by Rhys Everly
“I’m sorry, Dad,” I said, and I felt a part of me crumble. I had nothing to be sorry for. “Please forgive me.”
But I needed him out of here. Out of my room. My space. The only space in his house that was mine.
Romeo peeked at me from under the bed where he’d fled when Nathan left. If that dog knew what was best for him, he’d stay under there. I didn’t know what Dad might do to him, either.
“Damn right you’re sorry. No boys in your room ever again. Especially fags,” he said and finally stormed down the stairs leaving me alone.
I let out a deep breath I’d been holding for way too long.
More tears rolled down my face until my eyes and skin ran dry.
That was what it came down to. He caught me looking at gay porn once and he becomes a monster. Because I looked at gay porn once after Nathan came out to me, and since then, I became public enemy number one.
I looked at the papers on top of my desk and remembered Nathan’s kind words earlier to help me cool down. To help take my mind off what just happened.
And it worked.
Because all I could think for the rest of the day was how much I wished he’d save me from that asshole downstairs. That he’d come one day in his sister’s Prius, tell me he loved me, and we’d ride off into the sunset.
With Romeo, of course.
But that was never going to happen.
Fifteen
Hudson
MrRomantic: Wish me luck.
Sweet_Peaches: Good luck.
Sweet_Peaches: Another date?
MrRomantic: More like a date with the past.
Sweet_Peaches: What does that mean?
MrRomantic: Story for another day.
Sweet_Peaches: Deal.
I set my phone down and focused on the task at hand before Nathan arrived.
Pressing down on some creases, I finished ironing the shirt and put it on straight away.
I buttoned up the shirt but left the top one undone. This thing was already tight enough; I didn’t need it choking me.
If I’d gone to the store sooner, I’d have probably managed to get a rental in my size. As it was, this was one size too small, so movement was limited in the shirt or I’d pop a button and probably have to buy the tux.
The next thing I put on were the dress pants, looping the belt around my hips, and last, but not least, the suit jacket.
Once I was fully dressed, I looked at myself in the mirror.
Damn it, I looked like a homeless man in a stolen suit.
Why had I agreed to do this? I’d be the ridicule of the party.
Well, I was gonna be ridiculed one way or the other. I just hoped I didn’t embarrass Nathan, too.
I ran some wax through my hair to make myself look half-decent, although it was a futile mission, when I heard a honk outside.
I approached the attic window to look out. Nathan was parked behind Dad’s truck in the driveway in his sister’s Prius.
I picked up my keys, my wallet, and my phone, glanced at the mirror again willing myself to look more presentable, and went down the stairs.
Romeo was already in the barn with the other dogs, hopefully still alive, so I was ready to go. More or less.
“Where do you think you’re going?” Dad asked from the living room.
I turned to him, and he gave me the once-over.
“Don’t you look fancy,” he said as if it was a bad thing.
“I’m going to my high school reunion,” I said.
He choked on his beer and set it down with a cough.
“What the hell are you doing that for?”
“Why not?”
He wasn’t completely unjustified to ask me that. I’d wondered the same myself a hundred times since I’d agreed to go with Nathan.
But…
I was going with Nathan. And perhaps going together could bridge some of the gap I’d created all those years ago when I turned my back on him.
“You’re fucking crazy,” he said.
“Gotta go.” I turned on my heel and headed for the door.
“Don’t be late. You’re helping me out in the morning.”
“I won’t,” I said.
“And for God’s sake, don’t set another fire.”
I let that one slide and swallowed the growl that threatened to come out as I opened the door and saw the most dashing man I’d ever seen.
His bangs were swept back and the long sides were tucked behind his ears.
A cobalt-blue jacket hugged his body over a salmon-pink shirt. The hems of his blue pants were rolled up over the ankles.
A black bow-tie and black shoes completed the look, making him look young, sexy, and fucking irresistible.
“Wow,” I said before I could stop myself, then looked up at him to apologize.
“Thanks. That’s what I was going for,” he smiled. “If I’m gonna stick it to Derek, I might as well do it in style.”
“You are definitely stylish. Unlike me.”
I looked down at myself and grimaced.
“Wh-what are you talking about?” Nathan said.
I looked at him again. He was biting his lower lip and looking at my chest, but dry coughed after a moment.
“You look great,” he said casually and walked back to the driver’s side. “Hop in.”
I got in, and as I put my seatbelt on, I noticed Dad looking out the window at us.
I waved at him as Nathan drove away, but I couldn’t shake his critical face from my mind.
“Are you ready for this?” I asked him.
“Hell no. Are you?” He laughed.
“What you said.” Then, after a moment, I added, “Are we stupid to go?”
“Probably. You more than me. But we gotta.”
“Yeah. I guess,” I said.
“Hey, no pessimistic bullshit tonight. Okay? We’ve got every right to be in there, and we will own it,” he said.
I watched our shitty town go by outside the window and sighed.
“How is it even possible you’re prepping me for this when I should be doing that with you?” I said.
“Oh, trust me, dude. I’m shitting myself. But am I going to let Derek know? Fuck no.”
The new school gym loomed outside the windshield, and my legs started bouncing impatiently. My palms were getting wet, and by the time Nathan had parked, I was sure my white shirt would be see-through from all the cold sweat I was perspiring.
Once Nathan had applied the parking brake, he slapped his hand on my knee and looked at me.
“Don’t be nervous,” he said.
“Easier said than done,” I stuttered, staring at the hand on my knee.
My tapping might have stopped, but other stuff was happening to my lower half.
He removed his hand slowly and apologized—for what, I had no idea—and we got out of the car.
We walked to the gym entrance, a red carpet covering the path in front of it with small uplights at intervals down the sides pointing up at the sky.
Whoever had organized this had gone to a lot of trouble.
Nathan stopped mid step and I bumped into him.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
“God, why are we doing this?” he asked, and I went around to face him. When I did, he looked up at me. “We’re fucking crazy.”
I grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him gently.
“Snap out of it, dude. We literally had that conversation,” I told him, and he blinked in response.
“Yes. Of course. You’re right,” he said, and we finally walked inside.
The music was playing low and fairy lights decorated pretty much every surface.
The lights were dimmed, but there were spotlights swirling around the room, washing people in blue light at random points.
The crowd, mostly dressed in their best clothes, were busy chattering and drinking alcohol, but a lot of them turned around to look at us.
Well, at me.
I was the one they all ha
ted and blamed for what happened to the old gym.
“Everyone is staring,” Nathan mumbled.
“I know. But we knew that was gonna happen,” I replied.
Nathan nodded.
A couple of people waved at either me or Nathan, but the majority just followed us around the room with their gazes, some whispering to each other.
“Nathan, hey!” Henry said, catching both our attention.
I’d seen him at the college library a few times since I started lessons with Nathan, but his face always soured when he looked at me. I’d given up on him ever liking me.
Apologizing would probably help, of course. I needed to remember to do that next time I saw him.
“Henry, hi,” Nathan said. “You been here long?”
Henry rolled his eyes and laughed. “God, no. I just got here. And I’ve already had two drinks. Liquid courage and all,” he said.
“Yeah, I need me some of that,” Nathan said.
“What are you… did you guys come together?” Henry asked, avoiding my gaze.
Nathan put his hands in his pockets and nodded.
“Yeah, we thought we’d come as a united front. The only way to survive this hell,” he said.
Henry frowned, but if he had any questions, he kept them to himself.
“Wanna get a drink?” he asked, pointing toward the pop-up bar and begging Nathan with his eyes to go with him.
“I’ll get us a drink. What do you want?” I asked Nathan.
It was obvious Henry had questions for Nathan, and I’d rather let them talk about it before he exploded.
“A decent beer, thanks,” he said.
I started to walk away, but remembered my manners before I went too far.
“Do you want anything, Henry,” I turned around on the spot to ask him.
“I’m good,” he said before returning his attention to Nathan, lowering his voice.
I got to the bar and asked the bartender for the most decent beer he had, times two.
“I’ve only got Jackson’s Light. Is that okay?” he asked.
I nodded and watched him grab the drinks.
He was a handsome guy, although I couldn’t tell his age. His salt and pepper hair was throwing me off on his otherwise young face.
I definitely hadn’t seen him in town before or at school.
“Are you from Cedarwood Beach?” I asked him when he passed the drinks over.
“New Harlow,” he smiled.
Yeah, definitely an out-of-towner if he was smiling at me. He didn’t know who I was, and it was showing. It was refreshing.
“I wouldn’t serve him if I were you,” someone said behind me. “He might get drunk and burn the gym down. Again.”
Both the bartender and I turned to look at Derek. He hadn’t changed a single bit. He still wore the same arrogant grin as he did in high school, if not a more elevated version now that he was on his way to becoming a hot-shot lawyer.
“Shut it, Derek,” I snapped at him.
“You decided to grace us with your presence, huh? That’s gutsy, considering…”
“Considering what, huh, Derek?” I said, tightening my fist around the neck of the bottles.
“Don’t you remember what happened last time you were here?” Derek laughed.
“I do. As a matter of fact I remember you—”
Derek took a long step toward me and grabbed me by the shirt collar. The sound of seams breaking filled my ears. I’d have to buy the fucking shirt now.
Great. Thanks asshole.
“Don’t you dare start with your stupid lies,” Derek muttered under his breath.
“Hey, buddy. You want to calm down?” the bartender yelled from behind the bar and ran around to unhook Derek from me.
He was successful. Surprisingly.
I looked around at all the people staring at us. Some glowering at me, some at Derek. Some at both of us.
“Don’t spoil the night before it’s even started,” the bartender said and patted Derek’s arms before turning to me. “Are you okay?”
His name badge informed me that his name was Sawyer. Since everything else was going down the drain, I decided to focus on the badge. The only thing not bent on hurting or humiliating me tonight.
“I’m good,” I said.
I wondered what his story was. How old was he? Was this his full-time job? Did he have a partner? Was he straight? What was his type?
All those tandems assaulted my brain, and by the time he put himself back behind the bar, I had a story made up of him meeting a man, pretty much the same way we’d met, only the other man wasn’t me, but a high school jock turned slut.
And just as I imagined Sawyer and the jock slinging themselves into a bathroom and showing each other a good time, I was interrupted yet again.
“Why are you staring at me, you perv?” Derek hissed, shaking me out of my daydream.
I had read way too many erotica books back to back, and it was starting to have its influence on me.
What was that even all about? Where had it even come from?
“Fuck you,” I replied to Derek while trying to tuck those thoughts away for later. Maybe there was something worth cultivating in that idea.
Not that I could ever write like Nathan’s friend did. Or write what she did, even.
Before I could walk away from the bar, a laughter so familiar I could almost taste it gave me goosebumps, and I turned to find Nathan and Henry approaching. Nathan laughed at something Henry had said, but I wasn’t privy to it.
Why was Henry making him laugh? What were they laughing at? Had he made a joke about me?
“Hey, are you okay?” Nathan asked.
Henry touched Nathan’s arm and was about to whisper something to him.
He didn’t get a chance to, and I didn’t get to answer Nathan.
“What is this, Behrman? You’re a fag, too? I called it, didn’t I, guys?” Derek laughed and looked at his high school friends behind him.
A couple of them chuckled and nodded, but the rest of them didn’t look too amused.
“And you’re still a homophobic twat! Great stuff. Glad to know you’ve grown up,” Henry said.
“Hey! What’s with the twat? No need to be ugly,” Derek said.
“You just called us fags,” Nathan said, but stopped talking when Derek looked at him.
“Yeah, that’s what you are, isn’t it? Since when is it offensive to call someone a fag if they’re a fag?”
My chest inflated, the fury pulsing through me, begging me to shut him up.
“Since forever. What drugs are you on?” Henry replied to him.
“Looks like someone’s grown some balls since high school.” Derek sniggered and grabbed his own balls like the manly man he was.
“Can’t say the same about you,” Henry said.
But Derek was done talking to Henry. His gaze settled on Nathan who was looking at the floor to his left, trying to avoid Derek’s gaze.
“Whereas Ninny here seems to have chopped his off,” he said.
“Shut up, Derek,” I shouted before I could stop myself. Not that I wanted to stop myself.
“Oh, shut up, you fucking pyro,” he said.
“Derek, cut it out, man,” one of his old lackeys said and tried to pull him away from the situation, but Derek pushed him away.
“Don’t tell me you’re gonna defend this cunt. The cunt that dared accuse me of burning this gym,” he said.
The guy who tried to stop Derek shook his head and walked away. Two more guys followed him. But the rest of the room was looking at us.
Before we’d even realized, there was a circle of our old classmates around us.
“I didn’t burn the fucking gym, you psycho,” I shouted back, and a couple of girls who used to be cheerleaders standing next to me jumped a couple steps back.
Nathan approached me and put his hand on my lower back.
“Don’t let him intimidate you,” he whispered.
“I could say the
same thing,” I said back, and he bit his lip.
“I know.”
“Careful, pyro, or you’ll catch the gay,” Derek continued.
A few people grunted disapprovingly, but no one dared step in to stop the asshole.
“Shut up,” Nathan gritted between his teeth.
It wasn’t loud enough to be heard, but it did give pause to Derek.
“Di-did you say something, Ninni?” He laughed.
I opened my mouth to defend him, but Nathan raised his voice.
“I said shut the fuck up.”
He even surprised himself with the volume of his voice.
Before Derek even had the time to recover, Nathan continued, taking slow steps toward his bully. Well, one of them anyway.
“What’s your obsession with me, huh? What’s your obsession with me or anyone else being gay? Do you want to suck cock? Are you too scared to admit it? Because come-fucking-on, it’s all you ever seem capable of talking about,” he said.
“And for the record,” Henry chimed in, “I’d rather be gay than the miserable, hateful bastard that you are.”
Derek pounced on Henry, but before he could get to him, I blocked his way, and it was my turn to grab him by the collar.
“Stop making a fool of yourself,” I told him.
“I’m making a fool of myself? What about you? Didn’t you use to hate these faggots? Now you’re their friend all of a sudden?”
My hands twitched. My jaw ground. I wanted to shut him up, but a part of me felt my stomach turn because Derek was right.
I had no right being all high and mighty now when I’d been in Derek’s place not too long ago.
Or more accurately, not in Derek’s place, but behind Derek, laughing at his stupid insults like an idiot.
God, I had been such an idiot. How could I not have seen what a twat Derek was? What an infuriating pathetic excuse of a man he was?
“Unlike you, douche, people change. They mature. Maybe you should take a leaf out of his book,” Nathan said, coming to my defense.
But I didn’t deserve it.
“Shut up, fag,” Derek snapped at him.
“Nathan, come on. He’s an asshole. He’s never gonna change,” Henry said and reached for Nathan’s hand, trying to pull him away.