The Peabrain's Idea (The Peabrain Adventures Book 1)

by Martha Carr

  “Next!” The young woman in a dark blue t-shirt that read, Open Wide, smiled brightly at them as Maggie and Bernie stepped up to the cash register. “What do you want, Bernie? It’s on me. I’ll take the breakfast burger with a side of habaneros and an order of fries. You have Mexican coke, right? A large no ice.” She pointed to Bernie and herself. “We’re both on the same ticket.”

  “How nice, is your grandpa new to Austin?”

  Maggie gave a crooked smile and refused to look at Bernie.

  “I’m not her grandfather. More like a teacher. Habaneros, really? Living large, Elemental. We’re riding back to your place with the windows down.” Bernie scratched the top of his head.

  “That’s just a Texas pickle. Come on, order already. You can get what you want. I found some quarters in my couch cushions.”

  “Very funny. This is gonna take some plastic. Have you seen those prices? Do you know how much we could get at Subway for that?”

  “You want me to order for you?”

  “Don’t rush me.” Bernie scanned the menu, running his finger down the different burger choices. “El Diablo, no, no.” He patted his belly, wincing. “Veggie burger? What’s the point? I’ll take the Goodnight burger but hold the jalapenos and extra caffeinated BBQ sauce. That is a dream come true. And one of those malted root beer shakes. Don’t be chintzy with the malt ball toppings. I love this place!” Bernie turned around and slapped the man behind him on the back, jostling him. “You’re next!”

  Maggie and Bernie made their way to a high-top table near a window. Bernie hopped up into the chair, already tapping his fingers, looking back and forth between the people sitting outside and the counter at the other end of the large room. A waiter finally approached with a tray and Bernie slapped the table in delight.

  Bernie took a look at the sausage, ham, beef, egg, bacon, cheese and potato burger in front of Maggie and let out a grunt. “You really can pack it away, Peabrain. You’ve got all the major meat groups covered there.”

  “No chicken,” said Maggie, opening wide to take a big bite.

  “I said major groups. Come here bad boy.”

  Neither one of them said much till there was nothing left but a few stray burned fries. “My favorite ones,” said Maggie, crunching them between her teeth.

  Bernie wiped his mouth with the last of the napkins. “Tell me something, why did you want to become a cop. That’s usually a good story.”

  Maggie’s expression darkened and she dropped the last of the fries, brushing her hands. “It’s a long story.”

  “So, give me the short version. We have a few minutes before we run back out there for the next adventure. Humor me. We should bond more if we’re going to be on this quest together. What’s your origin story?”

  Maggie looked out the window into the distance. “I wanted to change the world, but not the way most people mean when they say that. I wanted to change one particular story and find a happy ending.”

  “The one with your father?”

  A shock of pain shot across Maggie’s face. “No, that story can’t be changed. It had a very final ending. I’m talking about my best friend since I was five years old. I was one of the younger five-year olds in kindergarten and wasn’t sure of the lay of the land. Everything was a little scary.”

  “For you? You’re the original, how about we try this and find out later if we should or not. I pictured you sticking things in sockets and taking umbrellas up to the roof to fly.”

  “I was that kid and I have the scars to prove it, but people have always been a different kind of deal. But my classroom had this enormous coat closet and when being around people got to be too much, I would go stand in it for a few minutes. It was a refuge, particularly in the winter when it was cold out and the closet would be full of warm, wool coats.”

  “There’s a point here, right? I know I live for thousands of years…”

  Maggie clenched her jaw and stopped talking.

  Bernie saw his mistake and pursed his lips for a moment. “Sorry, there’s the line. I generally have to stomp on top of it to even see it.”

  Maggie didn’t say anything and went back to staring out the window.

  “Go ahead, I was the big shot who said we should bond. I tell you what, I’ll even listen as if my mind can be changed. Okay?” Bernie ducked his chin down, tilting his head to the side and attempting a toothy grin, whistling his words through his teeth. “I really am sorry this time, no kidding. I want to hear your story. When we last left you, you were five and in the closet.”

  Maggie smiled just a little and looked back at the gnome. “You’re horrible but you’re growing on me like a pleasant-smelling mold.”

  “I deserved that.” He put his elbows on the table and rested his chin in his laced fingers, saying nothing.

  Maggie let out a sigh. “Fine, I was in the closet at five, have it your way.” Maggie leaned on the table. “Halfway through the school year there was a new girl in the class. Her name was Stephanie and she had this long, blonde braid she would swish around.”

  “Like that Frozen chick.”

  “Yes, exactly like her. Everyone liked her instantly and she seemed to get along with everyone else. But one afternoon when everyone else was busy learning their alphabet, I went into the cloak room and there was Stephanie with a flat stick, eating the paste out of big plastic jar. Her anxiety was worse than mine, but she hid it better, till she didn’t.”

  Bernie sat up straighter. “A story with a twist. She was a secret paste eater. Go on.”

  “She looked at me, horrified like I could make things a whole lot worse, but frankly, my dad was dead, and my mother was chemically enhanced. I had no desire to make anything worse for anyone. I told her I’d keep her secret and sat there with her quietly while she swallowed a few more mouthfuls.”

  “You tried some, didn’t you?” Bernie sucked on the straw from his shake as hard as he could, getting a mouthful. “Ahhhh, that’s good.”

  “Of course I did. That’s what friends do. It wasn’t bad. It didn’t taste like anything. We became good friends after that. Turned out her life at home was not that different from mine. We went everywhere together and slept over at each other’s house all the time. Our families took to calling us the twins.” Maggie sat back in her seat, reluctant to go on.

  “This is where the story takes a turn I’m not going to like.” He squeezed his eyes shut for just a second. “Okay, hit me with it.”

  “It was when we were in fifth grade and it was spring. Time for the annual Easter egg hunt in a large field on the southeast side of Austin at the end of William Cannon Drive. Our last year we could participate, and we were so excited about it. The older kids had five eggs that had five-dollar bills in them.” Maggie’s bottom lip trembled, making Bernie feel a sudden surge of anger for whoever did this to her, surprising himself.

  “Now there’s a big subdivision but back then there was nothing,” she said, looking back out the window, brushing her dark hair out of her eyes. “We set off together with our baskets but there were hundreds of kids and so many eggs and I saw her when I got to an old live oak. I got to the egg first and she was laughing, that braid flying across her back. Then I saw her again in the middle and we compared baskets for just a second. I think we were about even. But it wasn’t long before I lost sight of her. I wasn’t worried, we had a job to do. We both wanted to find those five eggs. We were saving up for tickets to Comicon.” The words spilled out of Maggie. They had lived deep inside of her for so long that she had forgotten they were there, waiting for a voice.

  “I was a comic book junkie. DC comics mostly, old school. Wonder Woman was my favorite. That lasso of truth and invisible plane. Stephanie got it. Every good memory I have of my childhood, there’s Stephanie standing next to me, smiling. You know, she was even braver than I was once she had me by her side.”

  A silence fell over the table and for once, Bernie didn’t speak. He sat there patiently, waiting as if there was a
ll the time in the world and the earth was just the earth and there wasn’t a compass out there or Kashgars hunting down Elementals.

  A tear rolled down Maggie’s cheek and she felt the old urge pull at her to put the memories away and just get on with things. But something happened to her inside of the tree, listening to the world talking, without interruption, saying everything it had seen, passing on every message it received. “It was the end of the day and that’s when I realized something was wrong.” Her voice dropped to a whisper, but she took a deep breath and started again, her voice gaining strength. She cleared her throat and wiped her face with a napkin stained with grease. “I realized something was wrong when she didn’t come looking for me. Her mother asked me where she was and for the first time since that closet when I was five years old, I had no answers. I had no idea.”

  “Can I get y’all anything?” The smiling waiter was back.

  “Really? Read the room, dude and run away.” There was just the edge of venom in his voice and the smile slid off the waiter’s face as he looked at Maggie. “Sorry,” he muttered, backing away.

  Maggie pressed her hands flat against the table. Don’t stop until you finally say the words this time. Do it!

  “We searched all night. They even let me stay out there, looking everywhere. No one could have stopped me anyway. But we never found anything except her basket, abandoned in the woods and still full of eggs. That was it. It was like she was beamed up somewhere. But she was gone and eventually they said she had to be dead.” Maggie lifted her chin and looked at Bernie.

  “She was murdered, and we held a service with no body. After that I stuck by my sister and we did everything together. It was easier. And I wanted to keep the people I love safe so…”

  “Being a police officer was a natural choice.” Bernie finished the sentence for her. “And crap has found you anyway.” He shook his head, weary.

  Maggie bit her bottom lip and took in a long, even breath. “There’s something important I’ve learned along the way. Crap is going to find you no matter what you do. It’s what I do when it arrives that matters, and I’ll tell you something, I don’t run. I don’t even stand still. I go light the situation up and deal with it, and that’s just what we’re going to do for as long as I can until the Earth snatches me back.”

  Ernie wiped his nose with his shirt and took in a breath that sounded more like a snort, slapping the table hard. “Well that’s not going to happen. Not on my watch, by Huldu! I’ll be your paste eater.”

  Maggie’s eyes filled and she felt an old weight lift off her shoulders.

  Bernie took an old handkerchief out of his pocket that looked like it’d seen better days, handing it over. The words were spilling out of him and he was pounding his fist into his hand. “Let’s get out of here, we have a compass to find and a ship to program, somehow.” He was already scrambling out of his chair. “I’m really not sure about that last part but there has to be a way and we’ll find it. We’ll talk to the trees, or you will. Things won’t talk to me. I’ll get all my cousins on this, we’ll find that compass! Why have we been doing this by ourselves, anyway?”

  Maggie slid off her seat, brushing another tear off her cheek. She gave a small smile at Bernie’s retreating back as he marched toward the door, still making declarations. “Out of our way, we have important business!”

  She got to the car and stopped. “Hey Bernie, thank you.”

  “Any time, kid. You’re the Elemental and I’ve been assigned to you. Oh hell, I may even like you. Come on, let’s get going. We have to find a compass and get ahead of the Kashgars, those tall bastards.” Bernie got in the car, back to talking a mile a minute. “You want to talk about evil on this ship. Now there’s some pretty nasty business.”

  Maggie got in and started up the El Camino, pulling out of the parking lot, still feeling a little bit lighter but determined, more than ever to keep everyone she loved safe. Maybe even Bernie too. Time to find a compass, save the world.

  24

  “This is everything.” Maggie brushed her hair out of her face and put her hands on her hips. “If I’m from a long line of Elementals then something should be in here, right?”

  “That’s the theory.” Bernie smoothed out the front of his red and blue striped woolen sweater.

  “Where are you getting those sweaters from?” Maggie held up her hands. “No judgment, just curiosity. Gift exchange?”

  “I’m a sweater connoisseur. Slim helps me find them.”

  “Ah, question answered. When is your birthday?”

  “No need, I like to pick these things out for myself. Otherwise, what’s the point? Now can we get back to why we’re here? I’m pretty sure my fashion choices are low on the list.”

  “Still, when we’re done here, I may have something in the attic.”

  “Whatever does it for you, kid. I can always give it to Jack. Although he’s more of a sports coat kind of gnome. The boxes?”

  They stood in the center of Maggie’s study surrounded by boxes covered in dust. Bernie pushed the closest one with the toe of his shoe.

  “That’s black mold, isn’t it? I think that’s black mold. Where were you keeping these things?”

  Maggie pressed her lips together and brushed her hand against the box, making Bernie recoil. “Peabrain, that’s not good! That stuff can get in your skin.”

  “Relax, Huldu, it’s dirt. Good old fashioned, solid composted dirt. These were out in the garage, high and dry. I’m surprised you didn’t trip over them during your break in.” She arched an eyebrow, giving him a determined look.

  “Hey, it was necessary, and I was focused on other things. I had no idea I should be looking for clues to the home game of What’s My Line.”

  Maggie crouched down and opened the nearest box. The side was creased in a downward slope and the tape was covered in small bits of dirt. On the top was written, Poppy in black magic marker.

  She put her hand inside and pulled out a few books. “These were my grandfather’s. He’s the one who taught Dad to love books. Dad was a bookaholic and it used to drive Mom crazy. Well, crazier. I saw him sneak books in the house in his pockets or if they were small enough, up his coat sleeves and then leave them in a pile like they were here all along.”

  “I want to let this caring moment brought to us by Random House go on and on, but I feel the pressure of time and I’m a gnome. Not normally an issue. Can we focus a little?”

  “You snap back to your usual banter pretty easily.”

  “Thousands of years tends to make something a habit.” Bernie went to open a box and Maggie shot out an arm, trying to slow him down. “Wait!”

  Bernie looked up and rolled his eyes. “I promise I’ll be careful.” He held up three fingers in the Boy Scout salute. “This means something to you Peabrains, right? Okay, then.” He carefully opened the box, wincing with a hiss when part of the box tore, but he didn’t slow down. Inside were rows of old VHS tapes carefully lined up. “Hello 1980’s, how are you? Ooooh, lookie here. TV shows, dozens of them and he’s got some good ones here. Knight Rider, Miami Vice and bingo! Come to papa, Golden Girls.” He let out a delighted hiccup and a few tiny bubbles filled with momentary fireflies.

  “Who’s getting distracted now? Stop manhandling the Golden Girls and keep looking for clues.”

  “Meh, I’ll save this for a break.” He set the tape aside, giving it a soft tap and a satisfied smile.

  “A lot of good it’ll do you. The player has been broken since Pops died in 1997.” She pointed to the old relic on a shelf gathering dust. “It’s more of a conversation piece at this point. Mom was thinking of making it into art. I should give it to her, keep her amused for a day or two, maybe even a week.”

  “I’m a mechanic, Parker, I can fix anything.” The words whistled through his teeth.

  “Keep hunting. If being an Elemental was that big of a deal and Dad died leaving a void, then Pops had to have left an instruction booklet or a note.”


  “There’s nothing here. I’ll try the next box.”

  Hours passed with nothing to show for it. They had even moved on to searching through old family pieces of furniture to see if anything was hidden away. Still nothing. Finally, Maggie sat back, discouraged and covered in dirt, a smear down her cheek. She looked toward the window and the setting sun.

  “I’m going to order food. It’s getting to be about dinner time.”

  “That side of every animal between a bun isn’t sticking with you?” Bernie was laying on his back, looking up at the bottom of a large, dark wooden desk, pushing on every surface he could find. “For the love of… nothing at all! How could someone leave nothing about being an Elemental?”

  Maggie ignored him, not wanting to think about any of the long gone anymore, at least for a little while. It was as if they had let her down again by leaving her alone to figure things out. She stood up, brushing off her jeans and moving her jaw side to side and left the room without another word.

  “Wait!” Bernie banged his head sitting up too fast. “Ooof, order me something too. What are we doing, Subway? Chinese? Mexican? How about Mexican?”

  Maggie waved her hand in the air without turning around and went to the kitchen to dig through the drawer of old menus.

  Bernie stayed behind and pulled the VHS player off the shelf, blowing on the top and sending a puff of dust into the air. He blinked, his eyes watering and let out a sneeze filled with small bubbles. Each one contained a dandelion and as they popped, the seeds of the dandelions blew around the room in a swirl. “Well, that’s a first.”

  The gnome gripped the edge of his sleeve and wiped his arm across the player, taking away most of the dirt and few remaining dandelion seeds. “Need a screwdriver, looks like a Phillips head. Should be called a Bernie head because I’m pretty sure I was using one of these long before this Phillips guy.”

  He looked up to see Maggie staring at him, puzzled.