by K. C. Crowne
But not that time. I took one of the crusts and began spreading sauce and topping it with cheese, more interested in her reaction than that food. I didn’t get one. She kept staring off into space, her expression totally blank.
I set down the pizza.
“What’s wrong?” I asked. “You were gone for, like, a week. And now you’re acting weird.”
She said nothing, continuing to stare.
I was starting to get worried. It was like her brain was broken.
“Hey?” I asked. “Are you OK?” As I spoke, I placed my hand on her shoulder.
This got a reaction.
Her eyes snapped onto my hand, her expression turning from blank to rage-filled.
“Don’t touch me!” she snapped. “Not like that!”
I pulled my hand back as quickly as if I’d touch a hot stove.
She regained her composure.
“Sorry. I…”
“You what?”
Gia chewed her lip and looked away thoughtfully.
“Something happened.”
“What happened?”
“Can you keep a secret?”
“Um, yeah! Of course, I can!”
Truth be told, I’d never been good about keeping secrets. But I really wanted to know what was going on with her and was willing to say whatever it took to get her to spill the beans.
She sighed, a worried expression forming on her face as she looked around, as if someone might be listening in.
“Promise not to tell anyone?”
“Promise.”
“OK. So, my dad…”
“What about him?”
“He’s…in jail.”
“What?”
I’d heard that her dad lived a sketchy lifestyle, but I had no idea it was jail worthy. I shut my mouth and listened.
“A few months ago, Dad picked my up from baseball practice. Mom was supposed to, but she had to work late that night. And he wasn’t happy he had to do it. He was all grumpy and pissed off and didn’t want to talk to me about it. Anyway, he said he had some business with a man nearby, and that he was going to drop me off at McDonald’s while he took care of it.”
“Business with a man?”
“I’m getting to it!” Another deep breath and she went on. “He was so grumpy and cranky that I didn’t even want to talk to him. So, I pretended to be asleep.”
“That was smart.”
“Well, after a little while, Dad asked me if I was up. I didn’t say anything because I just wanted to get it all over with. We kept driving for way longer than it took to get to McDonald’s. After a long time, Dad parked and left the engine running.”
I was hooked, hanging on her every word.
“Then what?”
“When he was out of the car, I opened my eyes really slowly, and I saw that we weren’t at McDonalds – we were at some cabin outside of town. I guess Dad figured that if I was sleeping, he didn’t need to drop me off to do his business.”
She went on.
“Dad was meeting some guy, this young guy who looked like he was in college. And they didn’t shake hands or anything like that – it looked like they were mad at each other. And the guy looked scared, like he was in trouble or something.
“But I wanted to know what was going on. I wanted to know what Dad was doing when he went out at night. So, I watched them go into the house. And once they were inside, I got out and snuck up to the door.”
That was another thing about Gia – she’d always been brave as hell.
“And I could hear them yelling at each other, just screaming! My dad was saying something about money and the guy was saying why he didn’t have it. He told my dad to give him a few more days and he’d get it. So, I went up to the window and looked up.”
I was on the edge of my seat, nothing in the world existing other than me and Gia.
“The guy was super scared, like my dad might hurt him or something. He had his hands up like this- “she raised her palms- “and was asking my dad for another chance. But my dad didn’t say anything. He was really calm and serious, like how he got when I was in really, really big trouble. Then he…”
She trailed off.
“What? What did he do?”
“He took out a gun and shot the guy.”
I wasn’t sure where I was expecting the story to go, but it sure as hell wasn’t there.
“He what?”
She nodded, tears welling in her eyes.
“He shot him a bunch and I screamed. I ran back to the car and got into the seat and closed my eyes. When Dad came back and buckled up, it was the most scared I’d ever been in my life.”
She quickly wiped the tears from her eyes, as if she didn’t want me to see them.
“I tried to forget about it, but a month later these policemen came to my house and talked to my mom. They asked me questions about Dad and I told them everything. Maybe I shouldn’t have said a word, but I was keeping it all inside and I was going crazy!”
Another deep breath.
“They said my dad was doing bad things and he needed to be in jail. And he was so mean to me and Mom.”
It started to come together.
“Wait, did you have to go to court? Is that where you were?”
She nodded. “They made me get up in front of everyone, even my dad, and tell them what I saw. And I had to tell them everything. I had to tell them how mean he was, how he treated Mom and me, how he was always staying out late.”
Bad fathers were something Gia and I had in common. And the idea of getting up in court like that, my dad staring me down, was enough to make me sick to my stomach.
“And he got up and pointed his finger at me and said I was a liar, that- “she lowered her voice in a man impression- “’no daughter of mine would ever talk about me like that.’ And the judge got mad at him when he did it.”
More tears formed in her eyes. Not knowing what else to do, I put my arm around her.
“And yesterday they said he was guilty.”
“Is he going to jail?”
She nodded. I took one of the paper napkins from her Lunchable’s kit and handed it to her. She used it to dab her eyes.
“Yeah. But we don’t know how long yet. They said maybe for the rest of his life.”
It was all so crazy. And I still had no idea what to do. I pulled her close, Gia putting her head on my shoulder. She cried, her body shaking with hard sobs.
She said nothing else, and neither did I.
Back in the present moment, I glanced back at Gia’s apartment. Part of me hoped that she’d be watching me out on the balcony, maybe even inviting me to come back in.
No such luck.
I needed to go. The snow was coming down harder and flakes accumulated in dusty piles on my jeans. I got up and started back to my car.
Gia had always been strong, even back then.
And she’d been patient, putting up with a man like me.
But now that was over.
All I had were my memories.
Gia
I did all I could to act normal.
There was no Gavin, and there was no heartache. And aside from my baby book reading breaks, I was doing my best to not even think about the baby – though that was more about not wanting to get myself too excited.
It was the day before my appointment, which mean the day before the day before the big New Year’s Eve event. Kenna and I were in my apartment, her slugging back coffee and me blasting through tea as we put in yet another fourteen-hour day.
“OK,” Kenna said, lifting her eyes from her computer. “We’ve got the caterer set up; we’ve got the bartenders squared away. What else is there?’
I glanced up, running my hand through my hair. “Still need to get on the line with the event hall and make sure they’ve gotten in touch with the casino workers. We’ve got them taken care of individually, but I don’t want to show up on New Year’s Eve and find out we’re violating some arcane fire code or something.�
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“Good call. You take care of them, and I’ll finish going over the menu with Chef Bennett. I talked to him this morning and he said he was working on some kind of deconstructed finger foods thing.”
“Well, when you talk to him make sure he’s planning on something that’s not so deconstructed that no one knows what it is. Tell him to keep it simple and fun and delicious – what he does best.”
Kenna jotted down my suggestions, then tossed the pen onto the table and picked up her mug.
“God, already out. You want some more tea?”
“I think I’m good. Any more liquid and I’ll be doing more going to the bathroom than working.”
She checked the time on her phone. “Almost dinner, too. How’s Chinese sound?”
“Perfect.”
Kenna got up with a smile and a nod and I glanced over her shoulder at the mountains in the distance. It was almost five, which meant the sun was about fully set for the night. Winter nights like these, when it was pitch black with hours left in the day, made me glad I had work to distract myself with. Last thing I needed was free time I’d inevitably fill with thinking about Gavin.
“So, what’s up with you and ol’ baby daddy?”
“What?” I was startled, as if she’d asked the question after somehow reading my mind.
You’ve been thinking about him constantly. Good odds that if she asked it was during one of the man times when you had him on your mind.
Kenna gave me a curious look, clearly surprised at my jumpiness.
“You alright over there?”
“Fine. And things are fine between Gavin and me. Fine. Totally fine.”
“I think there’s a rule where the more times a person describes a situation as ‘fine,’ the less ‘fine’ it actually is.” She eagerly topped off her coffee and hurried back over to the table.
“Now, what happened between you two?” An expectant give-me-the-gossip expression was on her face.
“Don’t we have work to do? I mean, that’s a rhetorical question – I know we have work to do.”
She waved her hand through the air. “G, we’ve been working since nine am. I think we’re allowed to take a break every now and then.”
My stomach grumbled.
“And there’s your body letting you know it’s time to feed that kid you’ve got growing in you. Come on – I’ll order the food and you tell me what happened. Because I know something happened.”
I sighed, knowing she was going to get it out of me eventually. Hell, it was weird that she’d gone so long without asking about Gavin.
“Beef lo mien for you, General’s for me, and four egg rolls?”
I gave her a thumbs-up. Once the order was placed on the laptop, Kenna closed the computer shut with both hands and leaned forward.
“Now, let’s hear it.”
I told her the story, told her how Gavin had shown up at my place, how he’d barged his way in – not only into my apartment, but into my bed.
Kenna hung on every word, of course, alternating between shock and excitement and sadness depending on where I was in the story. It took a while to get all the details out, the Chinese food arriving near the end of it all.
“And then what?” she asked when I reached the point where I told him to get the hell out of my life forever.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, did you call him later? Or did he come back?” She shoveled another piece of dark red General’s chicken into her mouth, her eyes on me as she chewed and waited for a response.
I was confused. “What are you talking about? I told him to fuck off, and that was that.”
Now she was the one who was confused. “Wait, let me get this straight – you told the father of your baby to fuck off without letting him know that you were pregnant with his kid?”
“Of course, I did! Why the hell would I want someone in my life who’d treat me like that?”
She set down her chopsticks, closing her eyes and shaking her head as if she wanted to make sure she’d heard me right.
“But that’s not all. First you had sex with him?”
“I wanted to make him feel like he’d made me feel so many times. And, well, because he’s really good in bed. That didn’t hurt matters.”
Kenna’s mouth opened wide.
“I can’t believe what I’m hearing.”
I was right back to being the one who was confused.
“Wait, you’re telling me I made the wrong call? Oh! I didn’t tell you the best part – I had the copy of What to Expect When You’re Expecting just lying out. He almost saw it. That would’ve sucked.”
“I wish he would’ve seen it!”
I sat speechless for a long moment.
“You’re being serious?”
“Of course, I’m being serious! G, are you crazy?”
I was shocked. The whole time I’d spent telling the story I was sure that it’d result in total approval from Kenna, maybe even some laughs. I was not expecting this.
“What did I do wrong? Are you telling me I should’ve given him another chance?”
She glanced down and away, as if she wanted to take her time and really think of the right thing to say.
“I don’t know. I can’t tell you exactly what you should’ve done. I’m not you, I’m not Gavin – I only know what you’ve told me. But shit – this is the father of your kid!”
I was taken aback. But I wasn’t ready to give in that easily.
“He’s the father of my kid, sure, but he’s also a fucking prick. I don’t need him in my life – I can do all of this on my own.”
“That’s not the issue. I’ve got no doubt you could do this on your own. If Gavin were some asshole whole left you for another woman, or if he were a deadbeat dad, or if God forbid something had happened to him, then sure, I’d be right there at your side, ready to watch you be the most kick-ass single mom of all time.”
“But…”
“But that’s not the case. Listen, I know things are weird and tense between you guys. But you’re pregnant. That means you’ve got a brand-new person inside of you who’s going to need all the love he or she can get when she comes into this world.”
“And he or she’s going to get it – from me.”
She shook her head again, as if I just weren’t getting it.
“But Gavin can love him or her too. And you’re not even giving him a chance. The thing about a baby is that it’s not about you anymore – it’s about them. I know you’re not married or anything, and maybe you never will be. But you’ve still got to at least let him try to be a good dad.”
“N-no, I don’t. I’ve given him plenty of shots to be a good guy, and he’s blown them all. He’s done and that’s that.”
“But –”
“And that’s that.” I cleared my throat and turned my attention back to the food. “Now, let’s eat and get back to work.”
My voice was sharp. She got the message.
Dr. Price was a tiny, trim woman of around forty, with a friendly, open face and bubbly, energetic personality. And she wore a big smile on her face as she shared the news of the blood work.
“You’re pregnant,” she said. “It’s as official as it gets.”
With that final confirmation, I found myself beyond excited. “How are you feeling?” she asked, showing a bit of concern at my stunned silence.
“I’m feeling…good. Honestly, I had no idea it would feel this amazing to be a mom.”
She smiled. “That’s the kind of reaction we want. And you’ve got no reason to not feel good at this point. Bloodwork came back looking great, your vitals are excellent, you’re in top-notch health, and-“
“The father’s not in the picture,” I blurted out the words, cutting her off.
She tilted her head.
“That’s something you guys want to know, right? He’s not around. I’m going to be doing this on my own.”
Dr. Price nodded in something like understanding. “Sure, it�
��s all important information. But are you mentioning it because you think you’ll be needing some assistance? There’re plenty of social services I can steer you toward.”
I shook my head. “No, not that. Just that…”
I didn’t know how to finish the sentence. Sierra nodded slowly, as if understanding something.
“I get it – it’s a tough situation. Even if you feel like you’re ready for it. But I’ve seen a lot of moms come and go here and let me tell you that you’ve got nothing to worry about. Best thing you can do is take things one day at a time. You’ve got this.”
Her words eased my anxiety. “Thank you.”
Another smile. “Of course!”
We went over more details, Dr. Price laying out the finer points on diet and exercise and all the rest while pregnant. When we were done, she led me out to the reception desk.
“We’ll get you set up for another appointment in a month. But don’t hesitate for a second if you’ve got any question about anything – just call and ask for me. And congratulations!”
I thanked her again, the doctor leaving me with one last warm smile.
She was right about this all being strange. But I felt better. Slowly but surely, I was beginning to wrap my head around the idea of being a mom – and a single one at that.
“Hi!” I said, approaching the receptionist’s desk. “I want to make an appointment for a prenatal visit – can we do something in the late afternoon. That’s usually a better time for-“
When I looked up and saw a very familiar face, I stopped short, my eyes wide.
Duncan.
He was in the hallway I’d just come from, the window behind the reception desk giving us a full view of one another.
And there was no doubt he’d heard me.
“Late afternoon?” the receptionist asked.
“Uh, yeah.”
Duncan turned his attention back to whoever he was talking to. I felt out of my own body as I made the appointment. When I was done, card in my hand, he came around and into the waiting area.
“Gia!” he said, all smiles and congeniality.
Fuck. Fucking fuck. He knew. He had to know.
“It’s not his!”
He scrunched up his face. “Sorry?”