by Iris Murdoch
The front doorbell rang, Sefton jumped up and opened the door, it was the postman. He handed over a letter to Aleph from Rosemary Adwarden (Sefton recognised Rosemary’s daft writing) and three packets sealed up in brown paper. She took all these into the kitchen and put them on the table. She noticed with surprise that one of the packets was addressed to herself. Sefton did not often receive packages by post. She then noticed that the other two were addressed to Moy and Aleph respectively, and that the writing upon these packages was the same. She hesitated, was about to call out, when curiosity overcame her and, with the help of a kitchen knife, for it was well sealed, she prised open her package. Inside the brown paper there was tissue paper, and inside the tissue paper was a shiny cardboard box, and inside the box was an amber necklace. She drew it out. Sefton possessed no jewellery except for a string of wooden beads which Moy had made for her. She knew at once that the necklace which she held in her hand was no common thing but something grand, composed of glowing faintly transparent light brown amber, with little silver pearl-like beads here and there between the pieces making a pattern, the necklace joining into a single string weighted at the end by a pendent drop of larger even more glowing amber, lightly carved and warm to the touch. She held it up for a moment, then searched the packaging for a note or message. There was none. She carried the necklace into her bedroom and for a moment put it round her neck. There was no mirror, and she hastily took it off again and thrust it into the pocket of her corduroy jacket. Her swift mind had of course at once penetrated the mystery. She ran out to the foot of the stairs and called the others, ‘Post! Presents!’
Aleph and Louise appeared, then Moy, bundling her still damp hair into a thick rope, twisting the rope round and round upon the nape of her neck and securing it with an elastic band. Sefton watched. After interested exclamations about the two packets Louise put the kettle on, Aleph sat down at the table and started reading Rosemary’s letter. Moy, deftly using the sharp knife, cut through the thick sealing tape and undid the brown paper. She looked at the writing on it. ‘What odd writing, it looks foreign, who can it be from? Look, Aleph has one too.’ She undid the tissue paper, and opened the box, Sefton already standing behind her to view the contents. There was a blue necklace inside. Moy, now silent, drew it out. Louise turned, Aleph looked up. Louise said, ‘What is it?’ Moy said, ‘It’s lapis lazuli.’ ‘Oh, heavens – but who’s it from?’ Moy said, ‘It’s from Peter.’ She sat down at the table beside Aleph. ‘Peter – oh you mean – ’ ‘Yes.’ ‘How do you know, is there a message?’ ‘No.’ ‘Of course, it’s a birthday present, how kind! But it must be very expensive.’ ‘Well, he’s rich, isn’t he,’ said Aleph, putting away her letter.
Moy, sitting motionless, stared at the necklace which she had put down, spilling out of its box.
Louise said, ‘Oh – Moy – ’ She sat down beside Moy, gazing at her. Moy turned to her and smiled and put her hand affectionately upon her mother’s arm, seeking the wrist beyond the cuff.
Sefton said, ‘Aleph has got one too, and so have I.’ She took the amber necklace out of her pocket and laid it upon the table. Moy fingered it and admired it.
‘You can have it,’ said Sefton to Moy, ‘I never wear jewellery.’
‘No, it’s yours, he wanted you to have it.’
‘The blue goes with Moy’s eyes,’ said Louise, ‘and the amber goes with Sefton’s eyes, and her hair.’
‘Then what about Aleph?’ cried Sefton. ‘Come on, Aleph, open yours!’
‘I can’t open the package, it’s all glued up. You open it, Moy.’ Moy opened it as far as the box, which she handed back to Aleph.
Aleph, frowning slightly, as if fastidious, opened the box and lifted out a heavy sparkling mass. The others, exclaiming and averting their eyes, could not at first see what it was. Aleph ordered it, holding it up between her hands.
‘Diamonds!’ said Moy.
Sefton said nothing but looked at her mother.
Louise thought, oh – this is too much – it’s frightening, it’s sinister. She said in a mute soulless voice, ‘I suppose they are real – ’
‘Louie, of course they are,’ said Sefton, ‘how can they not be!’
‘We can’t accept them,’ said Louise.
‘We’ve accepted amber and lapis, so why not diamonds!’ said Moy, and then laughed one of her rare wailing laughs.
Aleph had now arranged the necklace on the table making the shape of a V-shaped collar. The diamonds sparkled emitting blue and sometimes yellow light. ‘They are alive,’ said Moy.
‘Moy thinks everything is alive,’ said Sefton, ‘I heard her say sorry to a piece of lemon peel.’
‘Whatever are we to do?’ said Louise.
‘Write him thank you letters,’ said Sefton.
‘But we don’t know his address. And anyway we can’t – it’s not right – ’
Aleph gathered up the sparkling mass and dropped it back into its box. She uttered a long deep sigh. Then she rose and left the room taking the box with her. Sefton laughed. The two girls stared at their mother, who was rubbing her hands violently over her face and tugging at her stiff hair which stood up between her fierce fingers.
‘Why worry so much, Louie?’ said Sefton. ‘Don’t be so old-fashioned.’
‘Don’t be a fool, Sefton!’ said Louise. Sefton was startled at her tone and looked at Moy, raising her eyebrows.
‘Let’s ring up Clement,’ said Moy.
‘You think Clement is the measure of all things!’ said Sefton.
‘I mean, he probably knows Peter’s address.’
‘Louie dear, I’m sorry – ’ said Sefton.
Moy said, ‘I think it would be unkind to refuse the presents.’ ‘Ungracious,’ said Sefton. ‘All right, it is a bit embarrassing. But what else can we do?’
‘He said he had no family,’ said Moy, ‘and he wanted us to be his family.’
‘Louie,’ said Sefton, ‘it isn’t that we madly want to keep these baubles, it’s just a matter of decorum.’
Louise rose and faced her two daughters, Sefton with her short jagged red-brown hair and her green-brown hazel eyes and her sturdy commanding presence, and Moy with her blue Teddy eyes and her hair hastily twisted into a mass upon her neck, making her look older. Louise thought, what will happen to them— perhaps just this is the beginning of some awful end. She said, ‘Just think. Don’t you remember that awful scene?’
Sefton said, ‘Yes. But let’s leave that alone.’
‘These presents are a bribe. He wants us on his side. He’s forcing us to come out for him, to endorse his story, to decide for him.’
‘Well, what do we think?’ said Sefton. ‘You had a long talk with him, Moy.’
‘It wasn’t about that.’
‘Of course not, silly, but what did you make of him?’
‘He’s very strange,’ said Moy, ‘I can see him as an analyst trying to probe people and – help them – then something terrible happens to him – and everything’s upside down – But I don’t think he’s bad. I think really he’s kind and good, there’s something simple about him, only – ’
‘So you think he’s truthful?’ said Louise. ‘You say he’s strange. Perhaps he’s mad – or extremely ill.’
‘You see how difficult it is,’ said Sefton, ‘it’s like in history when you simply can’t decide. All right, one looks about for evidence – but I for one can’t see at all clearly here. I don’t think accepting the presents need imply we swallow everything. It is a bit unfair to expect so much of us – ’
‘Exactly.’
‘But if we grandly send the stuff back we can’t continue to hover, we’re in the fray.’
‘But if we keep the stuff we’re in the fray too.’
‘I don’t think so – we can be just passive. It’s forced on us, we didn’t ask for it. As I said,’ said Sefton, ‘I am not motivated by any desire to keep this expensive necklace – if it would clarify the situation I’d gladly throw it in t
he Thames!’
‘About mine,’ said Moy, ‘I feel it as a special personal gift from him, and if I returned it it would hurt his feelings.’
‘I wonder if Aleph will want to keep those diamonds!’ said Sefton. ‘It is a bit pointed, isn’t it, as if he were courting her!’
‘Has that only just occurred to you?’ said Louise.
‘As if we, or she, could be bought? I doubt if he’s thought of it.’
‘Then he is very naive!’
‘Perhaps he is naive. Moy thinks he is.’
‘I don’t know what I think,’ said Moy, ‘I like him – ’
‘In spite of his being so nasty to Clement?’
‘But perhaps he’s dangerous, I think he could be.’
‘You mean dangerous to Lucas,’ said Louise.
‘We’ve kept Lucas out of it so far,’ said Sefton, ‘I mean we have – ’
‘I shall go and see him,’ said Louise.
‘You mean see Lucas?’
‘Yes.’
‘Don’t,’ said Sefton, ‘don’t.’
‘Are you frightened of him,’ said Moy, ‘or do you think we’d just make things worse?’
‘I think we should do nothing’ said Sefton, ‘but if something must be done let Louie ring up Clement.’
‘All right, all right! I’ll ring him later!’
Louise left the kitchen and went upstairs. Sefton was about to go to her own room when Moy showed her a piece of paper which she had taken from her pocket.
‘What does it mean?’
‘Virtuti paret robur. Strength obeys virtue. I wish it were true!’
‘Hello Harvey, this is Emil.’
‘Oh Emil – good – good morning! How are you?’
‘I do not ring too early?’
‘No, no, I’ve been up for ages.’
‘Studying of course!’
‘Of course!’
‘So I interrupt your studies?’
‘No, no, not at all, I’m so glad to talk to you! Are you in Germany? Are you having a lovely time?’
‘Am I in Germany, yes. Am I having a lovely time, yes and no. And the cleaning lady, she has come?’
‘Oh yes, she has come, she’s so nice, we have nice chats.’
‘Also she cleans?’
‘Also she cleans!’
‘And how is your beautiful mother?’
‘Oh she’s all right, she’s fine. I’ve invited her to tea today.’
‘You are a good boy. And you get on with your studies. And you have been comfortable in the flat?’
‘Your beautiful flat has been heaven to me. I thank you so much – ’
‘Good, good. And your leg is better?’
‘No – I mean yes, it is.’
‘Is your mother soon going back to Paris?’
‘Oh yes, pretty soon – ’
‘And you can now climb the stairs to your own flat to see her?’
‘Oh yes, yes – ’
‘Good. Forgive my shortness. You know I abominate the telephone.’
‘Where are you now, are you in the mountains?’
‘No. I am in Berlin. Give my affectionate greetings to your dear mother.’
‘Yes, I will. How is Clive? Give him my best wishes.’
‘My wishes to Bellamy also. You see him?’
‘Well, yes, not just lately.’
‘Keep well, Harvey, be a good boy. I shall hope to see you soon, I will ring again soon. May God bless you.’
‘So he’s kicking you out,’ said Joan. It was midday and she was drinking gin. Harvey’s ‘tea’ had been an instinctive fiction.
‘Not in so many words. He asked if my leg was better.’
‘And you instantly said no, I’m afraid it isn’t, I’m on crutches, walking is agony, thank heavens for your lift.’
‘No, I said it was better.’
‘You idiot! You lied! Clive is behind this. He thinks if you were still in the flat Emil might – ’
‘And he asked if you were soon going back to Paris and I said yes.’
‘Only unfortunately I am not going back to Paris.’
‘Maman? – !’
‘So you will have to find somewhere else to live.’
‘But I can’t – why can’t you go away – ?’
‘Why can’t I go away? Tiresome dull old mother, why can’t she go away? Why isn’t she dead, the rotten old hag?’
‘Maman, don’t start up, it’s so boring.’
‘Nobody loves her.’
‘I love her. Oh do stop whining – ’
‘I’m not whining, you little monster of selfishness. I am selling my flat in Paris, I can’t go back there, I must stay here, I want to stay here. I have business here.’
‘What business? Can’t you go and stay with Grandmama?’
‘She hates me. I think almost everybody hates me. Aren’t you listening? I propose to stay in London. You must find somewhere to live, you must find a job.’
‘I can’t find a job, no one can. Anyway I’ve got to study, I’m a student – ’
‘Students are characters in operas. Well, why don’t you go to Florence? You can walk now can’t you? Why not just go?’
‘I can’t walk. I’ve got to stay here for hospital treatment – ’
‘Aren’t there hospitals in Florence?’
‘And anyway I’ve told the people I can’t come.’
‘You always despaired too soon. But they gave you a grant, didn’t they?’
‘Yes, but it’s cancelled, someone else has it now. Please don’t talk about Florence.’
‘So what are you living on, I’m quite interested to know, who feeds you, who pays the rent of this mouldy little flat?’
‘Who do you think, who’s always been paying? Lucas and Clement. Oh God, and just when I thought I was becoming independent!’
‘Independent! You think you’ll just sail into the university next year and it’s all found. Not a bit of it. It’ll cost thousands to put you through three years of that, your so-called grant is pitiful, in fact now I come to think of it it’s a loan, and the government is cutting it too. Lucas and Clement have been supporting you for years, you can’t blandly expect them to go on forever. Anyway Clement is out of a job, he hasn’t saved anything. He’s nearly bankrupt, and Lucas is absolutely unpredictable. I can’t help you, I haven’t got any money. You’ll have to begin helping me.’
‘But maman, I thought you had this grand job in the fashion house.’
‘It was never grand and now it isn’t a job. I have nothing to sell except myself. You don’t know it, but I’ve supported you for years by selling myself.’
‘Oh don’t be silly! I suppose you’ll get some money for the flat – ’
‘How selfish you are, how thoughtless! I’ll be reduced to Humphrey Hook in the end.’
‘By your imaginary friend you mean drugs or that! You are just tormenting me, please stop.’
‘You call that torment? As for living somewhere, couldn’t Louise put you up?’
‘Where, in the garden shed? Maman dear, come back to reality.’
‘Yes, better not. You must marry a rich girl, not one of those penniless princesses. And they are no better than your sisters by now. What about Clement? You could sleep on the sofa. You aren’t becoming gay, are you?’
‘No!’
‘I sometimes thought Emil fancied you, or poor Bellamy of course – ’
‘Maman, look, be serious – ’
‘Serious? I’m desperate.’
‘You say you have business here. What is it?’
‘My own business. I mean I want to consider my future. I want to talk to my old friends. Can’t you understand that?’
‘Yes, that seems sensible. Who are they?’
‘Well, Jeremy Adwarden.’
‘Oh, him.’
‘Yes, him. Also Tessa (oh, her), Louise of course, Clement, Lucas, Cora, Emil – ’
‘All right, I see, the old gang, yes – ’
‘If them, why Lucas and why not Bellamy?’
‘Bellamy has no sense.’
‘Neither has Cora. What the hell. I’ve decided I must go and see Lucas.’
‘Really? I advise you not to. He doesn’t like you.’
‘How do you know? That’s what worries me. I don’t like not being liked. I want to make peace with him.’
‘What about?’
‘Oh nothing. And now there’s this other business with Peter Mir.’
‘Poor Mir is deranged, dotty, mentally ill, a thorough nuisance. I’m surprised Louise let him into her house. I suppose it’s because he’s rich. She thinks he’s got his eye on the girls.’
‘What?’
‘Are you blind? He’s quite young, could be round about forty. Anyway, as you say, what the hell. I know, I’ve been to hell, I’ve seen it, I’ve been shown round. I’ll kill myself. You’ll see, you’ll be sorry. You’ve grown up, you ought to be able to help me, to look after me, even to love me.’
‘Maman, dear, dearest, you know that I love you!’
Harvey moved his chair nearer to his mother’s and took hold of her hand, he tried to kiss her hand but she drew it away, her eyes filling with tears.
Clement, not at home to Louise’s telephone call, was with Bellamy. It was raining outside. Bellamy’s room was cold.
‘Have you got a fifty-pence piece for the meter?’
‘The meter?
‘The electric meter. The fire has gone out, I haven’t got one and it only takes – ’
‘Yes, yes.’
They were sitting on the bed. Clement, still wearing his overcoat, handed over the coin. Bellamy fed the meter and the little fire came on again.
‘He spoke about a solution’, Bellamy went on.
‘Yes, you said so – he means a final solution!’
‘He said he wanted to re-enact the whole scene. There’s something very important which he has forgotten and he thinks he might remember it if – ’
‘Yes, yes. And he told you to tell me to tell you the whole truth!’
‘Yes, but, Clement, I don’t want – ’
‘Well, I will tell you the whole truth. I don’t know where all this is leading. I imagine he wants to kill Lucas and probably me too, never mind. Oh shut up, just listen and don’t look like that. I was there, at that scene, Lucas did plan to kill me, he even tried to kill me – ’