by C. G. Hatton
“You attacked a guard when you first arrived here. Can you not control your temper?”
I stared at him. It wasn’t me that had the temper.
“You turned back on your first run,” he said. “Do you have a problem following the rules?”
Yes, but I didn’t say anything.
“You haven’t settled into your bunkroom. Do you have trouble mixing with other children?”
He was twisting everything but I didn’t rise to it.
“You panic,” he said, “when you are put into solitary. Are you claustrophobic, Luka?”
I almost laughed. I hadn’t panicked. They’d put me into a damned stress position. I didn’t have a problem with enclosed spaces, I had a problem with asshole rules and regulations.
I didn’t know what he wanted me to say. I looked across the room, bored. Most adults I did that with got irritated at me, like I was flicking a switch in their heads, making them mad with me. It didn’t work with him. He outstared me. But I was the one manacled to the hospital bed, and I was still just a kid, and Brennan was watching from the doorway. I glanced at her with that look I could pull. She fell for it and came in, blustering, talking about stats, saying enough was enough, and that anything else could wait.
The guy looked at me like he knew exactly what I’d done and as if, by doing it, I’d fallen for everything he was trying to get me to do.
I hate psychs. Did I say that already?
They put a guard on my door overnight so I had no chance to try anything and they let me out the next day. I still felt sick but not because of the meds. They watched me dress then escorted me straight out to the yard. It was late morning already, dark clouds threatening over the hills and a damp chill to the air that made my chest ache.
Everyone was sparring, paired up, working out, the instructors not so much instructing as watching like they were rating each performance. I didn’t know where to go so I just wandered over to the edge of the square, feeling eyes turn to settle on me as people realised I was there. Hilyer was standing with Jem, laughing and joking. I needed to talk to him. I had to figure out a way to get him alone and beyond any surveillance.
One of the instructors clapped his hands and yelled everyone to go line up on one edge. “You too, Anderton,” he shouted and started to call out names, two at a time.
Hilyer was up first and another kid I hadn’t seen before. The instructor had a quiet word with them both and stepped back, setting them at each other. Hilyer took the kid down easily. The instructors yelled at them to stop, conferred for a second, then shouted at Hilyer to go left and the other kid to go to the right. They separated and were led off.
They were testing us. Hilyer was acing it, like he was in his element. I watched him floor another kid in less than a minute and get pulled out again.
Jem sidled up next to me, offering me a bottle. “You’re lucky you didn’t drown, y’know.” She was looking out across the square, watching Hilyer as he poured a bottle of water over his head. “Did you know it was Zach that pulled you out? Did they tell you that?”
They hadn’t.
I didn’t react. “He doesn’t like being called Zach,” I said without thinking.
She grinned. “So you do know him. I knew it.”
“We just met in the transport.”
“I think you know him better than that.” Her eyes were glinting as she said it. “He hates you. What did you do to him?”
“I told you, I don’t even know him.”
“You know why he’s in here?” she said.
I shrugged again. I didn’t know what story they’d set him up with and I didn’t care.
“He’s rated triple A. You know what that means?”
“It means he’s a dick.”
“It means he’s in for first degree murder. I heard it was a cop he killed.” She pulled that feral smile again. “You need to watch yourself, bud. You’re spending a lot of time in the infirmary. And Thirteen is a helluva number to be tagged with. It wasn’t just that kid who croaked it. Last month, three other kids went out of here in bodybags.”
I turned and looked directly at her. I wasn’t sure if that was a warning or a threat, or just nonsense to spook me.
“You been having nightmares?” she said.
I didn’t answer but she laughed and said, “Yeah, I’m not surprised. Kids who have been in the infirmary all have nightmares when they come out. If they come out. You might heal fast in there but you’re never the same.” She leaned closer. “The Thirteen who broke his neck? His harness didn’t fail… he took it off. Got to the top, unclipped the harness and jumped.”
She was trying to spook me. It would take more than that.
She laughed again. She was still staring at Hilyer. “You need to watch your little blue-haired friend, as well. Apart from the fact that she’s Gamma. She’s not what she seems.”
I couldn’t help but glance across to where Kat was standing, alone, watching us. She didn’t move as our eyes made contact.
I stopped with the bottle of water halfway to my mouth. I couldn’t work out her expression. I took a drink, not breaking eye contact. Eventually, she was the one that moved away, as one of the instructors called out her name.
Jem nudged me. “Just watch your back, Thirteen.”
I was trying to. But it felt like the rules had changed again.
It wasn’t long before it was my turn. I felt terrible and I was nowhere near a hundred percent but I was definitely feeling stronger. I seemed to be healing faster than I had on the Alsatia. I walked out into the square. They left me standing there for a minute like an idiot, everyone looking at me, then they yelled Hilyer up again. He squared up to me, the muscle in the side of his jaw ticking. I must have smiled because he scowled and muttered, “Don’t,” as he started to circle.
He came at me fast, didn’t pull his punches and sent me flying. I hit the floor hard, rolled to my feet and went straight back at him. We weren’t evenly matched, not by a long way, but I knew his tells and I could hold my own. I just needed to get close. I got him with a couple of lucky moves and he backed off, spitting blood. I glanced around. The yard was deadly quiet. We were the only ones fighting, everyone staring at us in total silence. So much for not standing out.
“Don’t,” Hilyer said again, quietly, threatening.
I might have said something then that didn’t go down well. He flew at me and we went for it. It was like we were in a bubble, in a glass dome and everyone watching was transfixed. I got him with a neat left. Then Hilyer caught me above the eye and blood spurted, someone cheered and everyone started. The instructors let them, I’d swear they even joined in. We traded a couple more blows to louder jeers and cheering then he raised it a notch, got me in a headlock and spun me around.
I managed to say, “I need to talk to you,” half strangled.
He cursed and hit me with one that sent my vision swimming. I went down. I sprawled, flat on my back, eyes watering, and managed to look up at him looking down at me before he turned and walked off.
Chapter 16
The instructors must have called it a day because by the time I managed to sit up, the guards were yelling at everyone to get in and get showered. They gave us ration packs for lunch then took us back outside. Hilyer avoided me, not that we would have had a chance to speak. We stood out there in the cold for ages then they started shouting us out in groups of eight, mixed, two from each block. No one seemed to know what we were going to do. I trooped off when my name was called and walked in single file out of the yard. Pretty much all the kids were marching. I didn’t slouch but I wasn’t going to snap to it.
We left our complex and ended up in one of the adult prison sections, armed guards around us. We were taken into one of the huge grey buildings. I tried to remember the blueprint plans we’d been shown, running the schematics through my head and realising with a pang where we were going.
In nothing the guild had given us had there been any mention of the kids
having to do CQB. Close Quarters Battle training. I’d seen the simulator in the plans, even been curious about it in a nonchalant, nothing to do with me way. Now I was walking towards it, I had a lump in my throat. That reputation I have of never being scared of anything? It’s shit. I get scared, I just turn it into outright disregard for where I am and what’s going on around me. It’s a trick I learned when I was tiny. And boy, did I use it then.
They sat us down on hard benches in a briefing room that was so cold our breath frosted. The briefing was just that, brief, given by an instructor who looked every one of us in the eye like he could tell straight off who was going to mess up. I stared back at him and took in every word.
“Ten minutes,” he said. “Start to finish. Run out of time, you run it again. You will fire at every target. We’re making this easy for you, boys and girls. Assume all human targets in there are hostile. They will be firing back at you. Low stun but that will still hurt like hell. Do you understand?”
We all snapped out, “Yessir,” even me. I understood fine well.
I was seventh in my group to go through. The others before me didn’t reappear so we had no idea what was happening or how they’d done. I took the gun they gave me and held it in my left hand.
“Have you ever fired a pistol before?” the instructor said, standard routine like he’d said it a million times.
I nodded.
“Delta Thirteen,” he barked at me, “have you ever fired a pistol before?”
I blinked. I was trying not to slip back to that moment when I pulled the trigger, when it misfired and Dayton fired back at me. I managed to mutter, “Yessir,” and he grimaced at me.
“These are not live rounds,” he said. “But the weapon simulates full recoil. Use both hands. And try not to get lost in there.”
I didn’t. Of course I didn’t. I made it out in seven minutes twenty, breathing heavy, adrenaline pumping, breath catching in my throat like I was going to throw up. They let me out at the other end and I swear, three of the instructors were standing there, arms folded, staring at me, something like disbelief or disgust on their faces, I couldn’t quite tell.
“You didn’t get hit once,” one of them said.
I shook my head.
The guy who’d given us the briefing was standing in the middle. “You didn’t take out any of the targets. I told you to take out all targets.”
I stared at him. I should have kept my mouth shut but I didn’t. “You told us to fire at every target,” I said.
They stared back at me.
I’d fired at every target. I’d pulled each shot just wide but I’d fired at every one of them.
I added, “Sir,” too late for it to count.
The guy turned away with a growl. “Get this child the hell out of here.”
After the debrief, we trooped back to our facility and I followed everyone into the commissary. I couldn’t eat much, still felt sick and my ribs were throbbing more than my knee. I had a weird delayed reaction going on, every shot ringing in my ears, every echoing scream and shout from that simulator resounding round my brain like a bizarre audio feedback, mixed in with flashbacks to the garrison on Kheris, that last time I’d been in there, when they’d been chasing us and shooting at us. When I had been shot, for real.
I couldn’t get it all out of my head as much as I tried to switch off.
We had clean up duty after that then study time. I pitched in and pulled my weight, then disappeared off to the bathroom to throw up. I couldn’t stop shaking, too hot one moment, then too cold the next.
Hilyer appeared next to me as I was washing my face.
He stood at the sink next to me and ran the taps on full blast. “What? Did you get what you need?”
I shook my head. “No, they put a guard on my door. I couldn’t do anything. But Hil, you have to start screwing up. I overheard them talking. They’re making final selection in four days.” I felt like I was going to be sick again.
“You want me to put you back in the infirmary?”
The way he said it, I couldn’t tell if he was threatening me or offering to help.
He scowled. “Shit, don’t look at me like that. Is that what you need?”
“No,” I muttered. “I need to find another way. But Hil, you can’t… ”
He grabbed my shirt and pulled me close. “Don’t tell me what I can and can’t do.”
He pushed me away, stalked out and left me there trembling. I leaned on the cold surface of the sink and put my head down on my arms, trying to breathe through it. I could still hear gunfire echoing round my head. I didn’t need crap like this and I didn’t know how to make it go away.
It was lights out time before I knew it. I curled up on my bunk and tried not to whimper. Someone threw an extra blanket over me and told me to shut the hell up.
Weird thing was, once I fell asleep, I didn’t dream. I woke up confused but no nightmares. I lay there for a second just listening to the voices, figuring out where I was and what I was supposed to be doing. I needed to get back into the system.
Someone banged on the end of my bunk. One of the guards was shouting for us to get up and get out. They sent us to the gym before breakfast then we had another test, only this time it wasn’t me that got pulled out of the hall.
I kept my head down and just watched out of the corner of my eye as one of the instructors stopped at her desk and ordered her to stand. She looked horrified. She saw me looking, tucked a stray strand of blue hair behind her ear and mouthed, “Shit,” to me.
They marched her out. No one else looked up. I didn’t bother making an effort to screw up the test, I just wrote a load of random answers and doodled on the board until everyone started finishing.
I didn’t see her again until later that afternoon, after classes, when they kicked us out to go run circuits around the sports pitch. They were timing us, keeping score of our laps, the psych guy out there with his notebook and coffee, chatting to the instructors. She reappeared with a guard as an escort. I was half running, half walking around my tenth lap. I watched her shrug off the guard holding her arm and jog onto the track. It took me half a lap to catch up.
I fell into step beside her, nudging her arm. “Hey.”
She flinched like I’d hit her, not slowing and ignoring me. She had a black eye and a split lip, and a frown to match.
“What happened?” I said.
She still ignored me. I caught hold of her arm and pulled her to a slow jog. “Hey, what happened?”
She glared at me, shrugging me off. “I got caught.”
“Doing what?”
“Don’t ask.” She glanced around, saw the instructor heading towards us and starting running again.
I ran alongside her. “Where’ve you been?”
“Where do you think?”
“What did you do?’
“Luka, leave it. I’m in the shit. And they haven’t even found half of it yet.”
She looked close to tears. I’m a sucker, I really am.
“Found what?”
“Leave it. You can’t help.” She speeded up.
I kept pace with her. Even though my chest was burning. If it had killed me, I would have kept pace with her.
She started crying outright, fighting it and wiping her face, muttering at me, “Just leave it.”
I didn’t. We were getting overtaken by everyone, people starting to stare at us.
“What have you done? C’mon, talk to me.” I didn’t think, nudging her hand with mine as we ran. Bad move.
She stopped abruptly, lashed out at me and pushed me away with a vicious, “Leave it.”
Someone grabbed me from behind and spun me away from her. A fist punched into the side of my jaw before I could catch my balance. I sprawled and rolled, getting to my feet to see a line of Gamma boys in front of her. Protecting her from me.
There were shouts behind me. One of the big lads from her crowd rushed me. I stumbled aside and ducked as he swung his fist. Kat was sh
outing. I heard Hilyer yelling, green shirts brushing past me and ploughing into the blue ones coming at me. There were punches flying for about three seconds. I backed off, spitting blood. Then the collars sparked. My knees went and I was flat on the floor before I could blink. I was starting to get really tired of being knocked on my ass.
Chapter 17
It didn’t let up. The guards weighed in, I was dragged aside and I couldn’t do anything but curl up and ride it out. It felt like my spine was being ripped out, like hot wires were being stabbed into my eyes.
I was the last one they released. The pain vanished. I rested my head on the ground and breathed for a second, eyes watering, before I raised my head to see everyone staring at me, a guard standing right over me, polished boots spattered with mud.
He grabbed the back of my shirt and hauled me to my feet. I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand, smearing red, and tried not to sway.
He pushed me forward with a curt, “Get in line.”
Kat was being led away by her crew. I watched, half hoping she’d look back over her shoulder at me but she didn’t. I shouldn’t have cared. And I didn’t want to. But there was something about the way she’d looked at me when she’d pushed me away. She got to me. She got through all the defences I’d built up when I lost Maisie.
They made us run ten more circuits, until well after it got dark, then they sent us inside. I half thought they were going to send us straight into our bunkrooms but they didn’t. They must have kept the commissary open late, like they needed to feed us up for what was coming. I was hungry for once so I wasn’t going to argue.
Dinner was some kind of bizarre stew that tasted dreadful. I pushed it around my plate, sitting on my own, feeling sorry for myself, no idea what to do next. I glanced across at Hilyer. Jem was sitting next to him. She saw me watching them and gave me a wink, throwing her arm over his shoulder and whispering into his ear.