home Team. The other was actually a lumberjack in the Emerald forest, and I felt a little bad about the demotion to taking down normal trees. His wife was a little happier about it, being that it was significantly safer felling trees in regular forests, and she would know because apparently she was what’s known as a high climber. She would climb high in the trees and top them to set them up to be used as spars for hoisting men, materials and logs. I wanted her for my team, but Nikolai made a strong case. I wound up taking the brother.
Zoey walked up with Mouse and Lily. Lily wanted to be a ranger, and I said she would be fine at it, but, for the time being, I needed her to work with Isaac and the animals. I sent Mouse along with his sister to keep an eye on her, and help Isaac. As any young big brother, I think he resented having the babysitting be part of his job. Zoey, as a smith, obviously was taken by Team IR.
Amber volunteered to work with Nikolai, arguing that as one of our rangers, she’d be needed to see how things were going to function on the other side of the wall. Plus, the kitsune-girl wanted to give her input on the towers.
That left the top-tier carpenter, Guy Gambrill, whose wife had begged me to take him. He got snagged, immediately, by Team IR, and I got the wife, who was a seamstress. I wasn’t really sure what she’d be able to offer in terms of assistance for building homes, but I wanted another person on my team, dammit.
I stood up, thinking we were done, but then I got shoved from behind. Fritz made it clear he was part of the village, and, therefore, needed to be interviewed.
“Sucks that you can’t fly away now, doesn’t it?” I said to him.
He just glared at me, which is pretty effective as a land shark, though underscored by the rainbow assortment of furry friends standing all around and on him.
“Right, then. Fritz,” I said. “He can dig and be mean. I suppose, for the time being, he’ll come with me. As will the, uh, prinkies. But if someone needs a whole bunch of labor, let me know
. Happy to send the little furballs to work.”
And just when I was about to start walking, naturally someone else came waltzing up.
Eliza Northwoods.
“What about me and mine?” she asked. “Do we not rate an interview?”
“Uh,” I said, stuck. “Sure. You can have one. Skills?”
“I am currently a Lady, but I have skills in overseer, horse husbandry, riding—”
“Okay, uh, I guess you can come with me. Or not. I mean, you can join the Home Team, or—”
“I’ll come with you.”
“And your people can, uh—” I stammered.
“I will assign them for you, my lord,” she said, the essence of calm. “I know how to best place them.”
The teams broke off to get to work, some good natured jibes already being shouted from Team IR to the Wall Team. Secretly, I wished I could switch and join Team IR. They seemed like they were having fun. My team, on the other hand, looked markedly unhappy to be stuck with the village idiot.
Chapter 68
I led my disparate group over to the rock wall of the mountain, ignoring the feeling of disappointment coming off my people in waves.
“So, we need homes,” I said. “The current housing is, well, inadequate is the nice term, but gross is probably more accurate.”
There were some murmurs of agreement.
Lanfrank had his pipe out, and had perched himself on a stump. He blew out blue smoke, and leaned back. I watched as he looked at the mountain wall, then back at the space we’d allotted for the homes.
Looking around at what we had, at who I had around me, I tried to formulate some sort of a building plan. I tried to think what was necessary in a house, and I quickly came up against a fundamental problem. I still thought like a modern-day American. Hell, I thought like a modern-day Midwesterner. I wanted a place that had an open layout with a big kitchen, three bedrooms, and two and a half baths. And preferably a finished basement where I’d have an air hockey table and a gas fireplace as well as an overstuffed couch for watching the Lions kick the shit out the Packers. Or, hell, as long as I'm dreaming, kick the shit out of everyone. And have Barry Sanders back for 10 more seasons.