by Mya Robarts
But I want to.
Aleksey has offered to teach me the basics of sexuality, but at the moment, he’s ignoring me completely. I am stirred by a yearning to make him pay attention.
I rush toward the door. I don’t take two strides before my back slams against a hard surface. His palms are pressed against the wall, and my head is enclosed between them. Aleksey kneels on one knee. We’re face to face now.
“Lila.”
The hoarse sound of Aleksey’s voice makes me shudder. Nobody has ever said my name like that, with that breathy, lustful quality. I don’t want to admit that I love the way my name sounds on his lips.
I close my eyes. Please say my name again. All I want is to hear him say my name.
My mind reels, and for a moment, a black haze overcomes me. I feel that I’m about to faint. The sedatives are keeping me from thinking clearly.
I try to escape, but I find myself caged in the prison of his strong arms. Eager anticipation courses through me. Something is about to happen. I want it to happen, but insecurities riddle my mind. Am I safe with him? Will he be gentle?
“Let’s start your training.” The way his breath caresses my face sends sparks all over my body.
I’m trembling. “I … uh … parkour training?”
A half-smile appears on his face.
I realize what kind of training he’s referring to, and I shiver.
“Don’t be nervous.”
“I’m not nerv—” I gasp when he puts his hands on my hips and roughly presses them to his hardness. Rubbing. Grinding.
The sensations overwhelm me. I shove his chest in an attempt to put distance between us. “Let me go.”
He ignores me.
I try to use one of my self-defense moves, but he dodges it easily and traps my wrists with one hand. I use all my strength trying to free myself, but I can’t.
Aleksey’s lips caress my ear, which makes my skin ripple with goose bumps. “Breathe, Miss Velez. Inhale.” He inhales against my neck greedily. “Exhale.” He blows his hot breath on my ear. “Even an aroused little girl like you can do that.”
I try to push him. Is he mocking me? My body trembles with a mingled feeling of desire and anger. I insult him with every swear word I know.
I shiver when he gently nips the lobe of my ear. He sucks, nibbles, and pulls. I try to conceal my enjoyment, but my body squirms under his touch. I feel Aleksey smirking against my neck. He knows what he’s doing to me, and he’s enjoying it.
His tongue trails from the hollow of my throat to the side of my neck. Aleksey is acting as though he knows he’ll get what he wants and is taking his time to savor his prey.
He trails light, teasing kisses over my collarbone, to my jaw, down to my neck. When Aleksey nibbles on my tender flesh, I realize that I’m panting. He’s marking me. I don’t want to admit that I love his animalistic touch and the way it sends warm, tingling sensations all over my body.
Aleksey is still restraining my wrists above my head with one hand. The other forces my legs apart and reaches under the hem of my hospital gown. He caresses the back of my thighs, my hips, and my waist. I can’t think of anything but the way an unknown heat is spreading over my body.
Big hands slide to the small of my back and yank my lower body toward his hardness. He harshly grinds against me and resumes his assault on my neck.
His smirk against my skin tells me that he’s amused by my arousal. I don’t want him to make fun of me. Aleksey won’t hear me respond to his touch. I stubbornly bite my tongue to suppress a moan each time he nibbles my skin.
He rises to the challenge and unties my gown. My right shoulder is bare now. He trails soft kisses there, driving me crazy. I never thought my shoulders were an erogenous zone, but they seem to have a direct link to other nerves. Waves of pleasure course through me and gather in a spot between my legs. His hungry kisses slide my gown to the ground.
I can barely breathe. His eyes travel up and down my body. I instinctively try to cover myself, but his grip is firm. My nudity makes me feel extremely vulnerable.
He teases my hardened nipple with his nose, inhaling deeply and then blowing on it before his hot mouth takes it in. My head falls back abruptly, and my body squirms. My throat burns from the exceptional effort of suppressing my moans. I’ve never felt pleasure like this before. This feeling is foreign and overwhelming.
Aleksey’s teeth tug at my nipple. When his tongue flaps quickly over it, I reach my limit. I try to kick him away, but his muscular arm blocks my attack. He sucks at the tender skin like his life depends on it. I writhe to free my breast from his greedy mouth, but he ignores my attempts to escape his torture.
Aleksey speaks, my breast still in his mouth. “Not a chance. I’ll hear you moan, little girl.”
He pleasures the other nipple before brushing my lips lightly with his. Stubbornly, I refuse to part mine. But nibbling his way in, he eventually forces open my lips, and I lose myself in his kiss. His mouth has never been more possessive.
I can’t take the onslaught anymore. I come up for air in desperate pants. Aleksey attentively watches my pathetic attempts to regain control of my body. He must be enjoying my inexperience.
Just when I’m about to lose my mind, Aleksey throws me over his shoulder and crosses the room swiftly.
He slams me down on his enormous bed.
28
Claimed and taken
My eyes are wide and fearful when he takes off his shirt. I didn’t appreciate how magnificent his body is when I saw him in the river. Strong masculine chest, muscled stomach, and a perfect V line. Tattoos and scars enhance his rough beauty. Unlike the soldiers who look too beefy and artificial, Aleksey’s muscular frame is perfect.
I try to lift myself up, but I gasp when he pushes me down with his body. His weight restrains me. The contact of our bare skin feels glorious. I’m immobile, under his control, and—despite myself—exceedingly turned on.
Aleksey traps my wrists above my head with just one hand. His breath tickles my neck as his nose skims it up and down. He inhales deeply.
The moment he parts my legs with his knee, I look up at him wide-eyed. His face is intense, and I know that this time he’ll take me. I don’t want him to stop, but a part of me is trying to bring myself back to my senses. I barely know him. I’m still recovering.
I fight his hold, but it’s as though I’m fighting a marble statue.
Aleksey looks down at me sternly. “Don’t fight me, little Kämpferin. It’ll be worse for you.” He grinds against me, making me tense. I shiver when he breathes against my ear. His commanding voice has a raspy, husky quality. “Just relax.”
He slowly runs his hand downwards, reaching that intimate, soaked place between my legs that nobody has touched before. A satisfied groan builds in his throat. “Hmm. So responsive.”
A deft finger circles a sensitive spot gently, and I bite my lip so that I won’t cry out. Oh, God! I never imagined it’d feel this good. I feel the need to writhe in response, but his weight is holding me down, unyielding.
His pinky finger enters me, and he gasps when I contract my inner muscles, constricting it. He smirks against my neck. “You’ve been doing Kegel exercises. Hmm, inexperienced but naughty. I love that.”
Shocks of pleasure run through my body when he rhythmically moves his finger in and out. His hand is so big that each time his finger is in, his palm presses my most sensitive spot.
He curls his finger, massaging another extremely sensitive spot inside me. I can’t suppress my whimper. I’m going to explode into thousands of small, soaked pieces.
My heart pounds. I speak through heavy pants. “Please … I … need to—”
He lifts his muscular body slightly, giving me room to writhe and breathe. Our eyes meet.
His voice is hoarser than usual, full of desire. “You look beautiful … underneath me like this. Naked … helpless … aroused …”
“Please … give me a moment to—Ahh!” A loud moan int
errupts me when Aleksey takes my most sensitive spot between two fingers. He doesn’t stop. He strokes it sensually, deftly. I can’t hold back anymore. I whimper loudly, and my response encourages him to increase the pressure. He’s an expert in the art of giving pleasure, and he’s playing me with the same deftness with which he plays his bass.
His fingers leave my body, making me feel bereft. I groan in protest. Then his hands grab my waist. He sits on his heels and brings me up, putting his arms around me. I’m straddling him now. My face is squeezed tightly against his collarbone. Involuntarily, I press my lips to it and run my hands up and down his muscular chest.
A vibration from his throat tells me that he likes my touch, but he stops me violently. Aleksey grabs my hands and puts them behind my back, clasping them in his hand. Obviously, he won’t give me the slightest bit of control. He leans, pushing me down until I’m arching my back on the edge of the bed. My head falls back.
In this position, I can see us in the wardrobe’s mirror. He’s hovering over me; my breasts are lifted up and dangerously close to his mouth. The way he keeps my hands prisoner makes me look defenseless. Seeing us like this ignites my desire. The contrast between our sizes, our ages, and our power becomes evident. I’m the prey, and he’s the predator. I’m about to be devoured. I’m about to be taken.
When his lips clasp my breast and suck, my eyes open wide as incredible pleasure washes through me. He looks confident when he takes off his slacks with just one hand, and the mirror reflects his full erection. I wiggle nervously. What he’s about to do will hurt.
His hardness brushes against my pulsating lips. Once and again and again, drenching himself in my wetness. Massaging in the right places. Ripples of pleasure shoot through my body and pool between my legs.
He murmurs softly against my neck. “I adore your innocence. I love the few things you know. I love the many things you ignore. And above all I love … everything you’ll learn … with me.”
Using his ex-soldier strength, he turns me over and bends me until I’m crouching on all fours. One of his hands holds mine behind my back while the other keeps my torso down so that my breasts press against the mattress. I wriggle, and his grip strengthens. Oh my! I haven’t ever felt so exposed. So helpless. Dirty. Used like an object.
He keeps teasing my lower lips with the tip of his erection. His voice is husky, sensual. “How will I take you, sweet girl?”
Aleksey’s fingers dig into my butt cheek’s tender flesh, and his mouth descends on my engorged lips, devouring them hungrily.
“Ah!” I’m sure the sound of my moan will reach the town. This position is so animalistic, so raw. It feels wrong and pleasantly erotic at the same time.
“Will I take you this way?” he asks without stopping his hungry attack. His breath tickles that sensitive area and hot pleasure washes through my veins.
As though my body is a toy, he turns me again, and now I’m under him. One hand holds me immobile by my throat. The other grabs my left knee to force my leg to bend.
“Or this way?” he says as his now-soaked tip presses against my entrance, bringing agony and ecstasy into my weakened body. I whimper loudly, and the hand on my throat slides to cover my mouth. My already-wide eyes open impossibly wider. The tip retreats, and Aleksey sucks and bites all over my shoulders. My breasts. My stomach. Marking me.
Whatever he intends to do with me, he won’t do it gently. At all. I have to lose my virginity, but … like this? He’s taken full control of my body and won’t share it with me. He’ll take me in any way he wants.
And, yet, because my body is yearning for him, I can’t bring myself to ask him to stop.
Putting his hands on my waist, he lifts me. Aleksey sits on his heels and forces me to straddle him just over his erection. Our faces are closer now. I look at him nervously, and I see no affection in his blue eyes. Only a lustful determination to possess me.
“Wrap your arms around my neck,” he says gruffly. I comply feebly. And soon I’m holding on for dear life, because, with the tip of his erection, he’s teasing my entrance while making my hips sway to and fro.
He circles them upward.
He sways them downward.
Circling, swaying.
Each time his tip at my entrance opens me more and more.
Each time brings a fresh surge of pain.
And I know it won’t be long. He’ll enter me.
“Look at me.”
I obey. His face displays a cold, harsh, calculating expression. He slides inside me millimeter by millimeter, then stops. I’m panting, knowing what will come next.
“I’m going to take you—” In a swift movement, he pushes down my hips and his full length is inside me.
“Ow, ow, ow!” I yelp against his chest.
“—this way.” He growls and doesn’t move for a long moment. My nails dig into the back of his neck in an attempt to diminish the pain. I’m breathing harshly. Beads of sweat cover my skin as my body struggles to accommodate the intruder.
It infuriates me to notice that he’s looking down at me with a mechanical, triumphant expression. Why does it have to hurt only me?
I furiously hit his chest with my fists. The movement brings more pain, but also an uncomfortable kind of pleasure.
“Get out of me!” I shout. Aleksey pulls back until only his tip is inside me, and I breathe in relief before he slams back, making me flinch and whimper.
He doesn’t stop this time. With his hands on my hips, he keeps moving me up and down, picking up speed with each thrust. I cling to his neck with all my strength, and the pain, little by little, gets intertwined with a pleasure I could never imagine existed. The fullness, the connection between our bodies, the way my breasts bounce, making my nipples brush his naked chest—it’s intoxicating.
Still inside me, he stands up. I instinctively wrap my legs around his torso and strengthen my grip on his neck so that I don’t fall. He chuckles. With brutal strength and confidence, he hooks his arms under my legs so that the backs of my thighs rest on his forearms. His hands grab my waist to move my body like a puppet master. With each of his thrusts, he pulls my pelvis against him … farther from him … and against him again. Each time, he works my body in a different way. Each time, he seems to try out which angle makes my body react the most.
When he finds the best angle, the pounding begins. I’m weightless, defying gravity, supported by his arms and his erection. He thrusts in a merciless, accelerated rhythm, and my head falls back. I can’t decide if I’m in heaven or hell. Is this pleasure? Is this pain? All I know is that the most intense sensations are coursing through my body and pooling between my legs.
The dizzying, glorious sensations are too much. I squeak and desperately clench my nails into his shoulders. My hips start to move on their own, adjusting to his rhythm, and that only makes the pleasure increase. He speeds up into a punishing pace. It’s driving me mad.
Deep within me, the pleasure builds, making me whimper uncontrollably. He’s pushing me closer and closer to the edge of an unfamiliar sensation. A sensation that my body knows is coming, even if this is something beyond the limits of my experience. And I want it. I want it badly.
“Don’t fight it, little girl. Let yourself go.”
My muscles stiffen before my body bursts in waves of unadulterated bliss. I repeatedly scream as shattering pleasure makes my body spasm. A white haze is the only thing my mind can register. And ecstasy. Sheer, delicious ecstasy.
I struggle to catch my breath and come back from my paradise. I open my eyes and see that we’re on the bed. My shoulders and head are hanging off the edge and I can see myself in the mirror.
He pounds into me with a relentless rhythm while his hand covers my mouth. He’s so rough that my breasts bounce, and my reflection looks closer to pain than pleasure. I’m gazing at him with eyes full of wonder. Every time his thrusts become painful, I flinch and whimper. He looks so in control, so violent. In contrast, I look so young and vulnerable
. But the mirror doesn’t reflect how much I love this. The fullness, the roughness of it. I like it. I like him.
Aleksey’s thrusts become erratic. His body jerks into mine in short, swift bursts before he goes rigid and growls. I feel his heat radiate inside me. I feel the pulsing throb of his virility as he plants his seed.
He rests his head in the crook of my neck. His hot breath burns my already-overheated skin. Oh, God! That was fantastic, but also scary as hell and confusing. I wonder why a part of me feels slightly ashamed. I enjoyed it, but I feel taken rather than loved.
Aleksey hasn’t moved. If it weren’t for his ragged breathing, I would think that he was dead. Has he fallen asleep while still inside me?
I lie under him for a long time, trying to collect my thoughts, his weight and my post-orgasmic weakness keeping me prisoner.
I feel sore, wet, and groggy. My reflection in the mirror is swirling and turning into a mess of shapes. Am I falling asleep? I force my heavy lids to open and shake my head.
The mirror reflects my thoughtful self again. I examine my reflection. Do I look different now? Will people notice the change in me? How am I supposed to talk to Aleksey now? I didn’t think about anything at all when I … Oh, God!
I need time to digest what happened.
I compare this first experience to what I’ve seen. Sometimes Joey is rough, but never like the cop. Aleksey didn’t act like a lover. He acted as though it didn’t matter how much I resisted; he would have taken me anyway. I know that I surrendered willingly, but he still took me as though I had no choice. He didn’t have a way to read my mind, to know that I didn’t want him to stop. Even so, he irrevocably possessed me. While inside me, he didn’t kiss me or ask me how I was. Not once.