by Lexi Blake
“Of course. Everyone comes before me,” Jared agreed sullenly.
“Don’t pull that shit on me. I spent my whole childhood putting you first.”
“And didn’t I know it?” Jared shot back. “Do you think I didn’t hear you tell your friends how much a burden I was, how you wished I didn’t exist half the time?”
“I didn’t mean it. Or maybe I did, but I was a kid, Jared. I was a child trying to fill an adult role. I also loved you. Maybe I didn’t show it enough, but I loved you. You were my brother. I’m sorry for what happened that day with Hannah. I can see now that you were acting out, trying to get my attention, and the truth of the matter is you deserved my attention. After Mom died, I shut down. I left you with Aunt Glenna and I shouldn’t have. I should have found another way to make money.”
Jared’s eyes narrowed, the first hint of dark emotion he could remember seeing in his brother. “Yes, you left me with Aunt Glenna. Such a lovely woman. Did you know she pimped me out to her friends? She took all the money and the only way I could stay in the house was if I entertained her friends. It was subtle at first. Just talk to them for a while. No big deal. And then one of them made a move on me. I turned her down. Our sweet aunt explained that if I didn’t fuck her friend she would kick me out.”
Kai felt like his whole world flipped over. “What?”
“She turned me into a whore,” Jared enunciated. “She did it to move up in her world. She said she was an event planner, but what she actually did was provide escort services for some of the wealthiest women on the West Coast. When she realized what a gold mine I was, she wasn’t about to let go.”
“What?” Kai could remember coming home and screaming at Jared for wasting money on designer clothes and all the shit he had in his room. Now it made sense. His brother didn’t care about suits. He preferred jeans and T-shirts. “Why wouldn’t you tell me?”
“I was ashamed. Why wouldn’t I tell you? Let’s see. Why wouldn’t I tell my high and mighty judgmental brother that I was stupid enough to get caught in a trap? I didn’t even realize what was happening. Why wouldn’t I tell you I was a whore? Because I knew what would happen. You would walk away from me. It still fucking happened.”
“Was Hannah a client?”
Jared laughed, but there was no humor at all in the sound. “No. Hannah was a drunken mistake. I met her at a bar. I wanted to obliterate myself. I wanted to get so fucking numb I couldn’t feel anything. And Hannah walked in and we started talking about you. That was the good part. The bad part was waking up and realizing what I’d done. The whole night was a blur but I did it. I know I did it. I can remember thinking I wanted a couple of moments that were mine. I wanted a woman who knew me, who wanted me and not some image she had in her head of me. How foolish do you think I felt the next morning? When I woke up and realized it had all been about you and I’d finally done something worse than selling myself for a roof over my head?”
“Jared, I had no idea.” Because he hadn’t bothered to truly know his brother. Because he’d been like everyone else in Jared’s life. He’d seen the handsome exterior and fooled himself into thinking there wasn’t anything else there. He hadn’t wanted anything else to be there. After watching his mother die, he’d wanted to not care. He’d managed for years and years.
Jared turned, staring out into the night. “It doesn’t matter now. I left the day after you did. I packed a bag and walked out and I slept on the streets for a month or so before I got my first contract. Squirrel went with me. Only person in the fucking world who ever cared about me.”
“Jared, I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry I didn’t see it. I didn’t see what was happening to you, and I damn straight didn’t look closely enough at what was happening to me. I distanced. I retreated after Mom died.” It was so easy to see what he’d done now.
“She died on me, too. She died on me and when I turned around to the only family I had left, you were gone.”
“I know. I did that,” Kai agreed. “I’ve been doing it ever since. I’m the asshole in this play, Jared. I find it easier to care about strangers than my own brother because their problems are intellectual. I don’t have to feel them. I don’t have to care. I don’t have to wonder if they’re going to walk out on me. If they’re going to die on me.”
Jared shook his head. “The work you do is good. Don’t sell that short. You’re successful.”
“Successful? I’m only here because Big Tag believes in my work. Hell, I can barely afford the building I’m in. I had to take a loan out. A couple of months ago I had an anonymous donor give us enough to keep going for a while, but if I don’t keep finding ways to fund the practice, I’m going to lose it all.”
“You won’t.” Jared cursed as though remembering something bad he’d forgotten. “Fuck, or maybe you will now.”
There was something in the way Jared said it that made Kai wonder. “I rely on several charity groups for funding.”
“No. I’ve been funding you since the explosion at Sanctum.”
Why did that suddenly not surprise him? He didn’t have to ask why his brother hadn’t told him. He knew. Jared had been afraid Kai would have turned the money down if he’d known where it came from. And he might have. He wouldn’t now. He couldn’t. “Then I need to thank you for that. I need to thank you and I need to apologize.”
Jared’s head shook again. “No. Not so fast. Not until you’ve heard everything. Let me lay it all out for you, brother. I’ve been lying. I’ve been in the lifestyle for years. After what happened at home, my first agent took me and Squirrel in. She let us stay in her guesthouse and after a few months, she invited me to go to her club. At first I thought, well, you know what I thought.”
He’d thought he was going to have to work for his room and board all over again. “That’s not the way our world works. She’d seen you needed the training, hadn’t she?”
“I was lost. I was so fucking out of control but I couldn’t admit it.”
When he thought about it, he could see what his mind had hidden. “You were never out of control. You might have felt that way, but even at a young age, you were in control. You never got angry. Mom talked about it. One year all you got for Christmas was a couple of used toys and you sat there and I thought you would throw a fit, but you got up and hugged her and thanked Santa Claus.”
Jared leaned against the railing, his shoulders slumping as though tired of carrying so much weight. “I knew there wasn’t a Santa, but she liked to pretend.”
Now that he looked past his own issues it was easy to see that there were a hundred times when Jared could have lost control. “She cried that night. She told me it would have been easier if you’d thrown a fit. If you acted like a brat she could have held it together.”
“She told you all that? I shouldn’t be surprised. You were her partner. After Dad left, she turned to you. That wasn’t fair.”
Something lifted deep inside him, some stupid piece of him that needed acknowledgement. Some selfish piece left over from childhood. He hadn’t realized it, but there had been some small part of him that required that Jared know what he’d sacrificed. The minute he had what he needed, he realized the truth. “Life wasn’t fair to any of us. I’m so sorry. I should have stayed. I should have kicked your ass and sat down and figured out what was going on because my brother wouldn’t have done that to me if he’d been in his right mind.”
It seemed to Kai that there was an awful lot about his brother that Jared had hidden. Had he hidden those things because he’d been ashamed? Because he’d been desperate for Kai to accept him?
“I never once in all of this believed that you could have hurt those women. Not for one second. I kept it from you because there’s more at stake than you and me and I have to beg you to understand that I can’t talk about it. Not because I don’t trust you, but because I made a promise. I’m going to make another one. I’m going to stop being an arrogant, unforgiving asshole and start being your big brother. So listen u
p. You will get in that truck with me and Case and you’ll go home with me. You will accept Harrison as your lawyer and you and I are going to fight this with everything we have. You will not give up. Not on yourself and not on the career you’ve built. They can’t hold us down. Not if we go into this together.”
He’d been so stupid. He’d been foolish and hurt and selfish and he’d wasted so much damn time. He’d wasted time with Jared and he’d wasted time with Kori. He should have wrapped her up in his arms the minute he’d met her. He should have pulled her close and thanked god he’d finally found her.
He should have thanked god he hadn’t been alone anymore. He should have figured out that he’d never been alone. Not really.
He moved in and faced his brother. He was so fucking intellectual. It had been his refuge, a way for him to rise above the misery he’d been born into, but now he could see it had been a wall, too. His childhood hadn’t been all misery. It had simply been easier to see it that way because losing his mother had been so painful. He’d lumped Jared in with that loss and walked away. He’d held everyone off until one little brat had wormed her way into his soul, and now he couldn’t hold back a second more. Kori was in his heart, and his heart suddenly seemed like such a massive, open thing, full and yet wanting more.
He put his arms around his brother and hugged him close.
This, this was what he should have done that day. He should have hugged his brother and asked him why he was acting so out of character. He should have had some faith.
Jared was still for a moment, his body unmoving, but it didn’t take him long before his brother wound his arms around him and a shudder went through Jared.
“It’s so fucked up, Kai.” His brother squeezed him tight.
“We’ll make it right,” Kai vowed. He would get his brother out of this. He would do whatever it took as long as it didn’t hurt the only person in the world he had to put above all others—his love, his other half, his Kori.
Jared took a step back. “All right. I’ll do what you want. But you have to do something for me.”
“Anything.” After all this time, he owed Jared something.
“Go after Kori. I saw the look in her eyes. You can’t wait. She’s angry and you have to make it right.”
“I don’t know that there’s any way I can make it right.” Perhaps this was payback for all the years of turning his back on his brother. Maybe it was nothing more than he deserved.
Case pulled up, his big truck taking a large portion of the round drive. “Let’s go. I’m supposed to head over to Ian’s after I drop you two off. I swear to god I’m not getting any sleep tonight.”
“Maybe we should drop my brother off at Kori’s,” Jared said, swinging his body into the cab.
And wake up Erin? Not even he was that much of a sadist. “I’ll see her tomorrow.”
He hoped.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Kai stared at the computer. Every single news headline stated the same thing. Jared Johns arrested for murder. TV hero kills assistant. Hollywood actor slays women.
God, it was a bloodbath.
He flipped the computer closed and went back to staring at the screen that hadn’t pinged once all night or morning. His phone. Kori hadn’t called. She hadn’t texted. She hadn’t sent him an e-mail.
He loved her. He knew he’d fucked up royally, but what could he do about it if she wouldn’t talk to him? And didn’t that say something about the way she felt about him?
“You still waiting for her to call?” Jared asked, walking into the kitchen. Baby brother looked worse for the wear this morning, his hair all askew and his eyes tired. He moved toward the coffeepot. Usually Kori had already booted the thing up by now and was working on her second cup.
“Call back. I’ve left her many messages. I don’t think calling her again will help. Did you sleep at all? I thought you didn’t touch caffeine.” He watched as his brother navigated the coffee machine with the ease of an expert.
Jared popped the cup into the mechanism and pressed the screen. “That was when I had a career. The good news about no longer having a job is that I can eat and drink whatever I like. Can we get pizza at this time of the morning? Do you know how fucking long it’s been since I had pizza? And like five burgers with real, actual cheese on them. I’m going to need a bunch of sugar and cream for this coffee. Oh, and we need to have someone deliver a case of beer. I’m going through that tonight.”
“I thought you told Kori you loved cheesecake and pasta.”
“I love them,” Jared shot back. “And I totally lied about eating them. No one wants to know how hard it is to keep this body. I have to stay relatable and that means lying about eating pizza and cheesecake. The great news is I don’t have to do that anymore. I can be really relatable and gain fifty pounds of pure flab.”
When had his sunny brother turned into Mr. Pessimism? Probably right around the time he’d been falsely accused of murder. Kai didn’t like it. Jared was supposed to be the eternally optimistic one. “You don’t know that. Have you talked to the network? Hell, for that matter, have you talked to your agent?”
“Earlier this morning. He explained he couldn’t work with me anymore. At least he had the decency to actually talk to me on the phone. Tad texted me his resignation. Said it wouldn’t look right for him to stay. And then he sent me a teary emoticon. I want to punch him in the face.”
Kai could totally understand that, but it might have to wait. “Karma is your friend in this, brother. Just wait and he’ll end up getting his. Let Simon and Jesse do their jobs. You never know. Maybe Tad killed her. Or his brother.”
Someone in Jared’s entourage had offed Lena. There was no question in his mind. The only real question was why. He’d thought about it all night long and well into this morning.
“Karma stinks then.” Jared opened the fridge and rooted around until he came back with a carton of milk. “I try hard to do the right thing. I give money to charity. A lot of it. I visit sick kids. I try to help the people around me. You know what I get? Arrested for murder. Awesome. Yay, fucking universe. Where’s the sugar?”
“Cupboard above the coffeepot.” Where Kori had stashed it. “Sometimes the world works in mysterious ways. Just because you’re down doesn’t…”
“Mean you’re out.” They finished their mom’s favorite phrase together, a moment of harmony only siblings could understand.
No one else in the whole world knew what it meant to be loved by their mom. No one knew what their shared world had been like. He’d pushed his brother away for a lot of reasons, some understandable, others selfish. Only now did he realize what he’d missed. He’d missed the comfort of familiarity, the warmth of understanding.
“I miss her. Every day,” Jared said solemnly.
Grief welled inside Kai, as pure and visceral as it had been the day she’d died. His mother had been complex, as complicated in her methods and meanings as any human being. She’d made decisions that put them all in a hard place, and yet she’d managed to give them exactly what they needed. Love. Each other.
Take care of your brother, Kai. He needs you more than you know.
She could have said something different, likely would have if she could have seen the future.
Take care of your brother, Kai. You’ll need him more than you know.
“I do, too. Jared, you won’t believe me, but I missed you, too.”
Jared nodded. “I do. You were always a little slow.”
Kai laughed and thanked god he’d had a brother because a sister would have made that moment way too real. He stood up and shook his head. “Yeah, that’s me. Is there any coffee in that coffee?”
Jared spooned in way more sugar than any adult should start their day with. “Doesn’t matter. I no longer have a trainer either. Besides, if I get really fat, maybe no one will want me to be their bitch in prison.”
“You’re not going to prison. And you would still have that face. You would totally still be som
eone’s bitch. No way around how pretty you are.”
That got Jared grinning. “I can’t help it. I was born this way.”
“I’m not letting you go to prison. I’ve already talked to Harrison this morning. You have to let him help you.”
Jared nodded. “I will and I’ll answer any questions the McKay-Taggart guys want me to. I’ve been thinking a lot about this. I’m sick over it. I knew those women. I liked them.”
“Yes and that’s a key. That’s something they all had in common. I need you to think about them and your relationships with them. What else did they all have in common?”
Jared held up a hand. “But that’s what doesn’t make sense. I had flings with those women. Most of them brief, one of them lasted a month or so. I’ve never touched Lena. Not once in my life. She’s not even close to being my type. It’s one of the reasons I hired her. I didn’t want to get attached. So why break the pattern now?”
“Unless she figured something out. Or she challenged him. I’m going to go back over all the files and see if I can come up with something. The obvious fact is this is a man who hates women.”
“Or he hates me in particular. With the exception of Lena, losing every single one of those women hurt me. Everyone around me knows my ‘call me’ rule. When they didn’t call, I got hurt. What if this is all being done to hurt me? It seems to me I’m the real common denominator in this equation.”
Kai stared at his brother, wondering who the hell had said something so very insightful.
Jared rolled his eyes. “I’ve got a brain, Kai. I just don’t have to use it often.”
Not often at all. It was refreshing. “I think you’re right. In fact, I was thinking about this last night and while I believe this man hates women, I think he hates you, too.”
“Well, then take a closer look at Brad and Tad because Squirrel is practically in love with me. We’ve been friends for so long we’re like an old married couple.”
But old married couples could get jealous. Old married couples sometimes found all that love and familiarity turning into hate. “When was the last time Squirrel had a girlfriend? Any of them, really?”