“Boots off!” Mom clipped when the three of them started to move deeper into the kitchen. “You get dirt on my clean floors, you’ll be havin’ your lunch out in the barn with the animals.”
I looked quickly to Zach to assess how he’d react to my mother’s admonishment and instantly relaxed when I saw him look up at my father, who was looking down to give him a secretive eye roll. The corners of Zach’s mouth tipped up in a small, shy grin.
Then I shifted my gaze to Cord and smiled. He returned it and winked, sending a million butterflies fluttering like crazy in my belly.
“So?” I asked the group at large. “How’d everything go?”
“Good,” Dad answered, removing his cap and hanging it on a hook by the door. Cord and Zach did the same, and when Zach’s head was free, my father reached down and gave his hair a ruffle. “Kid’s pretty damn good in a saddle, especially considerin’ he’s never been on one before.”
“Really?” I asked with excitement, my eyes shooting back down to him. “That’s awesome, Zach!”
“It’s no big deal,” he muttered, casting his shy gaze to the floor.
“I don’t know about that,” Mom spoke up. “Never heard of someone takin’ to the saddle their very first time. It’s unusual. Must mean you’re gifted at it.”
At Mom’s words, his head shot up, and he wasn’t able to hide the flash in his eyes as he asked, “Really?”
“God’s honest truth,” she said. “Been on this ranch for close to fifty years. Number of people known to be a natural their first time doesn’t even take all the fingers on one hand. And most of them were full grown.”
No matter how hard he tried, Zach couldn’t hide the swell of his chest at Mom’s praise.
“Boy’s a deft hand at fixin’ fence too,” Dad added. “We covered a helluva lot more ground today than I expected. Figure with how hard he worked, he’s more than made up for the window situation.” He looked to me, a knowing glint in his eyes. “What do you say, Ror? Can we call this one square?”
I tried my hardest to sound casual as I said, “Sounds good to me,” but the way Zach was staring at my parents with wonder lurking in his gaze made me want to rush to him and scoop him up in a hug I was sure he wouldn’t appreciate. As hard as it was, I bit back my desires. He still felt the need to be tough and unaffected, and I was going to let him. At least for now.
“I—” Four sets of eyes shot to Zach as he cleared his throat and continued. “I don’t mind helpin’ more. Didn’t like muckin’ the stalls, but the rest of it wasn’t so bad.”
I pulled my teeth between my lips to keep my smile in check. My attention shifted to Cord, and the need to smile instantly fled, the intensity of what I saw working over his face stealing every bit of air from my lungs.
“I don’t know about you,” my father continued, unaware of the sudden shift in the atmosphere around us, “but I’ve had my fill of workin’ for the day. You ever been fishin’ before?”
Zach’s lips parted and his eyes grew wide as he shook his head.
“Then that’s how we’ll spend the rest of the day,” Dad announced casually, then clapped his hands. “Now it’s time for the womenfolk to feed the men!”
Mom gave him a playful slap on the arm, and they moved in to grab plates. I stepped close to Cord, reaching out to grab his hand before he could load his plate down with food. “You got a second?”
He cocked his head to the side and his brows pulled together. “Yeah. Sure.”
With his hand still in mine, I led him out of the kitchen, down the long hall to the front of the house, and into the family room where we’d be well out of earshot.
“Everything okay?” he asked once we had privacy.
“I was just about to ask you the same thing.” At his confused expression, I pushed on. “You got a look on your face back in the kitchen. Did something happen while you guys were out there?”
The concern in his eyes fled as a look so tender it made my chest squeeze took its place. “Nothin’ happened, dollface. It was a good morning.”
“Then—”
“Your dad handled him with care, Rory. And he managed to do it in a way that it wasn’t obvious to Zach he was bein’ handled with care. Always knew your dad was a good man. Today just confirmed he’s even better than I thought. Zach flourished under that.”
“So….” I took a step closer, needing to be absolutely sure he was okay. “You weren’t mad just then? ’Cause you looked mad.”
His voice took on a gentle cadence that made my heart slide into my throat. “Baby, what I saw today was a family with so much love in their hearts, they’d give it all to a kid they barely know. Your dad didn’t treat him like a visitor. He treated him like family.”
“Well… that’s because he is.”
That dark green grew heated. “See? That’s exactly what I mean,” he said on what sounded like a growl. “You didn’t even blink just now. You’ve known him a few days, and that’s just the way it is. He’s in your care, he’s family, and that’s all there is to it. What you saw back there wasn’t me being angry, Rory. It was me being so goddamn moved that there are people like you and your folks on this earth that it overwhelmed me.”
Holy shit. Everything he’d just said, the way he’d said it, I was now so overwhelmed I didn’t know how to handle it. “Honey,” I breathed, moving in closer. In that very moment, I’d have given everything I had, all my worldly possessions, to give him even an ounce of what he felt we’d given to Zach.
“You’re beautiful, Rory. Most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. Inside and out. I just want you to know that, baby.”
Oh God.
Oh God!
I couldn’t take this. Mom was right. There was absolutely no protecting my heart from this man. Because it already belonged to him. “You are too,” I whispered, somehow managing to speak past the huge wad of cotton in my throat. “After everything you went through as a child, you grew into a man with the kindest, most beautiful soul. That amazes me, Cord. I don’t think I would’ve come out of that to be even half the person you are now.”
It felt like there was an invisible string tied to the two of us, its force pulling us together in a way I knew I was powerless to fight against. And as I looked up at his strong, chiseled face and felt the electricity sparking between us, I wasn’t even sure I wanted to.
“Cord,” I said, the breath expelling from my lungs. His head lowered toward mine. He was going to kiss me. I wanted him to kiss me. I was burning for it, at risk of going up in flames until I was reduced to nothing but ash.
I closed my eyes and waited, every inch of my body singing with anticipation. But it wasn’t his lips against mine I felt a second later. It was his forehead brushing against mine, and when my eyes shot open in surprise, I saw that his were clenched shut so tight it looked like he was in pain.
His chest rose with a huge inhale, and then, in a blink, he was two feet away. “Come on, sweetheart,” he muttered, his expression washed clean and clear. “Let’s get some lunch. I’m starved.”
Then, as if nothing had happened between us, he turned and started out of the room and back down the hall.
Leaving me wondering what the hell just happened?
Cord
I’d have rather had bamboo shoots shoved beneath my fingernails than walk away from Rory just then. The way her face had gone soft, her blue eyes darkening as she leaned in closer, the subtle smell of jasmine coming from her skin and invading my senses. Christ, it took an act of strength I didn’t know I possessed not to throw her onto her parents’ couch and take what I’d been wanting for so goddamn long that I could practically taste it.
But I couldn’t.
At least not yet.
Emotions were high right now. With everything happening with Zach and how her life had been turned on its head practically overnight, it was no wonder her guard was down. And I didn’t have a doubt in my mind that, if I’d made a move just then and given her what her body was s
creaming for, she’d have hated me for it once her head cleared and she remembered she was dead set on protecting herself from me.
I couldn’t risk that.
I was getting in there. The road was a slow, bumpy one, but I knew I was getting in. I wanted all of her, not just a fleeting moment, and to get that, I couldn’t jump her while she was vulnerable. I needed to be patient, bide my time, and rebuild the trust I’d broken.
So I did what I thought was best and walked away. Even though it hurt like a motherfucker.
Bill, Becky, and Zach were already gathered at the kitchen table and digging into their food by the time I made it back to the kitchen. Grabbing a plate, I moved to the spread set out on the island and started loading up.
Rory didn’t reappear until I was seated and already eating. I watched as she made her plate, and it wasn’t lost on me that she refused to look in my direction.
“Hey, Cord, you gonna go fishing with us?” Zach asked, calling my attention back to the table.
“I will if you want me to, bud.”
He was quick to slam those shutters down and gave me a shrug. “Yeah, sure. I mean, whatever. If you want.”
I didn’t bother biting back my chuckle as Rory joined us at the table and tucked into her food. “Well, good. Glad it’s cool with you either way. I haven’t been fishin’ in years. It’ll be nice to relax for a bit.”
“You’ll love it out there,” Rory said, her voice sweet and low, and when I looked over, she was smiling serenely at Zach. “That river stays cold year-round, even in the summer. I used to go out there after spending all day in the sun and jump in to cool off.”
“Clothes and all,” Becky added on a mock grumble. “Came in soaked to the bone, smellin’ like a wet, dirty sock.”
Rory’s eyes trailed around the table as she giggled, but the instant they landed on me, she swallowed it down and quickly looked away.
“Now I get to sit back and bask in the joy that my girl’ll get payback with you, now that you’re livin’ here,” Becky told Zach. “Once we show you the lay of the land and teach you how to do all the cool stuff, you can go back to her house at the end of every day stinkin’ to high heaven.”
Even though he tried not to show any outward appearance that he liked that, there was no missing that he did as he asked, “You mean the ATVs and snowmobiles?”
Bill swallowed down a bit of his food and gave his daughter a teasing look. “Son, that’s just the half of it. Livin’ on a ranch, there’s all sorts of trouble you can get yourself into. And as a man, it’s my job to teach you all those ways so you can go home and drive my girl as crazy as she used to drive her mama.”
“How about we try not to set him up to break his neck,” Rory said with a teasing scowl in her father’s direction. “Zach and I are just getting to know each other, and I kinda like having him around.”
Oh yeah, I thought when I turned to look at the kid. He definitely liked hearing that.
I twisted my neck and looked at Rory to see if she’d caught it as well. Once again, when our eyes locked, her smile fell and she looked away.
And I was left with the eerie feeling that I’d seriously fucked up.
Again.
Chapter Eighteen
Rory
It was Tuesday afternoon, three days after my and Cord’s near… whatever the hell that was in my parents’ family room, and my head was still a freaking mess about it.
And it was still a mess because, even though he’d been the one to shut it down, he still came around all the time.
I knew he meant it when he said we were in this whole thing together when it came to Zach, but I hadn’t realized just how together we would be.
Zach started his first day at his new school the morning before, and to my utter surprise, after I’d gotten him out of bed—a task that was not easy or enjoyable—and sat him at the table for breakfast, Cord showed up. I didn’t want to argue with him in front of Zach, so when it was time to go and he’d commanded that he was driving, I’d dutifully climbed into the passenger seat of his truck and kept my mouth shut about it as we drove to the school.
He’d even insisted on coming inside while I got Zach registered and his class schedule sorted out. Leaning forward the entire time I spoke with the lady in the front office, he showed avid interest in how Zach’s days would be set up, who his teachers were, and having his name included on any emergency contact forms.
The ride back to my house—without Zach there for me to chat with in order to avoid looking at or speaking to Cord—was uncomfortably silent. Every time he tried engaging in conversation, I took a page out of Zach’s book and kept it to short, one-word answers that left no room for conversation, so he eventually gave up.
I thought that would be it.
I was wrong.
Zach had wanted to ride the bus home, so I hadn’t picked him up, but ten minutes before the bus was due to drop him off at the end of my lane, I heard the sound of a loud engine and tires crunching on gravel and looked out the window to see Cord’s big truck pulling in.
He wanted to be there when Zach got home to see how his first day went, and damn if that wasn’t the sweetest, most thoughtful thing I’d heard. And it made my freeze-out nearly impossible. I found myself allowing him to talk to me, but I was still so embarrassed and confused by his brush-off that I was unsure how to act; therefore, the conversation was somewhat stilted.
This morning was much of the same thing, except now that he’d been registered, Cord took Zach to school without me so I could get the house tidied up.
The man from Child Welfare Services, who I now knew was named Edward Pierce, had taken me very seriously when I told him to fast-track my certification, and I had a case officer coming out for a home inspection that I was nervous as hell about.
I’d spent the morning cleaning my house top to bottom; then, when I had nothing else to clean, I spent the rest of the time before the visit fretting.
I was giving myself this week to get things settled, choosing to bring the bookkeeping home so I could work on it and the upcoming schedule during the hours Zach was as school. But I couldn’t even concentrate on that.
They were scheduled to arrive at one o’clock, and at twelve forty-five, the familiar rumble of an engine and crunch of tires sounded from outside. While I wanted to be annoyed that Cord continued to invade my life, I didn’t have it in me. Truth was, I was scared to death that this visit wouldn’t go well, and having someone at my back made me feel a million times better.
Turned out I had nothing to worry about. The new case officer was younger than the last, somewhere around my age, had a sunny disposition, and seemed to genuinely care about the children she was responsible for. Instead of feeling judged, I felt like she was on my side, like she wanted both Zach and me to succeed and be happy.
When she left, I took my first real breath of the day, and Cord was right there to pull me into his arms for comfort, kiss the side of my head, and congratulate me for knocking that visit out of the park.
And just as I started to melt into him once again, he pulled back and disappeared.
See? Confusing!
I had no idea if or when he was coming back, and I hadn’t been able to bring myself to ask. I didn’t want to come off needy or clingy. He’d pulled away twice; I wasn’t going to risk a third time. Whatever Tempie and the other girls thought, it was becoming all too clear that Cord had truly meant it when he said he was fine with being just friends, and I hated that I was the one who’d begun to waver on that front.
Even with the home check done and behind me, I was still feeling out of sorts, so instead of sitting down to do some work, I took a page out of Nona’s book and decided to bake something sweet and delicious and chock full of calories.
I was just starting to ice the carrot cake that I’d baked and allowed to cool when I heard the screen door swing open. My neck twisted, a big smile pulling at my lips as the front door opened and Zach walked in. “Hey, honey, I mad
e a carrot cake. Now, before you say you don’t like it because it’s got vegetables in it, you should know I kinda modified the recipe so there’s actually hardly any carrot at all.”
“Whatever,” he muttered with a shrug.
I felt a tiny part of me deflate at that response. We hadn’t gotten far in the past couple of days, but I’d at least thought we were past all the “whatever” business. Dropping the spatula into the bowl of cream cheese frosting, I turned fully to him and placed my hands on my hips. “Everything okay? How was school?”
His eyes slid through me, like he was intentionally looking anywhere but at me as he started toward the hall. “School was school,” he replied, skating over my other question.
“Did something happen?” I continued, turning with him as he moved through the house and disappeared from sight.
“Nope. Got homework,” he called out. Then his bedroom door closed, effectively shutting off the conversation.
I wanted to follow after him, the need to protect him and fix whatever problems he was having and not telling me about digging at me, but I also knew he needed space.
So, as hard as it was, I kept myself where I was, but I did it while staring down at my pretty cake, unseeing, as my thoughts ran wild and my heart ached.
It wasn’t until my phone clattered across the counter and let out a shrill ring, giving me a start, that I pulled out of my reverie. Looking down at the display, I saw Cord’s name flash on the screen and blew out a frustrated breath. The frustration came from the fact that there was a part of me—a very large part—that felt a little thrill at just the sight of his name, while another part of me was mad at him for not kissing me.
Damn it, I was a freaking mess.
An irrational sense of anger flooded my system right then. Anger at Cord for making me an emotional disaster, anger at Zach for not letting me fix all his problems, anger at our government for not doing more to help the homeless and put more money into providing the healthcare to our veterans that they deserved, anger at Mother Nature for making today so damn gray and drizzly, angry at Netflix for taking so damn long between seasons of Stranger Things, and so on. I was mad at the world and intended on taking it out on one person.
Stay With Me (Hope Valley Book 5) Page 13