“I’ve dreamed about this, but I never thought…” She squeezed her arms tighter around him. “Is this real? Are you really here?”
“It is, and I am.” He tangled his fingers into her hair as she held onto him as if she expected him to disappear. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“I’ve always cherished our relationship. Maybe it would be more accurate to say I’ve always cherished you, and because of that I dreaded the day when you’d find a mate. I knew it would destroy at least part of our relationship. The thought of losing you…”
“Hey now, sugar.” As he leaned back to look down at her, he found tears shining in her eyes. “If anything, our relationship will grow stronger. You’re not going to lose me. We’ve lived through Hell and now it’s our time to thrive. Happiness is in store for us. Just wait until you see all the changes back home already, and Layla wants your help to make things even better.”
“How can I help anyone? They saw what I was like when I left, and I’m just getting my own shit together. They need someone like Harmony—”
“They need you.” He ran his hand through her hair, pushing the strands back from her face. “You’re right, they saw you before you came here, and that’s why they need you. You can show them change is possible. Damn Mer, I’ve spoken with you every day since you left, and in some ways, I think I’ve traveled this journey with you, yet I still can’t believe the changes in you. You amaze me.”
“If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t have made it.”
“You’re stronger than you think. You came here and did the hard work. I was just the cheerleader on the other side of the phone line, giving you encouragement when you needed it. That’s why Layla needs you.” He ran his hand along her back. “As much as I want to stand here and hold you, you should read her letter, so you’re prepared for the video call with our Elders.”
“What if I can’t go back?” Diverting her gaze, she sucked her lip between her teeth, uneasy.
“Is that what you want?” he questioned, pressing his hand against the small of her back to ease the tension within her. “Would you rather stay here or find another clan to join?”
“I…” Her embrace loosened from around his waist, but she didn’t move away. “I don’t know, I’m scared. What if I can’t handle it?”
“Then we’ll leave,” he assured her. “Do you want my honest opinion?”
“Yes.” Her gaze shot back to him before adding, “I mean maybe. If you’re going to tell me something I don’t want to hear, then maybe not.”
“Indecisive,” he teased. “Well, I’m going to give it to you straight. I think you should try. You didn’t want to leave the clan because we’re family, all of us. Maybe the Hell we suffered through brought us closer than some, but those who are left are family. They ask about you all the time, and they’re excited to have you among us again. You’re scared, and it’s understandable. Actually, if you weren’t worried, I’d be concerned.”
“I was so excited about coming home, but with it only a few hours away, I’m terrified.”
“You’ve got nothing to be scared of. I’ll be right by your side, and you’ll see everything is going to be fine.” He removed his hand from her back and reached up to cup the side of her face. “Say the word, and we’ll leave. You don’t have to stay there if you don’t want to, but I think you need to give it a chance. We’ve moved into the new building, and I have your room all set up so you—”
“My room?” Her eyebrows knitted together in confusion.
“I moved your stuff into one of the members quarters before…well before I accepted you’d be my mate. Plus, how would it look to you if I moved everything into my place before we even made our mating official.” He shot her a quick smile before continuing. “You can stay with me if you’d like.”
“Mates don’t like being separated.” Her words were soft but there was no missing them.
“I’m not rushing you,” he assured her. “If you want to wait, we’ll wait. If you want to make use of the time we have, I’ll push you back onto the bed and make you mine.”
“There’s not enough time. Korbin will be calling in a few minutes.” Her gaze focused on him as she slid her hands around his waist to drag them along his sides. “We just found out we’re mates, but it feels as if we’ve known for a while and have been denying it. I can feel the need, and my tigress is on edge.”
“We knew, at least part of us did, but with all that was going on, your tigress wouldn’t allow you to recognize it. Now that you have, your beast is making up for lost time. Think…” Unsure he wanted to bring up the past his words trailed off.
“What?” She encouraged.
“After Henry’s attack on you…” At the mention of the memory, she stilled in his arms, and he tightened his embrace. “You trusted me when your tigress was close to taking over. You knew I wouldn’t let that happen. But you shouldn’t have. I might be a stronger shifter, but I’m not one of the Elders. I have no control over your beast like they do. Still we both knew I’d ensure you were safe. Like the Elders, a mate can help ease the beast within us. We both knew about this mating then but neither of us recognized it or accepted it because there wasn’t the sizzle of electricity when we touch.”
“I knew I was safe with you.” She nodded. “It’s unnerving now to think about how long this fight over control with my tigress has been going on. I thought it didn’t get bad until the end of Keith’s reign, but the incident you just mentioned happened months before Korbin took over. I could have turned rogue before I even witnessed the changes he brought to our family.”
“You didn’t.” They both knew she hadn’t turned rogue then, but still the words came out of his mouth as if to reassure himself he hadn’t lost her. He needed to hear it, to remind himself they were both okay. “You thought the changes Korbin brought were something, you’ll be amazed now. He united us as a clan again. It’s truly incredible to see. We’ve all come so far, and having you back among us will be the piece we’ve been missing.”
“I wish I had a shred of your confidence. You’re always so sure things will work out. Whereas I’m always concerned I’m making the wrong decision. I’ve already made so many mistakes in my life. Helping Hen—”
“Don’t, sugar.” He pressed his thumb to her lips, silencing her. “You have a heart of gold, and you care about those around you. Your decision was made because your heart was in the right place. You cared, and his actions caused you great pain, both physically and mentally, but his outburst…”
“Rachel told me you paid a visit to Henry later that night.”
Not willing to deny it, he stayed silent, watching her. He tried to get a feel for her. Was she angry he’d gone to Henry? After what Henry did to her Sparks wanted to gut the son of a bitch. The blood she lost brought out his tiger’s rage. He wanted retaliation for what she’d suffer through, but seeing Henry curled on the bed, the fresh torture wounds coating his body, he couldn’t bring himself to do it. By letting her torturer get off without punishment, he believed he’d failed her.
“At least you’re not going to deny it or blame Rachel.”
“I don’t know about the second part.” He raised his eyebrow at her. “The way I see it, Rachel is at fault here. You were never supposed to know.”
“Seems like since we’re mates, it’s a moot point. When the mating bond is formed, we’ll know everything about each other, and you wouldn’t be able to hide that little tidbit.”
The mating bond. He hadn’t considered what would happen when the bond formed. It would show her everything. She’d realize how he got the scars and there was nothing he could do about it. That alone was like a knife to his gut. He’d suffer through it again if she only didn’t have to know the truth. My sweet mate will blame herself.
His thoughts popped like a bubble as she pulled back from him, forcing him to unhook his arms from around her waist and end the embrace. “Since the Elders will be calling, I guess I should read the letter.”<
br />
“It’s in my coat pocket.” He nodded to where he tossed his coat as they entered her small room. Glancing toward the sofa she mentioned earlier, he nodded. “Grab it and join me on the sofa. I want to feel you in my arms. If that’s okay?”
“It’s unusual to see any hint of uncertainty from you.” She smirked before nodding. “I want it too, but maybe we shouldn’t. I have no doubt there’s more we need to discuss after this call. While you seem happy about this mating, you need to remember when the mating bond forms, you’re going to see everything. If that’s going to change things—”
“No.” At least not for me. He reached out and wrapped his hand around her wrist before she could step away from him. “It will change nothing. We both have horrors in our past, and scars on our bodies from the battles we endured, but it made us into the people we are right now. The people we are now is what matters. While I wish I could erase the past so you didn’t have to deal with the trauma, you’re a stronger woman because of it. In a few hours, or days if you make us wait, you’ll be my mate, and together we’ll make us a stronger unit. You’ve seen it in the past, you know what we can be when we’re united.”
He wasn’t going to let her push him away with an excuse about the horrors of their pasts. When many others didn’t, they survived. He wasn’t going to allow either of them to lose anything else because of their former Alpha.
Merrie, you’re mine. I will have you as my mate no matter how long it takes. We deserve this.
Chapter Four
It took every ounce of Merrie’s control to step away from Sparks when all her tigress wanted to do was curl into his embrace. His sweet caresses stroked her beast in a way nothing else did. Even when he slid his hand under her shirt, giving him the skin contact they both desired, it had been comforting, not sexual. Though the undeniable sexual energy vibrated between them.
Mates. She still couldn’t believe it. Since arriving in Alaska and regaining control over her tigress, he’d filled her thoughts, making her long for their next phone call, video chat, or even a text message from him. Even though he was there with her, she couldn’t believe it. Every time she blinked, she kept expecting to wake up from the dream. Only instead of waking up to how things were before, she’d wake up to find he’d mated with someone else.
Mine. Her tigress snarled within her as she plucked Layla’s letter from his coat pocket.
“You’re worrying again.” Sparks called, drawing her attention back to him.
“Don’t get cocky. Not everyone can be as confident as you are.” Eyeing him, she slid her finger under the flap of the envelope. “Make yourself useful, boot up the laptop so we don’t miss Korbin’s call.” Without waiting to see if he did as she asked, she turned her attention to the paper in hand.
Merrie,
We’ve come a long way since our first meeting, where I thought you were Korbin’s girlfriend. Writing this reminds me how naïve I was living in the world completely unaware shifters existed, or even that Sparks and Rachel were shifters. The day I arrived here, I hadn’t realized I quite literally walked into the tiger’s den. Then I saw you—the beautiful white tigress—standing out there snarling at Korbin. It sounds insane now, but as I stood by the window watching, I believed you escaped from the zoo, and it was my fault he was about to be eaten alive.
Before you left, I could see the pain in your eyes, the way you carried yourself as if the past was too much to handle. Now here we are. Words can’t tell you how impressed I am with the changes I’ve witnessed in you over the last few weeks. This connection between me and the clan is something I’m still getting used to, but Korbin assures me you should be able to feel how proud I am of you. I might have this strange new role as Alpha Female, but at least for me I think we’ve formed a relationship that isn’t held to those roles. I consider you a dear friend.
I know what happened before because of the connection to the clan, but looking at them now, you’d never know it. They’ve come a long way, and I can’t wait for you to be back among us to see it for yourself. I assure you it’s impressive. Still we have a way to go, and for that, I need you.
There are still those who have trouble dealing with their past. Maybe not as deeply affected by it as you were but there are times they pull away from the clan. I’m only one person, and I can’t do it all. Korbin and Zaz are busy preparing things for new members and getting the clan back to where it needs to be. It’s not that they overlook the problems members have, because they don’t. It’s more the members don’t want to bother them. They don’t want to be a burden. Except they’re not. We’re family. All of us. I do what I can, but they know you, and they’ll see the changes in you. You can talk to them, not only a peer, but as someone who’s been through the same horrors and not only survived but flourished. Anytime they see me, they can’t look past my Elder status, especially not with Sparks or one of the other Elder Guards following me around.
Korbin cautioned me on writing this, as letters don’t always convey what needs to be said properly. He wanted me to do it in person, but this way gives you time to think about it, to make sure this is what you want. He worried you’ll read this and think I want you to spy on the members. That’s not it at all. I want you to be there to help guide them. I don’t want to lose anyone, and I’m terrified I’m going to miss something. I can feel their emotions, I know their wants and desires, just like Korbin can, but I don’t trust it yet. He says it’s because I’m human, and I’m overthinking it. What if a member is unwilling to confide in me because of my status, and I miss their silent emotional plea for help because it’s all a jumbled mess inside my head? I don’t want to fail them.
As outsiders come here, we need to ensure our members aren’t afraid. They’re coming to seek refuge from others like your former Alpha. They will not join us and cause problems. We won’t allow it. This is our home and our family, we will protect them at all cost. The clan comes first. We need new members, but they must be devoted to us and the future we’re building.
By now you know Sparks is your mate. At least you better, or Korbin is going to be a snarling beast when he finds out I let it slip. He said it was something you had to find out for yourself, but let me tell you, it’s been one heck of a secret to keep. After mating with Korbin, I didn’t understand what I was feeling from the rest of the clan, but I could feel the bond between the two of you almost as strong as the one I have with Korbin. Korbin explained I was feeling the connection so strongly because it wasn’t being accepted by either of you. Your emotions were keeping Sparks at bay, forcing the connection away from you two and onto your Elders.
Back to my point…with Sparks position and the mating, it makes you part of the Elder team, yet I believe you can help me keep this clan on the right path. You’ve accomplished something many people don’t, you’ve made changes in your life to regain control. You can help others do the same. I believe coming home and helping others will have a positive impact on you, and I know it will help those here.
Willow didn’t suffer under the former Alpha as you did, but she keeps to herself. The few times she’s joined me to call you seemed to brighten her day. She’s a few years younger than you, but she looks up to you. When you come back if you could make time to see her, I think it would do a world of good. Maybe it will help bring her out of her shell.
As I read back over what I’ve wrote I realize I’m not heeding Korbin’s warning very well. He doesn’t want me to overwhelm you. You don’t owe us anything, so don’t do what I’m asking out of guilt. I think for you to feel as if you belong here, you need a purpose. Maybe I’m misreading the connection again, if so, I’m sorry. Also, I’m not doing this because I want to give you that purpose. Well maybe I do, but that’s not why. I’m asking this of you because I feel you’re the perfect person to help us continue moving this clan in the right direction. Korbin agrees, and I know Zaz does too, even though I haven’t talked to him about it as much as I have with Korbin and Sparks.
Zaz�
��s attention has been divided as Zoey is uncomfortable bringing in outsiders. She’s afraid of what might happen and is scared for her brother. He protected her all those years under the former Alpha, and she’s afraid she’ll lose him now they can finally live a normal life. You were close to her. Maybe you can get through to her. She has nothing to fear. Anyone who comes here will be vowing themselves to Korbin. While I might be uncertain about the connection with the members, he’s not. He’d know if anyone posed a threat.
Come home to us and help us bring a bright future to this clan. Everyone here deserves it, so do you.
Layla
She stared at the note, unsure what to make of it. Even though Layla was the Alpha Female of the clan, they’d developed a friendship. Some clans would forbid an Elder and member developing the bond they had, but Korbin didn’t seem to mind, perhaps he even encouraged it. Even her Alpha surprised her. She’d been angry he’d sent her away but now looking back at it, he did the only thing he could for her. It surprised her to realize the man her Alpha was, most of all Korbin was understanding. He’d taken time away from the endless duties he had in Ohio to call and check on her.
The way they left things when she’d been forced to leave for Alaska was not how she wanted them. She might have started to repair the damage she’d done with her Alpha, but she needed to do more in person. She needed him to know she was thankful for the decision he made. He saved her life. This is why I need to go home.
“Laptop is booted up,” Sparks called from where he sat on the sofa.
“Good.” She folded the paper and stuck it back in the envelope before glancing over at him. “Did Layla tell you she knew we’d be mates?”
“No. Why?”
“She knew before I left Ohio. She said she could feel it.” She glanced at the envelope in hand before turning back to him and smiled. “Good thing you touched me before you gave me this. Otherwise we’d have had a snarling Alpha, because he warned Layla not to tell us. It was something we needed to figure out for ourselves.”
Roaring Change Page 3