by Mya Robarts
Despite the cold mist covering the town, there are more Starvillers on the streets than usual. We turn on Judges Street and have a hard time advancing through the crowd.
I stop dead in my tracks. Did I just see a flash of red?
My mind must be playing tricks on me. I haven’t forgotten the massive span of his shoulders or the regal set of his face. As thoughts spin in my head, I fixate on one constant.
Aleksey Fürst is here.
55
His one and only
Aleksey has caught sight of me, and the pure happiness on his face nearly takes my breath away. He takes a step toward me, but then his gaze fixes on my hand, which is entwined with Rey’s. Aleksey freezes mid-stride and glances back at me.
I open my mouth to speak, but no sound emerges. The hurt in his expression sends my emotions into a tailspin. I let go of Rey’s hand.
A small part of me is aware that Rey is next to me, perhaps glaring at the cop, but Aleksey doesn’t spare him a glance. He has eyes for only me. I can do nothing but stare at the gigantic cop longingly as every fiber of my body screams at me, run to him. It’s as though we’re in our own private bubble, and everyone else has disappeared.
My foot takes a hesitant step toward him. I crave his arms around me so badly that it hurts. But I’m afraid of what would happen to him if he were found fraternizing with a Nat.
After a long pause, he closes the distance between us. His blue eyes smolder. “I need to talk to you. Alone.”
I nod. “Please go home, Rey.” My mind is too hazy to notice when, or if, Rey leaves.
For a long moment, Aleksey and I stare at each other in silence, ignoring the crowd passing by us. His eyes seem to reflect the same yearning and pain that I feel. It’s the yearning to throw ourselves into each other’s arms and the pain of not being able to do so without risking our lives.
After a while, his fists clench and his face hardens. “Tell me you’re not with him,” he says harshly.
I blink. How can he move from one mood to another so easily? He left town without saying goodbye, and now that he’s back, he can’t even ask me how I’ve been?
I turn around, making my way toward the river. He follows me.
Once we’re almost at the glade, he lifts me so that I’m standing on a large stone and our heights almost match. The contact of his strong hands on my arms burns my skin.
“Lila,” he says in a taut voice.
“I’m not with him.”
Aleksey exhales. His body relaxes a bit, but something else is nagging him. “He said you love him; is it true?”
Not like I love you. Not even a fraction of how much I love you. I shake my head. I’m not ready to say that now. “Not like he thinks I do.”
My answer doesn’t seem to be what he was expecting. Did he expect I’d say that I don’t love Rey at all? I can’t say that, but I can do something else.
Totally surprising him, I wrap my arms around his waist and snuggle my head against his body.
“I missed you,” I whisper.
Inhaling deeply, he slides his hands in my hair before his arms constrict around me in a tight embrace. Long moments pass before I find my voice.
“You … abandoned me.”
“Tristan was supposed to tell you I’d be back.”
I look up at him. “Have you seen him? How is he?”
“He’s recovering in an Accord hospital.” His tone is full of suppressed anger. “I’ll make them pay for what they did.”
It sounds as though his work at UNNO, Tristan’s recovery, and his revenge plans won’t let him stay. Fearing that a new goodbye is in the works, I press my forehead against his chest. I want to be as close to him as possible for the limited time we have together.
“I shouldn’t be here, Lila. I left a mess behind me, but I needed to see you.”
My heart thuds violently against my ribs when his hands slide to the small of my back. “Are you in trouble?” I ask nervously.
He shakes his head. “Patriots never banished us. They sent us away temporarily because they know my unit is too zealous to play along with their crimes. I didn’t want to leave, but I was sure recruitment had been canceled. If we hadn’t gone, they would have banished us.”
His muscular arms tighten their grip on me. “Tristan got special permission to stay in the country and remain in New Norfolk. He was going to contact you, but they moved the recruitment date, and he got back in the nick of time.”
The back of his hand grazes my face. “Lila, I never abandoned you. I did everything in my power to covertly protect you. I bribed some Patriot leaders so that they wouldn’t recruit you. Tristan and Sergeant Wong stayed behind so that they could keep an eye on you. Even from Europe, I ordered Tristan to secretly film everything to make UNNO acknowledge recruitment for what it is: institutionalized rape.”
I shake my head sadly. I would have made different choices that night before recruitment if I’d had any kind of assurance that I wouldn’t be recruited.
To embrace him more tightly doesn’t seem possible, but I press my chest against the muscles of his stomach with all my strength. I become overly aware of how close our bodies are. The perfect lines of his chest, the heat that emanates from his body, and his masculine scent overcome my senses. A warm, pleasant sensation spreads through me. We’re so tightly squeezed against each other that I notice how my closeness physically affects him. But just when the atmosphere is charging with static and sexual promise, a tortured look crosses his face.
“I saw the recording of the ceremony. You said that you aren’t a virgin anymore.”
I look down and remain quiet for a long time.
Aleksey takes my chin and tips my head back, forcing me to see him. The intensity of his eyes and the delicious feeling of his fingers on my skin don’t allow me to think straight. “There’s war …” I swallow hard. “And recruitment … All is fair in war. I had to do what I could to feel safe, and I won’t let anyone judge me, because—”
He looks away, scowling. “I don’t judge you.”
Whenever Aleksey is around, contradictory thoughts overcome me. I don’t want him to judge me, but I don’t want him to be indifferent, either. I can’t hide the hurt in my voice. “You don’t care whether I slept with him or—”
“I DON’T CARE?” Bam! My back slams against the nearby tree trunk. He lifts my wrists above my head and leans in.
His breath is caressing my ears, making my body shudder. “Don’t you ever say that again! I’m burning with a feeling that I have never felt before. It’s killing me.” He presses his pelvis against mine. It feels as though he’s trying to claim me. “I hate that he was your first. I can’t think of you two without feeling violent. I hate the circumstances that kept me from being with you that night. I hate him.”
His lips find the pulse point at my neck. He sucks and nibbles at it, making a tingling sensation spread throughout my body. “If you hadn’t told me that hurting him was hurting you, I’d kill him. The jealousy is so bad at this moment that I can’t breathe.” His lips slide to my jaw, then down to the hollow of my throat. “The only thing that keeps me from snapping is knowing that when you’re with me, you’ll feel the difference.”
“What difference?” I ask breathlessly.
His low, raspy voice in my ear tickles me. “I’m better in bed. I’m going to make him disappear from your mind.”
I stare at him in awe.
“Besides …” His lips tease mine before retreating. “Unlike Diaz, for me there has only been, and will always be, only one woman: You.”
I inhale sharply. One more time, he’s telling me that he loves me in his own way.
“As for you,” Aleksey nibbles my lower lip. “It’s just a matter of time, Lila. One day you will love only me.”
His hot mouth collides with mine in a consuming, passionate kiss. Fire runs through my blood and searing desire surges through me.
While his right hand undoes the buttons of my dress down
to my stomach, his left hand keeps a strong hold on my wrists. “He may have been your first,” he says, trailing feather-like kisses from my shoulder to my collarbone and down to the edge of my bra. “But I’ll be your last.”
Aleksey carries me to the flowerbed. He gently lays me down on the soft cushion that the flowers provide. He then covers my body with his. He tilts my head so that I’m looking into his eyes.
“I’ll make love to you until you forget his name and even your own,” he says huskily. “The only name you’ll be able to scream will be mine.”
He buries his face in the crook of my neck, nibbling softly. The way his weight presses against me without crushing me stirs pangs of desire. Aleksey speaks against the side of my neck. “It’s not only about making you mine. I want to be yours.” His heated words caress my skin. “I’m yours already.”
Butterflies flutter in my stomach. He’s mine?
I hear a giggle and turn my head. Divine and Joey walk toward us. Flustered, I sit up and button my dress.
“Wow. That was hot! Now I know what you two get from watching us,” says Divine.
Joey eyes us knowingly. “We’ve come for a second try. Never meant to interrupt you.”
Aleksey isn’t embarrassed at all. Ignoring the newcomers, he gets up skillfully and helps me to my feet. His face looks cool and possessed as he puts on his red cape.
Leaning close, he whispers in my ear, “Let’s go to a quieter place.”
The life of a man,
no matter how humble, no matter how powerful,
can be condensed to a single moment.
The moment he has found the woman he will love for life.
General Fürst’s journal
56
Sweet surrender
“Take off your boots,” he orders as he steps out of his. He grabs my hand and leads me through the spacious room. Most of the far wall and vast portions of the ceiling are made of a sturdy kind of glass. My eyes open wide as I try to take in all the beauty of the rocky beaches, the tall cliffs, and the purple sky that hovers over a turquoise ocean. I’ve never seen the sea before, except in books, but Aleksey is a man of his word. He told me once that he would show me the sea, and here we are in a cottage for the staff who work at a UNNO refueling point.
A shiver runs down my spine when his hand touches the small of my back. Aleksey leads me to French doors that open onto a narrow balcony. It’s perched several feet above waves that break on the rocks below us. I inhale deeply, taking in the crisp, salty scent of the ocean.
Solid, muscular arms pull me into a tight embrace. “You’re my prisoner here, and this time I won’t let you leave until we’ve made love to the point of exhaustion.” He looks at me mischievously. “You have nowhere to escape unless you want to fall straight into the sea.”
I bite my thumb, feeling my insides squirming. Falling is exactly how I feel. As we watch the sun drowning in the horizon, my stomach drops as though I’m about to plunge into the ocean below me. The moment of our long-awaited sexual encounter is finally here.
He sweeps me up in his arms and carries me back to the room. In the corner, there’s a plush Oriental rug in front of a fireplace. In another corner, there’s a red divan covered in gold and black cushions.
When I first entered the cottage, the breathtaking sight of the ocean distracted me, but now I’m very aware of the canopied, soldier-sized bed that stands proudly in the center of the room. Its ornate curtains give the impression of luxury.
Aleksey sets me on my feet next to the fireplace. With lithe yet rough movements, he takes off his armor and crosses the room to hang it in a small mirrored wardrobe. God! He looks breathtakingly beautiful wearing only black trousers. They hang loosely on his V line. When he crouches to skillfully start the fire, I can’t take my eyes off the strong muscles of his back. The sight of his naked torso sends needy pinpricks of desire across my spine.
As I glance sideways at the bed, a mix of apprehension and excitement constricts my stomach. The unspoken promise of what we will do there hangs in the air, making my legs tremble.
I’m totally wide-eyed, tense, and rooted to the spot when he catches me staring at him. Looking at me intently, he approaches me with slow, sleek steps. When he notices my mood, he kisses me tenderly. “Why are you nervous?”
Because we’re about to explore uncharted territory, and a part of me fears the unknown. Besides, I’m worried about my sexual performance. I’m sure I’ll be clumsy in that bed. And because I want to know how long he’ll stay, but I’m afraid to ask. To top it all off, I know that I have to tell him that I love him before he leaves me again, but I don’t dare. I settle for the easiest answer. “Because there are things I’ve been keeping from you.”
It seems he was expecting this answer. He shoots me my favorite coy smile. “Like the fact that you are still a virgin?”
Shock paralyzes me. I open and close my mouth several times, but I’m speechless.
How …? Is he a psychic?
The night before recruitment, I decided I wouldn’t force myself to have sex at the last minute, just when Rey’s hardened penis was frantically searching for the opening in the bridal sheet. But it was too late for him to regain control. He came on the sheet and was embarrassed about it. My body, which had been tense and shivering, became extremely relaxed when I realized he wouldn’t try again. We were never intimate. The bridal sheet and our clothes always formed a barrier between us, so his erection never touched a square inch of my skin.
Aleksey waits for me to speak, but I explode in a fit of hysterical laughter. I can’t embarrass Rey by explaining his misfortune to his nemesis, but I can laugh at my stupidity. I need to release the tension.
The hysterics turn into a nervous giggle. All traces of humor disappear, and I look away, blushing. “Yes. I’m … still a … v—virgin.”
A deep breath escapes from him, and he gently cups my face in his hand. It’s as though he had been holding his breath for my answer.
“How did you know?”
“I didn’t. It was a hunch. You have just confirmed it.”
“But you—”
“I saw the video of the ceremony. Now that I’m not consumed by jealousy, I’ve remembered. They didn’t use the polygraph to interrogate you.”
“But—”
“The soldiers are medieval. It’s impossible to know whether or not a girl is a virgin by touching her arms.” Piercing me with his blue eyes, he places his strong hands delicately on my hips. The contact is so intimate that I have to remember how to breathe. His deep voice sounds confident. “But I have this theory that when a young girl is initiated into the joys of sex, she acquires a newfound confidence in every step she takes. The rhythm of her hips when she walks is different. And I’ve noticed that the shape of them changes, too.”
A pang of unreasonable jealousy stirs in me. He says he’s never been with an inexperienced girl, but he’s a sexually experienced man who knows women’s bodies well. It kills me that he knows so much about sexuality and that he didn’t learn with me. My insecurities are the reason for my stupid attempt at lying. I meant to pretend that I’d had some first-hand experience until I gained enough confidence in my sexual abilities. Or until I was sure that he would love me in spite of everything.
“When we were climbing down the cliff stairs to get here, I paid attention to your hips.” He digs his fingers in their round flesh and pulls me close, making our pelvises touch. “The shape of them, the way you move them. I didn’t see any difference in how you walk.”
His voice turns into a raspy, sensual whisper that tickles my earlobe. “But after our bodies finally become one, you’ll walk in a different way.” He inhales against my neck and the base of my throat. “Because the power of my passion will have made an impression on your whole body.”
We’re dangerously close now. As usual, a heated, sexual energy sizzles between us. The way his erection is pressing against my body tells me he’s feeling it, too.
> My body tenses when he slowly unbuttons my dress. “You’ll feel different, too,” he says in a sensual purr. “You’ll become self-assured once you learn to enjoy sexual pleasure. With me.”
My dress falls to the floor and pools at my feet. He turns my body and pulls my hair aside to leave the nape of my neck uncovered. Hot desire washes over my body when he blows on it softly before covering the area with soft kisses.
“I want to strip your heart … your soul … your mind. And—” he sucks my neck gently. “Your body.”
He scoops me up and lays me gently on the plush rug. The contact of the soft material and my skin feels pleasant, but nothing compared to the sight of him standing above me, eyes raking up and down my body. At first I squirm shyly under his penetrating gaze. I feel self-conscious and aware of my body’s imperfections. But his eyes scream at me, you’re beautiful. I want you. That not only calms my nerves, it makes my body writhe in anticipation.
Aleksey unhurriedly puts a knee down on the rug and lithely crawls over my body until he’s hovering over me. “You can always stop me by saying no,” he murmurs while nibbling my earlobe.
His hands slide under me, forcing my back to arch as he moves to take off my bra. He uses his weight to pin me to the rug. The sensation of bare skin against bare skin feels incredibly warm and pleasant. I grind my body against his, enjoying the friction.
Hot, eager lips slide from my jaw to my collarbone and down between my breasts, sucking the tender skin in their path. Hovering over my breasts, he stops to look at me. I writhe in anticipation. What is he going to do to me?
Aleksey skims his nose and mouth around my breasts, his heated breath caressing my sensitive skin. He blows softly on one nipple before putting it inside his warm mouth. At first he sucks gently, making me tingle all over. When his mouth pressures my nipple with long, profound, almost savage sucking movements, the feeling is unbearable. I whimper, squirming in pleasure under him.