by Lexi Blake
“It’s clean.” He wasn’t sure why women needed the place where they answered nature’s call to be some soothing spa, but Kori had insisted on it. “It’s got a toilet and a place to pee and a place to wash your hands. It doesn’t need anything else.”
“Then why do all the guys who know about it use mine?” She’d insisted on a budget to redo the ladies’ lounge, as she called it. Kori shook her head and strode out. “Hey, McKay. Boss, Alex is here.”
It seemed to be his day for fucking up. Damn it. He hoped Kori knew what she was doing with Erin because another problem strode into his office with the confidence of a man who knew his place in the world.
“Have you ever been in the ladies’? That is one tricked out bathroom.” Alex glanced back. “I saw Erin running for it as I came in. Is everything all right?”
Kai sighed and slid his glasses on before moving back to his desk. McKay wasn’t here for a therapy session. Kai would be the one who needed the couch if anything. No. He needed the sturdy feel of his desk under his hands to get through this conversation. And the beer he’d bought and put in the fridge upstairs to get through the next few weeks. “Apparently she didn’t know she was pregnant. I can’t say she believes it.”
Alex nodded as though his suspicions had been confirmed. “Eve was worried about that.”
Kai didn’t understand. “If I had lady bits I would track that shit. I would know the minute I missed a visit from Mother Nature.”
Alex grinned as he sank his big body into the chair opposite Kai’s desk. “I can imagine. But then Erin’s not likely to live the life of a manwhore.”
“Yeah, I’m living it up,” Kai complained. “Don’t take every rumor you hear as truth, Alex. I haven’t actually had a girlfriend since I came to Dallas and I’ll be honest, sleeping with my play partners has gotten boring.”
He wanted something more. He wanted the connection that came when a Dom and a sub truly fit together, when their needs dovetailed and they could give to each other.
“I thought you were humping Kori’s sister.”
Not for all the money in the world. Shawna was a hot mess with a tendency to addiction and a severe narcissistic bent. How they were even siblings he had no idea. “She’s a patient. I don’t fuck patients.”
Or employees. Even when he really, really wanted to. He had to wonder if Kori wasn’t the real reason he’d lost interest in Sanctum’s pretty subs.
The ones who weren’t scared of him anyway. He was known for being a bit more hardcore in his play than the other Doms. Hell, some of the subs called him Dexter—the undercover sadist.
He wasn’t undercover, damn it. He put that shit right out there. It was probably why he didn’t date much. Hello, my name is Kai and I would really like to hurt you. But only if you enjoy getting hurt. How about some coffee? We could talk about the proper use of exotic anal plugs.
Yeah, that sent the ladies running and not into his arms.
“Is Erin all right?” Alex asked, his tone turning serious.
“She’s fucked up in numerous ways.” And ways he couldn’t talk about with Alex because no matter what or who paid the bills, she was his patient and he took that seriously. He wouldn’t tell Alex that Erin’s issues hadn’t started with Theo. No. Theo’s death was merely the latest in a long line of deep disappointments and scarring episodes that made up Erin’s life.
How was she going to handle being a mother?
“You don’t think she’s a danger to herself?”
Kai shook his head. “No. And now that the pregnancy issue can be dealt with, I actually think she’ll be careful. The question is going to be what happens once the child is born. I don’t honestly know that Erin will feel like she deserves a child.”
“Deserves?” Alex sounded horrified, but then Alex hadn’t grown up the way Erin had. Kai happened to know that Alex had been his parents’ darling child, beloved and sheltered. Not that a sheltered existence couldn’t lead to heartache, as Alex and Eve discovered, but how a person grew up, the love and support they got from their parents, could make the difference in how they handled tragedy.
“This is something I’ll try to work through with Erin.” To say any more would be to break Erin’s trust, and he refused to be one more man to do that. “Since you’re here, I suppose the mission is still on.”
“Don’t sound so excited,” Alex said with a shake of his head. “Yes, I talked to my FBI contacts this morning and the op is a go. The advance production team flew in last night. They’ll be scouting locations in the area including Sanctum and the McKay-Taggart building.”
“Is Ian sure he wants to do this? I don’t think he understands the kind of disruption something like filming a movie can bring.” A production company was filming the adaptation of a book titled Love After Death. It happened to be a book written by a woman named Serena Dean-Miles, a close friend of Kai’s. Her husbands—yeah, she was a traditional kind of girl—Jake and Adam, worked for McKay-Taggart. As far as Kai could tell, the romantic series Soldiers and Doms that Serena wrote under the pen name Amber Rose was pretty much fictional retellings of the lives of McKay-Taggart operatives.
He was totally hoping Ian figured out Love After Death was all about him.
“Ian is working with the feds on more than one op right now,” Alex admitted. “Let’s just say he’s in a quid pro quo situation with them.”
He was scratching their backs so they would scratch his. “What does Big Tag need the feds for?”
Alex sat back, his expression going stony. “You have your secrets and we have ours. I need to know if you’re ready. If you don’t think you can handle this, I’ll try to convince them to let me run point on this op.”
The production team was coming to Sanctum for more than realism. They were coming because the star of Love After Death needed a mentor. The lead actor had requested a Dom to mentor him through the role of the crop-wielding ex-spy whose dead wife returned from the grave.
Him. The actor had requested Kai. Jared Johns had been plain in his contract. He wanted Kai to be the expert on this film. Baby brother was putting him in a corner, but then his dipshit actor brother likely also had no idea the FBI was following him because they suspected he was a serial killer.
His brother wasn’t smart enough to be a serial killer.
“I told you I’ll do it and I will.” It was actually good to get to focus on the professional stuff for a bit. “I’ve got a meeting set up with his…I don’t know what the hell he is. From what I can tell, my brother has an entourage around him at all times. I’m meeting with one of them in a bit.”
“Good. Do you think you can come in this evening and brief the rest of the team?”
“I thought we were keeping the real motives quiet.”
“We are, but Ian and I both think it would be good to have a few people around you,” Alex explained. “Case is going to stay close. You’ll be mentoring him as you mentor Jared. Case will also be helping Jared with the military aspects of the role.”
“Ah, so his cover is a baby Dom.” It wasn’t a bad play. It meant that Kai had backup, which was good because while he’d served his country, it had been a long time since he’d actively fought. It would also give Case something to concentrate on.
“Yes,” Alex agreed. “Case is going to be involved, and Charlotte and Eve will be watching over the subs. No one else knows about this being an investigation. If Erin wasn’t pregnant, I would send her in, but I can’t expose her to a serial.”
“She’s not this particular serial killer’s type, but I understand.” He’d spent the last couple of days pouring over everything the feds knew. “I’ll brief you all this evening and then we’ll hit the club tonight. I don’t suppose there’s any way I could force my brother to take the training class. There’s one going on right now. Actually, he missed the Dom pre-training. I think he should have to take that.”
The first class for all Doms and Dommes centered around understanding what it was like for
their subs. They couldn’t be okayed to use any equipment they hadn’t tried out. He would love to force his brother to take a spanking from Mistress Jackie. She wouldn’t go easy on him no matter how good he looked. And she enjoyed a good plugging.
Alex stood and chuckled. “I think he’s going to require more personal attention, but feel free to put him through anything you think will be helpful. Thank you for doing this, Kai. You can’t know how much this helps.”
He was beginning to suspect there was something going on at McKay-Taggart he didn’t fully understand, but he wasn’t a stupid man. “The feds are going to help you find Hope McDonald, aren’t they?”
Hope McDonald had managed to flee after Theo’s death. She’d been involved in her father’s business and that had led straight to the deaths of two McKay-Taggart operatives. There was no way Big Tag simply allowed her to get away.
Alex’s face became a polite mask. “Something like that. They’ve got resources we can use. That’s all I can say.”
Why wouldn’t he talk about it? There was something about the way Alex looked away that told Kai he was withholding some serious information. It wasn’t his place to pry. “I’ll make sure things run smoothly, but I don’t like the fact that we’re basically opening up Sanctum to a potential killer.”
“We’ll talk about it at the meeting. Be at the office at seven tonight. If anyone asks, you’re there on a routine briefing,” Alex said. He made it to the door before turning around. “And Kai?”
“Yes?”
“I know how hard this is for you. Thank you. We need this. We need the feds.”
Kai nodded. “I can handle it.”
The door closed and Kai hoped Kori was able to persuade Erin to come back in. He thought about going into the ladies’ room, but eased back. Women could be a mystery. If Kori thought she could get through to Erin, then he would give her a shot.
Losing Theo Taggart had left a hole in everyone. It had even made him think about his own brother. Years had passed. Was he ready to deal with Jared again? The anger was still there, but was it doing anything for him at this point?
Why had his brother insisted on coming here? There was really only one reason. Jared wanted to confront him and there was no way he could walk away from this.
There was a knock on his door. Ah, yes. He got to deal with that idiot Squirrel.
Before he could make it to the door, it opened.
“Hey, brother.” Jared stood there, blocking the way out.
Like it or not his past had caught up with him.
* * * *
Kori pushed through the door and into the bathroom. When they’d taken over this building, she’d made certain there was one feminine space. Kai liked the whole Asian, super-sleek tranquility look. Everything was in natural colors with very soothing sounds.
Sometimes a girl needed some pink, a bit of bling.
Which was why Erin was currently sitting in the lounge section of the bathroom looking perfectly incongruous on the hot pink velvet settee.
“Hey, you done puking?” She held up a frosty green can she’d found in the fridge. “Because I thought you might need one of these.”
Erin looked up and her lips curled the tiniest bit. “I would kiss you but I really did puke so that wouldn’t be such a great payment.” She held out a hand and Kori pressed the drink in her palm. Erin immediately sat back and ran the cold can over her forehead. “Thanks. It got a little real in there. Your boss is an asshole.”
He wasn’t really. Kai was kind of the nicest man in the world, but if calling him an ass made Erin feel better, she would go with it. “He’s a dude, but he means well. He doesn’t get that you’re knocked up, not dying.”
Erin stopped for a moment, her body going still, and Kori wondered if she was about to deny it. “Yeah, they definitely don’t get that.”
“So how far along do you think you are?” The key with a chick like Erin was to ask direct questions. Erin didn’t need to be treated like an invalid. She did, however, need to talk.
“I don’t know. I think it probably happened after we got back from Africa. Sometime before Theo got shot to shit.” Erin looked straight ahead. “It’s his. That’s all I was trying to say. Do you think everyone knows?”
“That it’s Theo’s? Yeah. I don’t think anyone believes you’ve been trolling, E.”
Erin groaned, but her lips had curled up slightly. “I wasn’t talking about that. I was talking about the pregnancy. I really…I guess I didn’t want to think about it. I knew deep down. I haven’t been drinking or anything. I did right after I got home from the Caymans.” She turned quickly, her face white. “Oh, god. Do you think that hurt the baby?”
And there it was. There was the instinct. It might get buried again. Erin might shove it under a mile of pain and bravado, but her first impulse was to protect her child. Kori reached out and put a hand over Erin’s shaking one. Of all the women she’d met since she’s started playing at Sanctum and working for Kai, Erin was the one she understood the best. There was a soft heart under all that tough skin. “The baby’s fine.”
“It was only two beers but it helped me sleep, and then the next night I threw them out because I wanted them. I wanted them so fucking bad, but I didn’t dream. They made me not dream and that’s where I saw him.” She seemed to realize she was on the edge emotionally and pulled back. “This is so stupid.”
“It’s not,” Kori replied. “Nothing you feel now is stupid and two beers won’t hurt the baby, but not seeing an obstetrician might.”
“You sound like Kai.”
“Don’t tell him I said this but Kai is very often right.” It wouldn’t do to make the man more self-confident. He was already gorgeous and smart and sexy as sin. And a sadist. She was not going there again. Not for anything. “And he’s right about this. You can’t hide from it. You have a decision to make.”
She shook her head. “Seems like the decision’s been made for me. I guess I can’t quit now. I need the health insurance.”
Like she was going to quit in the first place. Kori happened to know that Erin loved McKay-Taggart. She’d found a home here. A lot like Kori had. She’d ended up in Texas because it had seemed about as different from LA as possible. A producer friend of hers, Sullivan Roarke, had called his old buddy Ian Taggart and gotten her a job at Sanctum, which had led to taking the job as Kai’s assistant.
It was far from Hollywood, but she’d made a real place for herself.
“I can make an appointment for you,” she offered. “I’ve heard Charlotte’s OB is very lifestyle friendly.”
Erin took a deep breath. “Yeah, I don’t think I’ll need her understanding about the bumps and bruises that come from playing. I won’t be doing that, but if you don’t mind making the call.”
“I’ll make the call and I’ll go with you.”
Erin shook her head. “Nah. It’s cool. I can handle it. It’s only a baby. I suppose it’s going to get worse around the office now. No one will treat me like they used to. No one jokes with me or fucks around.”
“You want to be normal. I get it.”
Erin flipped the top of the soda open and took a sip. “Yeah, well, I doubt that.”
She wanted to throw down a “my pain is greater than your pain”? Kori could play that game. “My father had a heart attack in front of me when I was twelve. I was in the car with him. One minute he was talking and the next we were driving off a bridge. You’re not the first person in the world to lose someone and you won’t be the last. I won’t treat you any differently than I did before because I remember so vividly the one thing I craved. Normalcy. I couldn’t have it. Not really. He was there one minute and not the next. He was a constant in my life and then he was gone, so the world couldn’t truly be normal again, but I wanted them to stop looking at me like I was a victim.”
“A widow.” Erin stared straight ahead. “They look at me like I’m a widow, but we weren’t married. It wasn’t that serious. Now I’ve got a dec
ision to make.”
This was where Kai would gently ask her leading questions. He would use that soft voice of his and ease her into a discussion. Kori wasn’t that girl. “Are you high? You were in love with him. Now you’re pregnant. What decision is there to make?”
“I didn’t have a mother,” she said quietly. “She took off and my dad was a shit. I don’t think I’m ready to be someone’s mother.”
“No one is. The good news is you’ve got like seven months or so to start to deal with it.”
“I’m so mad at him.”
“I would be, too.”
Erin turned slightly, giving Kori a disbelieving stare. “You would be pissed off at the angel of McKay-Taggart?”
“That’s what death will do. We take all the annoying things about a person and forget them immediately. And yes, I would be pissed. He died. He wasn’t supposed to do that. He wasn’t supposed to leave you alone and aching, and now he left you to deal with a baby.”
Erin stood, pacing. “Yes, exactly. He’s the reason I’m here. I didn’t want any of this. I didn’t want to buy what he was selling. He was too young for me. What the fuck was I thinking? And it was his big dick that broke the fucking condom.” Erin stopped and laughed. “He had a really big dick.” Tears started to leak from her eyes. “I miss him. I don’t want to miss him so much.”
This was what Kai couldn’t do with Erin. He couldn’t push her until she broke. Kori stood and walked to her, wrapping her arms around Erin. “I know you do. I’m so sorry, but I’m also here for you.”
This was what she’d missed those last few years in LA. She’d missed real people. Somehow her whole world at that point had become about the “business,” with everyone concerned about themselves and their careers. It wasn’t all of LA that was bad, but she’d found herself stuck in a group of overly ambitious, greedy people.
She’d been surprised by how much she’d felt when she’d gotten to Dallas. Within a few weeks, she’d started to feel empathy and compassion, and not only for characters she wrote. Somehow, she’d lost her way, and being in this place and with these people helped her get it back.