by Max Hudson
“I think you should come in for practice an hour earlier tomorrow. Something is off,” she frowned at me.
I left that practice in the company car heading to the hotel they were putting me up at until Mr. Smart finished his plans for my new apartment.
I stepped out and immediately felt something knocking into my forehead. It fell from my face into my hands. I looked down at it; it was a folded-up business card.
I felt another knock against my skull. I looked each way until I found the fiery red hair charging toward me. “Lane Daughtry you asshole!”
I backed away as she threw each pointy folded up card at me.
“Bunny.” I didn’t know what to say to her.
She stopped a foot away from me and continued to pelt me with card after card. I held my hands up to defend my face but I slowly lowered them to let the barrage continue.
She eventually had to run out of cards leaving her hands clenched into fists at her sides and her breathing hard. “You. I started trusting you.”
“It didn’t work out Bunny. He told me to leave. It’s over.”
She had tears welling in the sides of her eyes. “I never should have taken him with me that day. I never should have tried to sign you in the first place. I just thought because what he told me…” he shook her head and wiped the tears welling up with her sleeves.
“What did he tell you?”
She glared up at me. “No. Fuck you.”
I guess I deserved that.
“Actually. I will tell you. Maybe it’ll give you something to think about.”
“What?”
She wiped at her eyes again. “Do you remember the first award show you ever performed at?”
I did. I performed my first single and received an award for best new artist. I nodded.
“I watched it that year with Nate for work and to keep him company after yet another job failed to call him back. He watched it with me with the sound up and the captions on, but he wasn’t really paying attention. Then your song came on. He watched your performance and actually looked alive for the first time that night. I asked him what he thought, excited he might be out of his slump. He looked at me and said, ‘His eyes are so sad. I wish he didn’t have to be sad’.”
I stumbled backwards.
“From then on I followed your career. I wanted to sign you because Nate was right. There was something off about you. I wanted to let you do the songs you wanted to. I wanted you to give up on your persona that was obviously making you miserable. But instead you proved to me that it wasn’t a persona. So, stay miserable Lane Daughtry.” She turned on her heel and stormed off, occasionally lifting her sleeve to her eyes as she disappeared back into the crowd of people. Leaving me exactly how she wanted me to feel, miserable.
Chapter Seventeen
Lane
My feet felt heavy as I pushed through the door to the classroom. The room was decorated with paper snowflakes and the windows had gummy stickers of smiling snowmen on them. I was going on tour after the concert so I had to let Ms. Maze know I’d be ending my lessons. It felt like this was when I was finally ending all connections I had to Nate.
“Lane, this is a surprise,” Ms. Maze called from her spot at her desk.
“Yeah. I’m here to talk—”
“Oh. My. God. You were telling the truth.”
I hadn’t really been paying attention but now I saw the other person in the room. It was a girl who looked like a younger, miniature version of Ms. Maze auburn hair and cat like green eyes included.
“Mr. Daughtry, this is my niece, Maya, who is visiting for the holidays.”
I walked up to them and smiled weakly. “Hey Maya. I’m Lane Daughtry.”
She looked like she couldn’t comprehend what she was seeing in front of her.
“Did you like the poster?” I asked.
“I really liked it.” She put her hands together over her heart.
“Good. Because it’s the only one I’m ever going to sign.”
She tilted her head. “Why?”
“I don’t do that,” I reminded her. “I just owed your Aunt.”
“Oh.” She suddenly looked slightly disappointed. “I thought you were good now?”
“What? No.”
“Why not?”
“Where did you even hear that?” I asked.
“I didn’t hear it anywhere. I just thought that well,” she blushed. “You sing so much about heartbreak and all the people who have hurt you. But then that photo came out so I thought well, you finally found someone who likes you for you to sing about. I was happy for you. I thought the next album was going to be a bunch of love songs.”
The next album had the same amount of breakup songs as usual.
“And you’d like that?” I asked.
“Yeah.” She said it like it was a no-brainer. “I don’t know about those fake fans who attack you or whatever but all my friends were so excited to see a picture of you smiling. We’re glad you’re happy. Why would we hope you were sad?”
“I’m a complete idiot.”
Mr. Smart told me I had to be a bad boy in order to keep my fans. I believed him. I believed him when he told me after that interview that I had to lean into the role. I believed him when he said my fans felt betrayed. I believed him when he told me they wouldn’t like change. Why was I letting him run my life? I had been afraid of going against him. I believed him when he said I was nothing without the character. But who was the one who really didn’t like change? Was it me? Nate taught me, even after change, you can still be yourself and find things and people to love, who would love you back.
I wasn’t anything without the character because Nate was right. The character was part of me. I couldn’t get rid of “him” or blame all of my actions on “him”. I had to take accountability. And why couldn’t Just Nate the popstar change? If the fans liked me, maybe they’d like how I’d changed too.
“Excuse me?” Maya looked at me strangely.
“Mr. Daughtry, do you have a problem? Didn’t you come to see me for a reason?” Ms. Maze fixed me with a stare.
“I came to… you know what? That doesn’t matter now. Could you help me with something?”
“You didn’t exactly give me any warning,” Ms. Maze sniffed at me.
“It’s for the guy in the photo. The one I’ve been learning sign language for. I’ve been a complete idiot and I need to apologize.”
“Aunt Carol you have to help him.” Maya grabbed her Aunt’s shoulder. “It’s true love!”
I smiled. Why did I ever doubt my fans?
She looked at Maya and then rolled her eyes. “Fine.”
“Thank you, Ms. Maze.”
“You are very luck Mr. Daughtry. Very, very lucky,” she sighed.
I hoped that was really true.
***
“This is crabapple records,” Bunny sounded very professional on the other line.
“Bunny.”
“No. Fuck off. I already…no. You don’t deserve anything else. Just fuck off.”
“Hear me out for a moment.”
“I’m hanging up.”
“It’s about Nate.”
“I swear to God.” It sounded like if she could have done it through the phone, she would strangle me.
“Just. Tell him I want him to come to the concert still.”
“Why on Earth would he go?”
Yeah, why would he? “Just tell him. If he doesn’t want to come, I understand. I just thought I’d try.” He’d probably hear about it later anyway.
“Lose my number Mr. Daughtry.” The line went dead.
Maybe he would come. Maybe he wouldn’t. It was more likely he wouldn’t. But I didn’t need him to forgive me. I didn’t have the right to forgiveness. But I did want to say I was sorry and prove that I meant it. Nate deserved that at least.
***
“Big day tomorrow Lane.” Mr. Smart put a hand on my shoulder and I smiled easily at him.
“It sure
is Rupert.” I was looking in the mirror at my stage outfit. I was wearing artfully ripped black, of course, jeans. I had a dark grey t-shirt under my favorite leather jacket. It was simple but totally fit my image.
“After your concert goes over well, we announce the next album, available just in time for Christmas.” He looked at me, his eyes sparkling. “I’m glad we haven’t had any more problems.”
“I promised you I would handle it.” I didn’t turn, just looked at his face in the mirror. “I do have a question for you.”
“Shoot.”
“Did you ever find the mole?”
“It’s hard to trace that kind of thing Lane—”
“It was you wasn’t it? Or at least your team under your orders.”
“Lane.”
“I’m not mad. I was just wondering if I was right. After all, I never had more attention on me until after those incidents happened. All it did was boost my popularity. How could I be mad about that?”
The slight panic in Mr. Smart’s eyes disappeared and a grin spread across his face. “Sorry I had to lie to you about it Lane, but you’re kind of soft about those kinds of things. But I’m glad you’ve turned around.”
“I did some thinking and I realized what my priorities are. I’m a changed man.”
“Good for you Lane. Here’s to three more albums and tomorrow’s success.”
I nodded. Tomorrow I would put on quite the show.
***
The crowd at the stadium was huge. I had played sold out concerts before, but this one just felt different. I got my makeup done backstage as the screams of the crowd echoed outside. I wondered if Nate had come. Maybe the vibrations of the crowd were shaking him. Maybe he could hear the hearts of every single person out there. It was stupid, but I hoped that he could hear my heart through it all.
I got the signal that the opener had ended their set and the stage was almost ready for me and my backup band. I thanked the makeup artist and headed to the wings. The sound was even louder there. “Nate,” I tried to feel the words in my heart. “I’m sorry.”
“Are you ready?” I heard someone ask me.
I looked up at them and smiled confidently. I was a popstar after all. “Always.”
Chapter Eighteen
Nate
“You went all out,” I said looking down at the spread Bunny brought to my apartment. There were cookies, a sheet cake, four different types of alcohol, and strawberries for some reason.
“We’re going to have a proper pity party and then, filled with cake, we can move on.” She spread her arms out and then leaned down to grab a cookie.
“I don’t need pity. It was just a bad break up.” I put on a good face for her.
“I don’t even need to hold your hands to know that’s a lie. You’re inconsolable.”
I frowned at her. “Obviously,” I said sarcastically.
“People show grief differently. You don’t sob or yell. But I can still tell.” She reached out and patted the plant on the counter. “You’re overwatering them.”
“No, I’m—”
“And you’ve logged twice as many hours at the shelter.”
“I’m keeping myself busy.”
“You’ve gone overboard. I used to worry about you doing too little and now you’re doing too much.”
“Can you make up your mind on what I should be doing.”
“You need a healthy balance.”
“I thought I had that,” I admitted.
“When I told you not to make Lane your purpose, I said it because you deserve someone who will make you their purpose in return. And Lane wasn’t it. You can move on.”
“It felt right. But you’re right. He chose being a popstar over being with me.”
Bunny bit her lip. “God, this is going to be a mistake.”
“What?”
“He called me.”
“He what?”
“He told me to ask you to come to the concert tonight.”
“He asked you that?”
She nodded. “I told him to fuck off. But it would be an equally asshole thing not to tell you about it so you can make your own decision. But I think you should stay here and eat a slice of cake.”
“Why would he ask me to come?” I asked her.
“I don’t know. Maybe he thinks he can win you back. Maybe he’s showing you how popular he is and how he wouldn’t give it up for you.”
I rolled my eyes. Bunny could be so protective over me, like the older sister I never had watching over me. “He isn’t that bad of a person.”
“I know. But it makes me feel better if I think that way.”
I understood that feeling. I wanted to hate Lane so bad. But I couldn’t. I was just sad. I wished he wanted to be with me as much as I wanted to be with him. But I couldn’t force that.
“So, cake?” Bunny tried again.
“I haven’t been to a concert since I went deaf.”
“Nate.”
“I already have a ticket. And I have another one that was supposed to be for you.”
“Nate! Are you serious?” Bunny threw her arms up in the air.
“Even if it was all for nothing, at least I’ll learn what a concert feels like.” I grinned at her trying to get her in the spirit. “It’ll be like we’re crashing the concert.”
She sucked in a breath. “I do like the sound of that.”
“How much time do we have?” I asked.
She glanced at her phone. “A little under an hour. Let’s go. But if you hate being there, we are leaving.”
“I accept your terms.”
“And I get to sit on your shoulders again. I won’t be able to see anything otherwise.”
“Okay, deal.”
***
The concert was incredibly crowded. I had a backstage pass but Bunny told the bouncer, for now, we wanted to watch the show from the crowd. I couldn’t be that close to Nate right now.
We waded through the crowd but stuck to the back as much as we could. Everyone was so focused on the stage, and it was rather dark, but I still didn’t want anyone recognizing me from the photo of Lane and I together. Bunny and I had just missed the opener while trying to navigate the traffic here. From outside I got a taste of what live music would feel like as it rattled through my bones.
I found a good spot where I wouldn’t be blocking anyone due to my height, plus the extra added on from Bunny sitting on my shoulders. Everyone was being so loud I could feel it like a pleasant rumble in my chest. The feeling mixed with the butterflies that were building as we got closer and closer to show time.
The lights went down and the vibrations grew stronger as everyone in the crowd screamed. The stage lights popped on and there was Lane. It was the first time I saw him since he left my apartment. Even with the great distance between us my heart ached. Of course, I missed him. It didn’t take being Bunny to tell I missed him.
He walked up to the microphone they set up for him and he grabbed it and pulled it close seductively. It made the crowd go wild. I watched the big screens but had a hard time following what he was saying with so much going on around him. He threw his hand up and then a song began.
It took some adjusting to pick out the vibrations from the crowd and the vibrations from the music. It helped that the music was somehow even louder. I felt the base move through me and then I recognized the song. It was the one he sang lying on my chest. I could feel his voice even now.
A tear slipped down my face without me realizing it. I wasn’t a crier, but something inside me had to escape somehow.
The song came to an explosive finish and the crowd screamed again. I watched him look back at the band and mouth something to them.
I tried very hard to read his lips as he addressed the crowd.
“You all came out here for this?”
The crowd screamed as an answer.
“I heard some of you are expecting me to drop some news. Well first, there’s my third album.”
A
nother cheer.
“But I wouldn’t listen to it.”
I felt Bunny’s grip on me tighten. The crowd quieted not knowing how to respond. Me? I just stared ahead.
“I don’t really feel the music on it anymore. It’s not me.” He grinned. “Now. I have the real announcement everyone has been waiting for.”
He took a deep breath and held his hands up.
“I was an idiot,” his hands said, his mouth was still.
“He’s signing,” I said out loud. I couldn’t help it.
“I hid behind this image for so long believing I was separate from it. But it is me. And if I know anything about me, it’s that I love you. I’m probably going to be dropped from my record label if I don’t quit first. Because even though I don’t deserve you, I want to allow myself to change instead of hiding in who I used to be.”
“Lane,” I whispered.
“Nate Lockes,” he spelled each letter out carefully. “I love you. And I’m sorry. I will never hide that ever again.”
I didn’t hesitate. I ran.
With Bunny holding tight to my hand, I rushed through the crowd. People looked at me and moved out of my way. I got to the edge of the stage where security tried to stop me. I lifted up my backstage pass like that might help me but suddenly all the security backed away. I looked up and there was Lane, his eyes huge with surprise. Bunny slid down off my shoulders. I glanced down at her and she just gave me two thumbs up. I looked back up and saw Lane’s outstretched hand.
I took it and climbed up the side of the stage.
“Nate,” he said. His hair was messy in the perfected way. I reached forward and messed it up properly.
“When did you learn sign language?”
“I started going to classes about a week after I moved in?”
I pulled him into a hug, wrapping my arms all the way around him and holding him tight. When I finally let go, I looked at him.
“You look silly in dark clothes.”
“I agree.”
“Let’s go home and get you into your actual clothes Lane Daughtry, just a popstar.”
“I’ve missed home,” he admitted and took my hands in his.
“I’ve missed it too.” I held on tight and felt both our hearts beat over and over again; stay, stay, stay.