by Tanya Bird
Albaus coughed next to her.
Remus’s amused gaze never left her. ‘You came to watch the horses trot?’
She screwed her nose up. ‘I did not know there would be horses, actually.’ Gods, it was hot suddenly. Remus seemed taller as he continued to stare down at her, his eyes a little brighter as they searched her face. She willed her lungs to work.
‘I should let you get back to it,’ she said, stepping back and almost colliding with a passing slave.
He grabbed her hand, pulling her forwards again. She turned to apologise to the young boy before looking back at Remus.
He took hold of her arms. ‘Why’d you come here?’ His voice was softer that time.
She blinked. ‘I don’t know,’ she blurted. It was honest.
Albaus began to wander off towards the cavea, and when she went to call after him, Remus tightened his grip on her. Her body softened beneath his touch. She was sure he could hear the pounding of her heart. He continued to stare at her, as though deciding on something.
‘Come with me,’ he said, taking her hand.
He pulled her along the walkway, setting a pace she could barely match. She snuck a look at his face, but his expression gave nothing away. She followed blindly, asking no questions.
They exited the portico through a doorway, stepping into shadows. Mila glanced both ways down the corridor with all its curtained-off rooms, her heart keeping time with Remus’s steps. He stopped suddenly, spinning to face her, her body crashing against his. She did not step back that time.
‘Why’d you come here?’ he said again, bringing his face close to hers.
Gods, what answer did he want? ‘To thank you,’ she lied, noticing his breath was as shallow as her own.
He reached up, warm hands cupping her face.
‘Why’d you come here? I need to hear it.’
She thought he was going to kiss her, but he hovered just out of reach, waiting for her reply. ‘For you. To see you.’ She swallowed. Was that enough for him?
‘Did you come here just to see me?’
Slowly, she reached up and ran her fingers along his beard. ‘And to touch you.’
Apparently that was the answer he had been waiting for, because his lips came crashing down against hers, his mouth open and ravenous. She felt it everywhere, in every limb and organ. She moaned into his open mouth, all control gone. Her arms wound around his neck, pulling him closer so she might taste him properly. His hands travelled down her back and slipped beneath her backside, lifting her off the ground. Her legs moved on instinct, wrapping him, muscle against muscle. Then her back pressed against the wall, and she thought the sensation might undo her. When his mouth went to her neck, her head rolled back, and she realised at that moment that she would need to return to the temple for another prayer on her way home.
Her back left the wall and Remus pushed through the curtain on the other side of the passageway, almost stumbling backwards into the small room. She opened her eyes to see two beds, one of them occupied by a rather surprised dwarf.
‘Remus,’ she said, pulling away from him.
He turned to look, not letting go of her.
Felix closed his mouth and pushed himself off the bed. ‘I am guessing you would like me to leave.’ He was already moving towards the door.
Remus all but shoved him. ‘Take care of my men.’
Felix shook his head as he opened the curtain to step outside. ‘Sure. All right. I will do your job for you,’ he complained as he wandered off down the passageway. ‘Unbelievable.’
Mila’s back slammed onto the bed and Remus landed on top of her, his hands tugging and pulling at her clothes, his hot mouth on her bare skin making her eyes roll back.
This was one fight she was happy to lose.
‘I have to go,’ Mila whispered, her fingers wound through his. Her eyes were closed, her face pressed into the curve of his neck. ‘Brutus will come looking for you any moment, and I would rather him not find me here, like this.’
Remus opened one sleepy eye. ‘I like you like this.’
She smiled against his skin. ‘You have ruined me for tomorrow.’
‘Don’t say that.’ He opened both eyes and slowly propped himself up on one elbow. ‘Now you’ve every reason to win. I’ll dangle myself at the gate.’
She took in his smug expression. ‘Hmm.’
He traced a finger along her collarbone and between her breasts. ‘When I first saw you arguing with Gallus, I told myself to keep walking, don’t get involved.’
Her eyes travelled to his lips. ‘Why did you change your mind?’
He bent to kiss her, long and deep, then pulled away. ‘Had a feeling about you. Thought it was something to do with your fighting, your spark.’
‘It was not about my fighting?’
He pressed his lips against her forehead this time. ‘Wasn’t only about your fighting.’ His hand travelled along her back, making her eyes close. ‘You were pleasant enough to look at.’
Her eyes snapped open. ‘Now I know how you do so well with the ladies.’
‘My way with words?’
‘Mmm.’
His hand roamed farther south. ‘Should’ve used the word beautiful instead?’
She caught his wrist. ‘I would have settled for pretty, or smart.’
‘Smart? Wouldn’t go that far.’
Her smile grew. She felt utterly content in that moment.
She felt free.
‘What’ll you do tomorrow? After you win?’ he asked.
‘I was thinking about that today.’
‘Just today? You don’t have a plan?’
Her smile fell away. ‘I have a long-term plan. I need to earn more coin.’
‘That’ll take some time. Where will you live? How will you pay for food?’
She rolled onto her back. ‘I need to get through tomorrow first.’
‘You should be talking like winning’s a sure thing.’
She sat up and reached over the edge of the bed for her clothes.
‘What are you doing?’
‘Getting dressed.’
‘Don’t do that.’
She smiled. He watched her dress for a moment.
‘Let me take care of you.’
She glanced at him. ‘What?’
‘You just have to win the fight. I’ll handle everything after that.’
She paused with her arms through the sleeves of her tunic. ‘That is very generous, but I will manage just fine.’
He swung his legs over the edge of the bed. ‘How?’
‘With whatever coin is thrown after I… defeat my Spanish opponent.’
Remus reluctantly reached for his own clothes. ‘What if I want to take care of you?’
She laughed. ‘The entire point of freedom is that you are independent.’
He stopped and looked at her. ‘No, the point of freedom is that you’re free to choose. You’ll still need people in your life.’
‘I know, it is just that I would prefer not to depend on someone else.’ She slipped her stola on.
‘I’m not anyone,’ he said, taking her hand. ‘If you want to keep fighting, you’ll need to join a school.’
‘I do not want to belong to a school. If I do that, I will never leave Rome. I will be stuck here, like…’
He stood up from the bed. ‘Me?’ When she did not reply, he said, ‘I chose to stay here.’
She looked up at him. ‘Because you are afraid. You do not know any other life. It is understandable.’
‘You don’t know what you’re talking about.’
She closed the distance between them, pressing her hips against him. ‘Let us not fight.’
He stared down at her. ‘I think you should marry me,’ he said, unflinching.
She stepped back. ‘What?’
‘You heard. Once you’re free, we should get married and leave Rome.’
‘And leave my sister?’ She looked down, surprised at how excited the offer made her
.
‘Not forever. We’ll earn the coin together, away from the arena, and come back for your family as soon as we have enough.’
Why was she even considering it? Maybe because she had done something very stupid—she had fallen in love. ‘And go where?’
‘We already decided on that,’ he said, pulling her close again. ‘India.’
She laughed. ‘India.’
‘To see the small elephants.’ He bent to kiss her.
‘Better go,’ she said into his mouth. ‘Albaus will be wondering where I am.’
‘Albaus is mute, not stupid.’
She pulled away and began to fix her hair. It was usually up for training, so she left it half out. He kneaded the hair between his fingers as she secured the top part.
‘What are you thinking?’ he asked.
She shook her head. ‘I think I am just in shock. A few hours being ravaged by you and a marriage proposal is a lot to take in.’
‘You came here for the ravaging.’
She smiled. ‘I did.’
‘But not the proposal.’
She watched him. ‘That part was unexpected.’ She laughed to herself.
‘Don’t laugh. Do I need to throw you down on that bed again?’
She shook her head. ‘No.’
He tugged on her clothes and she slapped his hand away.
‘All right,’ he said, shrugging. ‘Forget I asked.’
She suppressed a smile. ‘Forget your marriage proposal?’
‘And the elephants.’
She pushed herself up onto her toes and kissed him. If only she could stop time.
‘I think that’s why I couldn’t keep walking that day.’
She frowned. ‘What do you mean?’
‘I knew, even then.’
Her eyes prickled and she looked away to prevent another embarrassing display. ‘I am not entirely sure I deserve you.’ She mentally patted herself on the back for keeping her emotion in check. ‘I know you do not want to hear this, but what if I lose?’
‘Don’t even think it.’
She looked up at him. ‘What if I lose?’ she whispered.
He took a small step back. ‘I taught you everything I know, every skill, every trick. Then I hand you my heart…’ He shook his head. ‘You can’t lose. Your sister won’t forgive you. I won’t forgive you. Your only choice is to win.’
She closed the distance between them, wrapping her arms around his middle, her head pressed against the steady beat of his heart. ‘Will you promise me something?’
He kissed her head as his fingers combed her hair. ‘Ask it first, and then I’ll decide.’
She closed her eyes, enjoying the warmth and regretting her decision to dress. ‘If anything should happen—’
‘It won’t.’
‘Will you check in on my sister? Tell her whatever she needs to hear.’
He cupped her face and lifted it to him. ‘Tell her yourself when you’re free.’
‘And Nero… will you free him? When he comes of age?’
His thumb moved over her cheek. ‘He’s already free. Took care of it the day I bought him.’
More pins to the eyes. She blinked against them and a tear escaped. ‘You are the best man I know.’
‘What about Nerva?’
She nodded. ‘You are the second best man I know.’
He wiped the tear away with his thumb. ‘If that’s true, you should really get out more.’
‘That is the plan.’
He slid his hands down her arms. ‘And we should marry before you see what else is available to you.’
She raised her chin. ‘Presumptuous. I have not accepted your offer yet.’
His smile was gone, but there was light in his eyes. ‘Win your freedom, and marry me.’
She could hear the emotion in his tone and see it in his face. It was not just an impulsive question. He wanted to marry her, and she wanted that too.
‘Make sure you are waiting at that gate.’
Chapter 26
A strange mood engulfed the Fadius household on the first morning of the games. Or perhaps Mila was viewing her world through a veil of tension. The other servants left as she entered the kitchen, leaving only the cook clanging pots on the stove, and Sabina staring into her porridge.
Mila took a seat beside her, and the body slave slid a pear across the bench towards her. ‘You get this also.’
Mila picked the fruit up and smelled it. ‘I will share it with you.’
Sabina shook her head. ‘I’m not very hungry.’
The cook placed a bowl of porridge in front of Mila and trudged back to the stove.
‘Thank you,’ Mila said, her gaze remaining on Sabina. ‘Is it just my imagination, or is everyone behaving as though I am already dead?
Sabina scraped up the last of her food, shoved it into her mouth, and stood, her stool screeching. ‘I think you’ll win.’
Mila stared up at her. ‘Surely that is cause for happiness.’
A weak smile came to Sabina’s pale face. ‘I suppose we’re all a bit nervous.’
Mila picked up a knife, cut a slice of pear, and held it out to her friend. Sabina hesitated before taking it.
‘Perhaps I should try to buy your freedom. Just imagine the havoc we would cause.’
‘Prisca would never agree to the sale.’
Mila shrugged. ‘Then we shall have to make her an offer she cannot refuse.’
Sabina was silent and thoughtful for a moment. ‘Will Remus continue to care for the boy, no matter what?’
Something in her tone made Mila go still. ‘Of course he will.’
The cook placed a tray of food in front of Sabina. Breakfast for their mistress. She picked it up and left the kitchen without another word. Mila gulped down her porridge in a few mouthfuls and hurried after her.
Prisca was sitting up in bed when they arrived with the food. It was an ungodly hour for a woman who liked to sleep late. She was looking out the window, chewing a fingernail. Her eyes went to Mila as she entered the room, following her to the cupboard where she began sifting through dresses.
‘What would you like to wear for the games, Era?’ Mila asked.
Prisca picked up a boiled egg, then placed it back on the tray and pushed it away. Seeing that Sabina was busy, Mila stepped forwards to take it.
‘Let Sabina take care of that,’ Prisca told her. ‘Go ready yourself. Albaus will escort you to Ludus Magnus in time for the procession. You will go in a litter to reserve your energy. I have even employed a crier for a little intrigue.’
Mila wondered what Jovian thought about the whole thing. There had been no hiding it from him once the matches had been announced, and yet she had barely heard a word spoken about it. Libertas and Hebe, a Spaniard no one had heard of. A fight to the death on the first day of the games. Unsurprisingly, few outside of the house cared that much; they preferred to speak about the men who would follow them.
‘Are you ready?’ Prisca asked, her intense gaze on Mila.
Was she? She thought for a moment. Sure, she had trained for weeks, was the fittest she had been in her life and had learned from one of the best gladiators in Rome. But was she ready to take the life of a stranger? To die at the hand of her opponent?
‘Yes.’
What other answer was there?
‘I shall see you later,’ Prisca said, turning back to the window.
She did not say when, just later. An uneasy feeling continued to swell inside of Mila. She found her feet anchored in place.
‘What is it?’ Prisca asked tiredly.
‘When I win… that will be enough? After that, I am free?’
‘Enough?’ Prisca’s face softened. ‘To be given such an opportunity, to fight at Rome’s grandest venue, and give everything to that fight…’ She shook her head. ‘To have thousands of people watching, shouting your name. Is that enough?’ Her shoulders fell. ‘It is everything. Few women are remembered in history, but if you fight your be
st fight, you might be.’
‘There is only glory for the victor.’
Prisca twisted a piece of hair. ‘You are wrong. There is no more glorious way to die.’
Sabina bent to collect the tray. Everything rattled.
‘If you win,’ Prisca continued, ‘you will have earned your freedom.’ She signalled to Sabina to put the tray back down. ‘Perhaps I will eat after all.’
Remus waited with Felix and Fausta at the entrance of the tunnel that ran from Ludus Magnus directly to the gate of life at the Flavian Amphitheatre. Remus was silent, mostly due to the fact that he could not follow even a simple conversation. He calmed his nerves by focusing on the idea that Mila would soon walk free. He thought about marrying her, what their life together might look like. He had never imagined that life with anyone—never let himself. Those thoughts helped thaw the parts frozen by visions of a sword at her neck and a hammer raised above her head, held in place by her oath.
‘Stop bouncing your foot,’ Felix said. He was leaning back with his eyes closed, the previous night’s wine not sitting well based on his grimace.
Remus glanced down at his hands, which had not made a sound. ‘How’d you know I was doing that?’
‘I am the mighty Minui Spiculus, finely tuned to the sufferings of men.’ He opened his eyes and lifted his head off the wall. ‘And because that is what you always do when you are nervous.’
Remus wiped his hands on his tunic.
‘You did everything you could outside of killing her opponent yourself,’ Fausta said, pacing in front of them. She was not good at standing still either. ‘She’s as ready as she’ll ever be.’
Remus saw Brutus coming towards them with their gladiators trailing behind. But no Mila. ‘I’d feel a lot better if I knew something of this Spaniard. No one’s heard of her.’
‘She’s a foreigner. No one cares,’ Fausta said.
‘And that is a good thing,’ Felix reminded him. ‘Better a nobody than a household name.’
Fausta stopped walking. ‘I’m a household name.’
‘Not for the reasons you might think,’ Felix said, winking at the gladiator.